Gaeta Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 2 hours ago, NoClueHeart said: So I should just keep it short and simple then? Just a short "hey, how have you been?" sort of text, and leave it at that? I was thinking about firing it off tomorrow, should I wait longer? I figured I already gave her a somewhat answer for the show I was watching, so I'm probably not even going to bother throwing that in there to her. These are the sort of things that go through my head. Do I, or do I not? How much is too much, how soon is too soon, how little is too little, and how late is too late? I am aware of over thinking, but that's how my brain works. I would not text her over the weekend. She picked up her brother and is probably having family time with him and the rest of the family. I doubt he stays at her place she would have mentioned it. Still, she made you aware of her family plans so you will not text her and give her space to concentrate on family. That being said, if she really wants to get to know you she will reach out and offer a time to meet this week. Remember next weekend is Easter so she's probably booked again with family, depending how big is that holiday in her family. If she likes you she will bounce back. Women don't forget that easily a man that she enjoyed meeting. She does sound like she is less interested but that doesn't mean she won't pick up the slack at some point but for that you have to make yourself scarce. If you are too much in her face with texts you will lose some mystery to her. You also keep being online and searching. You can't force it, when you meet someone that's interested as much as you are interested it just unfold naturally.
Weezy1973 Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 23 hours ago, trident_2020 said: When I used to online date I wouldn't focus on one woman until we declared ourselves exclusive. Don't put so much importance on her, you only had one date. This. OLD is very different from dating in real life. Generally our first experiences with romance are with people we know. People we go to school with, or church with or are in our social circle etc. By the time we get to a date both people are already very interested in each and it’s basically the beginning of the relationship. With OLD you’re dating a stranger. The biggest mistake people make is thinking OLD is the same as dating in real life. So a first date has as much significance as the beginning of a relationship. This couldn’t be further from reality. With OLD you need to go on many dates before knowing whether or not you want to start a relationship. So yes, don’t take early stages too seriously. And especially anything before meeting in person. Advice: 1. Meet sooner rather than later. 2. Keep your options open. Multidate. 3. Don’t get exclusive with anybody until at least 4 dates / a month (whichever is later),
Author NoClueHeart Posted March 28, 2021 Author Posted March 28, 2021 (edited) Well, thanks guys for all the responses. I guess I wasn't fully prepared for it as much as I thought I was, considering how I felt like I really connected with this person, only to lead to me feeling like I've essentially been borderline ghosted. Yeah, she told me that she had plans for today, and doing it at a later time would be great, but then have days go by without any follow through when I respond to letting me know or even trying to talk about the show more that we had talked about. Sure, last time either we both texted each other we were both at work (I received her text while I was on lunch, which is what I assume she was doing too), but I can't see that being something for her to not reply later in the day on. Admittedly, when we first met each other in person, she told me she has a bad habit of having her phone on silent and hardly looking at it throughout the day due to her job essentially getting her into that habit (she brought it up because we were about to leave and she stated she expected to have a lot of texts from friends on her phone, and it tends to be an unintentional habit of hers to not look), so therefore every time she gets around to checking her phone, she tends to have a lot of notifications. But at this point, I'm just making excuses for her not responding for two days. In my mind, if I were to really like someone, I'd make it a point to show them how much I really liked them, instead of simply just saying I liked them, and I wouldn't let a few days go buy without at least a simple "how's it going?" text. I mean, it went from the point where she'd text me after getting of work just to let me know she's available to talk to barely giving as much as a simple reply anymore. It makes me feel like either I messed up somewhere and I didn't know it, if she lost interest, or both. Edited March 28, 2021 by NoClueHeart
Gaeta Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 47 minutes ago, NoClueHeart said: I mean, it went from the point where she'd text me after getting of work just to let me know she's available to talk to barely giving as much as a simple reply anymore. It makes me feel like either I messed up somewhere and I didn't know it, if she lost interest, or both. You did not mess up. That's how online dating is. That pattern will repeat often until you meet a woman genuinely interested in you. It took me 3 years to meet someone, took my daughter 3 years as well, we have a friend who ended up marrying the 3rd man she met online. It can go fast, or it can take forever. The key is to not waste your time with hot/cold people. 1
