poppyfields Posted March 22, 2021 Posted March 22, 2021 (edited) 2 hours ago, Gaeta said: Spending all of your weekends together from Friday night to Sunday night is a lot for a relationship of 3 months. There is a trap in doing that, the trap of growing too familiar with each other too fast. There is no more courtship. Do you go out together? movies? walk the trails? practice a sport together? or he's just coming over? She has posted he plans nice things for them to do together on dates. And they do not have sex on every date, so it's not all about that either. Again, don't get why y'all are so down on this guy, the path to relationships is not always linear. But since his initial "freak out" it appears he's been doing everything right imo and my guess is yes you're exclusive (just a guess I could be wrong!) even though neither of you have confirmed it, which you should since you're anxious about it. Good luck, let us know. Edited March 22, 2021 by poppyfields 1 1
Fletch Lives Posted March 22, 2021 Posted March 22, 2021 18 hours ago, Stacey123 said: with a 2 week break around 6 weeks in as he felt things had moved too quickly and he essentially panicked Warning - flakey behavior often means the person is on the rebound and you are the rebound girl. Also, breaks translates to breakup with means it's broken.
Gaeta Posted March 22, 2021 Posted March 22, 2021 34 minutes ago, poppyfields said: She has posted he plans nice things for them to do together on dates. I have not read anywhere he takes her out on dates. I read he gets there on Friday night until Sunday. She said he finds things to do but did not go into it, maybe his things to do is play boardgames.
Author Stacey123 Posted March 22, 2021 Author Posted March 22, 2021 Just now, Gaeta said: I have not read anywhere he takes her out on dates. I read he gets there on Friday night until Sunday. She said he finds things to do but did not go into it, maybe his things to do is play boardgames. We're in the UK so we're in a national lock down currently so in terms of things he plans he finds good places to go hill walking, takes me to places that we can feed animals because he knows I love them, and things like finding a good bakery to pick treats up. When we first started dating we were able to go out for dinner, to some festive events, out for drinks etc. 1
Gaeta Posted March 22, 2021 Posted March 22, 2021 4 minutes ago, Stacey123 said: We're in the UK so we're in a national lock down currently so in terms of things he plans he finds good places to go hill walking, takes me to places that we can feed animals because he knows I love them, and things like finding a good bakery to pick treats up. When we first started dating we were able to go out for dinner, to some festive events, out for drinks etc. That's very nice! I am impressed by that. 1
poppyfields Posted March 22, 2021 Posted March 22, 2021 (edited) Xxx Edited March 22, 2021 by poppyfields
Author Stacey123 Posted March 22, 2021 Author Posted March 22, 2021 Thank you for all the responses everyone. I have read through them all and there are lots of different POVs. One on hand there's the view that he should definitely have locked me down by now and he's not doing enough and the other side is that we are too intense and need to slow down and speak and see each other less. Lots to think about over the next couple of weeks I think.
poppyfields Posted March 22, 2021 Posted March 22, 2021 17 minutes ago, Stacey123 said: We're in the UK so we're in a national lock down currently so in terms of things he plans he finds good places to go hill walking, takes me to places that we can feed animals because he knows I love them, and things like finding a good bakery to pick treats up. When we first started dating we were able to go out for dinner, to some festive events, out for drinks etc. Trust me, he's into you. No man would do these things if he weren't. Again, not quite getting what the issue is Stacey but hope you can work it out, it all sounds very positive imo. 1
Gaeta Posted March 22, 2021 Posted March 22, 2021 9 minutes ago, poppyfields said: So you're down on him for wanting to talk and connect with her more often than a 10-minute daily check in? A bit surprised by that actually, but ok. I don't follow you. More than 10 minutes a day? no. It's ok to say good night, touch base, for a few minutes but that's it. They spend their weekends together they don't need to talk an hour per night. 1
poppyfields Posted March 22, 2021 Posted March 22, 2021 Just now, Gaeta said: I don't follow you. More than 10 minutes a day? no. It's ok to say good night, touch base, for a few minutes but that's it. They spend their weekends together they don't need to talk an hour per night. Thanks, I realized my post didn't make sense so deleted it! Apologies Gaeta. 1
Author Stacey123 Posted March 22, 2021 Author Posted March 22, 2021 I also forgot to mention that we live an hour apart from each other hence only seeing one another at the weekends. Mostly he travels up to my place but sometimes I go down to his.
