Gaeta Posted March 20, 2021 Posted March 20, 2021 I still think he was love bombing her and wasn't genuine. From experience l never had a man just avoid me and dissapear after l disclosed my condition, and l met a considerable amount of men. They asked questions, asked to think about it, even asked if l had serious links to share. Never someone said it's ok then dissapear. I had men come back and apologized they would not pursue further, but going poof? Never. That's why l say he was not serious to start with. If he was a respectable man he'd say he's sorry he can't handle it. Basic respect toward OP.
poppyfields Posted March 20, 2021 Posted March 20, 2021 (edited) Fair enough Gaeta, but we don't know what issue or condition she suffers from, might be more serious than yours. There is a thread circulating now created by a woman with schizophrenia. She posted how most men run from that, even when initially attracted. It's not black and white, everyone will respond in their own way. I'm happy you've had positive experiences re your condition. That said, he may have love bombed, it's literally impossible to know for sure, the only person who knows is him, and sadly @Ariesgirlyyou might have to accept that your questions may never be answered, and gain closure on your own by understanding he simply wasn't the right man for you. I'm sorry. Edited March 20, 2021 by poppyfields
elaine567 Posted March 20, 2021 Posted March 20, 2021 Difficult to advise without knowing what the secret health problem actually is. Is he using the health problem as an excuse to dump her, or is the health problem so difficult to deal with 99% of us would also pass? Who knows? 1
princessaurora Posted March 20, 2021 Posted March 20, 2021 (edited) It probably depends alot on whether or not the OP's condition affects her sex life. The one I have surely does and if I wasn't married for over for over 12 yrs when I developed it, I doubt my husband or any other man would have tolerated it, and I couldn't expect them to. Edited March 20, 2021 by princessaurora Grammar
ExpatInItaly Posted March 20, 2021 Posted March 20, 2021 1 hour ago, princessaurora said: It probably depends alot on whether or not the OP's condition affects her sex life. I was wondering the same thing, actually. 1
Gaeta Posted March 20, 2021 Posted March 20, 2021 4 hours ago, elaine567 said: Difficult to advise without knowing what the secret health problem actually is. It doesn't matter what the health condition is, the way he handled himself by just avoiding her, shows he lacks character. Good riddance for OP. A man with a good character would have said he needs to think or it's too much for him. OP is better without him. If he has a poor character with this, he'll have a poor character with everything else. 2
Ami1uwant Posted March 21, 2021 Posted March 21, 2021 8 hours ago, poppyfields said: Fair enough Gaeta, but we don't know what issue or condition she suffers from, might be more serious than yours. There is a thread circulating now created by a woman with schizophrenia. She posted how most men run from that, even when initially attracted. It's not black and white, everyone will respond in their own way. I'm happy you've had positive experiences re your condition. That said, he may have love bombed, it's literally impossible to know for sure, the only person who knows is him, and sadly @Ariesgirlyyou might have to accept that your questions may never be answered, and gain closure on your own by understanding he simply wasn't the right man for you. I'm sorry. A cousin of mine, our grandparents were siblings, we were around the same age, she was autistic and later diagnosed as schizophrenia. This is a cousin I saw about 5-7 times a year. over a 5 yr period of knowing a person, something like this would come out. something you can hide are some diseases that aren’t obvious from the outside or limit typical behavior or patterns. Afactor in this are things like (1) can’t have children (2) I’m going to die young or will need you to take care of me big time in 20 years when this disease really kicks in ( MS, Parkinson’s , early onset dementia) I don’t see this as love bombing if they knew each other so long.
Ami1uwant Posted March 21, 2021 Posted March 21, 2021 7 hours ago, princessaurora said: It probably depends alot on whether or not the OP's condition affects her sex life. The one I have surely does and if I wasn't married for over for over 12 yrs when I developed it, I doubt my husband or any other man would have tolerated it, and I couldn't expect them to. I got the impression they had sex so that kind of things might be out already.
Dis Posted March 21, 2021 Posted March 21, 2021 (edited) Yuck....he's one of those One of those "sober" guys who has his own "personal trainer business" (which he also probably declines to tell you isn't profitable) I dated one of these types...I hate this say this but addicts/alcoholics are flawed in so many ways. They lie, cheat and can't seem to carry on a healthy relationship even when they're sober ...they're kind of like grown up dysfunctional kids Yuck, yuck, yuck and pass! Edited March 21, 2021 by Dis 1
princessaurora Posted March 21, 2021 Posted March 21, 2021 16 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said: I got the impression they had sex so that kind of things might be out already. That was back on 2016. She may have not had it then. But she was in a LTR till last year, so probably not.
