Has he friendzoned me or did I unknowingly friendzone him?

[Lourv]

I’m asking because I’ve been talking to this guy for over a month now. I’ve been very cordial with him since day 1. Almost too warm and friendly I’d say, but that’s just how I am. I never start talking to someone with the intention of being in a relationship with them. No forced interactions or going out of my way to flirt.

He has maintained this same kind of composure, though I can’t tell if it’s because he friendzoned me or he gets the feeling that I friendzoned him so he’s matching my energy. He will occasionally compliment me on my looks and praise my intelligence— he told me recently that he needs to vaguely impress because I have standards. I’m not sure what this means, but I take it as a good thing.

My question is: do men go out of their way to talk, compliment and carry long conversations with women they’re not interested in? Is this a case of me getting friendzoned? If not, how do I break this barrier? Do I continue to let things take their course naturally?
 

We hung out twice and right now he’s out of the city and won’t be returning for 2 weeks.

[basil67]

5 minutes ago, Lourv said:

 I’ve been very cordial with him since day 1. Almost too warm and friendly I’d say, but that’s just how I am. I never start talking to someone with the intention of being in a relationship with them. No forced interactions or going out of my way to flirt.

<snip>

My question is: do men go out of their way to talk, compliment and carry long conversations with women they’re not interested in? Is this a case of me getting friendzoned? If not, how do I break this barrier? Do I continue to let things take their course naturally?

His actions are aligned with someone who is interested in you.

However, I'm confused about your actions.  You say you've been "almost too warm and friendly", yet you don't "go out of your way to flirt".   So what exactly have your actions been?  If you're interested in seeing where this goes romantically, how have you been showing interest? 

[Lourv]

1 minute ago, basil67 said:

His actions are aligned with someone who is interested in you.

However, I'm confused about your actions.  You say you've been "almost too warm and friendly", yet you don't "go out of your way to flirt".   So what exactly have your actions been?  If you're interested in seeing where this goes romantically, how have you been showing interest? 

Warm and friendly as in, I check in with him to see how he’s doing after a work week, wish him well, etc. I guess I haven’t done anything to show my interest in him, but that’s mainly because he hasn’t shown direct interest in me. He’ll send me photos of his artwork and I’ll praise him to the highest mountain (we’re both artists), but other than that I’ve been very neutral. Again, this is just my way of being. I’m trying to remain respectful as to not push him away.

 

[CollinW]

2 hours ago, Lourv said:

I’m asking because I’ve been talking to this guy for over a month now. I’ve been very cordial with him since day 1. Almost too warm and friendly I’d say, but that’s just how I am. I never start talking to someone with the intention of being in a relationship with them. No forced interactions or going out of my way to flirt.

He has maintained this same kind of composure, though I can’t tell if it’s because he friendzoned me or he gets the feeling that I friendzoned him so he’s matching my energy. He will occasionally compliment me on my looks and praise my intelligence— he told me recently that he needs to vaguely impress because I have standards. I’m not sure what this means, but I take it as a good thing.

My question is: do men go out of their way to talk, compliment and carry long conversations with women they’re not interested in? Is this a case of me getting friendzoned? If not, how do I break this barrier? Do I continue to let things take their course naturally?
 

We hung out twice and right now he’s out of the city and won’t be returning for 2 weeks.

Well how did he start out? He seems to be playing his part and your part is to at least hint that you see him as more than a friend. More often than not a man isn't going to communicate and hang out with a woman unless there is an interest. 

[dramafreezone]

2 hours ago, Lourv said:

I’m asking because I’ve been talking to this guy for over a month now. I’ve been very cordial with him since day 1. Almost too warm and friendly I’d say, but that’s just how I am. I never start talking to someone with the intention of being in a relationship with them. No forced interactions or going out of my way to flirt.

He has maintained this same kind of composure, though I can’t tell if it’s because he friendzoned me or he gets the feeling that I friendzoned him so he’s matching my energy. He will occasionally compliment me on my looks and praise my intelligence— he told me recently that he needs to vaguely impress because I have standards. I’m not sure what this means, but I take it as a good thing.

My question is: do men go out of their way to talk, compliment and carry long conversations with women they’re not interested in? Is this a case of me getting friendzoned? If not, how do I break this barrier? Do I continue to let things take their course naturally?
 

We hung out twice and right now he’s out of the city and won’t be returning for 2 weeks.

Sounds like he doesn't have the cajones to make a move.  

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, Lourv said:

We hung out twice 

Were these one-on-one dates? How did you meet? Talking a month and hanging out twice is fine as far as pace.

The question is how did you meet and what kind of hangouts were these?

Do you want him as a BF or a friend?

 

[Miss Spider]

Do you think he has a gf? 

Edited March 26, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Fletch Lives]

I guess you'll have to see what happens - if he asks you on date or kisses you.....that's the only way to know if they are really into you, by their actions. Actions scream.

[d0nnivain]

Try to remember that you are driving this train.  If you want a man to ask you out make it clear that if he's brave enough to ask the answer will be yes.  Men get insecure too.  They get so many mixed messages these days -- be alpha but no so alpha that you cross into sexual harassment.   They don't know what to do. 

So if you want more than what's going on, step up & let him know that. 

