Miss Peach Posted March 29, 2021 Posted March 29, 2021 I'm curious what are everyone's rules about firming up date plans. I don't take it as a date until I have a rough idea of what will happen, time, and place. I've noticing a lot of people leave some or all of this out until the last minute. So what's your take on when these things should be firmed up by?
Happy Lemming Posted March 29, 2021 Posted March 29, 2021 When I'm dating someone new, I'll call them on a Wednesday or Thursday for a Saturday night date. Tell them of the activity, venue, dinner plans, time, etc. and see if they want to go out with me. If the woman says "yes", then I show up for the date on Saturday... I rarely call again before the date. In all my years of dating, I can say only one woman forgot about a date I made with her. It was for a Friday night date, she had a bad day at work, came home, ate and was in her sweat pants/old T-shirt when I knocked on her door to pick her up. She apologized that she completely forgot about our plans made earlier in the week. So I asked if she wanted to change and just go out for ice cream instead of dinner, she liked that idea and quickly changed and we went out for ice cream sundaes. 3 1
Miss Spider Posted March 29, 2021 Posted March 29, 2021 (edited) Xxxxxx Edited March 29, 2021 by Cookiesandough
smackie9 Posted March 29, 2021 Posted March 29, 2021 Anytime someone asked me out, they already offer a date, time, activity prepared. But I guess it's all different these days. 2
Gaeta Posted March 29, 2021 Posted March 29, 2021 Usually the person will ask 4-5 days ahead if I am free on X day on X time, if I say yes then he makes his invitation for dinner, movie, concert, theater, etc. If it's for a more relax outing like a stroll in the park, beach, flea market, then an invitation done a couple of days ahead is plenty.
cleverusername Posted March 29, 2021 Posted March 29, 2021 I'll tell them where to meet, when to meet, and what to wear always. I won't say what we're doing occasionally though, that's a surprise.
Gaeta Posted March 29, 2021 Posted March 29, 2021 29 minutes ago, cleverusername said: I'll tell them where to meet, when to meet, and what to wear always. I won't say what we're doing occasionally though, that's a surprise. You tell them what to wear OR you let them know the dress code of the place? not the same thing. I don't like those surprise date unless it's a boyfriend that knows me well. If you're a new contact and you surprise me with a boat ride, you will be sorry lol
cleverusername Posted March 29, 2021 Posted March 29, 2021 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: You tell them what to wear OR you let them know the dress code of the place? not the same thing. I don't like those surprise date unless it's a boyfriend that knows me well. If you're a new contact and you surprise me with a boat ride, you will be sorry lol I tell them the EXACT color to wear so we end up matching.... kidding. Dress code, if were going walking i'll say "wear something comfortable for walking" Horseback riding, "wear pants and closed toed shoes you don't mind getting a little dirty" Coffee or brunch, "wear something casual", etc. This isn't the first meeting, this is after I know what their interests are. They enjoy the surprises and it shows you pay attention. 1
d0nnivain Posted March 29, 2021 Posted March 29, 2021 I never moved. . .as in left my house or office . . . unless I knew the exact date, time & location where I was meeting a new person or even somebody I have know for a long time. Heck I was just texting my Aunt about those specifics for the upcoming Easter holiday. Until those details are clear, it's not a date. It's merely a speculative conversation about the possibility that a date may happen in the future. When I was dating I was a very busy person so if you weren't on my calendar in advance, it probably wasn't happening. I tended to date other very busy people so it worked. Once I passed 25, the whole I might be at Joe's bar to see The Band on Saturday no longer counted as a date. If somebody couldn't come up with a declarative sentence to tell me what was up, I didn't want to date him anyway. 1
dramafreezone Posted March 29, 2021 Posted March 29, 2021 As mentioned in another thread, I will set things up about a week ahead of time give or take.
poppyfields Posted March 29, 2021 Posted March 29, 2021 (edited) If I like the guy (and wouldn't be dating him if I didn't) I am pretty flexible. I am happy if he calls in advance, but also, some of the best dates I have had have been last minute. Like even 30 minutes before, say if his meeting suddenly got cancelled, he will call and say "you free for dinner"? And if I am (which I have not always been), I have no problem meeting. Jump in the shower, get dressed, some blush and lip gloss and I'm off! If it's during the week (which it mostly has been), my hair is already done so no need to bother with that. Again if I like him (high interest) I am thrilled to meet him! And like I said, I have had some of the best dates that way. I don't automatically assume that he had a date that cancelled, or afraid he might see me as "too easy," screw that, I try to stay positive and focus on how much I like him, how much he likes me and having a great time together. Never once has my attitude failed me or disappointed me. The men I date have been thrilled with my spontaneity and easy-going nature. To each his/her own though, once again I am fairly certain I am in the minority about this. Edited March 29, 2021 by poppyfields 4
Fletch Lives Posted March 29, 2021 Posted March 29, 2021 You need a time, day, and a place to have a date. If one of those things are missing you might night have a date. Calling/texting to confirm is optional. Other than that, just have a conversation.
