Starrs Posted March 24, 2021 Posted March 24, 2021 This is going to be very long. Just a heads up. Last year in the fall, I was dating a guy who is now my ex he was very toxic he ended up leaving me for a woman who lives in another country. He treated me like crap, we would insult each time everyday, I was desperate to find happiness. One day, a guy messaged me on the app. At first I thought he was really ugly, so I would ignore him. Then, we started talking more.Things go out of control, I insulted him because he wasn’t replying to me. He then blocked me, after a month he messaged me. Things were going well... my ex wasn’t present at the time. I was having family problems, I would take my problems out on him. We had a lot of fights and that was because of me. When my ex came back, it got worse I blocked my ex on everything, but he kept messaging me on fake accounts. I continued going off and blowing up his phone. My mistake here was not giving myself time to heal and I caused even more damage. I reported my ex to the police, so he won’t bother me anymore. This guy was a really good man and all I did was treat him bad. He told me he was done with me. He gave me 3 chances, possibly more I don’t remember. I had to block his social media accounts, because I kept messaging and he would only leave me on opened. This past weekend I texted him if we could meet a last time, he said “you’ve said this before, but i’ll meet you”. When we met I accidentally said i missed him... he said “don’t sound pressed” He told me i looked really pretty.. I asked if we could try again he said “he has moved on, and we will never be together again. But, we can text, call, meet up if I want” After that, he said he was tired and had to go he hugged and kissed me bye. The purpose of meeting him was to apologize for everything I did to him. And I failed to do so, because we kissed and almost had sex. I messaged him the apology, he said he forgives me and I shouldn’t feel bad about it. The last text I sent was “i’ll try not to, btw you looked good with your outfit it was clean haha ” . To be honest, I still have a little bit of feelings for him. And I would love to see if we could maybe regain those feelings. He didn’t text back after that, I want to text him a simple “how are you” message. that’s all I don’t want to cause anymore fights, I want to treat him as a friend. I did blow my chances, I was stupid and immature. Now I understand how a REAL relationship works. Even though, I’m not ready for one yet.
mark clemson Posted March 24, 2021 Posted March 24, 2021 (edited) If you're a "friend" with someone who you actually like as a romantic partner, you're not a friend, you're an orbiter. Staying "friends" with him might keep you stuck and prevent you from moving on properly to a new relationship. However, emotions and the decisions we make due to them are rarely fully logical, of course. No doubt he has little trust for you at this point. My thought would be to attempt to cautiously bring this to a head sooner rather than later (within reason, e.g. like 3-4 weeks) and see if he is willing to give it the benefit of another go (despite his words). If not, then I suggest you DON'T remain friends as it will likely just keep you stuck and unable/less likely to fully bond with a new partner. You could (in theory) waste months and even years chasing a guy who's not interested if you're not careful and let this keep you stuck. Maybe you're not the type this happens to, but it certainly CAN and does happen to folks. GL. Edited March 24, 2021 by mark clemson
Wiseman2 Posted March 24, 2021 Posted March 24, 2021 (edited) Have you read the book "I hate you don't leave me" by Jerold J. Kreisman, MD,? Your post describes this phenomenon quite well. Leave him alone for now. Talk to your doctor and therapist about your emotions. Edited March 24, 2021 by Wiseman2
d0nnivain Posted March 24, 2021 Posted March 24, 2021 No you can't be friends with this man in the hopes of getting you back. He gave you so many chances but all you did was hurt him. He's done. His impression of you will not change. It's too deeply ingrained. You need a lot of time to work on yourself. When you do, you will be in a different place & ready for a new relationship. He will just be part of your past & probabaly won't fit in your future.
Author Starrs Posted March 24, 2021 Author Posted March 24, 2021 47 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: No you can't be friends with this man in the hopes of getting you back. He gave you so many chances but all you did was hurt him. He's done. His impression of you will not change. It's too deeply ingrained. You need a lot of time to work on yourself. When you do, you will be in a different place & ready for a new relationship. He will just be part of your past & probabaly won't fit in your future. i find out i have borderline personality disorder... should i tell him?
d0nnivain Posted March 24, 2021 Posted March 24, 2021 You can. It would explain a lot but it's no guarantee he will over look that. It may be too much even knowing it's not your fault.
Miss Spider Posted March 24, 2021 Posted March 24, 2021 Sorry but probably not. At least not if he has any self-esteem or standards whatsoever. Consider this a bridge burned but a good lesson for the future. 1
Wiseman2 Posted March 24, 2021 Posted March 24, 2021 4 hours ago, Starrs said: i find out i have borderline personality disorder... should i tell him? No. It's your business. And... it doesn't matter. You're not compatible and he wants it over. 1
Author Starrs Posted March 24, 2021 Author Posted March 24, 2021 10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: No. It's your business. And... it doesn't matter. You're not compatible and he wants it over. Too late, I texted him and he replied “i don’t give a damn crazy b-itch, leave me TF alone and he sent me pics of him with another woman.” I am devastated, Words can’t describe how I’m feeling. I don’t deserve this type of treatment.
Author Starrs Posted March 24, 2021 Author Posted March 24, 2021 3 hours ago, Cookiesandough said: Sorry but probably not. At least not if he has any self-esteem or standards whatsoever. Consider this a bridge burned but a good lesson for the future. Why would he lie to me, about being friends? After I told him, he cussed me out and sent pics of him with another woman and blocked me again.
dramafreezone Posted March 25, 2021 Posted March 25, 2021 On 3/24/2021 at 7:33 AM, Starrs said: i find out i have borderline personality disorder... should i tell him? If this is true, get treatment. You don't need to be in any relationships right now. Once you get yourself right then see where things are. 1
d0nnivain Posted March 25, 2021 Posted March 25, 2021 19 hours ago, Starrs said: Why would he lie to me, about being friends? The white lie about "we can still be friends" is something people say at or after a break up. Nobody means it. At most it means that the other person is offering civility if you two randomly bump into each other while out & about. It was never an offer for repeated interaction or genuine caring.
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