d0nnivain Posted March 26, 2021 Posted March 26, 2021 21 minutes ago, steve9417 said: The kiss felt right from my side - the timing clearly was ahead of her curve but I've no regrets in kissing her - do i let her know my text was wrong and it felt right but the timing wrong or just leave it Just leave it. From her side she is probably conflicted because she's just not that attracted to you. If she was into you, the kiss would have been more welcome. Don't chase. The ball is more in her court then yours. You can reach out & ask for another date if you like but since she has not responded to your last message 36+ hours ago, I'm not optimistic. 3
Author steve9417 Posted March 26, 2021 Author Posted March 26, 2021 Yep - it looks dead - the kiss / text wording don’t appear to be the stumbling block - the chemistry was
elaine567 Posted March 26, 2021 Posted March 26, 2021 I think her text was quite upbeat and positive, I believe your text killed it for her. 3
Lotsgoingon Posted March 26, 2021 Posted March 26, 2021 If a hug/first kiss trips you guys up at the start, you two were going absolutely nowhere. 1
Author steve9417 Posted March 26, 2021 Author Posted March 26, 2021 1 hour ago, elaine567 said: I think her text was quite upbeat and positive, I believe your text killed it for her. Really hurts to hear that & makes me want to text her to at least let her know that's not what i meant
elaine567 Posted March 26, 2021 Posted March 26, 2021 (edited) 3 minutes ago, steve9417 said: Really hurts to hear that & makes me want to text her to at least let her know that's not what i meant I personally think you should do that. Maybe phone her instead. Texts can be misconstrued. Edited March 26, 2021 by elaine567 4
cleverusername Posted March 26, 2021 Posted March 26, 2021 6 minutes ago, steve9417 said: Really hurts to hear that & makes me want to text her to at least let her know that's not what i meant No, don't do that. She already changed her mind once by walking back on the kiss, you need to hold strong here. The more you say or do at this point the more confused she will get. Let her follow her intuition. If it leads to you, great. If not, it's whatever after only two dates. She learns to say something in the moment next time and you learn to not tell her what she wants to hear. Grow and learn from this.
Fletch Lives Posted March 26, 2021 Posted March 26, 2021 For goodness sake, leave this poor woman alone and don't stalk. She does not like the guy. 1
elaine567 Posted March 26, 2021 Posted March 26, 2021 Just now, Fletch Lives said: She does not like the guy. You don't know that. Some people want to go slow and there is nothing wrong with that. I f he is desperate for sex then he needs to pass but nothing she has said says she doesn't like him. 1
Fletch Lives Posted March 26, 2021 Posted March 26, 2021 (edited) She does not like kissing him - this means she's not into him. If this were going well and she liked the kiss, they would be making out by date three....instead, she's pulling back. Edited March 26, 2021 by Fletch Lives
Gaeta Posted March 26, 2021 Posted March 26, 2021 She did say she'd like to see him again. She didn't have to say that if her goal was to ghost him. OP you have nothing to lose. You just sent a short text to clarify your last text. I don't know why you have not done that right away when you realized your text sent accidently. 2
ClearEyes-FullHeart Posted March 26, 2021 Posted March 26, 2021 Was she perhaps freaked out due to COVID? 2
cleverusername Posted March 26, 2021 Posted March 26, 2021 16 minutes ago, Gaeta said: She did say she'd like to see him again. She didn't have to say that if her goal was to ghost him. Huge difference between her pulling away in the moment and her pulling away hours later after giving it some thought. When have you ever ate a meal, licked the plate clean, then hours later texted the chef to tell them the food wasn't good?