WWYD Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 10 hours ago, NoClueHeart said: Well, thanks guys for all the responses. I guess I wasn't fully prepared for it as much as I thought I was, considering how I felt like I really connected with this person, only to lead to me feeling like I've essentially been borderline ghosted. Yeah, she told me that she had plans for today, and doing it at a later time would be great, but then have days go by without any follow through when I respond to letting me know or even trying to talk about the show more that we had talked about. Sure, last time either we both texted each other we were both at work (I received her text while I was on lunch, which is what I assume she was doing too), but I can't see that being something for her to not reply later in the day on. Admittedly, when we first met each other in person, she told me she has a bad habit of having her phone on silent and hardly looking at it throughout the day due to her job essentially getting her into that habit (she brought it up because we were about to leave and she stated she expected to have a lot of texts from friends on her phone, and it tends to be an unintentional habit of hers to not look), so therefore every time she gets around to checking her phone, she tends to have a lot of notifications. But at this point, I'm just making excuses for her not responding for two days. In my mind, if I were to really like someone, I'd make it a point to show them how much I really liked them, instead of simply just saying I liked them, and I wouldn't let a few days go buy without at least a simple "how's it going?" text. I mean, it went from the point where she'd text me after getting of work just to let me know she's available to talk to barely giving as much as a simple reply anymore. It makes me feel like either I messed up somewhere and I didn't know it, if she lost interest, or both. Lessons in love, huh? After many hours of reading profiles and fruitless messaging - and developing mild RSI - I arrived at the conclusion it was better to let them come to me, so I'll do the swiping thing but I don't send any messages first. I think most ladies realise that the message confetti is mainly from guys who are after one thing (to be fair, I think quite a few of them are too - and why not?!). When I get messaged, I know that they find me at least reasonably attractive, like the look of my profile and are genuinely interested in a relationship. The ones who go silent for long periods and suddenly pop up again with a 'sorry, was really busy' or similar, I just ignore - it's clear what they're doing and I have no time for those silly games. Also, all of these apps are geared to encourage you to pay for the "upgrade", and the cost is crazy expensive IMO. They obviously limit showing potential matches (ie people that have 'liked' you) in the free part of it as well...
Author NoClueHeart Posted March 30, 2021 Author Posted March 30, 2021 (edited) Yeah, thanks for the advice everyone. I will just let things go, and try to have a better mentality with it, I guess I wasn't really expecting how different this whole O.L.D. thing would be from standard dating (which can be confusing in of itself, honestly). Edited March 30, 2021 by NoClueHeart 1
Author NoClueHeart Posted March 31, 2021 Author Posted March 31, 2021 (edited) Ok, So a slight update since my last post, it happened essentially right after I made it, but wasn't sure if I should go into detail. I texted this girl Monday morning, essentially just saying "hi, how are you? I hope everything is going good" and she responded back that same evening. She had written a rather lengthy text explaining how in addition to her brother coming back out, she was also dealing with a lot of other personal issues (which she DID state what they are to me, but out of a bit of respect, I won't post here) on top of that, in addition to having to fit work in around it. She seemed like she was actually pretty apologetic about it. I responded stating that she had things going on, I totally understood, and that I think her focusing on them should come before me (because some of them did seem to be pretty heavy). I wrote more than that (going into detail about the show I was watching, and what I had been up to since she asked about not only how life was going but work as well), but also stated that I was happy to hear from her and hope things start to look up for her. I noticed that she read them yesterday evening (Tuesday night), but hasn't responded yet (it's Wednesday evening now). A big part of me is relieved that she had sent me that text going into detail what she was going through (as she could have very easily just said, "hey how are you?" text without even bothering to give an explanation why she hadn't responded in a few days), but another part of me is worrying how it may of come off by my saying how it "should come first before me," as I don't want her to think that I was trying to imply that her and I wanting to get to know each other isn't important. My main intent for my saying that is that I felt like she shouldn't have to feel like she needed to put her life on hold simply to talk to me, and that I understood that she needed to prioritize things that were going on. Anyways, I am a bit relieved that she took the time to explain things out to me, but still thinking that it can still go either way at this point. I still have a bit of hope, but will still be prepared for the worst if she decides she doesn't want to pursue. Edited March 31, 2021 by NoClueHeart