LuckyM Posted March 29, 2021 Posted March 29, 2021 Are you by chance named for the old comic strip? My favorite. Firm the plan 1 or 2 days before by phone or if you are certain then same day. last minute is good if the person is unreliable or is always late Phone is better.
SumGuy Posted March 29, 2021 Posted March 29, 2021 (edited) 6 hours ago, Miss Peach said: I'm curious what are everyone's rules about firming up date plans. I don't take it as a date until I have a rough idea of what will happen, time, and place. I've noticing a lot of people leave some or all of this out until the last minute. So what's your take on when these things should be firmed up by? I never wait. First ask if would like to get a drink etc., then suggest after work on some specific day with some possible times, set up the time and day then. I usually already have an idea of places to go, but get back to her within 8 hours max with 2 suggested places noting one may be more this another more that, but always pick places in her neck of the woods so open to suggestions, once a place is picked, sum it all up see you at place x at time y on day z. Then will send a text etc. the day before saying looking forward to it an will text when there. Unless there is a unavoidable reason to leave it to the last minute, never do. Being able to plan ahead and exhibit some sort of executive function, i.e. is a can do person, is an important character trait to me. Edited March 29, 2021 by SumGuy
Watercolors Posted March 29, 2021 Posted March 29, 2021 (edited) Miss Peach even if you're dating in person or online, it's up to the guy to put forth the effort ahead of time (last minute shows he doesn't respect your time and prioritizes his schedule over your schedule and loses respect for you, if you accept his last minute date). If he's not giving you an exact date and time and place for a first date, nix him. Period. To accept anything less then that, is you showing the guy that you're willing to put yourself second to his needs. Just don't do it. If he can't schedule a simple date ahead of time, is he really worth obsessing over? No, he's not. Edited March 30, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator argumentative
cleverusername Posted March 30, 2021 Posted March 30, 2021 I'll add, sometimes it's spontaneous and I tell them we're going out and not ask, for example; Me- "What do you have going on Saturday night?" Her- "nothing" Me- "now you do, I got us tickets to x and dinner reservation at Y" No firming up. No asking. Never failed me. 1
LivingWaterPlease Posted March 30, 2021 Posted March 30, 2021 Best date I ever had happened at the last minute at my high school reunion. We were both going to the dinner. I'd crushed on him in school but he'd never asked me out. (He was only interested in cars back in those days). But then he called fifteen minutes before I left my hotel for the restaurant and asked me to ride with him. Another couple (married) from our high school sat in the back seat. The ride lasted two years. It was like time travel, going back decades and being sixteen again. And well, he's still a great friend! 1
d0nnivain Posted March 30, 2021 Posted March 30, 2021 That's a lovely story @LivingWaterPlease but it was part coincidental & you had a definite plan in the moment. The guy didn't call 15 minutes before I say something like maybe I could drive you to the next reunion. 1
LivingWaterPlease Posted March 30, 2021 Posted March 30, 2021 2 hours ago, d0nnivain said: That's a lovely story @LivingWaterPlease but it was part coincidental & you had a definite plan in the moment. The guy didn't call 15 minutes before I say something like maybe I could drive you to the next reunion. Good point, d0nnivain! And though I wrote it was the best date I ever had, it wasn''t either. I need to correct that it was the best first date I ever had. I don't think it was coincidental because he'd been planning to get with me weeks (a couple months) beforehand sometime during the reunion, he told me later. But, I love spontaneity so it was more fun for me this way. I didn't stress over what to wear, etc., which I usually do on a first date of someone I'm interested in. I was doing finishing touches on my hair and makeup and got the call. It was so fun and breezy! But, that's me in life, anyway, breezing through, smelling roses, going with the flow; my nature. Some others may not have liked it so much I can imagine, for sure! We're still friends. I got a pair of bunny slippers (for Easter, I guess) in the mail from him today...lol!