Dis Posted March 21, 2021 Posted March 21, 2021 On 3/19/2021 at 4:42 PM, Pumpernickel said: I have made the experience that guys - if they’re attracted to you - don’t care what issues you have and what secrets you revealed to them. Attraction rules. And it usually overrules everything else, unless you’re a mass murderer. So I don’t think your secret made him cut you off. Especially because he said that it was not a dealbreaker. There must be some other reason. Maybe he doesn’t want to get involved in a serious relationship, maybe he’s with somebody else. I agree with this and have personal experience to attest to this being the case nine times out of ten I have bipolar II and I've never once had a guy pass on me once I tell him and I do let them know early on If you're a pretty girl with your life together, guys don't bat an eye at it. In fact, I've had some come out and tell me their own mental health issues as well
Fletch Lives Posted March 21, 2021 Posted March 21, 2021 3 hours ago, Dis said: If you're a pretty girl with your life together, guys don't bat an eye at it This true usually. Most guys are easy, lol But me personally, I tried dating bipolar women but I could not stay with them - they drove me baty.
Dis Posted March 21, 2021 Posted March 21, 2021 (edited) 25 minutes ago, Fletch Lives said: This true usually. Most guys are easy, lol But me personally, I tried dating bipolar women but I could not stay with them - they drove me baty. Yeah but medication really helps that I don't think I'd bring anyone around if I wasn't treated I cook, clean and take care of my dude so even when I am pissy the guys I've dated never cared that much They like that mix of a little crazy and boring housewife ...keeps things exciting lol Edited March 21, 2021 by Dis
Fletch Lives Posted March 21, 2021 Posted March 21, 2021 (edited) They were on meds but the meds were not making it. The one threatened to break up with me before the second date unless we had sex. I like sex but that's not the way to seduce me! lol! The other one had a list of red flags that would stretch from Florida to Montana! One looked like Uma Thurman. The other, like Mary Louise Parker 11 minutes ago, Dis said: I cook, clean and take care of my dude so even when I am pissy the guys I've dated never cared that much They like that mix of a little crazy and boring housewife ...keeps things exciting lol - oh I can't do that. I don't need that kind of excitement Edited March 21, 2021 by Fletch Lives 1
Dis Posted March 21, 2021 Posted March 21, 2021 Just now, Fletch Lives said: They were on meds but the meds were not making it. The one threatened to break up with me before the second date unless we had sex. I like sex but that's not the way to seduce me! lol! The other one had a list of red flags that would stretch from Florida to Montana! - oh I can't do that. I don't need that kind of excitement I think the issue was they were giving you too much excitement There's a balance to everything...forcing sex would be too much for most dudes
Fletch Lives Posted March 21, 2021 Posted March 21, 2021 Well, there is excitement and then there is drama. Being in love is exciting enough, I don't want extras, lol You are nice here and smart, love your posts. 1
Author Ariesgirly Posted March 22, 2021 Author Posted March 22, 2021 Well, I have officially been ghosted on. I ended up reaching out to him yesterday asking if everything was okay, and that I noticed we had been communicating less and was happy to answer any questions or concerns. I got no response. I then noticed I gradually was blocked from seeing any of his "stories" on IG last night, but still could see on FB, and then this morning he blocked me on FB, yet is still following ME. I am sooooo creeped out. And to be honest, this personal information I shared, is not a big deal. Most men have been fine with it and it seems like the only people in my past who have acted like this, have been the ones who come on really strong in the beginning. I had one guy ghost me for 2 weeks over it, until I got so upset for him ignoring me that I texted him about being upset, where he turned around and "re dumped" me by saying I was a psycho for coming at him the way I did and he did not want to be involved with a psycho. This man had no friends either. I think at this point I am more disturbed that there are people out there like this and disturbed that he still wants to watch me on my social media to see what I am doing but has blocked me from seeing his stuff. Thinking back a lot of the things he said did not add up. Do people like this have bad self esteem? 2
Versacehottie Posted March 22, 2021 Posted March 22, 2021 (edited) On 3/19/2021 at 1:51 PM, Ariesgirly said: I dont disagree with you that we got carried away. I do think we were just going off of paper and how comfortable our conversations felt. I was not moving FOR him, as I had been casually looking for places prior to us connecting but he definitely lit the fire under me to move back ( I have lived there for 13 years) This picture was painted of all the things we could be doing together once I got there and go back to normal life. sorry to hear about your health issue. That said, I think you guys really overdid it on the phone and you gave it way too much credence that 'it" was something. Minus the health issue, this potentially could have happened. It's just not based on real time spending time together. It's a NEGOTIATION over the phone in a way, like brokering a deal. It's a pressure cooker and one or both of you must know that there is an element