Gaeta Posted March 22, 2021 Posted March 22, 2021 2 minutes ago, Stacey123 said: Thank you for all the responses everyone. I have read through them all and there are lots of different POVs. One on hand there's the view that he should definitely have locked me down by now and he's not doing enough and the other side is that we are too intense and need to slow down and speak and see each other less. Lots to think about over the next couple of weeks I think. There is no issue with him, he sounds very nice. The issue is you need an exclusivity confirmation and you are very justified wanting one at 3,5 months dating. I would never assume a man is exclusive to me not in 2021 with the online craziness. You're watching your back, you're being a smart woman. The other topic, if ever you are interested, is there is a danger in being too available to a man. Once in a while you've got to tell him your Saturday is booked with family or friends and he gets Sunday. It will keep your relationship more exciting and you're not gonna grow into taking each other for granted too soon. 2
poppyfields Posted March 22, 2021 Posted March 22, 2021 (edited) 9 minutes ago, Stacey123 said: Lots to think about over the next couple of weeks I think. JMO but maybe stop thinking so much and simply relax and enjoy the process. Since you are confused whether or not you're exclusive, simply ask. Relationships should be fun, enjoyable, uplifting not anxiety-ridden self-induced mind f**ks wherein you anticipate the ball dropping at any moment. Be happy Stacey. xo Edited March 22, 2021 by poppyfields 1
Sun Seeker Posted March 22, 2021 Posted March 22, 2021 5 minutes ago, Stacey123 said: I also forgot to mention that we live an hour apart from each other hence only seeing one another at the weekends. Mostly he travels up to my place but sometimes I go down to his. Still makes no sense why after 3.5 months he has not made you his, after you have met family and are being intimate. 'Taking it slow' and 'Keeping it casual' and 'hopefully be serious in the future' when said by us men translates to 'I want to keep seeing you and having all the benefits that come with that, with no responsibility and commitment so if I get bored or someone better comes along I can easily jump ship'. Just talk to him about your feelings and expectations. There is not such thing as it being 'pressure' if he feels the same about you as you do about him. 4 1
poppyfields Posted March 22, 2021 Posted March 22, 2021 (edited) Agree with @Punterxxabout 'pressure', if he feels pressured and bolts because you seek clarity about being exclusive at almost 4 months in and sexually intimate, good riddance! Ya gotta push things forward a little bit (gently) otherwise you remain stagnant, which eventually translates to meh and then next. I just recently learned this myself as I always expected the man to push it, which isn't always the case and frankly wouldnt want it to be. Not anymore. Edited March 22, 2021 by poppyfields 3
Miss Spider Posted March 24, 2021 Posted March 24, 2021 Hmm. If you’re having sex, meeting folks, and spending a large portion of 3 1/2 months together, that seems like pretty much the opposite of slow, you feel? I guess he means slow on the commitment/emotional front for him, which I think it’s reasonable to have questions why. Abide no bs. I feel like I have to know with fair certainty that there’s an emotional connection on both sides before I do the do. I don’t think I’d be comfortable sleeping with someone I felt was only about sex & was just going through the motions to get it. But if you’re okay with it just being casual sex, no expectations, I guess it’s different...
Gaeta Posted March 24, 2021 Posted March 24, 2021 2 hours ago, Cookiesandough said: Hmm. If you’re having sex, meeting folks, and spending a large portion of 3 1/2 months together, that seems like pretty much the opposite of slow, The thing is they started this relationship full speed on and met his friends and family within the first month. Then boyfriend feels overwhelmed and he breaks up for 2 weeks. He did not introduce his friends & family after 3 months dating like most couples would do, it was done in a rush at the beginning. OP: Are you still seeing his friends & family or it's been put on hold? You shouldn't be afraid to ask questions in your relationship, especially not something about sexual exclusivity. Has it come this hard for women to find a good man that we're afraid to ask the most basic questions. 1
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