Sun Seeker Posted March 31, 2021 Posted March 31, 2021 21 minutes ago, NoClueHeart said: Ok, So a slight update since my last post, it happened essentially right after I made it, but wasn't sure if I should go into detail. I texted this girl Monday morning, essentially just saying "hi, how are you? I hope everything is going good" and she responded back that same evening. She had written a rather lengthy text explaining how in addition to her brother coming back out, she was also dealing with a lot of other personal issues (which she DID state what they are to me, but out of a bit of respect, I won't post here) on top of that, in addition to having to fit work in around it. She seemed like she was actually pretty apologetic about it. I responded stating that she had things going on, I totally understood, and that I think her focusing on them should come before me (because some of them did seem to be pretty heavy). I wrote more than that (going into detail about the show I was watching, and what I had been up to since she asked about not only how life was going but work as well), but also stated that I was happy to hear from her and hope things start to look up for her. I noticed that she read them yesterday evening (Tuesday night), but hasn't responded yet (it's Wednesday evening now). A big part of me is relieved that she had sent me that text going into detail what she was going through (as she could have very easily just said, "hey how are you?" text without even bothering to give an explanation why she hadn't responded in a few days), but another part of me is worrying how it may of come off by my saying how it "should come first before me," as I don't want her to think that I was trying to imply that her and I wanting to get to know each other isn't important. My main intent for my saying that is that I felt like she shouldn't have to feel like she needed to put her life on hold simply to talk to me, and that I understood that she needed to prioritize things that were going on. Anyways, I am a bit relieved that she took the time to explain things out to me, but still thinking that it can still go either way at this point. I still have a bit of hope, but will still be prepared for the worst if she decides she doesn't want to pursue. Erm she's already decided she does not want to pursue, that is clear as day. She is just giving you excuse after excuse. She is being polite and letting you down gently by giving you a detailed response. There's nothing to hope for with this one. She's not interested, full stop. Do not ever contact her again. Meet new women. 2
Gaeta Posted March 31, 2021 Posted March 31, 2021 You should not have *hope* at this point. You had ONE date. You need to be online and make dates with other women and let this one unfold without trying to control it. I don't know what her issues are, is it just being busy or it's something emotionally draining like losing a loved one, someone being seriously sick? If it's emotionally draining then there is no point keeping track of her messages, let her deal with what she has to deal and if she had a good experience with you, when her issues are solved she will reach to you. If it's just being busy running around, having things to accomplish, then I say she is feeling luckywarm toward you. As far as you know she goes to bed alone at night so she has time to reply to her messages then. Again, best course of action is to let her come to you. Meanwhile continue dating others. 1
Author NoClueHeart Posted March 31, 2021 Author Posted March 31, 2021 (edited) 8 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I don't know what her issues are, is it just being busy or it's something emotionally draining like losing a loved one, someone being seriously sick? The issues she described were more along the lines where I bolded area. I figured I'd give the response I gave, then let her get in touch with me the next time, and not beg for her attention. Hence why I told her to put those issues first before me. And yeah, you're right about letting it just unfold without trying to control it. That does make a lot of sense. I guess I am expecting too much too soon and not keeping my options open. Edited March 31, 2021 by NoClueHeart 1
Gaeta Posted March 31, 2021 Posted March 31, 2021 Did those emotionally draining issues happened after you met her or she was already dealing with them when you made online contact with her?
