Ghosting

March 22, 2021

So I met this girl off a dating app last Saturday, we texted and she suggested we facetime on the Sunday. She is 25 im 29... I was relaxed, didn't act too kean and she messaged me. We then facetimed for 3 hours! We got on, had a lot of laughs and a lot in common and seem to be attraction there.. woth flirting. We then agreed to meet up for coffee on the weekend, she said she would let me know what day as she was about to hand in her resignation to her job today and was in the middle of changing to a new job this week. The area she lives in shes just moved to 2 months ago so she's had a lot going on and other work. We agreed to facetime again sometime.this week as well. So.i just texted her today once saying hey how are you, how did work react to your resignation. From that at 1pm she hadn't read my message, and shes been online but I feel like she's ghosted me.

Now I don't wanna seem needy, but to not read a guy you've just met message at all in a day.. and be online.. like whats going on? Is it just me? Or have I truly been ghosted? If so why stay on facetime for 3 hours till late at night and talk about so much etc.. if you wernt interested surely you'd make an excuse to get off. She was like asking em all sorts of questions and taking an interest in me. I just dont get it lol

So what do I do from here? Do I message her again on the weekend and ask if we are going for coffee? Or just leave it all be now?

March 23, 2021

1 hour ago, lee179108 said:

So I met this girl off a dating app last Saturday, we texted and she suggested we facetime on the Sunday. She is 25 im 29... I was relaxed, didn't act too kean and she messaged me. We then facetimed for 3 hours! We got on, had a lot of laughs and a lot in common and seem to be attraction there.. woth flirting. We then agreed to meet up for coffee on the weekend, she said she would let me know what day as she was about to hand in her resignation to her job today and was in the middle of changing to a new job this week. The area she lives in shes just moved to 2 months ago so she's had a lot going on and other work. We agreed to facetime again sometime.this week as well. So.i just texted her today once saying hey how are you, how did work react to your resignation. From that at 1pm she hadn't read my message, and shes been online but I feel like she's ghosted me.

Now I don't wanna seem needy, but to not read a guy you've just met message at all in a day.. and be online.. like whats going on? Is it just me? Or have I truly been ghosted? If so why stay on facetime for 3 hours till late at night and talk about so much etc.. if you wernt interested surely you'd make an excuse to get off. She was like asking em all sorts of questions and taking an interest in me. I just dont get it lol

So what do I do from here? Do I message her again on the weekend and ask if we are going for coffee? Or just leave it all be now?

So it's just a few hours since you texted her and you're worried?

Just breathe, relax. You've messaged her, so leave it at that. Don't double text, that *will* make you look needy. Who knows what the issue could be? A hundred different things. Maybe she had a bad day at work. Maybe she got in an argument with a best friend. Maybe she's running errands. Maybe she's under the weatther. Why immediately think it's you?

March 23, 2021

It was a well-intentioned masquerade on both sides. Things are very delicate at the start. You both jumped in far too quickly with such an epic call, which indicates a depth to your relationship, that you didn't actually have. In the cold light of day, you're strangers, and it's a bit awkward to have faked an intimacy like that with someone one doesn't know at all.

Baby steps and time are what's needed to build depth, in my opinion.

Lastly, I find your message a little boring (but it's by no means the end of the world). To me, it comes across as so passive, so lacking in anything exciting happening in your own life, that you can't wait to have a chat about.

Edited March 23, 2021 by SaraSays

March 23, 2021

7 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

So it's just a few hours since you texted her and you're worried?

Just breathe, relax. You've messaged her, so leave it at that. Don't double text, that *will* make you look needy. Who knows what the issue could be? A hundred different things. Maybe she had a bad day at work. Maybe she got in an argument with a best friend. Maybe she's running errands. Maybe she's under the weatther. Why immediately think it's you?

It's been a whole day I.just found it weird that's all to go a whole day without saying anything.

March 23, 2021

9 minutes ago, lee179108 said:

It's been a whole day I.just found it weird that's all to go a whole day without saying anything.

You just met each other right? It's not weird at all.

If she's single, she's probably talking to other guys too, so take that into account. Don't think that she's just sitting around waiting on your call.

And one huge mistake you made was leaving the date open ended. You should not be free for the entire weekend. You should've offered a specific date at a specific time. If she couldn't commit to that time, you should've offered to set the date at a later time.

The issue is if you don't value your time, she won't either. If your schedule is wide open, why would she feel any urgency to set a date?

Edited March 23, 2021 by dramafreezone

March 23, 2021

32 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

You just met each other right? It's not weird at all.

If she's single, she's probably talking to other guys too, so take that into account. Don't think that she's just sitting around waiting on your call.

And one huge mistake you made was leaving the date open ended. You should not be free for the entire weekend. You should've offered a specific date at a specific time. If she couldn't commit to that time, you should've offered to set the date at a later time.

The issue is if you don't value your time, she won't either. If your schedule is wide open, why would she feel any urgency to set a date?

No we haven't met in.person.. only met properly this weekend just gone. We only facetimed last night for so long and planned on meeting up this weekend. I mean I know shes busy with changing jobs etc and she has a lot on.. but to go a whole day without reading my message.. whereas yesterday she read them pretty quick but she was off work... it just seems weird to me and that shes ghosting. I will.message her again towards the end of the week, if no reply then delete.

