aftershine Posted March 27, 2021 Posted March 27, 2021 It started in 2020 actually we had a talking stage it didn’t work out so we stayed friends but we both had feelings for each other in October he told me he loved me and asked me if I loved him. I said no then a week later cut him off bc it wasn’t going anywhere. He came back after 3 weeks of no contact. We stay somewhat more than friends, he says he isn’t ready for a relationship and he is a bit cold to me. But I let it be. Then in January 2021 he wanted to try talking again and said that he was ready. I say yes, we had been talking for 3 months. he had asked me to be his girl in mid-march i said yes then 2 days later he said he needs space and that he is not ready now he is on a trip with 3 female friends
Wiseman2 Posted March 27, 2021 Posted March 27, 2021 4 minutes ago, aftershine said: Then in January 2021 he wanted to try talking again and said that he was ready. I say yes, we had been talking for 3 months. he had asked me to be his girl in mid-march i said yes then 2 days later he said he needs space and that he is not ready now he is on a trip with 3 female friends Have you met in person?
CollinW Posted March 27, 2021 Posted March 27, 2021 You both seem to be all over the place to be honest. I don't think it's worth trying to understand hot mess situations. Just be happy it's over. 2
Author aftershine Posted March 27, 2021 Author Posted March 27, 2021 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: Have you met in person? yes, we were friends for a couple years and then started having feelings for each other in 2020....and we have hung out in person multiple times.
Miss Spider Posted March 27, 2021 Posted March 27, 2021 (edited) Probably because he doesn’t want a relationship. He wants to enjoy the trip being single and able to talk to or hookup with whoever he wants. Maybe one of the three friends Edited March 27, 2021 by Cookiesandough 1
dramafreezone Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 3 hours ago, aftershine said: It started in 2020 actually we had a talking stage it didn’t work out so we stayed friends but we both had feelings for each other in October he told me he loved me and asked me if I loved him. I said no then a week later cut him off bc it wasn’t going anywhere. He came back after 3 weeks of no contact. We stay somewhat more than friends, he says he isn’t ready for a relationship and he is a bit cold to me. But I let it be. Then in January 2021 he wanted to try talking again and said that he was ready. I say yes, we had been talking for 3 months. he had asked me to be his girl in mid-march i said yes then 2 days later he said he needs space and that he is not ready now he is on a trip with 3 female friends He's not a boyfriend type. Sooner you realize this the better.
ExpatInItaly Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 If you haven't managed to move past "talking", you're wasting your time. "Talking" isn't dating.
Author aftershine Posted March 28, 2021 Author Posted March 28, 2021 So he came back and reached out to me....however on the trip he posted a pic of him and 1 of this girls sitting at a restaurant. Then on insta she posted the exact pic and tagged him "your bestie could never" and one of his friends said "fav couple"
Wiseman2 Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 Delete and block the entire lot of these people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Make your own friends online. Most importantly don't waste time on flaky guys like this.
d0nnivain Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 He wants to be free to date multiple people. If you are OK with being one of many, let him back into your life but do not expect any kind of commitment from him. It all sounds like an overly dramatic train wreck to me & I honestly don't think either of you really have a clue as to what you want but I suspect you are not good for each other. It shouldn't be this hard. Just let it go. 1
smackie9 Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 Sounds to me he had a surprise option come up (one of those girls) and made himself single to see where things go with her. When they get a chance to upgrade, they will dump you like a hot potato. He's a weenie.
Author aftershine Posted March 28, 2021 Author Posted March 28, 2021 36 minutes ago, smackie9 said: Sounds to me he had a surprise option come up (one of those girls) and made himself single to see where things go with her. When they get a chance to upgrade, they will dump you like a hot potato. He's a weenie. I casually poked at the pic and was like "Imma need your friend's skincare routine lmao" (he knows I'm obsessed with skincare and haircare. He replied with "My friends skincare routine is makeup and photoshop lmao...I legit saw her put makeup on and photoshop it. Its all smoke and mirrors." He referred to her as his friend I brought up the stuff he told me (lovey dovey s***) and how he agreed to be with me. He said "I was confused then but I run from commitment thats all." I asked if he wanted to hang out he said he missed me and how important doing activities together is. He said "I was thinking about that too but something is holding me back". I asked " what is holding you back?" he said "Beats me." This is the last time I'd ask him to spend time with me..... Men really ain't s***.
