Author lee179108 Posted March 23, 2021 Author Posted March 23, 2021 14 minutes ago, Juliann said: I would give it some time. Take it from someone who was ghosted and ended up having the person come running back wanting me. Time and patience is everything What happened? How long did they take to reply to you.
Alpacalia Posted March 23, 2021 Posted March 23, 2021 But you haven’t been “ghosted.” Everyone has a unique communication style. You've had a nice three-hour phone call with her, and she's in the process of changing jobs. Provide her some time to respond before confirming your weekend plans.
Juliann Posted March 23, 2021 Posted March 23, 2021 8 minutes ago, lee179108 said: What happened? How long did they take to reply to you. I knew of this guy from my work as he used to come in all the time but we had never spoken just knew of each other. Fast forward two months I ran into him at a bar (pre covid of course) and we talked, hit it off and he asked me for my number, only to never be heard from. Six months later I was on a dating app and had a message that he had liked me. I figured what the hell have I got to lose if anything ill get an answer for why he was such a jerk. We never spoke on that app and I actually ended up running into him again later that weekend at a different bar. We talked, he told me his reasons because he was still off and on talking to another girl when he met me and it just hadn't felt right to do that even though he hadn't seen things going anywhere with her and asked if we could get together sometime. We ended up dating after that, 1
Gaeta Posted March 23, 2021 Posted March 23, 2021 You don't have a lot of options here on how to handle this. I think you agree on not double texting for now. As a woman I can tell you if I did that it would be because I am not ready to reply to you yet, I am probably waiting to hear from another pending date/guy. It doesn't mean you won't be the guy arriving first at the finishing line, it just means you are a runner in a race involving another runner or multiple runners. And it's ok, you've only had 1 videochat. My suggestion is to wait a few days and try another communication later this week because men that quit too fast also don't win races. 2
Aus Posted March 23, 2021 Posted March 23, 2021 Whatsapp has an option to remove read receipts, so no blue ticks, you can also choose not to show the "last seen" this will apply to all your contacts though. I recommend you use it. 1
dramafreezone Posted March 23, 2021 Posted March 23, 2021 (edited) 2 hours ago, Gaeta said: You don't have a lot of options here on how to handle this. I think you agree on not double texting for now. As a woman I can tell you if I did that it would be because I am not ready to reply to you yet, I am probably waiting to hear from another pending date/guy. It doesn't mean you won't be the guy arriving first at the finishing line, it just means you are a runner in a race involving another runner or multiple runners. And it's ok, you've only had 1 videochat. My suggestion is to wait a few days and try another communication later this week because men that quit too fast also don't win races. And to piggyback off of this, just because that one guy is in the lead right now doesn't mean that he's necessarily more attractive or anything, it may just be that you met that guy first and have built more rapport. He started the race first, so he gets the first date. Or it could be a guy she met at the market in the last day that knocked her socks off. It could be an ex as I mentioned previously. It could be anything. That said, I still don't think he did himself any favors telling her his life story in the marathon FaceTime session. I automatically assume that a woman I meet is talking to at least one other guy. I know that she's not going to just drop everything for me (unless there's an insane connection right off the bat), and you should have a life busy enough such that you don't drop everything for her either. OP stop taking things so personally. It doesn't bode well for the future. Edited March 23, 2021 by dramafreezone 2
Beachead Posted March 23, 2021 Posted March 23, 2021 Hey Lee, If she's currently in between jobs, she's likely preoccupied with that and not in the best of moods. She could also very likely be talking to other guys, trying to figure things out. So being you two only just met and are still strangers, it would be fair to just give her the time to deal whatever is going on, without analyzing why your messages are unread. You're already starting to expect things and lose your cool which is not the angle you want to be coming from if she does happen to contact you again, because you will project that onto her. For now, just return your focus to you, give it a week, and you'll have a better idea of what's up. - Beach 3
Author lee179108 Posted March 23, 2021 Author Posted March 23, 2021 29 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: And to piggyback off of this, just because that one guy is in the lead right now doesn't mean that he's necessarily more attractive or anything, it may just be that you met that guy first and have built more rapport. He started the race first, so he gets the first date. Or it could be a guy she met at the market in the last day that knocked her socks off. It could be an ex as I mentioned previously. It could be anything. That said, I still don't think he did himself any favors telling her his life story in the marathon FaceTime session. I automatically assume that a woman I meet is talking to at least one other guy. I know that she's not going to just drop everything for me (unless there's an insane connection right off the bat), and you should have a life busy enough such that you don't drop everything for her either. OP stop taking things so personally. It doesn't bode well for the future. When did I say I gave my life story? I only answered questions she asked me and the Conversation just flowed as it was easy.
