basil67 Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 Just now, IntBrowser said: I always been a night owl Then put this in your dating profile. Something like: "I love the night time and wee small hours when it's quiet, and then waking at noon the day after" It will weed out those who aren't compatible with you. 4
Author IntBrowser Posted March 28, 2021 Author Posted March 28, 2021 2 minutes ago, basil67 said: Then put this in your dating profile. Something like: "I love the night time and wee small hours when it's quiet, and then waking at noon the day after" It will weed out those who aren't compatible with you. yeah let me do that now. Seems like every my age goes to bed early which means I may have to date 23 and 24 years olds lol
basil67 Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 Just now, Cookiesandough said: Who tf goes on a first date at 11am? Super common in my area, where lovely cafes are all around. Brunch is quite the thing. 4
poppyfields Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 (edited) 12 minutes ago, IntBrowser said: I always been a night owl That's fair and no one is suggesting you change who you are, or your style. The first meet is always a bit fragile, something as simple as changing how you phrased it might have made a difference. Instead of: "I dont go to sleep until 4am and dont wake up until 12pm so lets make it for 2pm? You might have said: "11:00 a.m. won't work for me, are you available a bit later, say 2:00?" Not quite so entitled sounding, but again who the hell knows. Also, no need to announce to a woman you've never met you're up till 4:00, and sleep till noon, tmi. Edited March 28, 2021 by poppyfields 3
Acacia98 Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 21 hours ago, IntBrowser said: earlier in the week I sent her a text saying......"Weather looks real good for saturday" Then she responded and I dont know how we starting discuss the details over text. Then when she said lets meet at 11am my response was "I dont go to sleep until 4am and dont wake up until 12pm so lets make it for 2pm? Then had a issue with that and then I even tried to bend a little and was willing to set my alarm for 945am. Then I text her yesterday and said hope your day is going well and I will call you later to discuss tomorrow. She said........"I made plans to do something with my friend so it will have to be later" I called last night at 11pm to confirm what time and she never answered the phone and never text me today so her number has been deleted and she has been blocked Reminder for the future to myself........."never discuss anything regarding meeting over text just wait until we talk on the phone" I think the 11am discussion would have been better over the phone I don't think calling would have made a difference. She would probably have done the same passive aggressive dance. And I don't think there's anything wrong with your having a particular kind of schedule and wanting to meet later. It's part of the normal process of setting a date to throw out possibilities and go back and forth until you find something that works for you both. When meeting for the first time, no one owes it to anyone else to radically change who they are to make the first date work. Imagine establishing a tradition of meeting for brunch every Saturday for a new relationship then becoming resentful over time because you sacrificed an important way of unwinding/letting off steam. Why would you want to do that? You were you. And that didn't fit her ideal. And that's fine. Now it's time to move on. 2 1
poppyfields Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 (edited) 31 minutes ago, basil67 said: Super common in my area, where lovely cafes are all around. Brunch is quite the thing. Mine too, brunch is hopping! Downtown is crazy starting around 11:00 am. Bloody Mary's, Mimosa's, great for a first meet! Anyway, at IB, you're not wrong for preferring later, but best to ask or suggest, not dictate the time just cause it works best for you. Might have made a difference, or maybe not if she just wasn't into it in the first place. Edited March 28, 2021 by poppyfields 2
Acacia98 Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 24 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: Who tf goes on a first date at 11am? I would never be able to do brunch. My morning routine is just too intense to make it to any meetup before 1 pm. Any time I've tried adjusting my schedule to make things work, I've ended up inconveniencing myself terribly. An afternoon or evening date would be best for me. 1
Author IntBrowser Posted March 28, 2021 Author Posted March 28, 2021 34 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: Who tf goes on a first date at 11am? That;s what I was saying. Someone else said it sounded like Platonic time lol
Author IntBrowser Posted March 28, 2021 Author Posted March 28, 2021 8 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Mine too, brunch is hopping! Downtown is crazy starting around 11:00 am. Bloody Mary's, Mimosa's, great for a first meet! Anyway, at IB, you're not wrong for preferring later, but best to ask or suggest, not dictate the time just cause it works best for you. Might have made a difference, or maybe not if she just wasn't into it in the first place. I never dictated just suggested 2pm
poppyfields Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 (edited) 5 minutes ago, IntBrowser said: That;s what I was saying. Someone else said it sounded like Platonic time lol Generally, daytime dates are more "platonic" even your time of 2:00 pm. But it was a first meet, so not a bad idea. Edited March 28, 2021 by poppyfields
poppyfields Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 (edited) 9 minutes ago, IntBrowser said: I never dictated just suggested 2pm "Let's make it 2:00" was not a suggestion, but you're right, I'm making too much of that, if she were into it, she would have been okay with it. Sorry IB, I'm in a weird place at the moment, in a transition, and being told what time to meet because it works best for the man doesn't work for me anymore. Edited March 28, 2021 by poppyfields
dramafreezone Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 (edited) 16 hours ago, IntBrowser said: It wasnt a inconvenience I was just doing that so she wouldnt have to go far the 1st time. I just cant figure out what was the big deal about moving it to 1pm especially since we both were off and had a clear day She might have had a good idea that 11 am wasn't going to work for you, which gives her an out when you decline. She can now say she tried in good faith to meet you. Based on sequence of events afterward, I think there's a decent chance she would've flaked on the 11 am meetup, so you lost absolutely nothing. This date was never going to happen. Edited March 28, 2021 by dramafreezone 1
poppyfields Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 24 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: She might have had a good idea that 11 am wasn't going to work for you, which gives her an out when you decline. She can now say she tried in good faith to meet you. Based on sequence of events afterward, I think there's a decent chance she would've flaked on the 11 am meetup, so you lost absolutely nothing. This date was never going to happen. Well, we've all had our own experiences and if women did this to you, I'm sorry to hear it. I must say, I've pulled some stunts when not into a guy, but this^ is something I have never done, nor would do. What if the guy agreed to 11:00? Now I'm in another hole scrambling my way out of.
