normal person Posted March 23, 2021 Posted March 23, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, mark clemson said: If that's the case, this may be as much a "schmooze"/social networking thing as anything else. I would guess that up-and-coming celeb types must "work" their social networks a bit more than us regular folks. I thought about that too, but wouldn't it be relatively easy for that guy to just say that? "We're both in the business, we should consider working on a project together to grow our brands, who manages you?" There was no presumption that this was in any way a professional interaction, and that would be very easy and convenient to do to dissuade any sexual subtext from both OP and his girlfriend. So, I maintain my skepticism for now. Edited March 23, 2021 by normal person
mark clemson Posted March 23, 2021 Posted March 23, 2021 22 minutes ago, normal person said: wouldn't it be relatively easy for that guy to just say that? That's a good point. It would seem that he should be more direct about the fact that it's social networking/brand building, etc that he's up to. It's not a red flag, but it IS a yellow one (IMO) and one more factor for Savannah to take into account. 1
normal person Posted March 23, 2021 Posted March 23, 2021 (edited) Yeah, this guy has the perfect opportunity to contextualize the relationship, but instead of mentioning anything professional, it's all happening under the title of "firm believer in friendships between men and women," and what are the odds -- he randomly wants a friendship with a girl who happens to be good looking enough to be in a magazine. To me it just reads like "I'm a firm believer in being allowed to message attractive members of the opposite sex under the guise of 'friendship.'" I wonder how many of the "friends" he tries to have such deep, engrossing conversations with fail to fit the profile of "similarly aged attractive female I don't want my girlfriend knowing about." My guess is not many. I want to give the guy the benefit of the doubt, but it there are too many unanswered questions and this all sounds so obviously duplicitous. Edited March 23, 2021 by normal person 1
kendahke Posted March 23, 2021 Posted March 23, 2021 12 hours ago, Savannah1990 said: thank you all for your replies. Well I actually asked him if his GF is ok with us meeting up, or that it might be fun for him to bring her too. He said that she would be totally fine with him meeting me. That he has quite a few friendships with females and that he often meets new people and that it doesnt matter to him if they're male or female. That he's a firma believer of friendship between men and women. Its really hard for me to gauge his intentions bc he cones across as quite honest. The chatting between us only intensified. I dont know why but it feels so fun and effortless to chat with him Because deep down inside, you want to engage in an affair with him and hurt his girlfriend. There is no other reason. Again, of course he said that--- what did you expect he would say? "No, I don't want her to know about this. She wouldn't liked the idea of you and me talking"? This is how groomers operate--they say this, but notice how it hasn't fallen out in experience at your feet yet. What's the hold up? If he was looking to groom someone to bring into their relationship for a 3some, are you good with that? Are you really that kind of chick? 2
Author Savannah1990 Posted March 23, 2021 Author Posted March 23, 2021 (edited) so, we chatted and he said that his GF told him to share a good article with me 'his new buddie' and then he shared an article about my line of work. I said 'aha, so I'm your new buddie?' and he said 'yes you are, if your ok with that?" Is this grooming/manipulating or just a genuine kind guy? we then went on saying how cool it is we met and got to know each other, with him saying that our contact made him really happy and cheerful and that he really enjoyed it. Edited March 23, 2021 by Savannah1990
Watercolors Posted March 23, 2021 Posted March 23, 2021 7 minutes ago, Savannah1990 said: so, we chatted and he said that his GF told him to share a good article with me 'his new buddie' and then he shared an article about my line of work. I said 'aha, so I'm your new buddie?' and he said 'yes you are, if your ok with that?" Is this grooming/manipulating or just a genuine kind guy? we then went on saying how cool it is we met and got to know each other, with him saying that our contact made him really happy and cheerful and that he really enjoyed it. Yes, he's grooming you. That's been said repeatedly. Why are you so intent on dating this guy? He's said he has a girlfriend.