dramafreezone Posted March 23, 2021 Posted March 23, 2021 (edited) 1 minute ago, lee179108 said: When did I say I gave my life story? I only answered questions she asked me and the Conversation just flowed as it was easy. I'm just busting your chops a bit. Just remember for the future that you want to get to know her in person. Whatever you think is good for Facetime is better in person. Edited March 23, 2021 by dramafreezone 1
Author lee179108 Posted March 23, 2021 Author Posted March 23, 2021 18 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: I'm just busting your chops a bit. Just remember for the future that you want to get to know her in person. Whatever you think is good for Facetime is better in person. Yeah I get that, we did arrange to meet up and she said shed let me know. But never mind stuff happens.
Miss Spider Posted March 24, 2021 Posted March 24, 2021 (edited) Her interest isn’t all that high. I’d say that isn’t really a great thing if you’ve FaceTime for three hours. She’s going to see you, your mannerisms, voice, personality, and the way that you look to a fair extent. She may come back if she feels there’s no other options.... so hopefully you can bank on that. Hopefully you get a second chance to make a first impression on a real date. But real talk, just this last fall there was a guy I FaceTime/zoomed and texted with for a long time. and I was cool with it because I like to talk and it was fun in the moment. It’s a way to kill time in the pandemic. But my interest had to be much higher for me to actually go on a date with him so I ghosted ( sorry, LS) after he asked me for a date.Not saying that’s what happened here, just that it’s a possibility. I’d move on if I were you. If she comes back and you want to give it a try, that’s another story Edited March 24, 2021 by Cookiesandough
Author lee179108 Posted March 24, 2021 Author Posted March 24, 2021 So she texted today and said sorry that she's been quiet as she's been so busy. Said that facetime was great and she loved talking to me but sees me more as a friend that relationship wise. I find this weird since we aint met in person and there was something there since she asked me to meet. She has my number if she wants to talk again so I'll leave it at that. She also said again she's got so much going on and sorry if she's confusing. So I don't know.. I'll leave it now. She has my insta and number.
