Savannah1990 Posted March 21, 2021 Posted March 21, 2021 (edited) Hi everyone, so, this guy approached me about a week ago through insta. We started off chatting literally every day, with long messages to each other every few hours. We had a lot in common and I really enjoyed our chat. He asked me personal questions and opened up himself as well. He is a local wellknown guy and Im in the spotlights as well. Not that it matters, but he approached me after i appeared in a magazine. So,I was slowly starting to fantasize about dating. He even asked me out for a Coffee and a view at the seaside over here! But in the same message, he declared that he and his GF(!) were on a weekendtrip to X.. so, I was dissapointed to say the least! I did say yes to his invitation, but I also dont know what to think of this all. Is he just looking for a friendship? he really invested in our chats. I dont think he really wants an affaire. If he wanted, I guess he would not have brought up his GF, right? so confused, help me out.. Edited March 21, 2021 by Savannah1990
kendahke Posted March 21, 2021 Posted March 21, 2021 (edited) 5 minutes ago, Savannah1990 said: so confused, help me out.. Block his messaging. Move on. or... tell him you want to meet his girlfriend and get her ok for him to have these long, protracted "deep" conversations with you. This really isn't hard to figure out. Have a glance at my signature line below: Edited March 21, 2021 by kendahke 4
dramafreezone Posted March 21, 2021 Posted March 21, 2021 (edited) 10 minutes ago, Savannah1990 said: Hi everyone, so, this guy approached me about a week ago through insta. We started off chatting literally every day, with long messages to each other every few hours. We had a lot in common and I really enjoyed our chat. He asked me personal questions and opened up himself as well. He is a local wellknown guy and Im in the spotlights as well. Not that it matters, but he approached me after i appeared in a magazine. So,I was slowly starting to fantasize about dating. He even asked me out for a Coffee and a view at the seaside over here! But in the same message, he declared that he and his GF(!) were on a weekendtrip to X.. so, I was dissapointed to say the least! I did say yes to his invitation, but I also dont know what to think of this all. Is he just looking for a friendship? he really invested in our chats. I dont think he really wants an affaire. If he wanted, I guess he would not have brought up his GF, right? so confused, help me out.. What are you confused about? It seems clear to me that he told you that he has a GF to see if you're cool with proceeding under that arragement. He wants a sexual relationship. You either are cool with that or you aren't, so you can't proceed saying that you're surprised that he tried to put the moves on you. Guys generally dont ask to go out to be friends. You'll probably get someone coming in here saying that they remember this one time a guy asked them out and it was platonic, so believe what you want. Is it possible that he just wants to see you in a platonic way, yes it's possible. Is it likely, no. Edited March 21, 2021 by dramafreezone 2
Wiseman2 Posted March 21, 2021 Posted March 21, 2021 6 minutes ago, Savannah1990 said: this guy approached me about a week ago through insta. You can't really know his motives, but what you can do is delete and block him from all your social media. 2
Author Savannah1990 Posted March 21, 2021 Author Posted March 21, 2021 im really wondering if its a sexual relationship that he wants. For over a week we have been chatting and the connection seems to be on an emotional leven. He never made any remarks about sex or anything.
kendahke Posted March 21, 2021 Posted March 21, 2021 6 minutes ago, Savannah1990 said: im really wondering if its a sexual relationship that he wants. For over a week we have been chatting and the connection seems to be on an emotional leven. He never made any remarks about sex or anything. Of course it is... he's grooming you. He's already got you in an emotional affair with not so much as a 'by your leave'. There is nothing to wonder about. Would you be cool with your boyfriend doing what you two are doing behind your back? There is your answer. 2
dramafreezone Posted March 21, 2021 Posted March 21, 2021 9 minutes ago, Savannah1990 said: im really wondering if its a sexual relationship that he wants. For over a week we have been chatting and the connection seems to be on an emotional leven. He never made any remarks about sex or anything. As opposed to what? You think he's going to come out and say "I just want a sexual relationship?" Similar to this situation, married men seeking relationships sometimes will tell the other woman that they're married. It's to ensure that this woman will be ok playing her part, and that she's not going to try to blow the marriage up. It would make sense that he'd tell you about his girlfriend since you said both of you are well known around town. If you didn't know, the word that you're seeing each other would get around very quickly would it not? 4
Gaeta Posted March 21, 2021 Posted March 21, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, Savannah1990 said: im really wondering if its a sexual relationship that he wants. For over a week we have been chatting and the connection seems to be on an emotional leven. He never made any remarks about sex or anything. It's how players play their game. How would you feel if you had a boyfriend and he had an emotional connection with a local woman chatting every day? You'd think that's acceptable? This man is a cheater. Block and delete. Edited March 21, 2021 by Gaeta 1
