Girlfriend wants a night to herself, should I be concerned or is this normal?

[SumGuy]

On 3/24/2021 at 11:53 AM, Cristoforo said:

....

We were supposed to get together tonight but she asked me if we could do that tomorrow instead because she thinks she needs a night to herself. I’m kind of upset because I always want to see her but I want to be supportive of her needs. I trust her, but should I be concerned that all of a sudden she wants a night to herself? Or is it normal for people in relationships to want to have “me” time away from their significant other?

Heck no based on this.   I’m guessing you don’t have kids.  Yah she really wants some her time where she can recharge and not have to worry about anyone else.  I’ve been in her situation and completely get it.  
 

[Gaeta]

How many children she has? 

If she only has a 17 year old son I can't see how every night she's home it can't be a *me time*. She doesn't need a babysitter she can go out with the girls as much as she wants. The 17 yo is out or in his bedroom  hooked on his games so she has free time to herself for watching her series or taking a long hot bath.  

[ms.stressed]

It's normal. I was head over heels in love with my ex and I asked for time for myself. I was going through a lot and I wanted to be alone. 

It doesn't mean she doesn't love you, sometimes, women, especially women, want to miss their SO. 

I would send him a little ILY pics and he would send them back and he would send me video messages. It was cute to me. But I initiated it first! You don't! Don't. Give her what she wants and let her reach out! Then, one day, I sent him a I miss you text and he called me! He likes to talk. I didn't answer because I hate talking! He sent a sad face and I sent a picture with two people cuddling and he said I wanna see you! And I sent a nodding smiley face and he came over and we snuggled! It was the cutest thing ever. 

It didn't last. His ex didn't think I was a good role model for their daughter. He said I had to get myself together, because his baby momma doesn't approve of the relationship and any woman he gets with has to on good terms with the baby momma.  Come to find out, she still loved him, even though she was married and they were still in communication with each other, and she didn't approve of his weed smoking or him talking to a woman who was okay with his weed smoking. So her husband, was jealous, and put his hands on her. She left him, and moved in with my exes family and they ended up hooking up! 

His ex and my best friend are friends.

So I stopped talking to both of them. I felt so betrayed. I knew it was going to go that way, but Idk. I trust Karma.

Give her space. Sometimes we like to miss you!

 

 

[Cristoforo]

On 3/25/2021 at 7:33 PM, Gaeta said:

How many children she has? 

If she only has a 17 year old son I can't see how every night she's home it can't be a *me time*. She doesn't need a babysitter she can go out with the girls as much as she wants. The 17 yo is out or in his bedroom  hooked on his games so she has free time to herself for watching her series or taking a long hot bath.  

She also has an 12 year old, so she has to pay some attention to him.  Also, just because a kid is 17 doesn’t mean his mother should just ignore him all night. Also, she doesn’t “go out with the girls”, especially during COVID, and she doesn’t just let her 17 year old “go out”. Do you have children?

Edited March 26, 2021 by Cristoforo

[basil67]

On 3/26/2021 at 10:33 AM, Gaeta said:

How many children she has? 

If she only has a 17 year old son I can't see how every night she's home it can't be a *me time*. She doesn't need a babysitter she can go out with the girls as much as she wants. The 17 yo is out or in his bedroom  hooked on his games so she has free time to herself for watching her series or taking a long hot bath.  

I'm sorry this is your experience - it must be lonely when you've got disengaged teens.   However, some 17yos want to engage with their family, sharing about their day, discussing their final year of school, plans for college, events, friends, current affairs.   And if they are engaged, a parents should be supportive of this....and for that, they need to be physically and emotionally present.

[Gaeta]

2 hours ago, Cristoforo said:

Do you have children?

I have 2 daughters, 33 & 16

I know how it works. 

[Cristoforo]

6 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

I have 2 daughters, 33 & 16

I know how it works. 

Everyone is different though, it’s not a one size fits all when it comes to people’s children. 