Author NoClueHeart Posted April 1, 2021 Author Posted April 1, 2021 (edited) These issues happened after we met in person. When we first made contact online, she was going through other work issues that not only got resolved the day before we met, but were issues that had already been planned to be resolved the day before we met. These current issues are outside-of-work personal issues that she was dealing with. Edited April 1, 2021 by NoClueHeart
Gaeta Posted April 1, 2021 Posted April 1, 2021 10 minutes ago, NoClueHeart said: These issues happened after we met in person. ok so it's really bad timing to try to date a new man while dealing with emotionally draining issues. You are better to not initiate contact from here. Because she's emotionally overwhelmed, your messages may be experienced as a burden instead of support.
Sun Seeker Posted April 1, 2021 Posted April 1, 2021 39 minutes ago, NoClueHeart said: These issues happened after we met in person. When we first made contact online, she was going through other work issues that not only got resolved the day before we met, but were issues that had already been planned to be resolved the day before we met. These current issues are outside-of-work personal issues that she was dealing with. So you meet, and within a week she suddenly has these personal issues that she needs to deal with, instead of going on the 2nd date with you, and she is communicating less and less... You really need to stop making excuses for her when it's clear she's not interested. I would say she even hinted she was not interested on your date when you were leaving and she told you the story about not looking at her phone too much because she has too many notifications. She was already giving you excuses for when she doesn't contact you as much as she did before the date, which is exactly what happened. And now she's trying to politely push you away by saying she has xyz going on but you don't seem to get the hint.
Author NoClueHeart Posted April 1, 2021 Author Posted April 1, 2021 1 hour ago, Punterxx said: So you meet, and within a week she suddenly has these personal issues that she needs to deal with, instead of going on the 2nd date with you, and she is communicating less and less... You really need to stop making excuses for her when it's clear she's not interested. I would say she even hinted she was not interested on your date when you were leaving and she told you the story about not looking at her phone too much because she has too many notifications. She was already giving you excuses for when she doesn't contact you as much as she did before the date, which is exactly what happened. And now she's trying to politely push you away by saying she has xyz going on but you don't seem to get the hint. Yeah, well, it would've been nice for her to just be straight up then, than to have her tell me she was willing to meet again then just try to cut contact. Well, then I guess I'll just leave it and move on.
Wiseman2 Posted April 1, 2021 Posted April 1, 2021 9 hours ago, NoClueHeart said: Yeah, well, it would've been nice for her to just be straight up then, Yes, but expecting logical or decent behaviors on some OLD apps. There's a whole new vocabulary assigned to OLD. Ghost Flake Catfish This isn't a complete list, but you get the idea that words had to be reassigned to describe some of the OLD phenomena 1
Gaeta Posted April 1, 2021 Posted April 1, 2021 9 hours ago, NoClueHeart said: Yeah, well, it would've been nice for her to just be straight up then, than to have her tell me she was willing to meet again then just try to cut contact. Well, then I guess I'll just leave it and move on. That's not happening with online dating or very very rarely. 1
smackie9 Posted April 1, 2021 Posted April 1, 2021 (edited) You drain yourself when you over invest, hope, get excited, etc. The writing is on the wall about this one..she's feeling meh about you obviously. Nothing confusing about that at all. She met you, enjoyed conversation (friend zoned) but no romantic attraction. If there was she would want to see you again asap, the texting would amp up. When you start hearing excuses, that's your cue to drop it...take the hint. That's why it's key to have your dance card full of opportunities until one of them is willing to be exclusive as the other poster said. If you use this game plan, then there is no "confusion". My experience...I've really hit it off with plenty of guys I had no real attraction to....so just because you get along like gang busters, doesn't mean they want to date you. Edited April 1, 2021 by smackie9 1
Fletch Lives Posted April 1, 2021 Posted April 1, 2021 15 hours ago, Punterxx said: Erm she's already decided she does not want to pursue, that is clear as day. She is just giving you excuse after excuse. She is being polite and letting you down gently by giving you a detailed response. There's nothing to hope for with this one. She's not interested, full stop. Do not ever contact her again. Meet new women. Yup. Most women can't say "no" to you, they don't know you that well, you might rip their head off.
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