He wants to marry me but I don't hear from him all week.

[BluePink123]

Thanks everyone, I understand what you all are saying, however I love him and I do know he loves me despite what it seems. He doesn't have any other women or family on the side. I have spent weekdays with him and every weekend for years. He lives with his dad and brother, sister in law who I see every weekend as well.

He lost his mom as a teen so maybe he is afraid of getting close to someone and this is all he can do. 
 

I do wish we had contact during the week. I have asked him about it and he said the reasons I said above. 
 

I will not break up with him or really continue to ask about it. 

I just thought people would have some reason as to why he is like this and maybe have another approach to fix this without having to ask him again. 
 

thanks

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, BluePink123 said:

I do wish we had contact during the week. I have asked him about it and he said the reasons I said above. 
 

I will not break up with him or really continue to ask about it. 

This is sad. 

You had better get used to the idea that this is a weekend-only relationship, then, and realize that you have accepted a low standard. We teach people how to treat us.

Don't expect marriage from him.  If he can't even manage to speak to you Monday-Friday, there is no way he is going to marry you. At least be real with yourself on that. 

Edited March 30, 2021 by ExpatInItaly

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, Angelle said:

A serious relationship shouldn't only exist over the weekend. 

They like it that way. She gets away from her parents for the weekend and he can keep this going.

This has nothing to do with texting. It has to do with a completely different understanding of what is going on.

If she stopped hanging out with him every weekend to shake things up, she could have answers..

But she's nagging and complaining rather than accessing the situation or doing anything about it.

More alarming than texts, is that it's stalled out but she wants her weekend getaways.

It's obvious he's not invested. "We talk about the future" means she talks aboutit, he blows smoke because sex is happening.

However in 2 YEARS, there's absolutely zero progress. You can't fix that with weekday "how was your day" texts.

Edited March 30, 2021 by Wiseman2

[Crazelnut]

This is just sad. You're willing to accept being in a part time relationship, when what you want is a full time partnership. You're taking those crumbs and pretending it's filet. Sad.

Oh, and he is not going to marry you. How the heck can you marry someone YOU DON'T SPEAK TO MOST OF THE WEEK??

[Wiseman2]

On 3/25/2021 at 11:24 PM, BluePink123 said:

we talk about marriage, kids and our future together.

I have brought this up several times over the years however he gets defensive sometimes and just says he is busy 

He says he loses his phone in his room or doesn't hear it.  

You claim he wants to marry you. However you are not engaged, you don't live together and he won't talk to you when it's inconvenient. It's unclear why you believe this is heading toward marriage. 

[vla1120]

This is your relationship. No one out here can give you answers about why he is like this. You have to decide if this relationship is enough for you as it is because, at this point in time, it seem he is giving you as much as he can/wants to give you. You did mention that the two of you are working toward some financial goals. Have you actually laid out goals and plans to achieve them? The best you can do is give yourself a window of time. If you don't see any improvement or movement toward marriage (or at least - your joint financial goals) in whatever timeframe you choose, then it might be time to move on if that's what you're looking for in a relationship.

[smackie9]

14 hours ago, BluePink123 said:

 He doesn't have any other women on the side.

 

Famous last words. You don't know where he goes, or who he is in contact with when you are not there.

If he truly loved you like you say, he would respond to your texts and communicate with you during the week if it made you happy.

[poppyfields]

On 3/25/2021 at 8:24 PM, BluePink123 said:

I have been with this great guy for over 2 years and we are in our late 20s. We spend every Fri-Sun together at his place. We have such amazing weekends together, we get along sooo well. He is just such a sweet guy and treats me so well.

@BluePink123 this^ sounds very positive.  👍

Every couple does relationships and even commitment in their own way.  Some couples are bi-coastal, some bi-continental!  Some see and talk only once a week, or every other week.

If it works for you BluePink (as a couple) who’s to say that’s wrong or it’s not love?  I am not understanding that.  It’s your relationship and no one (except you and your boyfriend) has the right to define it or determine whether it's love or not love, or anything else.

So the issue here is that even though you accept this limitation, you would like him to touch base with you during the week. 

Well, hassling him about it (not that you're doing that) is not going to inspire him to want to, so my advice is, continue enjoying the relationship as you are doing now.

You appear to be quite happy, you consider it a great relationship, you get on well, he’s a great and loving boyfriend, focus on those things, and squelch the negative.

If at some point down the road, it becomes a dealbreaker for you, address it with him then.

In the meantime, enjoy your weekends together (Friday– Sunday) and do your own thing Mon-Thurs.

That is what I would do, and have!  When boyfriends were traveling or whatever.

Good luck!

Edited March 30, 2021 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

On 3/26/2021 at 12:58 PM, Cookiesandough said:

Sorry but I don’t know where the problem is . this guy sounds like a dream to me. you know how hard it is to find a guy that doesn’t text you with inane BS throughout the week

LOL, good point!  😂

I know a few couples who only talk and see each other on weekends, and they appear to have a better relationship than most couples who talk and see each other every day!   I recall reading an article about it as well awhile back.