Before I was married I found myself single in my 30s.  I had no idea what it was like to date as adult.  All of my past relationships had sprung from academia.  Even the guy I dated in my early 30s, I reconnected with at a HS reunion.   Anyway. . . . I was at a singles event & met a nice guy.  We chatted alone kind of in a corner for a good portion of the event.  It turned out he was in the business market for a professional service I provide but other topics were discussed.  I thought I was flirting my a$$ off -- tossing my hair, laughing at his jokes, standing too close with my shoulders square to his, batting my eyelashes, touching his arm etc.  When I had to leave I handed him my business card & said, I'd be happy to help him if he wanted to call me for business but I'd be happier if he called me for personal reasons.  I winked & flounced off.  It was all very dramatic if I do say so myself.    He did call & ask me on a date but on the date he confessed that if I had not said that he never would have called because he didn't know I was interested & he thought i "was out of his league."  [I hate that expression / concept].  I was shocked that he hadn't picked up my cues.  Really I thought I was behaving like a tart.  

My point remains:  if you are unwilling to ask him out, be super obvious that you want to go out with him.   

[Gaeta]

14 hours ago, Lourv said:

He will occasionally compliment me on my looks and praise my intelligence— he told me recently that he needs to vaguely impress because I have standards. I’m not sure what this means, but I take it as a good thing.

Stop playing friends and return compliments as well. Give him compliments, tell  him you've been thinking about him, you were looking forward to his call, say something to get you out of the friendzone you've put yourself in. 

The statement means he wants you to be impressed by him, it says it all. 

[smackie9]

You have to throw the guy a bone, and that means light teasing, looking extra nice for him, light touching, smiling, strong eye contact, laugh at his jokes, make a hint that you two should go out on a date. This pretty simple stuff here.

[cleverusername]

Hold Eye contact: unless this guy is a rock he will get the picture

[d0nnivain]

19 minutes ago, cleverusername said:

Hold Eye contact: unless this guy is a rock he will get the picture

Not necessarily.  Read my story above.  Believe me there was plenty of eye contact.  

[cleverusername]

19 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Not necessarily.  Read my story above.  Believe me there was plenty of eye contact.  

Exactly, that guy was a rock lol.

IMO 90% of the time guys can tell when women are flirting with them, but they are afraid of that 10% of the time they could be wrong and are seen as "creepy" or whatever. Same goes with escalating and being spontaneous, can't tell you how many dude I know who are afraid to go in for a kiss or make a suggestive comment, not because they are afraid of personal rejection, but getting accused of some sort of harassment or assault. It's very real these days. 

[d0nnivain]

7 minutes ago, cleverusername said:

Exactly, that guy was a rock lol. 

Fair point. 

[elaine567]

14 hours ago, CollinW said:

More often than not a man isn't going to communicate and hang out with a woman unless there is an interest. 

Agreed but as they are both artists, the "interest" may be in the artwork...

[poppyfields]

3 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

Try to remember that you are driving this train.  If you want a man to ask you out make it clear that if he's brave enough to ask the answer will be yes.  Men get insecure too.  They get so many mixed messages these days -- be alpha but no so alpha that you cross into sexual harassment.   They don't know what to do. 

So if you want more than what's going on, step up & let him know that. 

Before I was married I found myself single in my 30s.  I had no idea what it was like to date as adult.  All of my past relationships had sprung from academia.  Even the guy I dated in my early 30s, I reconnected with at a HS reunion.   Anyway. . . . I was at a singles event & met a nice guy.  We chatted alone kind of in a corner for a good portion of the event.  It turned out he was in the business market for a professional service I provide but other topics were discussed.  I thought I was flirting my a$$ off -- tossing my hair, laughing at his jokes, standing too close with my shoulders square to his, batting my eyelashes, touching his arm etc.  When I had to leave I handed him my business card & said, I'd be happy to help him if he wanted to call me for business but I'd be happier if he called me for personal reasons.  I winked & flounced off.  It was all very dramatic if I do say so myself.    He did call & ask me on a date but on the date he confessed that if I had not said that he never would have called because he didn't know I was interested & he thought i "was out of his league."  [I hate that expression / concept].  I was shocked that he hadn't picked up my cues.  Really I thought I was behaving like a tart.  

My point remains:  if you are unwilling to ask him out, be super obvious that you want to go out with him.   

Lol , this post is a gem.

You, tossing hair?  Batting eyelashes?  Flouncing off?  A tart?

I have a new respect for you d0n and I mean that sincerely! 

Edited March 26, 2021 by poppyfields

[ShyViolet]

Try raising the stakes and saying something a little more flirtatious.  I guess that's the only way you'll find out what the deal is.

[MeadowFlower]

17 hours ago, CollinW said:

More often than not a man isn't going to communicate and hang out with a woman unless there is an interest. 

Don't some guys just want to be friends? Not in the OPs case necessarily though. 

[basil67]

2 hours ago, MeadowFlower said:

Don't some guys just want to be friends? 

Yes, it can happen.  If you're all in a mixed friend group, and everybody is well and truly 'friendzoned' from each other.   Or, as we women call it, "just friends"   

[Miss Spider]

25 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Yes, it can happen.  If you're all in a mixed friend group, and everybody is well and truly 'friendzoned' from each other.   Or, as we women call it, "just friends"   

But people in friend groups get together all the time if they’re interested in each other , don’t they?

[basil67]

49 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

But people in friend groups get together all the time if they’re interested in each other , don’t they?

Not sure where you're going with this. 

[Miss Spider]

20 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Not sure where you're going with this. 

Just that you’re not necessarily well and truly  friendzoned from each other in groups either because I actually date a guy who I met in my mixed friend group and I just didn’t think it was that unusual 

Edited March 26, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Miss Spider]

8 hours ago, smackie9 said:

make a hint that you two should go out on a date. This pretty simple stuff here.

Thats p bold , smackie 

Edited March 26, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[cleverusername]

2 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

But people in friend groups get together all the time if they’re interested in each other , don’t they?

I think that's called "swingers"