Gaeta Posted March 24, 2021 Posted March 24, 2021 Aww sorry lee179108: My guess is someone else is ahead in the race. It's alright, you go to next. Like many suggested no more 3 hour chat on first contact
Miss Spider Posted March 24, 2021 Posted March 24, 2021 (edited) 28 minutes ago, lee179108 said: So she texted today and said sorry that she's been quiet as she's been so busy. Said that facetime was great and she loved talking to me but sees me more as a friend that relationship wise. I find this weird since we aint met in person and there was something there since she asked me to meet. She has my number if she wants to talk again so I'll leave it at that. She also said again she's got so much going on and sorry if she's confusing. So I don't know.. I'll leave it now. She has my insta and number. I don’t think you did anything necessarily wrong. When it’s there, there’s no problem with talking for hours and it often happens like that if you both have the time. However, when it’s not there, some women will still talk to you for hours on FaceTime because a lot of women just love to freaking talk.... idk. Just don’t take that as a strong I.O.I. Anyway, at least you know now and there are many more fish in the sea. She’s got your number Edited March 24, 2021 by Cookiesandough 1
Gaeta Posted March 24, 2021 Posted March 24, 2021 1 minute ago, Cookiesandough said: some women will still talk to you for hours I was guilty of that. I'm a talker, I have stayed at coffee date up to 2 hours talking when I knew 100% I would not call him back. 2
Beachead Posted March 24, 2021 Posted March 24, 2021 (edited) @lee179108 4 hours ago, lee179108 said: So she texted today and said sorry that she's been quiet as she's been so busy. Said that facetime was great and she loved talking to me but sees me more as a friend that relationship wise. That sucks. Sorry man. Write her off. Also going forward, don't waste the potential of getting to know eachother through facetime or Instant messaging. Have a short conversation (maybe 10-15 minutes) but use those services only as a tool to schedule in a date for meeting in-person. When you do, choose a fun activity and get to know eachother through that and then close the day down with some food. The exception to this rule is Long-Distance Relationships and/or temporary situations in your relationship that force long-distance for the time being. - Beach Edited March 24, 2021 by Beachead 1
Author lee179108 Posted March 24, 2021 Author Posted March 24, 2021 Yeah shes got.my number.. but on I go.. got nothing in the pipeline right now. But who knows how the year will play out. I do get a few matches on apps though and they don't talk haha. I dont know..
poppyfields Posted March 24, 2021 Posted March 24, 2021 3 hours ago, Cookiesandough said: I don’t think you did anything necessarily wrong. When it’s there, there’s no problem with talking for hours and it often happens like that if you both have the time. However, when it’s not there, some women will still talk to you for hours on FaceTime because a lot of women just love to freaking talk.... idk. Just don’t take that as a strong I.O.I. Anyway, at least you know now and there are many more fish in the sea. She’s got your number Bolded, lol, I can relate to that. Actually, @lee179108, just something to consider. When I am highly attracted to man, I will make it a point to NOT engage in endless conversation for hours on end. I will politely cut it off right when we seem to be hitting if off, it leaves him wanting more, which is always a good thing. No reason why you, as a man, can't do the same thing. In fact many men do, read the internet, I think it's called "takeaway." Research it, it's quite effective. And lest you say you are not into games, it's all a game man, in one form or another. Which isn't a bad thing, it can be fun and increases attraction. Anyway, sorry it didn't work out.
Miss Spider Posted March 24, 2021 Posted March 24, 2021 44 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Bolded, lol, I can relate to that. Actually, @lee179108, just something to consider. When I am highly attracted to man, I will make it a point to NOT engage in endless conversation for hours on end. I will politely cut it off right when we seem to be hitting if off, it leaves him wanting more, which is always a good thing. No reason why you, as a man, can't do the same thing. In fact many men do, read the internet, I think it's called "takeaway." Research it, it's quite effective. And lest you say you are not into games, it's all a game man, in one form or another. Which isn't a bad thing, it can be fun and increases attraction. Anyway, sorry it didn't work out. That is a good point. I suppose it helps to look for the signs like that. Because woman may be taught via “the rules”or something that she shouldn’t talk long or she should keep mystery. Or she’ll just be too nervous to talk to you really in-depth like that right away. But I just hate steering people here towards games of any kind. Even playing into those types of games. I feel like more often than not those games are so obvious. Unless, I guess, you are a sociopath or you’ve had a lot of practice and you’re good...overthinking these things often backfire. I remember the first time I talked to my bf, we were talking until the next morning on discord( which is something I can’t do now). And I was very interested in him at that time.