Miss Spider Posted March 26, 2021 Posted March 26, 2021 (edited) Well I’ve kissed guys in the moment, like really gone for it, and then later thought ‘uhhh’. (I did that with a chick once, actually.) Kissing is just kissing to me, like I think it’s like sex is just sex for some people? Unless I’m like repulsed by the guy, in which I probably wouldn’t be on the date at all with him anyway, there is a high chance I’d kiss him. Also, kisses kind of take you by surprise. They just go in for it. So unless you are so repulsed you push them away, you usually just meet them halfway. It’s really no thing. Later, you can ponder how you didn’t like the way he scraped his teeth along the fork when he ate on the date. Or anything else It could be a lack of interest, or it could be that she felt it’s too fast physically and she’s sensitive to that sort of thing. It’s too soon to say but I’d say just sit tight ( and quiet) and hope she comes back around. Edited March 26, 2021 by Cookiesandough
chillii Posted March 26, 2021 Posted March 26, 2021 l wouldn't of called her unavailable she held you tighter she wanted to go out again and she explained quite nicely later , she enjoyed hugging and some women with kids thank God are careful about getting involved too fast too . l agree with some others but only if you liked her a lot , l'd try once more, softly this time, nothing to lose. 3
Author steve9417 Posted March 27, 2021 Author Posted March 27, 2021 Just a final note Well I texted her to clarify what I meant to say about kissgate which is I completely understand and I’d be in touch again to arrange meeting again ... she replied saying she appreciated me saying that & wants to catch up soon I sent the text for the sake of my health and to clarify my position in case I’d confused her (she was a bit) as I really like her Thanks to all for your views - very helpful 4 1
Gaeta Posted March 27, 2021 Posted March 27, 2021 Good stuff ! I'm glad you text that. I'm sure you feel both better about the situation. 1
Author steve9417 Posted March 27, 2021 Author Posted March 27, 2021 15 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Good stuff ! I'm glad you text that. I'm sure you feel both better about the situation. Thanks for your encouragement - it helped me get there 1
spiderowl Posted March 27, 2021 Posted March 27, 2021 A kiss on a second date might be ok if you really like the guy. However, a deep tongue kiss on a second date would be too intrusive. You need to take things gradually, bit by bit. She was just getting to know you. Diving in too soon can feel threatening. A very passionate, French kiss could imply you think she's the kind of girl who is going to go for that really quick. I can understand she might feel disrespected if you move too fast. I agree that saying the kiss 'didn't feel right' to you might have been interpreted by her as you not liking it. Of course there is always the possibility she didn't like it for some reason - too forceful, too sloppy, breath not nice ... Quite honestly, some kisses are just not nice. Who knows what happened here? You would probably have a better idea of how it went than we would.
dangerous Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 Good luck OP, and keep us posted on how the next date goes
d0nnivain Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 13 hours ago, spiderowl said: A kiss on a second date might be ok if you really like the guy. However, a deep tongue kiss on a second date would be too intrusive. You need to take things gradually, bit by bit. There are people in this world who have sex on the 1st date. To act like a tongue kiss is beyond the realm of possible is denying reality. Perhaps the OP needs to better pay attention to his date's non-verbal communication but a 1st date kiss is just fine, even with tongue. However, if the other person is non-verbally signaling they are not into that, their preference must be respected. It may be a matter of incompatibility. 2
cleverusername Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 Gotta build the sexual tension. Pretend like you're going in for a kiss, then right before she starts to meet you, pretend to grab an eyelash of her cheek. Stare into her eyes for a few long seconds in silence, then start talking about something random. It drives women up the wall when they do like you, and filters out those who don't. Women love foreplay.
Author steve9417 Posted March 28, 2021 Author Posted March 28, 2021 Well - just got the news and she doesn't want to meet me for a 3rd date. As many were saying she wasn't into me - I shall next time bow to the vast knowledge and experience of those of you who pointed it out from the start Even though I missed she wasn't into me backtracking on the kiss I saw a number of other signs that led me to question her as a partner - I lowered my standards for her and will reflect on that as runs counter to my values in terms of the people I let into my world. Take away for me is I got caught up fearing rejection and sold out on my core values and principles in an effort to be liked 1
d0nnivain Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 Sorry @steve9417 Lesson learned. Hold onto those core values. 1
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