Ami1uwant Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 18 hours ago, IntBrowser said: On fridays, I know I dont have to get up the next day so I am up watching videos or listening to music or doing whatever and wake up at 11am at the earliest and 1pm at the lastest you adjust ifyou want yo meet them...it’s about compromise.... 1
dramafreezone Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 (edited) 17 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Well, we've all had our own experiences and if women did this to you, I'm sorry to hear it. I must say, I've pulled some stunts when not into a guy, but this^ is something I have never done, nor would do. What if the guy agreed to 11:00? Now I'm in another hole scrambling my way out of. Nothing to scramble out of. She'd just not show up. Every guy gets flaked on. It's nothing to take personally, just the cost of doing business. I don't even blame her in this case, I blame the OP. He should've finalized the details a week ago to reduce the likeihood of a flake. That way you get get a good sense of if she really wants to go out or not. If she starts with the "we'll see" or "let me get back to you," just plan for another time. No use it setting aside time if she isn't giving you a straight answer. Edited March 28, 2021 by dramafreezone
spiderowl Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 23 hours ago, IntBrowser said: earlier in the week I sent her a text saying......"Weather looks real good for saturday" Then she responded and I dont know how we starting discuss the details over text. Then when she said lets meet at 11am my response was "I dont go to sleep until 4am and dont wake up until 12pm so lets make it for 2pm? Then had a issue with that and then I even tried to bend a little and was willing to set my alarm for 945am. Then I text her yesterday and said hope your day is going well and I will call you later to discuss tomorrow. She said........"I made plans to do something with my friend so it will have to be later" I called last night at 11pm to confirm what time and she never answered the phone and never text me today so her number has been deleted and she has been blocked Reminder for the future to myself........."never discuss anything regarding meeting over text just wait until we talk on the phone" I think the 11am discussion would have been better over the phone If people are interested in each other, it doesn't make any difference whether discussed over phone or text. You had perfectly valid reasons not to meet her earlier than you suggested, or at last I presume you work shifts and that is why? She is not responding so she is not interested. I would not waste time on her.
spiderowl Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 18 hours ago, IntBrowser said: she said me being a night owl gave her a red flag??? lol Well it is, in a sense, if she's the type who is up with the birds. It is an incompatibility. If she wasn't sure in the first place, then that would have added to her uncertainty. 2
poppyfields Posted March 29, 2021 Posted March 29, 2021 (edited) 40 minutes ago, spiderowl said: If people are interested in each other, it doesn't make any difference whether discussed over phone or text. You had perfectly valid reasons not to meet her earlier than you suggested, or at last I presume you work shifts and that is why? Nope, he was up till 4:00 a.m. betting on sports and listening to music videos. Whatever, if she had been into him, she most likely would have agreed to his "suggestion" of 2:00 pm. Not a match, next. Edited March 29, 2021 by poppyfields
Sun Seeker Posted March 29, 2021 Posted March 29, 2021 Sounds like you do not have much experience with girlfriends/women in general? As you have a lot to learn about what women like, and how to behave, especially in the early first impression stage. I've always been a night owl but I would go out of my way to accommodate a potential date for a first meet. As a man you should be showing from the start that this woman is at least important enough to sleep and wake up a few hours earlier than usual. It's not asking for much. If you can't even do that, then probably better to stay single until you can sort out what your priorities in life are. 3
dramafreezone Posted March 29, 2021 Posted March 29, 2021 (edited) 10 hours ago, Punterxx said: Sounds like you do not have much experience with girlfriends/women in general? As you have a lot to learn about what women like, and how to behave, especially in the early first impression stage. I've always been a night owl but I would go out of my way to accommodate a potential date for a first meet. As a man you should be showing from the start that this woman is at least important enough to sleep and wake up a few hours earlier than usual. It's not asking for much. If you can't even do that, then probably better to stay single until you can sort out what your priorities in life are. Hmmm, well what do you mean when you say "go out of your way?" My main issue was him still trying to hammer out details the night before. Not good. I don't think it's at all unreasonable to reject a time that's just not feasible for him. His preferences are just as important as hers. We can't start off with one person being overly compliant to the other with no regard for himself. He has to value his time and communicate that to her. If he doesn't value his time then she certainly won't. A week ago, he should've asked "when are you free to get together?" When he suggested Saturday first, that's wasn't optimal because maybe she already had plans Saturday (which she did). If he instead asks her when she's free, say next Tuesday, THEN if that also works for him, he can suggest a time and place, because she's presumably selected a day where her schedule is more open. If she starts throwing up obstacles like "oh no I can't do that time" then she's not that interested. In this specific situation, once she said I'll get back to you then he should've just withdrawn the offer and said, "let's just plan on a day where your schedule is more certain." There is being accomodating, but allowing your time to be held up by a "maybe date" is going too far. Edited March 29, 2021 by dramafreezone 1