Wiseman2 Posted March 30, 2021 Posted March 30, 2021 On 3/29/2021 at 12:29 PM, Miss Peach said: I'm curious what are everyone's rules about firming up date plans. I don't take it as a date until I have a rough idea of what will happen, time, and place. Agree, it's not a date unless it's firm. Tell him there's a $50. cancelation fee. (just kidding) 1 1
poppyfields Posted March 30, 2021 Posted March 30, 2021 (edited) 34 minutes ago, LivingWaterPlease said: I was doing finishing touches on my hair and makeup and got the call. It was so fun and breezy! But, that's me in life, anyway, breezing through, smelling roses, going with the flow; my nature. Some others may not have liked it so much I can imagine, for sure! We're still friends. I got a pair of bunny slippers (for Easter, I guess) in the mail from him today...lol! LOL, I am laughing @LivingWaterPlease cause you sound like me, like exactly!! My nature as well. It's worked well for me, but yeah I contend that things I don't have an issue with, others might, which is okay! Different strokes and all that. I am glad that you are still friends! Bunny slippers are cute and comfy, I have a pair myself, although I bought them for myself. Edited March 30, 2021 by poppyfields 1
LivingWaterPlease Posted March 31, 2021 Posted March 31, 2021 On 3/29/2021 at 9:04 PM, cleverusername said: I'll add, sometimes it's spontaneous and I tell them we're going out and not ask, for example; Me- "What do you have going on Saturday night?" Her- "nothing" Me- "now you do, I got us tickets to x and dinner reservation at Y" No firming up. No asking. Never failed me. I would react well to this approach. Fun! 1
LivingWaterPlease Posted March 31, 2021 Posted March 31, 2021 Well, I do want to say that after the first date (spontaneous or not) I do like to know ahead of time about a date because if I like the guy I like to have the security of knowing we're going to be together. And if he just bopped in and out of my life I might would feel kind of insecure. But once we know we're a couple then I know we'll be together in all of our free time anyway, so won't be scheduling. Will just always know we're there for each other and are spontaneous except when having to buy tickets, make plane reservations, whatever. I'm in a new relationship now, though. We're not formally exclusive but I'm pretty sure I'm the only one he's interacting with and he's the only one I'm interacting with. The ex bunny-slipper-gifter is now just a friend, as I wrote. So new guy is LD and he almost always calls over the weekend. That's our "date." But, I never know if it's going to be Friday or Saturday night. Usually it's Friday night but this last weekend it was Saturday night and I got really tense wondering if I was going to hear from him. I never really know what new guy is going to do but it keeps the tension going on, I guess. I do a lot of praying about it!
Author Miss Peach Posted March 31, 2021 Author Posted March 31, 2021 (edited) 12 hours ago, LivingWaterPlease said: I'm in a new relationship now, though. We're not formally exclusive but I'm pretty sure I'm the only one he's interacting with and he's the only one I'm interacting with. The ex bunny-slipper-gifter is now just a friend, as I wrote. So new guy is LD and he almost always calls over the weekend. That's our "date." But, I never know if it's going to be Friday or Saturday night. Usually it's Friday night but this last weekend it was Saturday night and I got really tense wondering if I was going to hear from him. I never really know what new guy is going to do but it keeps the tension going on, I guess. I do a lot of praying about it! I'm actually the opposite. I have two guys after me who I'm pretty sure aren't interested in anyone else. One is making it clear he's going after what he wants (me) and is being very open with me. The other guy is playing it light and cool. On our last date I was finally able to pull a little bit of personal stuff out of the light and fun guy which made me respect him more than I had prior to the date even though he was afraid it would push me away. The guy going after what he wants is way more attractive to me right now. If I had to choose right now I would choose the guy who knows what he wants. The latter guy the little bit of vulnerability and it's the only thing that has given me some spark of attraction to him. But I'm not getting much right now from light and fun guy. I know if I don't go out with him again he'll think it's because of the information he shared with me but to be honest it's the only thing that's drawn me in so far. Light and mysterious doesn't work well on me. I always seem to fall for the guy who shows he's into me. Edited March 31, 2021 by Miss Peach 2
LivingWaterPlease Posted March 31, 2021 Posted March 31, 2021 3 minutes ago, Miss Peach said: I'm actually the opposite. I have two guys after me who I'm pretty sure aren't interested in anyone else. One is making it clear he's going after what he wants (me) and is being very open with me. The other guy is playing it light and cool. On our last date I was finally able to pull a little bit of personal stuff out of the light and fun guy which made me respect him more than I had prior to the date even though he was afraid it would push me away. The guy going after what he wants is way more attractive to me right now. If I had to choose right now I would choose the guy who knows what he wants. The latter guy the little bit of vulnerability and it's the only thing that has given me some spark of attraction to him. But I'm not getting much right now from light and fun guy. I know if I don't go out with him again he'll think it's because of the information he shared with me but to be honest it's the only thing that's drawn me in so far. Light and mysterious doesn't work well on me. I always seem to fall for the guy who shows he's into me. Well, I actually am more the same as you are about this than it may have seemed in my brief posts. The thing that has drawn me to Bunny Slipper Guy is that he is relentless and consistent in his pursuit of me and I do find that attractive. New Guy has reasons to be more obscure, though. He is a very recent widower who is grieving for a beautiful wife (I knew her, she was truly beautiful inside and out). My spiritual beliefs are the most important thing to me in a R and my beliefs and New Guy's match up perfectly whereas Bunny Slipper Guy's and my beliefs are different. I am definitely attracted to both men somewhat but much more so to New Guy and he is the only one who is truly in my life at this time. I broke up with Bunny Slipper Guy ten months ago. He just won't give up. New Guy and I text during the week some. I haven't really written much about it bc posters are pretty down on LD R here, I feel optimistic about it, and don't want to have to defend it. I hope I'm not t/j ing and kind of think I might be. I get what you're saying about your situation, though. I think I'd feel the same as you do all other things being equal in other ways with your guys. 1
Recommended Posts