Alpacalia Posted March 27, 2021 Posted March 27, 2021 You've been dating for three months and spend so much time together that you're almost living together. Contributing to mutual food expenses in proportion to salaries seems to me to be fair. Also consider who will be responsible for the majority of the food shopping, meal planning, cooking, and cleaning afterwards. Alternatively, you can take turns buying groceries and meal prep/clean-up, have pot-luck meals more often, or eat separately more often. 1 1
dramafreezone Posted March 27, 2021 Posted March 27, 2021 (edited) Is she living with you? If not, no it's not reasonable. I wouldn't expect it or ask for it. She's my guest. Now a good woman will offer to pay for groceries or will even buy them on her own unprompted. But some women are not givers, so if this isn't her nature you have to accept her how she is. If she were living with me, entirely different story. Sweetie you're chipping in with something, cleaning, bills, cooking, mortgage, you're going to be pulling your weight. Edited March 27, 2021 by dramafreezone 1
Versacehottie Posted March 27, 2021 Posted March 27, 2021 You probably have a point above ^^^ in that is the bigger issue that OP views it as practically living together because of the 4-5 days a week whereas she might view it as DATING 4-5 days a week. It's kind of a lot/kind of normal depending on your perspective. They probably need to get on the same page about what that is and what it entails. If she is a student, perhaps spending 4-5 days with her new bf is relatively basic---saying that because if she wasn't spending it with the OP she'd probably be spending it with her best friend or another guy that's just how a lot of friendships and dating are when you are in college (for some people). OP obviously enjoys her being around and is accepting the results of her cooking efforts, idk, I think he needs to be more gracious and understanding of where she is in life. But maybe rather than talk about the money on groceries (super petty), it makes more sense to talk about what the level of the relationship is and what it means to each of you.
dramafreezone Posted March 27, 2021 Posted March 27, 2021 (edited) 56 minutes ago, Versacehottie said: You probably have a point above ^^^ in that is the bigger issue that OP views it as practically living together because of the 4-5 days a week whereas she might view it as DATING 4-5 days a week. It's kind of a lot/kind of normal depending on your perspective. They probably need to get on the same page about what that is and what it entails. If she is a student, perhaps spending 4-5 days with her new bf is relatively basic---saying that because if she wasn't spending it with the OP she'd probably be spending it with her best friend or another guy that's just how a lot of friendships and dating are when you are in college (for some people). OP obviously enjoys her being around and is accepting the results of her cooking efforts, idk, I think he needs to be more gracious and understanding of where she is in life. But maybe rather than talk about the money on groceries (super petty), it makes more sense to talk about what the level of the relationship is and what it means to each of you. I get the sense that OP is ahead of where the GF is in the relationship, like she should be more invested than she is. I would suggest he just not worry about it and go with the flow. I don't think the "where are we in this relationship" goes over well when it's initiated by the guy. OP, are you financially strapped? If this is not strictly a financial issue, then this is probably code for you wanting this to be "more official." Edited March 27, 2021 by dramafreezone 1
BaileyB Posted March 27, 2021 Posted March 27, 2021 12 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: I get the sense that OP is ahead of where the GF is in the relationship I think there is a world of difference in where they are - in life.
BaileyB Posted March 27, 2021 Posted March 27, 2021 (edited) If it is important to him that the woman he dates will share expenses then perhaps there are better choices than a starving student getting a stipend from her parents. Edited March 27, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed reference to hidden content. 1
CollinW Posted March 27, 2021 Posted March 27, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, BaileyB said: Not true in my relationship. I think the difference here is he is employed and she is not. Not saying that she couldn’t do something. But, if it is important to him that the woman he dates will share expenses then perhaps there are better choices than a starving student getting a stipend from her parents. This is very true. 1 hour ago, Cookiesandough said: Yeah, I often find that people have no problem with tit for tat when they’re the ones benefiting. That’s why I think that she should consider how she prepares the meals most of the time and all the other little things she’s ever done in terms of labor costs because she might actually make some money here. And isn’t making sure that each person contributes the same amount monetarily the secret to all successful relationships OP would probably rather take on more cooking responsibility if he wasn't paying for everything. That's how it eventually worked out in my past situations. Edited March 27, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed gender criticisms
Versacehottie Posted March 27, 2021 Posted March 27, 2021 4 hours ago, dramafreezone said: I get the sense that OP is ahead of where the GF is in the relationship, like she should be more invested than she is. I would suggest he just not worry about it and go with the flow. I don't think the "where are we in this relationship" goes over well when it's initiated by the guy. OP, are you financially strapped? If this is not strictly a financial issue, then this is probably code for you wanting this to be "more official." oohhhh I totally agree that he thinks they are more serious than she does and he keeps score. Quite the dilemma. I would not quite recommend this conversation but if he can't "let it go" which it sounds like he can't, then really needs to address or consider the bigger issue of the status of the relationship. he can totally do this privately to himself and I would suggest that. It's definitely something he needs to ponder 1
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