trident_2020 Posted March 26, 2021 Posted March 26, 2021 16 hours ago, La.Primavera said: He does it because it that's the type of relationship he wants with you. Part time, with fun weekends. It doesn't seem to match up with a man who wants to get married. I was this guy. We were together 2.5 years and I was perfectly fine with the weekend relationship, my work days are long and I enjoy my alone time. But I'm an avoidant by nature. She's the opposite. She finally said it's not working for her and she wanted out. So I moved in. It's been 9 years, we recently hit a snag and I moved out but not for reasons related to commitment or anything between the two of us directly. Anyway I can see where that guy is coming from and as the poster I quoted above said, it doesn't fit with wanting to be married. I'd never get married again and I've made that clear with every woman I've dated including my girlfriend. 1
Gaeta Posted March 27, 2021 Posted March 27, 2021 3 hours ago, trident_2020 said: Anyway I can see where that guy is coming from and as the poster I quoted above said, it doesn't fit with wanting to be married. Were you unhappy living full time with someone? Did you crave your time alone?
Miss Spider Posted March 27, 2021 Posted March 27, 2021 (edited) 3 hours ago, trident_2020 said: , it doesn't fit with wanting to be married. Yeah, unfortunately, this is true. Sadly, there is no way a guy that wanted to marry you would leave you alone like that and give you that much space ... Edited March 27, 2021 by Cookiesandough
Dis Posted March 27, 2021 Posted March 27, 2021 (edited) 17 hours ago, Fletch Lives said: Go to his home during the week and see if he has another woman there. I dated a guy for about 5 months who would go MIA like this dude I decided to drive to his condo and sure enough...there is he with another woman in his bed...literally in the middle of it That solved that mystery! Edited March 27, 2021 by Dis 2 2 4
trident_2020 Posted March 27, 2021 Posted March 27, 2021 4 hours ago, Gaeta said: Were you unhappy living full time with someone? Did you crave your time alone? Actually after an adjustment period that included a good amount of anxiety and depression I settled in rather well. I did occasionally want time to myself though.
ExpatInItaly Posted March 27, 2021 Posted March 27, 2021 10 hours ago, BluePink123 said: My one friend said if this is the only issue then I'm lucky. Your friend is warped, sorry. You aren't lucky to have a boyfriend who disappears every week from Monday to Friday. This is not good, OP, and you are not doing yourself any favoure by tolerating it. It might be one thing if it were a matter of busy schedules so you don't see each other but still communicate regularly during the week. This guy isn't even talking to you during the week. That's a huge red flag. 2
Miss Spider Posted March 27, 2021 Posted March 27, 2021 Just now, ExpatInItaly said: Your friend is warped, sorry. You aren't lucky to have a boyfriend who disappears every week from Monday to Friday. This is not good, OP, and you are not doing yourself any favoure by tolerating it. It might be one thing if it were a matter of busy schedules so you don't see each other but still communicate regularly during the week. This guy isn't even talking to you during the week. That's a huge red flag. Agree. When you’re in a rship, despite what anyone says about still being free and space being normal, you have to be there somewhere between Monday to Friday. If you don’t it’s a red flag to people ( and rightfully so). So you actually do not have the freedom to go MIa and be by yourself for 5 days. You need to at least text someone pretty much daily whether you want to or not and probably spend time with them in person way more often than the just weekend. 1
Author BluePink123 Posted March 28, 2021 Author Posted March 28, 2021 20 hours ago, Cookiesandough said: Agree. When you’re in a rship, despite what anyone says about still being free and space being normal, you have to be there somewhere between Monday to Friday. If you don’t it’s a red flag to people ( and rightfully so). So you actually do not have the freedom to go MIa and be by yourself for 5 days. You need to at least text someone pretty much daily whether you want to or not and probably spend time with them in person way more often than the just weekend. Yeah I know I wish he would text me during the week. I don't care about having phone convos because I hate talking on the phone. I also understand not being able to see each other during the week. I'm not going to break up with him and I have brought this up to him several times. I guess I just feel like there's nothing to do about it. I text him on Wednesday and we have a short convo about work. He will text me during the week if he has something to say but that's rare. I did get my second shot this week and I was disappointed he didn't text me to see how I was. He's such a great guy and our relationship is so GREAT on the weekend.
