Not sure if I've been friend-zoned or if I'm being over-analytical

[crappedmypantsthrice]

I've been dating a guy for a couple of weeks. We've been on 5 dates so far, and it seems like he genuinely likes me. He's a gentleman, he's attentive, he's been very good to me. 

So tonight we were having a conversation, and I was telling him about a friend I had growing up who had an aversion to a particular kind of food. So, then he responded...."Well, now you have two friends who..." The convo went on from there, but I must admit, my mind took note of it and couldn't let it go. 

Now, I'm not delusional. We are dating, we're not exclusive, we're not in bf/gf territory. That said, the direction of things and the tone of things has been distinctly romantic. I'm not upset because he doesn't think we are serious or anything. I'm fine to be dating and getting to know each other and taking our time. But....I'd like to think we are more than friendly. 

Am I being too caught up in the semantics? Or should I take his statement at face value and assume he sees me as only a friend?

 

[MeadowFlower]

That good but not good word, friend.... I guess guys are pretty simple. In that, what they say is what they mean. So he obviously considers you as a friend. Which is nice. But as you want to be considered as more, it's not so nice. I guess it doesn't necessarily mean he sees you as only a friend, but I don't know. Guys should probably refrain from using that word with girls they are interested in. 

How did you meet? 

 

[princessaurora]

I wouldn't overthink it. You've only been dating a few weeks. He's not going to refer to himself as boyfriend. My husband has called me friend from the beginning as a term of endearment and we've never been in that zone. Instead of babe, honey, sweetie. It's always been hey friend, what are we eating tonight friend, etc. I like that he chose something different and everyone we know has always found it adorable too because it's unique to just us. 

Don't look for trouble where there's not.  Sounds like things  are going well. I hope that continues. 

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, crappedmypantsthrice said:

 I was telling him about a friend I had growing up who had an aversion to a particular kind of food. So, then he responded...."Well, now you have two friends who..." 

Why is that a red flag for you? Seems like the usual back and forth chitchat where you and he are both talking, no?

It's unclear what the problem is if you are interested and going on dates and it's going well?

Try not to dominate the conversation. Allow a free flow of talking.

 

Edited March 28, 2021 by Wiseman2

[Gaeta]

Don't sweat it.

For all you know he bit his tongue right after for saying it. 

Five dates in 2 weeks is a lot. Don't burn it before it takes off the ground. 

[poppyfields]

9 hours ago, crappedmypantsthrice said:

So tonight we were having a conversation, and I was telling him about a friend I had growing up who had an aversion to a particular kind of food. So, then he responded...."Well, now you have two friends who..." 

If roles were flipped, and it had been a woman saying this, she might be accused of "shyt testing" him to gauge his response - hoping to hear that to him, she (in this case you) were more than "friends."

So perhaps that is what he was doing by saying this.  Hoping you would respond saying you considered him more than a "friend" and that you were attracted to him and having fun dating him. 

Men sometimes get insecure too, maybe he needed that slight reassurance from you.

These early stages, 5 dates in, are often so precarious, both people feel insecure about how the other feels, but too nervous or 'scared' to ask.

So the 'games' and shyt tests begin...

I'm speculating, I could be wrong, but I think it's worthy of consideration.

I think it's important to remember things are often not as they appear to be, never black and white, and with many different nuances. 

 

Edited March 28, 2021 by poppyfields

[crappedmypantsthrice]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

If roles were flipped, and it had been a woman saying this, she might be accused of "shyt testing" him to gauge his response - hoping to hear that to him, she (in this case you) were more than "friends."

So perhaps that is what he was doing by saying this.  Hoping you would respond saying you considered him more than a "friend" and that you were attracted to him and having fun dating him. 

Men sometimes get insecure too, maybe he needed that slight reassurance from you.

These early stages, 5 dates in, are often so precarious, both people feel insecure about how the other feels, but too nervous or 'scared' to ask.

So the 'games' and shyt tests begin...

I'm speculating, I could be wrong, but I think it's worthy of consideration.

I think it's important to remember things are often not as they appear to be, never black and white, and with many different nuances. 

 

 

So I am learning, as this is all new to me. 

