He wants to marry me but I don't hear from him all week.

[NYAG]

It sounds like this guy either feels incredibly safe in the relationship or he doesn't care. But not everyone is wired the same way. Assuming there are no mental health issues there which means he is apt to distance himself, I find it a bit hard to understand why he has no interest in texting during the week - something that takes seconds to do. My brother who is 45 is appalling with his phone. He loses it regularly, doesn't answer it for days, and actually loathes socia media but he has it there for emergencies and he doesn't neglect his family because he just doesn't like his phone or have time for small talk.

Edited April 8, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Removed Reference to Deleted Inappropriate Comment

[Gaeta]

On 4/5/2021 at 10:37 AM, poppyfields said:

I posted this earlier,  Esther Perel's video - The Secret To Desire in Long Term Relationships" is a great starting point if you're interested in learning a new and different perspective.

Here is what Esther Perel says: 

Our need for togetherness exists alongside our need for separateness. One does not exist without the other. With too much distance, there can be no connection. 

You defend her bf's  need for separateness and ignore her need for togetherness. They both need to meet in the middle, she is willing to but he won't. There is also the matter of how much space is healthy and how  much is too much, because yes, as per Esther Perel, too much space isn't good. 

[FMW]

@BluePink123, does your boyfriend have ADHD or something similar?  Some people with that get really focused on whatever is in front of them at that time and can appear to operate in an out of sight out of mind mode.  I only mention this because the guy I'm involved with does have ADHD, and even on medication can still have a singular focus.  When he's with me he is focused on me and very attentive.  But we sometimes go a few days without talking/texting or seeing each other.  He also hates being tethered to his phone, so if I do happen to text him with a question about something I know he might not get back to me for a several hours when he happens to remember his phone again   His friends have the same experience with him.   I personally don't have a problem with it, but most women probably would.  

[Sun Seeker]

Regardless of the one text he sent, he sounds like a terrible boyfriend, amazing weekends or not.

A relationship is an every day thing. Not pick and choose what days suit you best, with no regard for the other person. He is very selfish.

I could never imagine not communicating daily with a girlfriend, just to know how she is, how her day was, how she is feeling, tell her I love her. It's called caring about someone.

There's way too many specific red flags in this whole scenario to even go through.

It really seems like you are settling because you think this is the best treatment you will ever get. That mindset is very wrong.

Hopefully at some point you will build up some self confidence and open your eyes to how you are being treated.

[6ix]

51 posts deleted. Before posting any further in this thread, please ask yourself if your intent is to help the OP or if it is to debate other members in the thread. If it is the latter, please do not post any further. 

[BluePink123]

Thanks everyone for your replies! I really appreciate everyone's time. 

I do understand that he should communicate to me what's going on with him during the week. I do wish he contacted me during the week and I realize this isn't ideal. 

However, I do love him and think he is a great person. I don't have any intention of dumping him over this. This is the happiest I've been with a man.

I don't think I'm settling. I am happy on weekends. Nobody is perfect.

I will continue to text him on Wednesday's.

My family thinks I should drop this and enjoy my weekends with him and it is what it is. They think it's weird and unusual I don't hear from him during the week. However if I choose to stay just accept he won't change. They're not sure where this relationship is heading but if I'm happy okay. 

Maybe he does have ADHD! It sounds like him. Is there a way to bring this up? I don't want to offend him. I don't want to just sound like a broken record and I want to approach this differently.

Thanks again all, I did read most of the replies until they were removed. I respect everyone's opinion and I do understand this situation wouldn't work for most of you. 

Is there a way to bring this up again or should I just drop it? 

[Alpacalia]

Why not embrace him exactly as he is now and find peace within yourself, or acknowledge that you lack supernatural transformational powers over other people and end the relationship lovingly? Alternatively, consider how your boyfriend interacts best and draw on those.

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, BluePink123 said:

I will continue to text him on Wednesday's.

My family thinks I should drop this and enjoy my weekends with him and it is what it is.

Excellent. Text him Wednesdays and see him weekends. It's a fine compromise. 

That way you're still touching base midway between weekends and you can always text if there's something important.

Let it be. Accusing him of having neurological problems is insulting and unnecessary. No one has ADHD Tuesday Wednesday and Thursday but not on weekends.