March 23, 2021

1 minute ago, lee179108 said:

No we haven't met in.person.. only met properly this weekend just gone. We only facetimed last night for so long and planned on meeting up this weekend. I mean I know shes busy with changing jobs etc and she has a lot on.. but to go a whole day without reading my message.. whereas yesterday she read them pretty quick but she was off work... it just seems weird to me and that shes ghosting. I will.message her again towards the end of the week, if no reply then delete.

Is your life, otherwise, full? Do you have hobbies like teamsports? Are you learning languages? Are you a volunteer? You're applying an intensity to this, that it doesn't deserve, as you're both strangers. Monitoring a stranger's online status is obsessive, so try to avoid that. She's living a life away from you, as she should, and as you should, mindful you're strangers.

March 23, 2021

6 minutes ago, SaraSays said:

Is your life, otherwise, full? Do you have hobbies like teamsports? Are you learning languages? Are you a volunteer? You're applying an intensity to this, that it doesn't deserve, as you're both strangers. Monitoring a stranger's online status is obsessive, so try to avoid that. She's living a life away from you, as she should, and as you should, mindful you're strangers.

Cosign all of this, but to add, many women have dealt with men that are clingy, and some that have turned into stalkers. Some may intentionally back off to see how you respond. Clingy guys double and triple text. Don't be that guy. You've texted once, leave it be. If she ghosts you, then that's just that. Nothing you can do about it.

Next time don't go with the marathon FaceTime session. Say hi and talk for 10-20 minutes, set the date and then get off. You want to get to know each other on the date, not Facetime. Maybe you've told her everything and she doesn't have anything left to know about you.

March 23, 2021

1 hour ago, SaraSays said:

Lastly, I find your message a little boring (but it's by no means the end of the world). To me, it comes across as so passive, so lacking in anything exciting happening in your own life, that you can't wait to have a chat about.

It was boring to you and me, but if she were as infatuated with him as he apparently is with her, she'd be jumping for joy to receive his message no matter what it said.

Lee, don't know what to tell ya, I'd only be guessing except that so many people play the text waiting game these days, I hope she's not doing that.

Try and chill, it was one video call. Do not double text, it's too soon for that madness. Lol

PS: To the guys, is Lee's reaction typical? All this anxiety after one phone call? I'm shocked.

Edited March 23, 2021 by poppyfields

March 23, 2021

8 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

Cosign all of this, but to add, many women have dealt with men that are clingy, and some that have turned into stalkers. Some may intentionally back off to see how you respond. Clingy guys double and triple text. Don't be that guy. You've texted once, leave it be. If she ghosts you, then that's just that. Nothing you can do about it.

Next time don't go with the marathon FaceTime session. Say hi and talk for 10-20 minutes, set the date and then get off. You want to get to know each other on the date, not Facetime. Maybe you've told her everything and she doesn't have anything left to know about you.

It's her that insisted in facetime not me... we both just lost track if time as the conversation just flowed naturally. Like I said we agreed to meet this weekend but not sure what date as she needs to figure.out some stuff with work. I dont know... I feel she's ghosting me as my gut is never wrong. It's just a weird one after we had such a good conversation and connected in a way that sparked interest. But yeah im not gonna message now and leave it. What's weird is the fact she hasn't even read my message.

March 23, 2021

Jmo but she may have left it on read because she knows once she reads, you will be expecting an immediate response back.

And she either doesn't want to respond back, is not ready to respond back or doesn't know what she wants to happen at all, with you.

Chill. You need to find a way to hang with your anxious unsettled emotions, otherwise you're gonna blow whatever potential there was with her.

Edit: I can sense you're getting pissed. Don't be angry at her for not responding how you expect.

Edited March 23, 2021 by poppyfields

March 23, 2021

13 minutes ago, lee179108 said:

It's her that insisted in facetime not me... we both just lost track if time as the conversation just flowed naturally. Like I said we agreed to meet this weekend but not sure what date as she needs to figure.out some stuff with work. I dont know... I feel she's ghosting me as my gut is never wrong. It's just a weird one after we had such a good conversation and connected in a way that sparked interest. But yeah im not gonna message now and leave it. What's weird is the fact she hasn't even read my message.

The FaceTime wasn't the problem. I'm talking about 3 hours on Facetime. You get to know her on the date, not over text, phone or Facetime.

Do commercials play the entire movie, or do they play a snippet of it to whet your appetite? That's the purpose of the phone call (or Facetime in this case), you say hi, build a bit of rapport, set the date and get off. If she likes you, she likes the idea of getting to know you over time. She likes discovering things. She doesn't need it all dumped on her at once. And intimacy is best developed in the physical presence of that person.

Being a bit of a mystery is ok and it's attractive. I go back to James Bond, when did you ever see James Bond in his bedroom up all night talking to a woman?

