Gaeta Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 1 hour ago, steve9417 said: I lowered my standards for her and will reflect on that as runs counter to my values in terms of the people I let into my world. Take away for me is I got caught up fearing rejection and sold out on my core values and principles in an effort to be liked How did you lower your standards? How did you sold out on your core values? It was just a date, you can't beat yourself down like this each time it doesn't work. 1
spiderowl Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 I know it is not beyond the realm of possibility for it to be more but she said it was too much at that stage so he needs to go at her pace. Too much too soon can feel like an assault. While I am sure he is keen to avoid being put into the friends zone (because guys seem convinced they will be put in the friends zone if they don't leap in with a kiss early on) it might be too early or her. A peck on the lips is showing he wants more without invading her body with a French kiss. Many people do not go from 0 to 10 in two dates, although I am not denying that some do.
Watercolors Posted March 29, 2021 Posted March 29, 2021 2 hours ago, steve9417 said: Well - just got the news and she doesn't want to meet me for a 3rd date. As many were saying she wasn't into me - I shall next time bow to the vast knowledge and experience of those of you who pointed it out from the start Even though I missed she wasn't into me backtracking on the kiss I saw a number of other signs that led me to question her as a partner - I lowered my standards for her and will reflect on that as runs counter to my values in terms of the people I let into my world. Take away for me is I got caught up fearing rejection and sold out on my core values and principles in an effort to be liked Just remember this: we don't date people to make them like us. We date people to find the one person who naturally likes us for who we are already, without any prodding on our part. You read her body language as being attracted to you so you went in for the kiss. Nothing wrong there. She didn't feel the chemistry after that, but didn't bother to come clean with you until you sent her that unnecessary text. Keep at it. Good for you for actively dating. It's a numbers game at the end of the day. Eventually, you'll meet a woman whom you won't receive mixed messages from about how she feels about you. That's when you know you've found a good woman to date - there's no guess work for you. That's when you know it's a mutual compatible connection. Anything outside of those parameters means it's not the right fit. 2
Lotsgoingon Posted March 29, 2021 Posted March 29, 2021 (edited) Lowering standards has a way of backfiring. You compromise in a secret way--a friend of mine would say in a dishonest way, hiding your real feelings even from yourself--and then it's like the brain forgets you compromised, and you can end up chasing someone that you don't want to chase if you paused and thought about things--and got honest-- for a second. Dude, I doubt that your "backtracking" was the problem. You did go overboard but if she got you and appreciated you, she could have pushed past that message. Lots of relationships have odd, stumbling beginnings and couples move through these missteps because each really likes and is interested in the other. And each is ready. That was NOT the case here. You guys just didn't have chemistry. And this woman sounds skittish to me, like she is still recovering from a trauma. Don't go for kisses. Let the kisses come to you. Let them happen. It's true: you can sometimes initiate a kiss and the other person will go along with it. Going along with the kiss doesn't mean they were thrilled by the kiss or changed their minds about us because of the kiss. Just means they tried out the kiss. Sometimes they go along for the same reason a guy initiates too fast--just to see if a spark can grow. But the spark leads to the kiss. The kiss doesn't create the spark if other things aren't in place. You will know when you really want to kiss someone--at that point it's harder to not kiss than it is to kiss. The other person will make it hard almost not to kiss. Edited March 29, 2021 by Lotsgoingon 3
chillii Posted March 29, 2021 Posted March 29, 2021 So she said all those things , and that she'd like to see you again, but now she's not into you. Right , got it , think she might've done you a favor man. 1
SumGuy Posted March 29, 2021 Posted March 29, 2021 On 3/26/2021 at 11:16 AM, steve9417 said: The kiss felt right from my side - the timing clearly was ahead of her curve but I've no regrets in kissing her - do i let her know my text was wrong and it felt right but the timing wrong or just leave it Just leave it at this point. If such a small thing is the end all then you dodged a bullet. If you like her and want to try a slower pace see her again, the good thing about a slower pace is you will have time for her to get to know you and no one date is going to make or break it...at least that is what I imagine the good part of going slow is.
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