dramafreezone Posted March 24, 2021 Posted March 24, 2021 (edited) 5 hours ago, Cookiesandough said: I don’t think you did anything necessarily wrong. When it’s there, there’s no problem with talking for hours and it often happens like that if you both have the time. However, when it’s not there, some women will still talk to you for hours on FaceTime because a lot of women just love to freaking talk.... idk. Just don’t take that as a strong I.O.I. Anyway, at least you know now and there are many more fish in the sea. She’s got your number The issue is, some guys can talk themselves right out of a woman liking them. I'm sure you've experienced it, you're really feeling a guy, he says one thing and you're like "ewwww," completely turns you off and there's no coming back from it. Tell me I'm wrong. The main dangers with these marathon phone sessions before he even meets a woman are her learning everything about him on the phone and having nothing to discover later (so why does she need to go out with him), being too avaiilable, and the risk of the guy running his mouth too much and saying something that'll turn her off. 20 minute phone call, establish some rapport, then get the hell off of the phone. I already knew that she lost interest. I hoped I was wrong but seen this story too many times and have learned from my own mistakes. Hope OP learns from this. Edited March 24, 2021 by dramafreezone 2
poppyfields Posted March 24, 2021 Posted March 24, 2021 (edited) 21 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: The main dangers with these marathon phone sessions before he even meets a woman are her learning everything about him on the phone and having nothing to discover later (so why does she need to go out with him), being too available, and the risk of the guy running his mouth too much and saying something that'll turn her off. 20 minute phone call, establish some rapport, then get the hell off of the phone. I agree with this, but not because there would be nothing to discover later, hell there is always more to discover when the energy/chemistry is right. I was still discovering new things about my boyfriends after years of being together so that's not it, not for me. I guess for me, as much as I love to talk, I generally dislike talking on the phone or texting for that long a period of time, I end up getting bored and then any attraction I had for him goes right down the drain. When posters talk about texting with some new person 24/7 day in and day out, I am like wow, I could never do that, I wouldn't even want to do that! Even when very attracted with a high level of interest. Right or wrong, I believe a bit of mystery attracts us, so I agree establish a rapport, then politely end it, telling her you will contact her again soon. And then do so in a couple of days, ask her out. When men do it to me, same. I may get beat up for saying this, but it will increase my attraction in very early stages, get me thinking about him, anticipating when he will reach out again, and intrigue me. Anyway, lesson learned for next time. Pace yourself. Edited March 24, 2021 by poppyfields 1
Miss Spider Posted March 24, 2021 Posted March 24, 2021 (edited) 28 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: The issue is, some guys can talk themselves right out of a woman liking them. I'm sure you've experienced it, you're really feeling a guy, he says one thing and you're like "ewwww," completely turns you off and there's no coming back from it. Tell me I'm wrong. The main dangers with these marathon phone sessions before he even meets a woman are her learning everything about him on the phone and having nothing to discover later (so why does she need to go out with him), being too avaiilable, and the risk of the guy running his mouth too much and saying something that'll turn her off. 20 minute phone call, establish some rapport, then get the hell off of the phone. I already knew that she lost interest. I hoped I was wrong but seen this story too many times and have learned from my own mistakes. Hope OP learns from this. Oh yeah, absolutely. I feel that. OK, so the guy that can talk his way out of a certain woman liking him. So what, is going to stay silent for the duration of the relationship? Because eventually he’s going to have to talk right? Because I’ve also been on a date with that guy who was super quiet on the first date but wanted a second one and it was a real drag. So what should they do for the remainder? Hopefully not put on some fake persona that Cory Wayne has come up with. The suggestion is the guy barely talk until the first date , but how about the first date. And in person will he come off nervous, awkward, or cold if that’s not his normal self? Edited March 24, 2021 by Cookiesandough