Like I said, every couple defines their relationship for themselves in their own way, what works best for them, there is no right or wrong here.

 

 

Edited March 30, 2021 by poppyfields

[Wiseman2]

On 3/26/2021 at 3:58 PM, Cookiesandough said:

 this guy sounds like a dream to me. you know how hard it is to find a guy that doesn’t text you with inane BS throughout the week

😂 True. Interestingly this is an incompatibly that's tucked away. 

[ExpatInItaly]

10 hours ago, poppyfields said:

If it works for you BluePink (as a couple) who’s to say that’s wrong or it’s not love?  I am not understanding that.  It’s your relationship and no one (except you and your boyfriend) has the right to define it or determine whether it's love or not love, or anything else.

It clealry doesn't work for her, though. She has said she is not happy that he doesn't communicate with her during the week and she has brought this up with him several times. 

Hence the reason this thread exists. 

 

Edited March 31, 2021 by ExpatInItaly

[poppyfields]

4 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

It clealry doesn't work for her, though. She has said she is not happy that he doesn't communicate with her during the week and she has brought this up with him several times. 

Hence the reason this thread exists. 

Not true.  Read her posts. 

Again:

I have been with this great guy for over 2 years and we are in our late 20s. We spend every Fri-Sun together at his place. We have such amazing weekends together, we get along sooo well. He is just such a sweet guy and treats me so well.

Clearly, she is not unhappy, the opposite.  She's quite happy with this man, they have 'amazing' weekends, etc.

Sure, she'd like it if he touched base with her during the week,  but it's not a dealbreaker. 

She created the thread to get opinions, it was the posters here who clearly believed it meant something was wrong, putting their own negative spin on it.

She stated she has no intention of breaking up with this "sweet man, who treats her so well."

So what if it's only 3 days (the weekends when there is no work, no stress etc).

Many people believe it's "quality over quantity" I'm one of them and perhaps if the OP stopped giving a crap what society or others think, she would come to realize that as well and what's truly important, which is a man who loves her, treats her well, and their amazing time together. 

 

Edited March 31, 2021 by poppyfields

[smackie9]

yes a guy juggling two different women can keep them very happy and feel amazing....when he sees them.

[poppyfields]

On 3/30/2021 at 3:59 PM, BluePink123 said:

Thanks everyone, I understand what you all are saying, however I love him and I do know he loves me. He doesn't have any other women or family on the side.  I have spent weekdays with him and every weekend for years. He lives with his dad and brother, sister in law who I see every weekend as well.

I do wish we had contact during the week. I have asked him about it and he said the reasons I said above. 

 I will not break up with him or really continue to ask about it. 

I just thought people would have some reason as to why he is like this and maybe have another approach to fix this without having to ask him again. 

Enjoy your relationship @BluePink123.  Do what you feel comfortable with.

Be happy.  💓

Edited March 31, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
reworded for civility

[ExpatInItaly]

4 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Not true.  Read her posts. 

I read her posts.

I still don't agree that this is woman who is okay with this. I think she's trying to convince herself that she is, and balked a bit when posters agreed with her concerns. But do I get the impression that she is genuinely fine with this?

Not even for a moment. 

Edited March 31, 2021 by ExpatInItaly

[poppyfields]

15 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I read her posts.

I still don't agree that this is woman who is okay with this. I think she's trying to convince herself that she is, and balked a bit when posters agreed with her concerns. But do I get the impression that she is genuinely fine with this?

Not even for a moment. 

Fair enough, you (and everyone else) might be right Expat.   I suppose there was some projection on my part, as I was imagining myself in this scenario and if I were in a relationship with a man and spent every weekend with him (Friday-Sunday), our time together was amazing, our connection strong, he treated me well, but didn't enjoy texting or felt the need to touch base in between, I could envision myself being happy with that.

I am often not up for chit-chat either during the week.  I am exhausted after work and often prefer to just chill by myself.  I am introverted that way, and often felt emotionally exhausted from all the time my boyfriends either wanted to see me or talk to me.

I do get the sense from reading her posts that BluePink is happy, but believes her boyfriend "should" be contacting her, as that is what the "norm" is, rather than what she actually needs to be happy.  She's been with him for three years and stated she has no intention of ending. it.

Just my take, I could be wrong.

 

 

 

Edited March 31, 2021 by poppyfields

[Miss Peach]

I almost thought you were talking of an ex of mine until I read the living situation.

 

I went through this before and it was frustrating. I just didn't feel connected going days with nothing. I had brought it up like you and he would say similar things and it never happened. I felt discouraged reaching our first too. He wanted to get married too. He also was old fashioned and liked to do the driving but treated me well.

