allaboutchoices Posted October 16, 2005 Posted October 16, 2005 OK, I am starting to wonder where is the border between stalking and intimidation. What do you consider stalking, and what do you consider intimidation? What would you do about it? I am dealing with a female seeking revenge, but hasn't done enough to take it to the cops. No real proof, just assumptions. Any suggestions?
Hot Coco Posted October 16, 2005 Posted October 16, 2005 Hubby is a lawyer and said that the legal definitions of stalking are different in every state. I'd look up what legally constitutes stalking in your state. But myself, I'd report it if the person doesn't stop..even if it doesn't legally constitute stalking. I'd do that just so they take a report and have it on record.
Author allaboutchoices Posted October 16, 2005 Author Posted October 16, 2005 Thanks HotCoco. Like I said, I do not have any proof. I guess in legal eyes it would be a suspicion or assumption? I know what I'm seeing, but I have nothing in my hands to prove it. She is being very clever about it. What now? Any other approaches? I told my friends about it and they are looking out for me, I have changed my habits, places, numbers, etc. Anything else I can do?
hooghie Posted October 16, 2005 Posted October 16, 2005 Do you have ANY proof of this? Has she threatened you? Has she done or said anything in front of anyone else? You shouldn't be living in fear and if your fear is valid, a court will grant you a restraining order. If you don't have any evidence, do your best to grab some if the opportunity comes up (emails, taped phone calls, witnesses, etc.). Without knowing specifics, I can't tell you whether it's enough evidence to justify an arrest for stalking, but at a minimum- try and get a restraining order. If she violates the order, she'll be in big trouble.
Author allaboutchoices Posted October 16, 2005 Author Posted October 16, 2005 I cannot really go into details . Let's just say that she has other people calling (unknown number), but never saying anything bad (it's either just a 'whats up' thing or silence). Intimidation I guess. I know about other things going on from a source that cannot and will not admit it to the police. I feel trapped. Not scared, I just need to know what steps I can take to prevent bad things from happening. I am annoyed and want it to stop, there is no reason for her to be doing that, but obviously that's not what she thinks.
Craig Posted October 16, 2005 Posted October 16, 2005 Well she has you by the balls. All you stalkers and intimidators in California take note that the D.A.'s are reluctant to get involved in these kinds of harassment issues so it's open season to call people up and harass them! About the only thing you can do is call the cops everytime you get one of these calls or something happens. If they want to get involved they will but likely won't unless you can convince them that you are going to follow through. Don't expect anything except "there's not much we can do sir until we find you lying in a pool of your own blood." Sorry to be so pessimistic but I've travelled down a similar road and found that the cops are basically useless in situations like this. After all when was the last time you saw, "to serve and protect" written on the side of a police car?
Hot Coco Posted October 16, 2005 Posted October 16, 2005 Stupid question maybe but can you talk to the person you suspect is doing this? It's hard to give you suggestions on what to do since I'm not sure what the nature of the harrasment is. Sorry, I can't be of much help.
hooghie Posted October 16, 2005 Posted October 16, 2005 I would go to court and file a complaint for a restraining order. you will have to give the girl notice/ask the court to subpeona her. In your complaint, write down everything you have heard/feel/know about her tactics towards you. Even if you lose in court which is likely if you don't have enough evidence: 1. there will be a record 2. it may scare her to stop and leave you alone (the judge will probably warn her)
Author allaboutchoices Posted October 16, 2005 Author Posted October 16, 2005 I will not talk to her (I've done that, she is a bit messed up by other issues) and I am not planning on taking it to court unless she does something. I am not sure if she will follow through with the stuff. I know cops will tell me 'sorry, nothing we can do'. I have friends who are policemen and they offered their personal help, but nothing the police could do. I was more looking for some clever/witty way to get out of it and cause no harm, just to show that I will not put up with the BS anymore. Btw she doesn't know that I know. I blocked anonymous calls, changed my address. I think I have done a lot to stop that, but I do look over my shoulder all the time. Any ideas?
Craig Posted October 16, 2005 Posted October 16, 2005 What are you looking out for when you look over your shoulder? If you'd be a little more specific maybe we could help you.
Author allaboutchoices Posted October 16, 2005 Author Posted October 16, 2005 OK, a little more detail. I am a girl, too. When I look over my shoulder I look for people following me, group of people with strange behavior. I go home and wonder if she's already sent someone here to demolish or whatever my place. I check my tires each time I go somewhere. She is mad. Nothing worse then a mad woman. She sends threatning emails. She calls/has other people calling my home She knows where I work and says is coming to get me. Just words, but who knows. I have no physical proof of any of that. I made a mistake and deleted emails and messages. Like I said she is being very clever about it and that's why I am looking for alternative ways to deal with it without having to move out of state.
Craig Posted October 16, 2005 Posted October 16, 2005 Okay, thank you. First of all if you get into a pissing contest with this girl you are entering unknown territory. She could be dangerous or not. At one point in time you likely trusted her to be relatively sane. The best advice I can give is to first ignore everything she does but don't delete anything. If the rate of harassment doesn't go down over a couple of weeks then you need to do something legal about it. Legally speaking (and I'm not an attorney) if you have some evidence like email that she has said she is coming to get you then you can probably file a Temporary Restraining Order (TRO) like an earlier poster suggested. You can get help with filling out the application for a TRO from your local Domestic Violence center and if they can't help they'll direct you to an agency that can help you. Once the TRO is filed and served then this girl will be given a chance in I think 30 days to prevent the TRO changed into a Restraining Order (RO). This likley won't result in a charge against her but it is a real hard wake up call to her that what she is doing isn't good and doesn't have to be tolerated by you or society. It also shows her that you've got the balls to fight for yourself and that in itself may prevent her and/or her friends from pulling any more stunts like this in the future.
Author allaboutchoices Posted October 17, 2005 Author Posted October 17, 2005 Thank you very much! It all makes sense. Thanks again
ClassLady Posted October 17, 2005 Posted October 17, 2005 You poor girl! How long has this been going on? Seems like she is going to alot of trouble to make you miserable. Was she a previous friend or someone you know? Not sure why someone would do this but there are some strange people out there. Lots of luck.
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