BC1980 Posted March 21, 2021 Posted March 21, 2021 1 hour ago, Savannah1990 said: im really wondering if its a sexual relationship that he wants. For over a week we have been chatting and the connection seems to be on an emotional leven. He never made any remarks about sex or anything. The fact that he approached you on Instagram should tell you all you need to know. 2
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted March 22, 2021 Posted March 22, 2021 17 hours ago, Savannah1990 said: im really wondering if its a sexual relationship that he wants. For over a week we have been chatting and the connection seems to be on an emotional leven. He never made any remarks about sex or anything. What difference does it make? He is taken. I know it feels good having someone to chat with for hours every day, but ask yourself would you want your boyfriend having long, emotional talks with another woman? He’s clearly testing the waters to see how far he can bend your limits, and how desperate you are for male attention. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted March 22, 2021 Posted March 22, 2021 This guy knows exactly what he is doing. Chats you up, mentions a nice date spot, then "casually" mentions he has a girlfriend. He's taking your temperature to see if you will tacitly agree to give him some side action. I would bet any money he's done this before. Forget this guy. 2
Miss Peach Posted March 22, 2021 Posted March 22, 2021 I agree with the others. I would be sad to be his GF. I have met some guys like this through IRL who are just big flirts and the wives/GFs are cool with it. But as I said I know them from being in similar circles IRL. Most likely you're already a secret from her. Someone trolling social media and sliding into your DMs I would imagine is looking for more than friendship. Some guys will put in the long text chats as a way to get to know a woman and can do this with multiple women. I don't know if this is what this man is doing but I've known a few who have used lots of messaging or pre-date phone calls to make the woman more invested so that when they're on the first or second date it feels more like a later date and then they can get sex with less effort. One man even called me up whining after the first date for sex because I didn't put out and stopped at a goodnight kiss. Prior to the first date he was calling me every day and talking to me for 1-2 hours. 1
ShyViolet Posted March 22, 2021 Posted March 22, 2021 I'm a bit confused as to why you still said yes to a date with him after finding out he has a GF. 3
dramafreezone Posted March 22, 2021 Posted March 22, 2021 1 hour ago, ShyViolet said: I'm a bit confused as to why you still said yes to a date with him after finding out he has a GF. She likes him? Romantic feelings don't regard logic. 1
smackie9 Posted March 22, 2021 Posted March 22, 2021 It's called monkey branching. He wants to start an affair....for now it's emotional to get his feet wet. Decline his invitation, and block/delete. 1
Watercolors Posted March 22, 2021 Posted March 22, 2021 I guess I don't understand why you would go on a date with a guy who just told you that he has a girlfriend. He's not interested in just being platonic friends with you. That's obvious. He is emotionally grooming you right now with all of the back and forth digital messaging, until he knows he has you hooked on him. Then, he will persuade you to start a physical affair with him, usually, after he gives you the sob story of how bad his relationship with his girlfriend is. Or, maybe he and his girlfriend are swingers. You really don't know who this guy is at all, until you meet him face to face and spend time getting to know him. But then, why waste your time doing that with a guy who is already taken if your m.o. is to find a guy to date? 1 1
ShyViolet Posted March 23, 2021 Posted March 23, 2021 7 hours ago, dramafreezone said: She likes him? Romantic feelings don't regard logic. Ok well can I suggest maybe using some logic? Because still saying yes to a date with a guy after you've found out they have a GF makes no sense and kinda shows a lack of self-respect. Using poor judgment and overlooking red flags is not "romantic". 3
Author Savannah1990 Posted March 23, 2021 Author Posted March 23, 2021 thank you all for your replies. Well I actually asked him if his GF is ok with us meeting up, or that it might be fun for him to bring her too. He said that she would be totally fine with him meeting me. That he has quite a few friendships with females and that he often meets new people and that it doesnt matter to him if they're male or female. That he's a firma believer of friendship between men and women. Its really hard for me to gauge his intentions bc he cones across as quite honest. The chatting between us only intensified. I dont know why but it feels so fun and effortless to chat with him
ExpatInItaly Posted March 23, 2021 Posted March 23, 2021 (edited) Of course he's going to tell you his girlfriend is okay with it. That doesn't make it true. Be careful here, OP. He "comes across" as honest is meaningless, given that he is a stranger to you. You have zero tangible evidence to assess his honesty or character, so please keep that in mind. I personally think he sounds like a sleaze-ball who's very practiced at chatting up women on the internet. You're likely one of many. Edited March 23, 2021 by ExpatInItaly 2 1
Wiseman2 Posted March 23, 2021 Posted March 23, 2021 3 hours ago, Savannah1990 said: He said that she would be totally fine with him meeting me. Except she probably doesn't know he runs around trying to pick up women. Delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps. This is a no win situation. He's not looking for friends. He's a Bozo . Why bother,? 1 1