Lotsgoingon Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 (edited) Well sounds like you have resigned yourself to misery and pain. It's likely he has another woman or family. You show no interest in finding out. You put up with the most minimal expectation for a relationship. If this works for you, then Lord ... the world is full of all kinds. So now I'll break the bad news: you'll be back on this board in a year. There is no way this is going to work out. Even with your apparently eager willingness to be doormat, you gonna get stamped on and stomped on so many times that you'll eventually get sick of this guy. We'll nonjudgmentally welcome you back. I really encourage you to work on your own esteem, your own appreciation of yourself. Edited March 28, 2021 by Lotsgoingon 3
Watercolors Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 18 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said: Well sounds like you have resigned yourself to misery and pain. It's likely he has another woman or family. You show no interest in finding out. You put up with the most minimal expectation for a relationship. If this works for you, then Lord ... the world is full of all kinds. So now I'll break the bad news: you'll be back on this board in a year. There is no way this is going to work out. Even with your apparently eager willingness to be doormat, you gonna get stamped on and stomped on so many times that you'll eventually get sick of this guy. We'll nonjudgmentally welcome you back. I really encourage you to work on your own esteem, your own appreciation of yourself. This is the part I don't understand about you @BluePink123. You're clearly in major denial here about the truth. 1 hour ago, BluePink123 said: I'm not going to break up with him and I have brought this up to him several times. I guess I just feel like there's nothing to do about it. Why not? He's not interested in having a real bonafide relationship with you. There is something you can do about it but you won't. You can break up with him and make yourself available to dating guys who actually want to be in a real relationship with you. You're attached emotionally to a guy who is 100% not emotionally available to you because he actually doesn't respect you or even like you based on his actions. Someone who cared about you, would call you the day you had the Covid-19 vaccine to see how you're feeling. I feel bad for you BluePink123. You refuse to accept reality b/c you don't want to. 2
chillii Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 Strange . lf two people both want some pt thing glory to them but 1 in this isn't happy about it at all and it is unnatural for a couple talking marriage one won't even talk to you 5days a wk. He should want to and need to your suppose to be his partner that's what real partners do and it's also one of the nicest things about it. Wondering , have you ever actually spent the whole wk together better yet a few wks together? lt's a lot easier being perfect for 2 or 3 days that's not even half a full time relationship.. No idea if anythings going on with him apart from you hope not , so not saying there is but l'd def; be having a little looky around if l was you just in case. lf alls well and l hope it is but you guys really need some real day in n out time together first before any marriage. Any moving in talk ? 2
Calmandfocused Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 4 hours ago, BluePink123 said: He's such a great guy and our relationship is so GREAT on the weekend. You’re deluding yourself. Bargaining! The above is not correct. If he was so such a great guy he’d give a damn about your needs. He doesn’t! let’s face it, he doesn’t even care about your health does he? You’re choosing him over yourself and that is a mistake. I agree with Lots Going on. You’ll come to a point where you just won’t be able to ignore yourself anymore.
ExpatInItaly Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 (edited) 4 hours ago, BluePink123 said: our relationship is so GREAT on the weekend. Read this again. And again. Listen to yourself. Does this sound like much of a relationship at all, if it's only "great on the weekend"? Girl. You need to get your head out of your backside and stop pretending to yourself that any of this is normal or sustainable. I don't mean to sound unkind, but have you not had a boyfriend before? I am wondering if you just have so little to compare him to, or feel so poorly about your potential, that you live in blindness (maybe willfully) to the painful reality of this quasi-relationship. Having a weekend-only boyfriend isn't exactly a relationship. Are you afraid to learn the truth about him? Edited March 28, 2021 by ExpatInItaly 3
NYAG Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 On 3/26/2021 at 7:58 PM, Cookiesandough said: Sorry but I don’t know where the problem is . this guy sounds like a dream to me. you know how hard it is to find a guy that doesn’t text you with inane BS throughout the week Lol. A bit of me did think this.