Author Savannah1990 Posted March 23, 2021 Author Posted March 23, 2021 9 minutes ago, Watercolors said: Yes, he's grooming you. That's been said repeatedly. Why are you so intent on dating this guy? He's said he has a girlfriend. im not intent on dating him, I dont date guys who are taken. Im trying to figure out if there's a possibility of genuine friendship, since we have an amazing click
ExpatInItaly Posted March 23, 2021 Posted March 23, 2021 2 minutes ago, Savannah1990 said: im not intent on dating him, I dont date guys who are taken. Im trying to figure out if there's a possibility of genuine friendship, since we have an amazing click I'd say the chances this guy just wants friendship and slim-to-none. This dude is uisng all the lines cheaters typically use on women who are less experienced with their brand of smarm. Don't confuse flattery with an amazing click. He's working you. 2
Watercolors Posted March 23, 2021 Posted March 23, 2021 (edited) 12 minutes ago, Savannah1990 said: im not intent on dating him, I dont date guys who are taken. Im trying to figure out if there's a possibility of genuine friendship, since we have an amazing click He randomly contacted you on your Instagram page and started to groom you into becoming emotionally addicted to him (which you clearly show that you are). I just deleted my long response, because you don't want the truth. It's like talking to Jack Nicholson's character in the movie, "All Good Men." You can't handle the truth. The truth is: he has a girlfriend and he wants to cheat on her. He reached out to you (and probably other women, local celebrity or not) to bait with his love bombing, and see who responds. You responded, hook, line, and sinker. You can't really think he wants just platonic friendship or business networking with you. I mean, wow. It's as clear as day this guy is grooming you for sex. Clear as day. Edited March 23, 2021 by Watercolors 1
Wiseman2 Posted March 23, 2021 Posted March 23, 2021 (edited) 21 minutes ago, Savannah1990 said: im not intent on dating him, I dont date guys who are taken. Im trying to figure out if there's a possibility of genuine friendship, since we have an amazing click All you have to do is ask yourself is the situation happened in revere order of your thread title if this would be confusing. Tells me he has a GF, chatted for a week Edited March 23, 2021 by Wiseman2 1
BaileyB Posted March 23, 2021 Posted March 23, 2021 1 hour ago, Savannah1990 said: im not intent on dating him, I dont date guys who are taken. Im trying to figure out if there's a possibility of genuine friendship, since we have an amazing click Again, you can’t possibly be this naive. Straight men don’t usually collect female “friends.” Lots of men on this site say, if a man is showing interest in a woman it’s because he wants to date/have sex with her. I don’t know a single man who would search a woman’s Instagram page/photos and send her a message because he wants to be “friends.” 3
normal person Posted March 23, 2021 Posted March 23, 2021 (edited) 3 hours ago, Savannah1990 said: Im trying to figure out if there's a possibility of genuine friendship, since we have an amazing click What an utterly strange coincidence that he messaged you totally at random and you have such an amazing connection. Wow, what are the odds? So random and not at all premeditated on this part. Why do you think he messaged you specifically, out of all the millions of people on Instagram? Why? This has never been addressed. You need to think about this yourself, should answer here, and then ask him the question as well. If he gives you some absolute BS like "I was scrolling through Instagram and saw the picture where you wrote 'live, laugh love' in the sand on the beach, and I thought that was so inspiring -- I knew we needed to connect" then he's full of crap. Actually I'm not sure there's an answer he can give in this situation that wouldn't be full of crap. Unless he said "look, I don't really take my relationship with girlfriend that seriously, I thought you were cute and whatever lol" -- then at least he's honest (to you and not his girlfriend). The guy is so clearly up to something that it's maddening that you don't want to accept it. Honestly, you're two pages in and everyone has raised very valid concerns that this guy is a cheater, manipulator, groomer, etc -- the best thing that's been said about this guy is along the lines of "I suppose it may be possible he's not a total tool if we give him the full benefit of the doubt right now." I mean, why on Earth haven't you blocked him yet? I can't believe I'm reading this. Edited March 23, 2021 by normal person 4 2
kendahke Posted March 23, 2021 Posted March 23, 2021 (edited) 3 hours ago, Savannah1990 said: so, we chatted and he said that his GF told him to share a good article with me 'his new buddie' and then he shared an article about my line of work. I said 'aha, so I'm your new buddie?' and he said 'yes you are, if your ok with that?" Is this grooming/manipulating or just a genuine kind guy? But he never put her on the phone for her to talk to you and give her approval to you, so that's what he said she said, not what she actually said to you. That question you asked sounds like you're put off by being labelled as just a "buddy" and not a serious contender for more than friendship. What he said sounds like something a calculating sort would say to "neg" their target into action to prove she's more than just a buddy. I mean, it is working because here's this thread and here are your responses. Like shooting fish in a barrel for him. The questions you're asking aren't questions of someone who is in it just for the "friend" thing--you sound like you're mustering up emotion and feelings that are outside the scope of platonic friends with a guy who already has a girlfriend. IOW: this is messy. He's messy. Edited March 23, 2021 by kendahke 1
spiderowl Posted March 24, 2021 Posted March 24, 2021 I can see why you were confused by this, OP. He could have mentioned the girlfriend to you much earlier. You went into this not knowing the situation. Now that you know, it is up to you to maintain boundaries, if that's what you want to do. If he tries to turn it into more than friendship, then you know the score. Basically, unless you want to get involved in an affair, I would suggest you reduce contact with this guy and look elsewhere for dates. I do understand where you are coming from because I had a similar experience with a guy who asked me out for a coffee - in front of several people who knew both of us. At the time, I did not know him but I did know he was married (can't recollect how I knew). I was confused too - do men ask women out for coffee just to be friends? This guy was so blatant that it was clear he didn't think he was doing anything out of order.
Miss Spider Posted March 24, 2021 Posted March 24, 2021 (edited) Xxxxxx Edited March 24, 2021 by Cookiesandough
cleverusername Posted March 25, 2021 Posted March 25, 2021 This woman who is 15yrs older than me keeps working into our conversations her ex-boyfriend just moved out and her apartment is too big for her by herself. Pretty sure I'm being groomed for something too...
Miss Spider Posted March 25, 2021 Posted March 25, 2021 Rawr, go get it,CU. Fill up that “apartment” 1
cleverusername Posted March 25, 2021 Posted March 25, 2021 (edited) 6 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: Rawr, go get it,CU. Fill up that “apartment” "Wow, there is a lot of room in here! You can turn the spare bedroom into your own jazzercise studio!" (she's like 40 lol) Edited March 25, 2021 by cleverusername 1
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