lana-banana Posted March 23, 2021 Posted March 23, 2021 Someone who was sincere in his words (and true to his partner) would have mentioned their relationship status immediately. Sorry, but nobody is trolling Instagram looking for "new friends" to meet after a week of messaging. And of course it all seems fun and effortless; he's trying to get something from you. That's Sales 101. Words themselves are less important than the intent and impact. He signalled that he's not looking for a girlfriend and you signalled back that you're okay with whatever he proposes. He's going to keep this up because now he knows you won't stand up and demand better. Is that really what you want? 2 1
BaileyB Posted March 23, 2021 Posted March 23, 2021 (edited) 6 hours ago, Savannah1990 said: Well I actually asked him if his GF is ok with us meeting up. He said that she would be totally fine with him meeting me. That he has quite a few friendships with females and that he often meets new people and that it doesnt matter to him if they're male or female. Are you really that naive? 6 hours ago, Savannah1990 said: Its really hard for me to gauge his intentions Really? You asked to meet his girlfriend and he basically said No. It seems quite clear to me that she does not know her boyfriend is chatting up other women on Instagram. How would you feel if your boyfriend was asking to meet other women he met online? Would that be acceptable for you? Men don’t go looking for new “friends” on Instagram. You want to meet the creepy guy from Instagram with a girlfriend, that’s your choice but you can’t say that you don’t know what his intentions are... And yes, you are probably one of many... nothing special here. Edited March 23, 2021 by BaileyB 1
Fletch Lives Posted March 23, 2021 Posted March 23, 2021 1 hour ago, BaileyB said: You asked to meet his girlfriend and he basically said No. It seems quite clear to me that she does not know her boyfriend is chatting up other women on Instagram If he does not want to bring his girlfriend, he wants an affair. 1
normal person Posted March 23, 2021 Posted March 23, 2021 (edited) 8 hours ago, Savannah1990 said: He said that she would be totally fine with him meeting me. "Would" be, under the circumstances he's describing to you, which don't sound like the same circumstances he's describing to his girlfriend, if he's even telling her anything. 8 hours ago, Savannah1990 said: That he's a firma believer of friendship between men and women. What a strange, unusual thing to have a "firm belief" about. It's almost as if there's something in it for him, y'know? Am I wrong, or do people typically not have "firm," beliefs in odd things that don't benefit them directly? Kind of like this guy I used to work with who believed in "free love" -- he didn't go around espousing the benefits of it to anybody, or have any cogent arguments about why it was so great for society, no pamphlet, etc, it seemed like it was just saying it so he could justify deceiving and sleeping with whoever he wanted, regardless of their age (he was basically a statutory rapist). Call me crazy, but it seems if you need a "firm" belief in something questionable, odd, taboo, etc, it's not unlikely that you're trying to camouflage something nefarious. 8 hours ago, Savannah1990 said: Its really hard for me to gauge his intentions bc he cones across as quite honest. Of course that's how he "comes across" when he's talking to you. Tell me this: have you asked this guy why he messaged you on Instagram, at random? Does he message everyone he sees at random, or just attractive members of the opposite sex? Have you asked him why he's so eager to "make friends?" Would an honest person with a girlfriend do any of this? Nothing about this seems honest, innocent, or normal. What's stopping you from just blocking him? Edited March 23, 2021 by normal person 2 1
mark clemson Posted March 23, 2021 Posted March 23, 2021 On 3/21/2021 at 12:50 PM, Savannah1990 said: He is a local wellknown guy and Im in the spotlights as well. Not that it matters, but he approached me after i appeared in a magazine. What's a little bit different in your case is that it sounds like you are both minor local celebrities? If that's the case, this may be as much a "schmooze"/social networking thing as anything else. I would guess that up-and-coming celeb types must "work" their social networks a bit more than us regular folks. So it may be as much that as anything else, and the wife's (apparent) tolerance and even willingness to join in for e.g. a lunch outing is (possibly) in recognition of that. There's nothing inherently wrong with any of that, and indeed much of the world seems to function without the (let's be honest) somewhat paranoid boundaries espoused at LS from the once-bitten-twice-shy crowd. Not that I blame them, this sort of caution prevents potential emotional harm, but of course at the cost of insulating you from what might be perfectly legit social experiences. All that said, it's ALSO possible that they are indeed right and this guy is looking for an OW. It's also possible for it to be both/and. You could become a social connection and later end up in an affair if your relationship "deepens". He could, in theory, be looking for exactly that, and indeed this can even happen unintentionally in a friendship. Certainly celeb types are no strangers to affairs/EMRs. I'm not going to give you a specific suggestion, but consider the above as you decide on your way forward.
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