1 year ago I was torn about leaving it all behind to move abroad, did it, met someone, now she's stuck in england and I'm not sure about the future

[jerrygordon3]

SO I went through this massive emotional process of moving abroad. not many people understand how hard it is to leave everything, your security blanket, job, relationship, etc. for a dream of livign abroad. I did this. and im proud of it. I taught myself how to trade stocks and have been living abroad since september. in november I started talking to this girl who lives in england. We totally hit it off, and it was some place I've always wanted to live. I have this... romance with that country. So i decided to go for 6 months. a few days later she says, they're going on lockdown for a month, so I cancel my flight and book another one, 3 days later im in england. I had been living in the balkans. anyways I'm there for 1 month, lockdown lifts, and 3 weeks later back in lockdown for 4-5 months. I told her its not what I signed up for. not home, no family, no friends, isolated and can't do anything and it was f***ing w my head. I HAVE to work out. its my therapy. I love this girl but I told her i had to leave she said she wouldnt. she has a business and was worried about her reputation. a couple weeks go by and she says ok, we book flights, accom., trains, etc. the night before we are supposeed to leave she tells me she cant go. so now im back in the balkans, trying to fall back in love with what made me want to live abroad, but now im alone, and with time to think i realized I sacrificed so much to move abroad to see the world, and I dont want to go back to england right now. I wanna do africa, italy, greece, SEA. I want to do turkey, finish the EU. and she has a business. she can't just leave it nor would I ever expect her to. she is wonderful, holisitic, kind, charitable ( africa charities etc. ). she is a yogi, masseuse, healthy through and through, and her values... are that. personal growth and helping others. mine, are traveling and independence. She can't come to see me and if she did it wouldnt be until may for a max of 3 weeks and she would be stressing about her clients the whole time. 5 months of no work, then work opens up for her and she leaves for a month to come see me? I just don't see it being good for her. I know what I have to do but I'm not sure if I should be seeing this from a different angle. we talked yesterday and shes understandably upset. 

[d0nnivain]

International dating is hard under the best of circumstances.  Lock down make it even harder.  

As much as you like each other there are too many practical obstacles.  Chalk what you had up to the glorious whirlwind that can be international dating but accept that although it was fun while it lasted, it's over.   You can still stay in touch as friends but touch base less often.  When the world opens up again,  see where you both are at that point.  Otherwise you will both probably fade out of each other's lives as other people & circumstances are prioritized.  

[Wiseman2]

Why not do whatever travelling you wish and remain in touch with people you come across?

[ShyViolet]

With this lifestyle you are living right now, all this traveling, you can't expect to be able to develop a relationship right now.  You'll probably have flings with people you meet in each of your travel stops.  If you are ok with that, then that is fine.  It would make more sense to look for a relationship once you get this itch for traveling out of your system and settle down somewhere.

[Maldives]

I think once a traveller always a traveller oh well that's how it's been for me. Would be great to meet someone with the same path and goals but that rarely happens at the best of times. Maybe keep in touch if you really like her and see what happens 

[chillii]

Seems like a pretty tough order , your both on different trains going in opposite directions for the foreseeable future , and she really just doesn't wanna leave there anyway deep down, so even if she did it probably isn't gonna end well.

Sorry to say but it's really a wrong place wrong time for both of you. Maybe you could touch base again with her when you've finished but you'll need to wanna move to England too.

[Sun Seeker]

Clearly you are not a good match as your priority is not her but to travel. And her priority is not you but her business.

End this and find someone who you match with better, where you are both each others priorities.

[ExpatInItaly]

On 3/16/2021 at 5:01 PM, jerrygordon3 said:

 not many people understand how hard it is to leave everything, your security blanket, job, relationship, etc. for a dream of livign abroad. . 

I do! I've done it too, and have lived in Rome for 8 years now (lockdown and all) And yes, it takes guts and determination, so kudos to you, fellow expat. 

I have also been in a happy relationship with a local man for the last 6 years. He was born and raised in Rome, and we intend to continue calling this city home. This is where you're running into issues. If you are trying to date internationally, you are going to have problems. You are not compatible with someone who doesn't have the same interest or ability to live abroad and travel frequently. 

It would be best to let her go. Your respective goals don't line up enough to facilitate a long-term relationship. 

[smackie9]

You knew your passion was to travel, you knew this woman is professionally tied to where she is.  It's a no brainer, tho as wonderful she is, you overlooked the fact you two have very different prospects. Not sure why you are going back and forth with this. It's pretty straight forward you want and need to move on.

Edited March 19, 2021 by smackie9