of it not being grounded in the reality of spending real time together and letting the relationship evolve and grow naturally, based on real life things and in person dating. You can't place all your bets on one date, 5 years ago, and some phone calls. (where the guy sounds like he passed out at that! ) Sure he's a different person, you're a different person--even more so to really to not place all your bets on anything yet. I think you need to just roll with it a little. If it was meant to be, it will be. You can't put pressure on things because you're anxious or nervous that he's disappearing now. Let him disappear then (that only points out how fragile and unrealistic it was). I think the pressure itself and that this is a "sure thing" and thus a commitment or obligation when it hasn't even been tested would happen in a lot (most!) cases that are similar to your scenario. If you just have faith and trust in your connection and back off putting pressure, he may not FEEL pressured and if love is there, will get used to all the new information. My advice would be to take a step back from everything and just let things unfold as date 2, 3 and so on once you get there. You said you were moving to that city independent of him so make that clear (and don't lie to yourself either). Ok good luck Oops just saw the latest update since I posted....well the advice still applies as I think it could have prevented some of this. He was fading and maybe the health disclosure just made it all the more real that this obligation was marching his way. I think that is the key--dating shouldn't feel like an obligation so err to not that when starting out AND especially if you are just "negotiating" by phone and don't have the in-person experience of dating just yet. Edited March 22, 2021 by Versacehottie 1
Versacehottie Posted March 22, 2021 Posted March 22, 2021 if he blocked you, and won't respond to your texts/calls, it's as simple as block him back. It is sort of creepy and invasive or egotistical in a way that he'd still be following you though he blocked you. That wouldn't sit well with me.
Alpacalia Posted March 22, 2021 Posted March 22, 2021 42 minutes ago, Ariesgirly said: Well, I have officially been ghosted on. I ended up reaching out to him yesterday asking if everything was okay, and that I noticed we had been communicating less and was happy to answer any questions or concerns. I got no response. I then noticed I gradually was blocked from seeing any of his "stories" on IG last night, but still could see on FB, and then this morning he blocked me on FB, yet is still following ME. I am sooooo creeped out. And to be honest, this personal information I shared, is not a big deal. Most men have been fine with it and it seems like the only people in my past who have acted like this, have been the ones who come on really strong in the beginning. I had one guy ghost me for 2 weeks over it, until I got so upset for him ignoring me that I texted him about being upset, where he turned around and "re dumped" me by saying I was a psycho for coming at him the way I did and he did not want to be involved with a psycho. This man had no friends either. I think at this point I am more disturbed that there are people out there like this and disturbed that he still wants to watch me on my social media to see what I am doing but has blocked me from seeing his stuff. Thinking back a lot of the things he said did not add up. Do people like this have bad self esteem? Sorry Ariesgirly. He's not interested in communicating further so best to just remove him from your social networking sites.
Gaeta Posted March 22, 2021 Posted March 22, 2021 1 hour ago, Ariesgirly said: Well, I have officially been ghosted on I am very sorry and I saw this coming from 1000km away. He chased you down on social media talking about wanting a relationship after not seeing you for 5 years was non-sense. Now you know he's a coward for running away without a word instead of being a gentleman and tell you he's sorry about the health issue but he prefers to not pursue.
Alpacalia Posted March 22, 2021 Posted March 22, 2021 4 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I am very sorry and I saw this coming from 1000km away. He chased you down on social media talking about wanting a relationship after not seeing you for 5 years was non-sense. Now you know he's a coward for running away without a word instead of being a gentleman and tell you he's sorry about the health issue but he prefers to not pursue. Agreed. I was very skeptical when someone from my past reached out and wanted to spend two weeks with me after not having spoken in years. You have to be mindful of the reason behind it and not get your hopes up because you don't know their true intentions initially. 1
Author Ariesgirly Posted March 22, 2021 Author Posted March 22, 2021 Ok now he responded saying he has been busy with his son and giving him 100% of his time and focus. I dont buy it, so I am not responding. I feel like he is doing this so he can keep me in play for when/if he decides to come around
Gaeta Posted March 22, 2021 Posted March 22, 2021 He's trying to make himself feel better. You don't need that, just block him.
ExpatInItaly Posted March 23, 2021 Posted March 23, 2021 13 hours ago, Gaeta said: I am very sorry and I saw this coming from 1000km away. He chased you down on social media talking about wanting a relationship after not seeing you for 5 years was non-sense. I agree. Be very wary of people like this, Aries.
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