poppyfields Posted March 25, 2021 Posted March 25, 2021 3 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Because you spent 4 months with this person you know he's worthy of a friendship. OP and this woman only had a facetime chat. She's not interested in being friends. I am pretty sure she tells that to every guy she doesn't connect with. Fair enough, I was speaking in general terms in response to your post. 1
Gaeta Posted March 25, 2021 Posted March 25, 2021 In my years of online dating I kept 1 friend. We never dated but met for coffee & we had a lot in common professionally wise and used each other's references etc. Let me count, we've been friends for 9 years. That's 1 friend out of 200 men met. 1
poppyfields Posted March 25, 2021 Posted March 25, 2021 (edited) 13 minutes ago, Gaeta said: In my years of online dating I kept 1 friend. We never dated but met for coffee & we had a lot in common professionally wise and used each other's references etc. Let me count, we've been friends for 9 years. That's 1 friend out of 200 men met. We're all different. In truth I liked some of the guys non-romantically and wouid have enjoyed a "friendship" on some level, especially when they're local and we see each other around town. NOT for attention, but a genuine "friend", to say hi too and chat with occasionally, help out if we need. Again, not like a close bff or anything. Seems silly to me we can't at least be friendly and civil, no reason to be all butt hurt about the whole thing, run in other direction when they see me, which is how some men have responded. Edited March 25, 2021 by poppyfields
Gaeta Posted March 25, 2021 Posted March 25, 2021 2 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Seems silly to me we can't be at least friendly and civil, no reason to be all butt hurt about the whole thing, which is how some men have responded. Depends on the level of interest of each party. If I really had my eyes set on a man and his rejection stings, I would not be friends with him. I had no problem being friends with my current friend from 9 years because I had 0 attraction toward him. 2
Gaeta Posted March 25, 2021 Posted March 25, 2021 3 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I had no problem being friends with my current friend from 9 years because I had 0 attraction toward him. I should add on his end, he kept hoping I'd see more in him for 2-3 years. He kept joking he's the man for me I just have not realized it yet. In 9 years he had 2 long term relationships both of 4-5 years. Now I am single and last week he told me he's thinking of breaking up with his girlfriend of 4 years and added so we're both gonna be single. In these friendships there is often 1 that ends up with the short stick. 3
poppyfields Posted March 25, 2021 Posted March 25, 2021 2 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Depends on the level of interest of each party. If I really had my eyes set on a man and his rejection stings, I would not be friends with him. I had no problem being friends with my current friend from 9 years because I had 0 attraction toward him. That's fair and understandable. I guess bottom line I can't expect men to react like me, I get over things, I move on from it. I can remain "friendly" and I recall one guy who ghosted me after a few dates (four in total), I really liked him but didn't act all butthurt when we ran into each other and he ended up calling me, explained why he ghosted and wanted to date me again! Lol I turned him down, but point is, yes rejection stings but after only 1-2 or a few dates, it should not be that big a deal to remain on friendly terms imho. 1
poppyfields Posted March 25, 2021 Posted March 25, 2021 (edited) All that said, I do like what DFZ proposed saying earlier, reflects confidence imo, not the typical butthurt reaction. It was one phone call. Edited March 25, 2021 by poppyfields
Miss Spider Posted March 25, 2021 Posted March 25, 2021 (edited) 2 hours ago, poppyfields said: That's fair and understandable. I guess bottom line I can't expect men to react like me, I get over things, I move on from it. I can remain "friendly" and I recall one guy who ghosted me after a few dates (four in total), I really liked him but didn't act all butthurt when we ran into each other and he ended up calling me, explained why he ghosted and wanted to date me again! Lol I turned him down, but point is, yes rejection stings but after only 1-2 or a few dates, it should not be that big a deal to remain on friendly terms imho. I agree to be friendly. I do think ghosting is a bit of a character weakness, personally. Even ignoring or not answering someone you’ve made a considerable connect with with no explanation but busy like in OP I wouldn’t go out of my way (an exception would be like if we are BFFs and they gave a good explanation) to get close to the person even as friends because it most likely shows they they deal with problems by avoidance or they are not considerate to others. That’s not always true and they could change down the road but you’re in a really cared about them and they just disappeared like that or something. People can change but I don’t know if it’s a good idea. So yeah, glad you rejected him.But I get the point you are making is that you were friendly and cordial about it which a sign of maturity. It’s is different from my ex who when I came back, rejected but he was like “don’t speak to me again you heartless *****” lol not so friendly Edited March 25, 2021 by Cookiesandough 1
poppyfields Posted March 26, 2021 Posted March 26, 2021 (edited) 9 hours ago, Cookiesandough said: I agree to be friendly. I do think ghosting is a bit of a character weakness, personally. Even ignoring or not answering someone you’ve made a considerable connect with with no explanation .... Thanks for acknowledging that cookies. People have various opinions about it, and tbh so do I. But when, like you said, a considerable connection has been made, to be ghosted with no explanation and then ignored after reaching out in a friendly way, well, deeming it a bit of a "character weakness" is a very nice way of putting it and I will leave it at that. Back to @lee179108, have you decided what you're going to do? Friends? Not friends? Edited March 26, 2021 by poppyfields
dramafreezone Posted March 26, 2021 Posted March 26, 2021 (edited) 14 hours ago, Gaeta said: All this is nice theory but in reality when a woman tells a man *I see you more as a friend* it's just a way to let him down easy, she doesn't care about being friends with him so what ever reply he may give *not looking for friends* or even *call me when you change your mind* is useless. She's not coming back. Well ultimately it's not about her. It's about him not agreeing to something he doesn't want (irrespective of if she really wants it either), and resolving the situation in a way that he can maintain his dignity and look himself in the mirror. Edited March 26, 2021 by dramafreezone 1
Author lee179108 Posted March 31, 2021 Author Posted March 31, 2021 After what she told me about that shes sorry about being confusing etc.. i just acknowledged it... i havent spoken to her since.. and I dont plan on speaking to her either unless she messages me. On to the next I go... ive had quite a bit of dating failures.. just gotta dust myself up and go again i guess. 1
Gaeta Posted March 31, 2021 Posted March 31, 2021 Exactly, if you knock at enough doors one will open.
dramafreezone Posted March 31, 2021 Posted March 31, 2021 1 hour ago, lee179108 said: After what she told me about that shes sorry about being confusing etc.. i just acknowledged it... i havent spoken to her since.. and I dont plan on speaking to her either unless she messages me. On to the next I go... ive had quite a bit of dating failures.. just gotta dust myself up and go again i guess. Not failures. It's experience. This is just gettting you ready for the right match. Keep accumulating knowledge and sharpen your game.
norealusername Posted March 31, 2021 Posted March 31, 2021 Do not respond if she ever contacts you again. You wasted 3 hours of your life to be put in the friend zone without even actually meeting her. There's no coming back from the friend zone, she's basically saying she's not attracted to you. You'll never get anywhere with her so just block her or don't respond.
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