I typically move much faster. Usually by date 2, I try to establish if anything is going anywhere. Taking things slow is a breath of fresh air, but yeah....precarious is a good way to put it. 

[Fletch Lives]

If you two are dating and kissing, it's likely going somewhere. Talk is cheap, actions scream. Relax. Breathe.

[smackie9]

hey I'm with you, I'm used to things getting pretty heated up after a few dates. I can see the confusion. Could be many reasons, like he's multi dating, has a GF, has no confidence, or is a slow mover. If you really are attracted, why not heat things up yourself and see where it takes you.

[Miss Spider]

Have you guys kissed? 

[Keridan]

I think you are feeling insecure and overthinking it. Judge by his actions, not how he phrases this or that. We men idiots. We say stupid things

[dramafreezone]

You're overthinking this, big time.  It was one comment.

[crappedmypantsthrice]

1 hour ago, Cookiesandough said:

Have you guys kissed? 

Oh yes. 

The kissing....first one and subsequent kisses....has been pretty knock-your-socks-off phenomenal. Very nice. Very, very nice. 

 

However, I haven't heard from him at all today. When we talked last night (after the friend comment) he told me he was going to dream about me....which, I take with a grain of salt. People can't control what they dream about. But...not sure how it went from dreaming about me last night to not talking to me at all today. Must have been a terrible dream. 

[cleverusername]

Hi, 

First off, I think you're just overthinking it. Second, is there a story behind your username?

Thanks

[MeadowFlower]

1 hour ago, Keridan said:

I think you are feeling insecure and overthinking it. Judge by his actions, not how he phrases this or that. We men idiots. We say stupid things

Lol you might be idiots, but don't you usually say what you mean? 

[spiderowl]

39 minutes ago, crappedmypantsthrice said:

Oh yes. 

The kissing....first one and subsequent kisses....has been pretty knock-your-socks-off phenomenal. Very nice. Very, very nice. 

 

However, I haven't heard from him at all today. When we talked last night (after the friend comment) he told me he was going to dream about me....which, I take with a grain of salt. People can't control what they dream about. But...not sure how it went from dreaming about me last night to not talking to me at all today. Must have been a terrible dream. 

That seems like a definitely flirty comment.

I don't know why he hasn't been in touch today.  Strange, because he seems interested in you.

I think you should be cautious that he might be seeing this as friends with benefits.  Probably not, but best to bear it in mind if you two are not boyfriend/girlfriend and exclusive.

[Alpacalia]

It seems like a bit of a monkey wrench.

[Miss Spider]

51 minutes ago, crappedmypantsthrice said:

Oh yes. 

The kissing....first one and subsequent kisses....has been pretty knock-your-socks-off phenomenal. Very nice. Very, very nice. 

 

However, I haven't heard from him at all today. When we talked last night (after the friend comment) he told me he was going to dream about me....which, I take with a grain of salt. People can't control what they dream about. But...not sure how it went from dreaming about me last night to not talking to me at all today. Must have been a terrible dream. 

 

Edited March 29, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[crappedmypantsthrice]

Cookies, I think maybe your comment is missing?

[crappedmypantsthrice]

38 minutes ago, cleverusername said:

Hi, 

First off, I think you're just overthinking it. Second, is there a story behind your username?

Thanks

I hope so. I'm sure I am. 

As to the second....haha, isn't there always? 

[poppyfields]

42 minutes ago, cleverusername said:

....is there a story behind your username?

If there is, this is probably not the right forum to be discussing it on.  

[Keridan]

40 minutes ago, MeadowFlower said:

Lol you might be idiots, but don't you usually say what you mean? 

Not very well in my experience. Sure, we're honest, but we don't say things right.

[Calmandfocused]

23 hours ago, cleverusername said:

Hi, 

First off, I think you're just overthinking it. Second, is there a story behind your username?

Thanks

Got to admit I was belly laughing at the user name Op, if you have crapped your pants three times Id hold fire with letting your new man into this little secret ... for now. 
 

No, nothing worrying about his response at this stage in the game. In fact i think it shows connection without intensity ..

[Wiseman2]

Often it's both. Because if you are overanalyzing, it means it's confusing. When it's confusing, it means it could go either way. Friendzone or relationship.