Kenny101 Posted March 22, 2021 Posted March 22, 2021 Hi, looking for some opinions on what to do about a neighbour I asked out last year as she's showing interest again. We live in the same building and I'm in a ground flat while she's a few doors down and 3 up. A bit awkward being neighbours but that's not my main problem...that's the age gap! I'm 52 and she's about 34/35 tho never got round to asking her. We both live alone with no kids and one dog. We've both been at home for the past year due to Covid. We pass each other every so often and stop for a chat. We seem to give each other the once look over twice if either of us looks away, if you know what I mean. There are other interests shown from both of us. Anyway, one day last August I bumped in to her and asked her out for a drink. It didn't really go to plan (does it ever!) as I didn't think she heard me correctly and a couple of other things (didn't get her number) but she did at least say yes! Anyway, can't remember when this was but I bumped in to her again and I gave her my number. I think I texted her the next Monday and asked if she wanted to go out on the Saturday and she said yes. On the Thursday she texted saying she had double booked with friends to go hill walking with their dogs/drinks later and said another time. I replied no problem. I did see her come home with muddy wellies on and go out later in the evening. Btw, as you can imagine I don't always see her pass by and I also have net curtains up. I texted her on on the Sunday to ask how her evening went but got no reply. (Apparently as I didn't send it WhatsApp it didn't get seen or was binned) On Monday I asked if she wanted to go out on Wednesday. She agreed but that day was miserable with heavy rain all day so she didn't want to go out and said weekend would be better. I replied get back to me what day etc. I was out at my car the next day and she came back home with her dog and told me it was just the weather. I said ok. I didn't mention the weekend as I wanted to see if she would text. Never heard from her and it was a lovely weekend! So, I changed tactics and booked a table at a pub for the next Saturday and sent her a text on the Thursday saying...X pub Sat 8pm ye or nay. She replied she had made plans for Saturday and was going to a bbq. She never offered an alternative date. I replied I felt I was going round in circles as she was blatantly not interested and said we should call it quits. She never replied. I just left it at that. Her car was parked outside my home all day Saturday/Sunday so, as far as I could see, she wasn't out on Saturday. On Sat and Sun she went out with her dog at about 7pm and stopped on a bit of wasteland opposite me and was looking over at my window on both days. Only stayed a few minutes each time then went home - bit strange nonetheless after what I'd said before. Our paths have crossed a few times since and it's never been awkward stopping to chat tho what happened before was never brought up. Problem is...the interest has started from her again and I'm not quite sure what to do. Why do you think she never went out the first time? Age gap? You might say I only asked 3 times but how many times should someone ask? Each time she gave a reason for not going out, I have no idea if she's saying can he not take a hint or is stringing me along etc. I think I felt like a pest if I kept asking. I think one thing I did wrong was not texting her. Any time I did text it was just to arrange a date. I'll be honest, it's been a while since I split from my ex (about 300 years) so a tad rusty. In fact, even my rusty is rusty!! Not sure, but I think something didn't seem right when she told me she had double booked and that maybe put me off. Mind you, she never texted me and when she did reply would take about 4 hours/next day! Also, I don't quite get the bbq i.e. she would rather go to that (same with friends) than go out on a date? I'm not saying she shouldn't do those things but she wasn't exactly chomping at the bit to go out with me!! Anyway, do you think I'm just being a fool if I was to ask her out again or should I just forget all about her and move on etc?
central Posted March 22, 2021 Posted March 22, 2021 It can't hurt to try asking her out again - you'll be no worse off. However, one more attempt - preferably in person - is probably the most you should attempt, and if she says no and doesn't offer an alternative, let it go. The age gap isn't a big deal for dating, but could be if something serious ever develops; worry about that much later.
Ami1uwant Posted March 22, 2021 Posted March 22, 2021 Hard to say that this is more than friends. Age at this point doesn’t matter I woukd have made a bigger effort after the first few meets to try and talk more and socialize.
Lotsgoingon Posted March 22, 2021 Posted March 22, 2021 No, the one thing you did wrong was to ask her out on a date. You want to b.s. and have a conversation first. About anything: the weather, the building. You do that first and see if there is any energy there. Then based on some real show of energy, you ask her out. If you can't get a little conversation going in the hallway, the you two aren't compatible. Look, you guys run into each other: over the course of three or so encounters, you should be able to learn something about her and even figure out if she's worth asking out. .You're doing the high school thing of checking out her looks and just assuming she's worth asking out. She might be an idiot. One smooth method is to banter and see if she responds. You can get great banter going and at some point you just naturally introduce yourself. At some point, you should feel that she's interested in hanging out more and then you ask her out. Chill. Slow down next time. BTW: I think she is avoiding you by coming up with all these reasons for not meeting. She is not interested.
Sun Seeker Posted March 22, 2021 Posted March 22, 2021 She is not interested. She has brushed you off how many times now. You are wasting your time. Do not text her again and if you bump into her just be polite and say hello then carry on. No need for the chit chats etc, romantically you are going nowhere. Focus on meeting other women.
chillii Posted March 22, 2021 Posted March 22, 2021 (edited) Afraid your getting the royal brush off would be my thoughts . She likes you to chat too as a neighbour might even think your alright for your age but that's about it and she's just trying to be polite about it. She's got a healthy social life too and she'd be well well aware of guys her own age. Edited March 22, 2021 by chillii
Johnjohnson2017 Posted March 23, 2021 Posted March 23, 2021 Forget about her. Be cordial when you see her. Keep talking to her. But stop asking her out. She is not interested. You have already asked her out many times. You are becoming a nuisance. If she wanted to go out with you, she would have asked you out.
Fletch Lives Posted March 23, 2021 Posted March 23, 2021 You are beyond rusty, you need to take a step back. For one thing, dating a neighbor is not smart - if you breakup, your life will be hell every time you see her. Also, how many times do you have to "see" a "no" before you see the big picture? You are stalking her. Women who are into you don't break dates. Period. Finally, you don't even have to ask her out - we date to get a woman around us on a regular basis so they might get a crush and eventually fall in love. She's sees you all the time and if a crush was going to happen, it would have, and then she would ask you out! Ask out other women and find one who actually likes you.
smackie9 Posted March 23, 2021 Posted March 23, 2021 On 3/21/2021 at 5:09 PM, Kenny101 said: she's saying can he not take a hint?! Yes that is what she is saying. She enjoyed your hallway chats. Just because a woman chats with you, and is friendly doesn't mean she is interested in you romantically. When a woman is interested, she doesn't show up for a date and makes sure it happens. You are old enough to know this crap about women. They don't like confrontation or like to completely reject a guy. In her mind she's too nice and doesn't like doing that to people and hates the awkwardness. Leave her alone, she's not interested. 1
Fletch Lives Posted March 23, 2021 Posted March 23, 2021 ^^^^^^ Thank you smackie. Women often can't say "no" to your face - they don't know if you will flip out, they don't know you well enough - so they try the soft approach - which many guys don't get. You have to learn to go with your gut where women are concerned. Your heart and your head are liers.
smackie9 Posted March 23, 2021 Posted March 23, 2021 (edited) I have to correct my post lol. When a woman is interested, she does show up for a date and makes sure it happens. but ya during a pandemic, seeing a familiar face and having social interacted is very welcomed no matter who it is. Edited March 23, 2021 by smackie9
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