ExpatInItaly Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 25 minutes ago, aftershine said: Men really ain't s***. Not true. You need a better filter, that's all.
Watercolors Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 24 minutes ago, aftershine said: I brought up the stuff he told me (lovey dovey s***) and how he agreed to be with me. He said "I was confused then but I run from commitment thats all." I asked if he wanted to hang out he said he missed me and how important doing activities together is. He said "I was thinking about that too but something is holding me back". I asked " what is holding you back?" he said "Beats me." This is the last time I'd ask him to spend time with me..... Men really ain't s***. So, what exactly are you waiting for now?! He's told you flat out that he is a commitment-phobe and doesn't want to be your man. He clearly enjoys multi-dating women and from what he told you, he knows that he's not ready for a full-time boyfriend role with you or any woman right now. You have to listen to him. You cannot force him to be your full-time boyfriend. You need to let go of that dream because he doesn't share that with you. Stop stalking him on social media and leave him alone. He doesn't want to be your boyfriend.
Author aftershine Posted March 28, 2021 Author Posted March 28, 2021 16 minutes ago, Watercolors said: So, what exactly are you waiting for now?! He's told you flat out that he is a commitment-phobe and doesn't want to be your man. He clearly enjoys multi-dating women and from what he told you, he knows that he's not ready for a full-time boyfriend role with you or any woman right now. You have to listen to him. You cannot force him to be your full-time boyfriend. You need to let go of that dream because he doesn't share that with you. Stop stalking him on social media and leave him alone. He doesn't want to be your boyfriend. I'm out on the market lol....I'm open to going on dates now. I won't try to keep a man who doesn't want me. I have a stupid habit of being loyal during talking stage and get invested into 1 person. I understand why people keep an active roster till they are in a relationship lol
Wiseman2 Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 (edited) 6 minutes ago, aftershine said: .I'm open to going on dates now. I won't try to keep a man who doesn't want me. Ok, this is good. He was a great portrait of "types of jerks to avoid". Edited March 28, 2021 by Wiseman2
Miss Spider Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 1 hour ago, aftershine said: I'm out on the market lol....I'm open to going on dates now.
Miss Peach Posted March 29, 2021 Posted March 29, 2021 (edited) It sounds to me like he wanted to keep you as an option. Also, men will call other women friends all the time even if it was a date. I've called a few guys out on this when I dated more in poly/swinger circles and it was always a real date. If you start hinting at a threesome I'm sure his tune will change. That was usually what worked best for me to call them out. But in my case these guys wanted to use me to get into sex parties so they bought the bait. Single men usually can't get in and as a single woman it's nice to have someone who can watch your back. They weren't men in serious consideration on my roster. Edited March 29, 2021 by Miss Peach
Author aftershine Posted March 30, 2021 Author Posted March 30, 2021 You wanna know what's funny? He came back on Friday from Miami then we first talked on Saturday. Him: "I miss you too" Me: "Come see me you know my address" Him: "Lol do you not care about the 14 day quarantine thing? I like you so I will stay away" *Sunday night I send him that wall of text and being like space is good and I'm letting go of my feelings* Monday afternoon he had an eye appointment at 1pm and they put some drops in his eyes so he was kinda half blind while driving yet right after drove an hour to come see me. I let him come, I wanted the last time we hung out to be a decent memory. We cuddled and kissed. It was obvious he wanted to mend things and have me forget about taking space. Before he left I said those things in person to him so they are permanent and I am able to let go. Why do men do the most only when you are about to leave??
Angelle Posted March 30, 2021 Posted March 30, 2021 6 minutes ago, aftershine said: You wanna know what's funny? He came back on Friday from Miami then we first talked on Saturday. Him: "I miss you too" Me: "Come see me you know my address" Him: "Lol do you not care about the 14 day quarantine thing? I like you so I will stay away" *Sunday night I send him that wall of text and being like space is good and I'm letting go of my feelings* Monday afternoon he had an eye appointment at 1pm and they put some drops in his eyes so he was kinda half blind while driving yet right after drove an hour to come see me. I let him come, I wanted the last time we hung out to be a decent memory. We cuddled and kissed. It was obvious he wanted to mend things and have me forget about taking space. Before he left I said those things in person to him so they are permanent and I am able to let go. Why do men do the most only when you are about to leave?? Because they like having you around, even if they also mess you around. 1
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