dramafreezone Posted March 24, 2021 Posted March 24, 2021 2 minutes ago, poppyfields said: I agree with this, but not because there would be nothing to discover later, hell there is always more to discover when the energy/chemistry is right. I was still discovering new things about my boyfriends after years of being together so that's not it, not for me. I guess for me, as much as I love to talk, I generally dislike talking on the phone or texting for that long a period of time, I end up getting bored and then any attraction I had for him goes right down the drain. When posters talk about texting 24/7 day in and day out, I am like wow, I could never do that, I wouldn't even want to do that! Right or wrong, a bit of mystery attracts us, so I agree establish a rapport, then politely end it, telling her you will contact her again soon. And then do so in a couple of days. When men do it to me, same. I may get beat up for saying this, but it will increase my attraction in very early stages, get me thinking about him, anticipating when he will reach out again, and intrigue me. Anyway, lesson learned for next time. Pace yourself. So that goes back to availabilty. You don't like being on the phone or texting that long probably because you have other important stuff to do. Subconciously (or consciously) you may think why does this guy have this much time on his hands? Does no one else want his time? His time must not be that valuable, so why should I value him? And really, the most valuable thing we guys can offer a woman is our time. If this guy is some hot shot that can carve out 15 minutes while he's orchestrating mergers and acquisitions, that's infinitely more appreciated than some guy that has all day to talk. We all value what we have to work for. That's as old as the world itself. And you're describing exactly how attraction works. It actually grows in the absence of that other person. It grows when you're thinkng about the guy, thinking about the date, and probably also the bit of anxiety if you haven't heard from him in a couple of days. If you're talking to him all the time, there's no room for that feeling to grow. 2
poppyfields Posted March 24, 2021 Posted March 24, 2021 (edited) 4 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: So that goes back to availabilty. You don't like being on the phone or texting that long probably because you have other important stuff to do. Subconciously (or consciously) you may think why does this guy have this much time on his hands? Does no one else want his time? His time must not be that valuable, so why should I value him? And really, the most valuable thing we guys can offer a woman is our time. If this guy is some hot shot that can carve out 15 minutes while he's orchestrating mergers and acquisitions, that's infinitely more appreciated than some guy that has all day to talk. We all value what we have to work for. That's as old as the world itself. And you're describing exactly how attraction works. It actually grows in the absence of that other person. It grows when you're thinkng about the guy, thinking about the date, and probably also the bit of anxiety if you haven't heard from him in a couple of days. If you're talking to him all the time, there's no room for that feeling to grow. No argument from me DFZ, I agree with all of it. And often times, these thoughts are subconscious, except for times like now when you're bringing them to my (our attention). Edited March 24, 2021 by poppyfields
Miss Spider Posted March 24, 2021 Posted March 24, 2021 (edited) 15 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: So that goes back to availabilty. You don't like being on the phone or texting that long probably because you have other important stuff to do. Subconciously (or consciously) you may think why does this guy have this much time on his hands? Does no one else want his time? His time must not be that valuable, so why should I value him? And really, the most valuable thing we guys can offer a woman is our time. If this guy is some hot shot that can carve out 15 minutes while he's orchestrating mergers and acquisitions, that's infinitely more appreciated than some guy that has all day to talk. We all value what we have to work for. That's as old as the world itself. And you're describing exactly how attraction works. It actually grows in the absence of that other person. It grows when you're thinkng about the guy, thinking about the date, and probably also the bit of anxiety if you haven't heard from him in a couple of days. If you're talking to him all the time, there's no room for that feeling to grow. How about he actually gets busy then, because that’s always a good thing and not a facade that will crumble by the second month, at the very latest. We’re going to realize this guy we thought was cool had actually just artificially inflated his life at the beginning to seem so busy and fascinating, because actually he just sitting around or being a fake. We might feel jipped or we get bored and leave. Whereas if you actually fill your life and get busy and ambitious towards something other than how to game yourself into dating someone, you genuinely become a more interesting person and desirable person, and there is no need to lie about it. Also I’ve known guys that do the timed text thing at beginning and it’s very obvious. I mean typically they’re all over the place and sometimes they even intentionally take the exact amount of time ( to the minute) to respond to your message that you took to respond to theirs unintentionally. It is a big turn off for me at least Edited March 24, 2021 by Cookiesandough 1
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