Sun Seeker Posted March 29, 2021 Posted March 29, 2021 22 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: Hmmm, well what do you mean when you say "go out of your way?" My main issue was him still trying to hammer out details the night before. Not good. I don't think it's at all unreasonable to reject a time that's just not feasible for him. His preferences are just as important as hers. We can't start off with one person being overly compliant to the other with no regard for himself. He has to value his time and communicate that to her. If he doesn't value his time then she certainly won't. A week ago, he should've asked "when are you free to get together?" When he suggested Saturday first, that's wasn't optimal because maybe she already had plans Saturday (which she did). If he instead asks her when she's free, say next Tuesday, THEN if that also works for him, he can suggest a time and place, because she's presumably selected a day where her schedule is more open. If she starts throwing up obstacles like "oh no I can't do that time" then she's not that interested. In this specific situation, once she said I'll get back to you then he should've just withdrawn the offer and said, "let's just plan on a day where your schedule is more certain." There is being accomodating, but allowing your time to be held up by a "maybe date" is going too far. Go out of my way = sleep and wake earlier than my usual time in this specific scenario. It's called making an effort. Sure he can reject a time if there is a proper reason for it. Eg. work, needs to help a family member, has an appointment etc. But just because he wants to watch videos until the early hours? OP is not 17. First impressions count for everything. The first impression this girl would have got is 'He prefers to stay up late watching videos instead of meeting me'. Is that supposed to make the OP more attractive to her? If he had made an effort, she would have instead got the impression 'He values our time together and is willing to make a small sacrifice to make sure we get to meet each other'. He definitely should NOT have asked when are you free. He is the man. It is the man's job to lead by suggesting a specific day. If she can't make it, and is genuinely interested, she will suggest an alternative. It's not about allowing your time to be held up by a maybe date. It's about knowing what women want - they want to feel special. They want to feel like a Queen. They want to feel that they are worth a bit more effort. They want to know that their potential man will be able to take care of her, and will prioritise their time together. The first step to doing all this? Turn up to the first date instead of preferring to watch videos. First impressions count for everything. 5
dramafreezone Posted March 29, 2021 Posted March 29, 2021 2 minutes ago, Punterxx said: Go out of my way = sleep and wake earlier than my usual time in this specific scenario. It's called making an effort. Sure he can reject a time if there is a proper reason for it. Eg. work, needs to help a family member, has an appointment etc. But just because he wants to watch videos until the early hours? OP is not 17. First impressions count for everything. The first impression this girl would have got is 'He prefers to stay up late watching videos instead of meeting me'. Is that supposed to make the OP more attractive to her? If he had made an effort, she would have instead got the impression 'He values our time together and is willing to make a small sacrifice to make sure we get to meet each other'. He definitely should NOT have asked when are you free. He is the man. It is the man's job to lead by suggesting a specific day. If she can't make it, and is genuinely interested, she will suggest an alternative. It's not about allowing your time to be held up by a maybe date. It's about knowing what women want - they want to feel special. They want to feel like a Queen. They want to feel that they are worth a bit more effort. They want to know that their potential man will be able to take care of her, and will prioritise their time together. The first step to doing all this? Turn up to the first date instead of preferring to watch videos. First impressions count for everything. I must have missed the detail where he was just goofing off. In any event, if he had set the date a week in advance then that wouldn't have been an issue. And we just disagree on offering a day first. If she's a busy women, she probably will reject your day suggestion unless she has a crazy high level of attraction (which won't be most women). If she rejects it and then suggests her own day, then that whole "being a man thing" is canceled out, so seems like a needless step to me. I'm not asking her to set the date, I'm just asking when she's free. Give me an opening and if it works for me as well I can take care of the details. All she has to do is show up. Frick that queen stuff. She's a human being who farts, her armpits and breath smell at times just like everyone else's. Sure I want to see her but we're two equals, and quite frankly I don't even know if I'll like this woman. I'm not moving heaven and earth to go out on one date. We find a time that works for both of us, great. If not, it's not meant to be.
smackie9 Posted March 29, 2021 Posted March 29, 2021 Next time just say 11 am is no good, you have an appointment with the bank to go over your investment portfolio, then suggest cocktails at 4:30 and see where it goes. 1
Miss Spider Posted March 29, 2021 Posted March 29, 2021 (edited) 9 minutes ago, smackie9 said: Next time just say 11 am is no good, you have an appointment with the bank to go over your investment portfolio, then suggest cocktails at 4:30 and see where it goes. Lol Edited March 29, 2021 by Cookiesandough
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