[Gaeta]

20 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I'm sorry this is your experience - it must be lonely when you've got disengaged teens.   However, some 17yos want to engage with their family, sharing about their day, discussing their final year of school, plans for college, events, friends, current affairs.   And if they are engaged, a parents should be supportive of this....and for that, they need to be physically and emotionally present.

I have no clue why you're telling me this.

My 16 year old daughter is hooked to me like a velcro. My older daughter of 33 when she was a teen she was very social and always out and about, involved in sports, teen groups, poem & drawing, student job and name it, she even found time to do volunteer work!  We had our daily time together at dinner and some mom/daughter on the weekend, I practically  had to book time with her to see her more. She was a different type of teen. It's not because a teen has a very busy life that I'm not a supportive and engaging parent. 

Edited March 27, 2021 by Gaeta

[Gaeta]

1 minute ago, Cristoforo said:

Everyone is different though, it’s not a one size fits all when it comes to people’s children. 

I understand that. It's been hard to get information out of you to get a real picture of your situation. 

[Miss Spider]

Hey, since you’re asking us I will say it sounds like you don’t trust your girlfriend very much. And to be honest, I can’t blame you.  Let me get this straight, she’s talking to a previous F buddy and sending him pics?  And now she’s saying she needs a night off from you? Eh...I think I have an idea how she wants to spend her night off...

Edited March 27, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Cristoforo]

21 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Hey, since you’re asking us I will say it sounds like you don’t trust your girlfriend very much. And to be honest, I can’t blame you.  Let me get this straight, she’s talking to a previous F buddy and sending him pics?  And now she’s saying she needs a night off from you? Eh...I think I have an idea how she wants to spend her night off...

That was almost two years ago that she was talking to him. You’ll have to read my other thread, I can’t explain it all here

[Gaeta]

2 hours ago, Cristoforo said:

She also has an 12 year old, so she has to pay some attention to him.  

Ok, so she has 2 kids and all her free nights she spends them with you. Now she wants *once in a while* a night to herself when her kids are at their father. 

Why does that worry you if it's only once in a while?

I don't know what is her arrangement with her ex but she could also ask the ex to keep the kids an extra night once in a while. 

[Miss Spider]

15 minutes ago, Cristoforo said:

That was almost two years ago that she was talking to him. You’ll have to read my other thread, I can’t explain it all here

Well, your last thread was dated August 2020, so that makes it sound like it was less than a year ago. And considering that everything is going a lot slower because of COVID-19, the timeline doesn’t seem that out of wack. So if she was talking to him around then and sending him pics it’s quite probable that she may have been chatting with him for most of the quarantine and now they can meet up. I think you should go with what your intuition is telling you. All of a sudden she needs the night off with this context makes it sound fishy. Especially if this starts becoming a semi-regular thing  out of nowhere 

Edited March 27, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Cristoforo]

2 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

OK well your last thread was dated August 2020 so that makes it sound like it was less than a year ago and considering that everything is going a lot slower because of COVID-19, the timeline doesn’t seem that out of wack. So if she was talking to him around then and sending him pics it’s quite probable that she may have been chatting with him for most of the quarantine and now they can meet up. I think you should go with what your intuition is telling you. All of a sudden she needs the night off with this context makes it sound fishy. Especially if this starts becoming a semi-regular thing  out of nowhere 

Yeah well you have to read the whole thread. At some point I admitted that this occurred a year before it actually did. 

[Miss Spider]

1 minute ago, Cristoforo said:

Yeah well you have to read the whole thread. At some point I admitted that this occurred a year before it actually did. 

Doesn’t that still put that at least a year into your relationship that she did that? That’s a massive red flag to overlook, imo. Maybe it’s not even this particular guy. Maybe it’s another. But it could be him. I don’t know but this just seems like a huge red flag to me. Because if I’m happy in a rship , I’m not doing that.... but I’m not really into it and still looking at my options, I’ll talk to others in the meantime? And I might tell him I need the night off to spend it with someone else, you feel 

[Cristoforo]

1 minute ago, Cookiesandough said:

Doesn’t that still put that at least a year into your relationship that she did that? That’s a massive red flag to overlook, imo. Maybe it’s not even this particular guy. Maybe it’s another. But it could be him. I don’t know but this just seems like a huge red flag to me. Because if I’m happy in a rship , I’m not doing that.... but I’m not really into it and still looking at my options, I’ll talk to others in the meantime? And I might tell him I need the night off to spend it with someone else, you feel 

Sorry, but you have to read every page of my previous thread to understand. If you don’t want to do that, that’s fine. 