 

I can see why you don't get together often during the week. So it sounds like it's practical issues more than something insidious. 

 

I came to the conclusion is this relationship good enough to stay in if I don't ever get this. If it's really important to you then move on. If it's something you can live with then consider it a price of admission to be with him.

 

The issue I had in my relationship was that he wasn't great with communication. This was just a sign of other issues. I was willing to concede on this issue but not on other communication issues which is why things eventually broke down.

[glows]

On 3/29/2021 at 9:59 PM, BluePink123 said:

I just thought people would have some reason as to why he is like this and maybe have another approach to fix this without having to ask him again. 

You could simply make yourself scarce on weekends and let him know you're free on weekdays. Decrease the supply here and increase the demand there. 😉

The problem to me seems like the inflexibility in your schedules which is a bummer. Weekends are prime time for a lot of things. Wouldn't it be nice if you both were a little more spontaneous than just-weekends? I think it would loosen up the routine and you both can get to know each other in different ways too, understand each others' routines. Don't be afraid of change or asserting yourself or mentioning what you'd like. You seem afraid to lose the guy. Why live like that? There shouldn't be any area or issue that brings you discomfort when you're thinking of marrying someone (referring to the title of your thread).

 

Edited April 1, 2021 by glows

[BluePink123]

I really appreciate all the replies and insight. I have been upset by the lack of texting and communication for years however just accepted it because he is such a great man and person.

It has been bothering me more than ever the past few weeks though because he didn't ask how my covid shot went. Also, His brother was exposed to covid and I wasn't sure if I wanted to come over and asked him to meet at our local mall which is empty. It is over an hour from him, however that is where we went on our first few dates and it would just be this one weekend. He initially responded if we would meet there or does he need to pick me up. I said either way is fine and he didn't respond  I eventually just asked him more about his brother and turns out he did have a negative test so I went over to stay with him as normal, I did ask why he didn't respond and he said he didn't want to go to the mall. I know this sounds bad, but he is such a sweet guy and he probably just didn't know what to respond.

I am also on Spring Break this week and off from work and I texted him yesterday bec I always do on Wed and he asked me if I started back in person school or am I off? He didn't even know what I was doing!

It just feels like a weekend relationship, however on weekends he talks about marriage and kids. 
I don't want to get married this year or have kids now anyway, That is not my issue him not proposing. My issue is not hearning from him all week or him even knowing what I am up to during the week, I will bring this all up to him again. In the past when I would address this he would get annoyed and just say he is busy with work. 
 

I love him and I know he loves me. I can't tell you how much fun our weekends are together, he is the best! We get along soooo well. I just wish the weekdays were more normal and we were in contact. 
 

He has made me so happy, I am floating on a cloud on weekends, it is just perfect however on the weekend!

 

 

[Wiseman2]

Right now your weekend getaways are working for both of you. You get out of the house, he gets sex without a full time relationship.

Stop talking about marriage and kids. It's string along talk.

 

[BluePink123]

14 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Right now your weekend getaways are working for both of you. You get out of the house, he gets sex without a full time relationship.

Stop talking about marriage and kids. It's string along talk.

 

I am not the one who talks about marriage and kids, he acts like we are in this commited relationship and that is really how it feels but only on the weekend, . 

[elaine567]

Surprisingly, he didn't want to meet you at the mall that weekend?
Of course he didn't, there was nothing in it for him.  
There was no sex on offer at the mall so he was not interested in just seeing you,
He is not interested in you, only him.
As I said before the marriage talk is only to keep you around.
It is a trick.
Wake up, you either accept things as they are or you walk, and as you don't want to walk then stop expecting anything more...
It is what it is.

[poppyfields]

1 hour ago, BluePink123 said:

He has made me so happy, I am floating on a cloud on weekends, it is just perfect however on the weekend!

Did it ever occur to you that the reason your weekends are so perfect is precisely because you see each only on weekends?

During the week you get to "long" for each other and miss each other, there is something to be said for that, imo.

Listen or watch Esther Perel, she is a huge advocate of introducing some distance into long term relationships, it allows you both to maintain your desire for each other; it's not necessarily a bad or negative thing...

This really sounds like the ideal situation imo, during the week do your own thing, touch base briefly mid-week, and have your wonderful and intimate 3-day weekends together which is something you can count on and look forward to!

I know many disagree which is fine but it's something to at least consider imo.

Esther Perel has a great Ted Talks video "The Secret to Desire in Long Term Relationships." Check it out. 

 

 

Edited April 2, 2021 by poppyfields

[Wiseman2]

18 minutes ago, BluePink123 said:

 he acts like we are in this commited relationship 

I'm sure you are dating exclusively by now..

However, what do you mean by committed relationship except on weekends? 

[ExpatInItaly]

You are going in circles with this guy. 

You are obviously not happy with the overall picture here, but you keep expecting things to be different. At what point do you stop making excuses for him (and yourself)?