Wiseman2 Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 (edited) Text chitchatting small talk and nonsense all evening after work is the last thing many people want to do. It's exhausting and people would rather relax, eat, watch tv, work out, catch up on stuff, etc. Anything rather than being text tethered to amuse anyone or have to alleviate someone's boredom. You may want to consider that. He's living alone so has more to do and worry about than texting work nights. Instead of nagging him about it, why not do something more productive and enjoyable yourself? Get in shape, find an apartment, get a second job, catch up with friends, volunteer, etc. Don't wait for a proposal to get out of your parents house, use this time to work on that instead. Once you have your own place, you'll see that running errands, doing chores, paying bills, etc after working all day will make you not feel like texting all night. Edited March 28, 2021 by Wiseman2 4
elaine567 Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 9 hours ago, BluePink123 said: I'm not going to break up with him and I have brought this up to him several times. OK so you need to realise that the man you want, the man that sees and speaks to you during the week, the man who worries about you having a vaccine is NOT the guy who you have chosen to have a relationship with. Forget about the marriage stuff, that is just BS nonsense to keep you hanging around. A guy who can't even be bothered to catch up with you for 5 whole days every week is not marriage material, so stop fooling yourself. You can't MAKE men do the stuff you want, they either want to do it, or they don't. This one obviously doesn't. He doesn't WANT to be with you during the week, that is the bottom line, so stop bashing your head up against a brick wall. You either accept it as is or you go look for a better man, a man more suited to your wants and needs. Dating is not about finding someone and moulding them to the person you really want, dating is about looking for compatibility. This guy may be great at weekend entertainment, but when you need him during the week he is nowhere to be found, that will not sustain a marriage. God knows what he is really up to... I guess you don't really want to know... 5
Gaeta Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Text chitchatting small talk and nonsense all evening after work is the last thing many people want to do. It's exhausting and people would rather relax, eat, watch tv, work out, catch up on stuff, etc. Anything rather than being text tethered to amuse anyone or have to alleviate someone's boredom. You may want to consider that. He's living alone so has more to do and worry about than texting work nights. Instead of nagging him about it, why not do something more productive and enjoyable yourself? Get in shape, find an apartment, get a second job, catch up with friends, volunteer, etc. This is unfair, she is not asking for chitchatting all evening. She wants him to touch base a couple of times a week, that's a huge difference from him spending his evenings on text. This is the woman he wants to marry but he doesn't care to hear her voice for 5 days straight? Someone living alone has less to do at night, not more. This guy has no responsibilities at night but himself, he doesn't have to worry about what's for dinner, is he missing milk for breakfast, bedsheets need to be changed, OP said he's not busy he's home doing nothing but relax. She can exhaust herself the entire week at the gym, that won't make her forget the man that wants to 'marry her' doesn't care enough to call her the day she has her covid shot. 6
Gaeta Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 11 hours ago, BluePink123 said: He's such a great guy and our relationship is so GREAT on the weekend. How do you know he's such a great guy when you only spend weekends together? Each time you see him it's time off, pressure is off, stress is off, of course he's fun! To really get to know someone you need to be with them in the middle of the week, to see how they handle themselves in middle of stress. What if when you're married you discover that on week days he's not interested in spending time with you in the evenings and after eating he isolates himself in a room with games/sports? Or your discover he goes to bed really late and you end up going to bed by yourself most nights? Do you see how you don't know this man yet? I dated my ex-husband on weekends only for 3 years. Then we married and moved in together. It was like moving in with a total stranger!! And not a nice stranger! 4
Wiseman2 Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 8 minutes ago, Gaeta said: the man that wants to 'marry her' doesn't care enough to call her the day she has her covid shot. They're not engaged. She can text/call him, no? Nagging 'call me, text me' hasn't helped, so? What she can do is step back and observe how overinvested she is vs his investment. 4
Gaeta Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said: They're not engaged. She can text/call him, no? Nagging 'call me, text me' hasn't helped, so? What she can do is step back and observe how overinvested she is vs his investment. And she does text/call him. I agree she needs to stop 'talking' about it and re-evaluate this relationship. Your last post made it sound like she was complaining for nothing and it's totally normal for a man to fall off the radar for 5 days straight each week. 1
ClearEyes-FullHeart Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: He's living alone so has more to do and worry about than texting work nights. She said “he lives with his dad, brother and sister in law in a duplex.” I also find it very strange but agree that nonstop texting is bad. I do think like most of the others a nightly connection via a short call or text would be good. 1
smackie9 Posted March 28, 2021 Posted March 28, 2021 OK so what is the point of this thread? OP wants her bf to keep some kind of communication between weekends, not too much to ask. He refuses, and is usually vague if he does. If I were you OP I would go and see what he does during the week. Go grab a friend, do a drive by, hit a coffee place close by, go for a walk....check things out. 4
spiderowl Posted March 29, 2021 Posted March 29, 2021 Honestly, OP, in your position I think I'd be tempted to be suddenly unavailable one weekend and see what happens. Does he come looking for you, check in? He is used to you being there for him on his terms. What if you were only available to him on your terms? 5
NYAG Posted March 29, 2021 Posted March 29, 2021 15 hours ago, spiderowl said: Honestly, OP, in your position I think I'd be tempted to be suddenly unavailable one weekend and see what happens. Does he come looking for you, check in? He is used to you being there for him on his terms. What if you were only available to him on your terms? This. Absolutely this. 1
Angelle Posted March 30, 2021 Posted March 30, 2021 On 3/28/2021 at 11:10 AM, Wiseman2 said: They're not engaged. She can text/call him, no? Nagging 'call me, text me' hasn't helped, so? What she can do is step back and observe how overinvested she is vs his investment. No, but he has apparently said that he wants to marry her. If someone said that to me, but didn't talk to me at all, during the week, I wouldn't believe him, and it wouldn't be good enough for me. A serious relationship shouldn't only exist over the weekend. Not unless both people want it that way. 1
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