[Miss Spider]

16 minutes ago, Cristoforo said:

Sorry, but you have to read every page of my previous thread to understand. If you don’t want to do that, that’s fine. 

K I read it. Sorry I had some of the dates wrong, but still stand by what I said previously about how I wouldn’t trust her either. Whether or not you have anxiety issues is not related to whether or not she’s trustworthy, except that person acting sketch is going to trigger someone’s anxiety issues majorly. I don’t have anxiety issues and I’m putting myself in the shoes of someone I’m in at ship with keeping in contact with someone they had  smashed  like that and gaslighting me. Your fear of her taking the night off makes a lot more sense after reading that thread but I wish you the best of luck

Edited March 27, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Cristoforo]

34 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

K I read it. Sorry I had some of the dates wrong, but still stand by what I said previously about how I wouldn’t trust her either. Whether or not you have anxiety issues is not related to whether or not she’s trustworthy, except that person acting sketch is going to trigger someone’s anxiety issues majorly. I don’t have anxiety issues and I’m putting myself in the shoes of someone I’m in at ship with keeping in contact with someone they had  smashed  like that and gaslighting me. Your fear of her taking the night off makes a lot more sense after reading that thread but I wish you the best of luck

So I guess you believe  that if you’re in a relationship with some one you should never talk to an ex or a person of the opposite sex?

Edited March 27, 2021 by Cristoforo

[Miss Spider]

2 minutes ago, Cristoforo said:

So I guess you believe  that if you’re in a relationship with some one you should never talk to an ex or a person of the opposite sex?

Nope. That’s not what I said

[Acacia98]

1 hour ago, Cristoforo said:

So I guess you believe  that if you’re in a relationship with some one you should never talk to an ex or a person of the opposite sex?

I think I'm starting to remember you now. You're the guy who disagrees with people when they empathize with you, right? So there's basically a fixed answer you wanted to hear: something entailing defense of your girlfriend?

[ExpatInItaly]

8 hours ago, Cristoforo said:

So I guess you believe  that if you’re in a relationship with some one you should never talk to an ex or a person of the opposite sex?

This is what you started doing in your last thread, too. 

Refuting every doubt that you yourself raised. 

You post your concerns and when people agree with you, you get snarky and defensive and frankly rather condescending. What do you want, exactly?

Edited March 27, 2021 by ExpatInItaly

[trident_2020]

^Above poster clearly meant to write "disagree".

That's how it is on here, other forums, social media debates, etc. Rarely does anyone concede their side. On these relationship forums most look for validation and support, they rarely take advice that is contrary to what they believe.

Some get defensive, others get argumentative, others just leave.

Very once in a while the advice is well taken but it's quite rare. I've seen it maybe 3 times in over a decade of posting on forums such as this one.

 

[poppyfields]

43 minutes ago, trident_2020 said:

^Above poster clearly meant to write "disagree".

No trident, I think Expat actually meant "agree."

OP suspects girlfriend may be cheating with an ex, lying.  [See his previous thread, and recent posts on this thread betweeen him and @Cookiesandough].

When other posters "agree" with him, he refutes, jumps to his girlfriend's defense and changes his frame.

Suddenly, it's OK to talk, text and send pics to an ex.  Doesn't mean she's cheating. 

It really is quite maddening, and there is no way to advise a person like this because they keep going back and forth.

 

 

Edited March 27, 2021 by poppyfields

[ExpatInItaly]

20 hours ago, trident_2020 said:

^Above poster clearly meant to write "disagree".

No, I did not. 

OP gets upset when posters validate his concerns and agree that he has reasons to be concerned. 

Edited March 28, 2021 by ExpatInItaly