My boyfriend is packing all his things and says he's leaving me. Is this fair?

[CollinW]

Look at it this way. The way he expects you to treat your ex husband is a preview with how he will treat you if (okay let's be honest when) you guys break up. 

There is no reason to not do the right thing and get your ex his important mail. To not do so would be petty and possibly illegal. That's in your future. 

[trident_2020]

It's a big problem that he acts so controlling and aggressive over the ex's mail.

It's far worse that you're cowering in fear about it rather than telling him if he doesn't like it- he knows where the door is.

As far as the logistics go- and the whole "destroying mail is a federal offense" thing and "why is the ex still getting mail there".. I've been with my girlfriend 9 years, living together for 6.5 years although we're currently on a "break". She was still getting an occasional piece of mail from him, including EZ-Pass bills, a fair amount of junk mail, and an occasional important correspondance. As with a lot of his other junk that was still around when I met, which with my gentle encouragement she finally got out of her life and was grateful for, I suggested she speak to him about each piece of mail she would put aside for him and give him an opportunity to straighten it out. He never bothered, and ultimately when I'd get the mail, if there was anything in there for him I dropped it in the garbage on the way into the house- but I told her I did it and she didn't care at that point.

Edited March 21, 2021 by trident_2020

[SumGuy]

One can always write return to sender addressee no long lives here on the mail and put it back in the mail box...there may be other simple ways as well these days.  

...but agree with the above you are well rid of this BF.  

[Ami1uwant]

5 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said:

You can also ask your ex (and i think you can do this) to fill out a post office form to reroute letters to his new address.  I'm not sure why you haven't prompted your ex to do this.

https://www.usps.com/manage/forward.htm

Or you can just scratch out your address, write the new address and drop in mailbox. Not sure why you haven't done that. And you might be able to fill out the form. See here:

https://www.postscanmail.com/blog/how-forward-postal-mail-to-someone.html#ForwardMailSomeone

My initial reaction is to say bf is an idiot, that he's overreacting. Expecting you to trash all mail to your ex seems really petty and immature.  On the other hand, it does seem weird that you're so passive on this matter. You should not be opening any mail for your ex. Just forward it. Period! So I'm wondering if bf sensed that you're still wanting to be involved in your ex's life. 

 

 

address forwarding is only temporary. After a few months it’s not done anymore.  Something like IRS checks based on sn address 12+ months ago coukd come and not get forwarded.

[trident_2020]

3 hours ago, SumGuy said:

One can always write return to sender addressee no long lives here on the mail and put it back in the mail box.

I did that with my girlfriends exhusbands mail for a while until I decided it was either to toss it in the trash. He can't say he wasn't warned.

I even called the EZ-Pass customer service because he gets so many letters from them. They couldn't help me either.

 

 

[smackie9]

Be happy the insanely jealous bf is moving out. Contact the ex and warn him that you will no longer forward his mail. There problems solved. 

Edited March 22, 2021 by smackie9

[ShyViolet]

Your boyfriend is completely immature, crazy and controlling. You should let him leave and be happy to be rid of him.  "Is this fair" has nothing to do with it.