Edited March 23, 2021 by dramafreezone

March 23, 2021

I don''t open messages for a while often (colleagues, acquaintances), as I don't have time to focus on everything in any given day, and I've been damned both ways:

I read their message, nothing's pressing, and I reply a day or a few days later, when I have a free moment to write something decent in response (some have moaned they could see I had read it, so wondered why I didn't respond, and some have become so panicked by this, they've sent me emails, asked others if I am there, etc)
I now don't open such messages until I have a sufficient amount of time to focus on them (I read the little bit shown on the pop-up notification on my phone), because of the moaning that ensues, if they can see I have read the message, but I don't respond within their timeframe (I find their responses a little milder if I choose this option)

Neither is ideal for me, but I don't have a better way right now, and I have no time for message ping-pong all-day-long most days.

A new spark cannot withstand a 3 hour epic phone conversation, I reckon. It's such a lot of pressure to put on something so delicate. Neither of you know each other at all, so you've now both potentially introduced a worry, that you needn't have, at such an early stage - is this stranger going to expect me to be free for, and to want to have, such long phonecalls with them regularly?

Edited March 23, 2021 by SaraSays

March 23, 2021

Fair... well she hasn't read the message.. its just been delivered. I've just never experienced someone agreeing to talking again and meeting up but then the next day it's total silence.. and in regards to the length if the facetime.. it was unexpected.. but she does like to talk a lot haha she has that confident talkative personality.. I guess I'll just leave it now and maybe on Friday ask her if she wants to meet up. She don't read that then delete.

March 23, 2021

I was talking to a girl and was left on unread for 7 weeks before she responded back. Just replied once and let it sit. She got to it eventually. If women are interested, they always come back.

March 23, 2021

11 minutes ago, lee179108 said:

Fair... well she hasn't read the message.. its just been delivered. I've just never experienced someone agreeing to talking again and meeting up but then the next day it's total silence.. and in regards to the length if the facetime.. it was unexpected.. but she does like to talk a lot haha she has that confident talkative personality.. I guess I'll just leave it now and maybe on Friday ask her if she wants to meet up. She don't read that then delete.

Yeah I'm a big talker too, can't shut me up sometimes, lol.

BUT I won't spend hours or even one hour, or even one half hour chatting with a man I have no or very little interest in.

Try and chill, my intuitive brain tells me she will text you this week, keep the faith..

Edited March 23, 2021 by poppyfields

March 23, 2021

17 minutes ago, lee179108 said:

Fair... well she hasn't read the message.. its just been delivered. I've just never experienced someone agreeing to talking again and meeting up but then the next day it's total silence.. and in regards to the length if the facetime.. it was unexpected.. but she does like to talk a lot haha she has that confident talkative personality.. I guess I'll just leave it now and maybe on Friday ask her if she wants to meet up. She don't read that then delete.

I strongly advise against messaging her again if you don't hear back first. She got your message. If she doesn't respond then she doesn't want to go out anymore. What good would messaging her do?

Trust me, she didn't forget about you. Exercise some self control.

I've had women message me back 3-4 months after ghosting. Don't delete her number, it's not that serious, that just makes you look petty if she messages back and you don't recognize the number. You have no idea what's going on in her life. Could be an ex that's coming back and messing with her head, could be family issues, could be anything.

Edited March 23, 2021 by dramafreezone

March 23, 2021

4 minutes ago, cleverusername said:

I was talking to a girl and was left on unread for 7 weeks before she responded back. Just replied once and let it sit. She got to it eventually. If women are interested, they always come back.

Exactly.

March 23, 2021

35 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

Exactly.

I wonder who convinced me of that?

March 23, 2021

When we first met though she was quick at messaging etc. But it was a weekend and she was off work, I dont know well see.

March 23, 2021

9 hours ago, lee179108 said:

.From that at 1pm she hadn't read my message, and shes been online but I feel like she's ghosted me.

Ok, you haven't met yet and of course you are still both talking to and meeting others.

Unfortunately when you start looking at timestamps and response times, it's over before it starts.

Relax, if you still want to meet her, respond if/when she responds. In the meantime continue talking to and meeting others.

March 23, 2021

The ball was left in her court was it not? Don't message her, it was her turn to get in touch with you. Secondly, just because it says they are online, don't mean they are at their phone or computer. I'm famous for that. I'll log onto something and walk away or minimize the screen, and be watching a movie.

Your anxiousness is not called for. Go find something to do.

March 23, 2021

Yeah im just not used to and need to develop a mindset of is what it is... I dont know how whatsapp works if they're online etc.. but yes I messaged her yesterday lunchtime and ahe aint read it since. Weather she has a hectic lifestyle and a lot of group chats and missed me I dont know. But when speaking to my friends they think it's ghosting. Because if you're interested in someone you've just me then you would at least send a message at some point. I havent messaged since anyway. My guess is she's had the message, not opened and deleted it but wel see. Maybe thats why she asked to facetime so quick to see if there was attraction... considering we had a great talk and laugh... and agreed to meet up I thought it was fine. But maybe she thought differently...

March 23, 2021

Well if she just quit her job, she may have other things on her mind besides a stranger.

March 23, 2021

I would give it some time. Take it from someone who was ghosted and ended up having the person come running back wanting me. Time and patience is everything

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