Try to relax and enjoy yourself. It seems to be working now. He's not defective if he drives you round trip every weekend, hosts you every weekend and apparently cares that much.

Actions speak louder than words. Relationships require compromise. If yours is texting him Wednesdays and he does the rest every weekend then that works for you.

Listen to your family. If they think he's a good guy and you're 99% happy then try not to obsess about texts on Tuesday and Thursday.

[glows]

13 hours ago, BluePink123 said:

Thanks everyone for your replies! I really appreciate everyone's time. 

I do understand that he should communicate to me what's going on with him during the week. I do wish he contacted me during the week and I realize this isn't ideal. 

However, I do love him and think he is a great person. I don't have any intention of dumping him over this. This is the happiest I've been with a man.

I don't think I'm settling. I am happy on weekends. Nobody is perfect.

I will continue to text him on Wednesday's.

My family thinks I should drop this and enjoy my weekends with him and it is what it is. They think it's weird and unusual I don't hear from him during the week. However if I choose to stay just accept he won't change. They're not sure where this relationship is heading but if I'm happy okay. 

Maybe he does have ADHD! It sounds like him. Is there a way to bring this up? I don't want to offend him. I don't want to just sound like a broken record and I want to approach this differently.

Thanks again all, I did read most of the replies until they were removed. I respect everyone's opinion and I do understand this situation wouldn't work for most of you. 

Is there a way to bring this up again or should I just drop it? 

Your family also thinks it's weird and unusual so they aren't hunkidori with everything either. Your first line of defense is always going to be your own gut instincts. After all you've said about this man it appears he is mostly good. What others say shouldn't really matter and the dynamics between different individuals will vary in couples. I wonder if your family has met your boyfriend before passing judgment also?

I still stick to what I've said previously that the two of you live in different worlds (which is fine) but only be mindful of each others' lives and priorities.

There is no need to break up a good relationship if there are a few days in between where there is some respectful quiet. I have to look at constant texting or calling as red flags also as it means one or both individuals aren't comfortable with themselves or their own thoughts. 

Don't bring up ADHD. That is just rude and he's already trying to meet you halfway. 

I would give this a rest for now and learn to focus on other areas of your life. I mean this kindly - work on greater interests, better yourself, start running for positions in student associations and improve your resume. Think BIG PICTURE. In the end it's not a marriage that is going to support you or your partner. You support yourself. Make sure you're financially independent always and well on your way with your career without depending on your partner. Lessen those old-fashioned and archaic obligations, think on your feet and take care of yourself. 

[Cappygyal]

On 4/6/2021 at 10:49 PM, BluePink123 said:

Thanks everyone for your replies! I really appreciate everyone's time. 

I do understand that he should communicate to me what's going on with him during the week. I do wish he contacted me during the week and I realize this isn't ideal. 

However, I do love him and think he is a great person. I don't have any intention of dumping him over this. This is the happiest I've been with a man.

I don't think I'm settling. I am happy on weekends. Nobody is perfect.

I will continue to text him on Wednesday's.

My family thinks I should drop this and enjoy my weekends with him and it is what it is. They think it's weird and unusual I don't hear from him during the week. However if I choose to stay just accept he won't change. They're not sure where this relationship is heading but if I'm happy okay. 

Maybe he does have ADHD! It sounds like him. Is there a way to bring this up? I don't want to offend him. I don't want to just sound like a broken record and I want to approach this differently.

Thanks again all, I did read most of the replies until they were removed. I respect everyone's opinion and I do understand this situation wouldn't work for most of you. 

Is there a way to bring this up again or should I just drop it? 

I have ADHD, really bad actually. I really hate texting and forget to respond A LOT. Sometimes it takes me days to respond to people. But guess what? For people I care about I tell them this in the beginning that I’m not good with communicating. For those that I’ve dated before we came up with a system - ex, he’d be driving home from work and we’d spend that 30-40 minutes having a daily check-in/talk. Heck, I’d even just a funny meme or a link to a news article once a day or every other day. I made some effort because I cared. 
 

I 10000% can promise you his lack of communication doesn’t have to do with ADHD. It’s because he doesn’t want to communicate with you. 
 

You’ll end up miserable in the long run unfortunately because he’s not giving you what you need (communication). He on the other hand has the perfect set up - a part time girlfriend.