gcp Posted March 15, 2021 Posted March 15, 2021 I'll give a quick run down. I am recently single, 33yr (M). My last relationship ended with a 25yr(F). I ignored a lot of red flags and maturity issues to say the least. I'm nervous about getting back out there, I feel like there is a stigma on men in the early to mid 30's who haven't settled down yet. I am not a player, and I do want a family some day. My mid to late 20s was all on long relationship and we finally realized we weren't right for each other, it ended amicably. My late 20s and early 30s was a real string of bad luck. I was basically a rebound for 2 women and the last one was simply too young/immature and it lead to a lot of issues. I own a house, steady career, no kids and in good shape, but my town isn't too big, it seems everyone knows everyone through a mutual friend (population of ~100,000) Seems bigger than it actually is. I have this sense of dread, like anyone I meet might know one of my exes or think I am broken. I guess I just need some encouragement from people who found love in their 30s. I am not apposed to dating a woman with children, but I did do that before and it was very difficult when it ended as I grew attached to the little one. Is there hope out there? I tried dating apps before my last relationship and they left me feeling more hopeless than before.
Gaeta Posted March 15, 2021 Posted March 15, 2021 The world seems full of women late 20s early 30s looking exactly for a man like you. When did you break up? Take a break before jumping back into the dating pool. You have to *want* to date. You can't get out there feeling defeated even before starting.
Author gcp Posted March 15, 2021 Author Posted March 15, 2021 (edited) A month ago, so it is still a little fresh even though I ended it, I felt like I was forced too. So I'm still a little burnt out from it all. Definitely will take some time to myself and enjoy my hobbies, friends and family. I fear though that knowing my luck, a great one will come along when I'm not ready lol. Also, work is busy, and it looks like it might get busier for me. It's not a guarantee yet but I made it to the second round of interviews for a promotion which would lead to longer hours and a schedule that will initially involve working weekends and so on. Edited March 15, 2021 by gcp
Gaeta Posted March 15, 2021 Posted March 15, 2021 (edited) gcp: I am recently out of a relationship so I know. When the breakup is really fresh it's hard to be alone as we're used to that other presence and it feels like if we find someone right away it will fix the bad feelings we have. That will pass. Another person will only complicate things. At 3 months post breakup you will feel differently. You will think of dating again but for the right reasons. I am almost 4 months out of a 5 year relationship and I will go back to dating in June. For myself 6 months is the magic number. Edited March 15, 2021 by Gaeta 1
d0nnivain Posted March 15, 2021 Posted March 15, 2021 I don't see you as hopeless or broken. Anyone who does isn't worth your time. You are at the perfect age. You have sowed your wild oats. You have a good foundation under you. You know what you want & you are ready to settle down. Anybody who sees something else is misreading you. While it may seem like everyone knows everyone else, where I'm from a town of 100,000 people is huge. There are about 10,000 people in the town where I am now & that still big enough. There are pockets of people you haven't met because your path has not yet caused you go where they are. Now that you are looking, go beyond your usual haunts. You will be surprised at the all the new people you discover. 2
cleverusername Posted March 16, 2021 Posted March 16, 2021 How do they know your Ex if they don't even know you? Date them and find out. Worst case scenario you move on. Get out there stud. You're a prize, you add value to their life just like they add to yours.
dramafreezone Posted March 16, 2021 Posted March 16, 2021 (edited) 2 hours ago, gcp said: I'll give a quick run down. I am recently single, 33yr (M). My last relationship ended with a 25yr(F). I ignored a lot of red flags and maturity issues to say the least. I'm nervous about getting back out there, I feel like there is a stigma on men in the early to mid 30's who haven't settled down yet. I am not a player, and I do want a family some day. My mid to late 20s was all on long relationship and we finally realized we weren't right for each other, it ended amicably. My late 20s and early 30s was a real string of bad luck. I was basically a rebound for 2 women and the last one was simply too young/immature and it lead to a lot of issues. I own a house, steady career, no kids and in good shape, but my town isn't too big, it seems everyone knows everyone through a mutual friend (population of ~100,000) Seems bigger than it actually is. I have this sense of dread, like anyone I meet might know one of my exes or think I am broken. I guess I just need some encouragement from people who found love in their 30s. I am not apposed to dating a woman with children, but I did do that before and it was very difficult when it ended as I grew attached to the little one. Is there hope out there? I tried dating apps before my last relationship and they left me feeling more hopeless than before. You're allowed to date around without committment without being labeled a "player." Don't let people shame you if that's what you want for now. You sound like a catch. I don't like OLD apps. Just go do what you like to do and meet women that way. For instance I like Trivia nights at bars so before the pandemic I met a lot of women doing that. The idea was that even if I didn't meet a woman I still had fun. Don't revolve your activities around finding women, just have fun and by yhe laws of attraction you'll meet someone cool. If you like where you live, great but if you have no major attachment I might even consider moving to a major city. Edited March 16, 2021 by dramafreezone 1
Author gcp Posted March 16, 2021 Author Posted March 16, 2021 This new position, if I get it, would start off on a rotating shift, basically go from days to nights back to days then nights in 35 day stints. This undoubtedly would make dating difficult and I am not getting younger. This also worries me, that my work schedule for a year or two is going to be a deal breaker for many potential partners.
dramafreezone Posted March 16, 2021 Posted March 16, 2021 You've got some things to figure out then. You need free time to date.
Author gcp Posted March 16, 2021 Author Posted March 16, 2021 There are days off between switching from days to nights then back to days. Example would be work 3-12hr days then 3 days off then work 3-12 hour nights then a couple days off then back to days. It is doable but I think I would need to be upfront about my schedule and it would take a woman with a lot of interest to put up with that I feel.
Wiseman2 Posted March 16, 2021 Posted March 16, 2021 You'll be fine. You're still on the defense because the breakup is so new. One foot in front of the other.
Gaeta Posted March 16, 2021 Posted March 16, 2021 (edited) 6 hours ago, gcp said: There are days off between switching from days to nights then back to days. Example would be work 3-12hr days then 3 days off then work 3-12 hour nights then a couple days off then back to days. It is doable but I think I would need to be upfront about my schedule and it would take a woman with a lot of interest to put up with that I feel. It's not that bad. Policemen/firemen/paramedics/nurses have these types of schedule and last I looked it didn't keep them from having relationships and families. Edited March 16, 2021 by Gaeta
d0nnivain Posted March 16, 2021 Posted March 16, 2021 7 hours ago, gcp said: There are days off between switching from days to nights then back to days. Example would be work 3-12hr days then 3 days off then work 3-12 hour nights then a couple days off then back to days. It is doable but I think I would need to be upfront about my schedule and it would take a woman with a lot of interest to put up with that I feel. Exactly. There are days off in between. If you find somebody on a similar schedule you might be able to meet for breakfast. Upfront yes but don't lead with it. You can discuss your schedule on the 1st date. You don't have to announce it.
Fletch Lives Posted March 16, 2021 Posted March 16, 2021 The first thing you have to do is get your attitude up. 1
Miss Peach Posted March 16, 2021 Posted March 16, 2021 I personally wouldn't have thought twice about half of what you wrote. 30 seems to be the age around here where men get fed up sowing their oats and start thinking of settling down. I would actually take you less seriously if you were much younger. Yes, the schedule would bother me working a 9-5 job. I don't like to date people who have opposite schedules as me. But if you're able to make sufficient time for someone it should be fine. The issue for me is the quality time more than the actual schedule. 1
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