When is it official

[Uruktopi]

Congratulations and a happy loving future for you both

[dramafreezone]

9 hours ago, Blueyes2791 said:

So I had a very strange night. I’ve gone on 9 dates with this girl in the last four weeks. I’m 29. She’s 25. Some random old man like a 60 year old man asked her if me and her are bf/gf. She said not quite. Then later another guy asked me while i was sitting next to her. I said yes. The girl was happy and proceeded to tell me that she likes me a lot and that I’m sweet and warm and caring for her. I went to the bathroom and she tells my friend “oh I really like insert my name” she then tells me that she has a crush on me. She also told me she deleted tinder which is what we met on and said she’s not talking to any other guys and asked if I was talking to any other girls which I said no. So after all that why would she say not yet at first but then change her mind? I have plans to go out with her in two days. Should I just calm down and see how the next date goes and maybe ask hey how do you see us? Or should I just play it cool take it easy and just enjoy my time with her and as long as we like each other who cares what the label is bc we are going on dates. Sorry if it’s a lot but I suffer from anxiety. 

I would just let her bring it up when she's ready to be your GF.  All you have to do is be a fun guy and create an experience when you're together.  Others have said you should bring it up and I disagree.  The reason I say this is because if you have to ask you're probably ahead of where she is.  If you push the issue you run the risk of driving her away.  I go to the "What would James Bond do?"  You think he's asking women to be their boyfriend?

What does it matter?  What perks does officially being her BF confer to you?  Just go out and enjoy her company without worrying about labels.

Edited March 14, 2021 by dramafreezone

[Interstellar]

Would Steve McQueen ever feel pressured to ask a girl if they’re boyfriend-girlfriend? Keep your trap shut about your feelings. Let her bring it up first. If you bring it up you don’t know if it’s the right time.

Be cool like the King of Cool,  and just have fun. 

 

Edited March 14, 2021 by Interstellar

[Cersei]

She has likely been wanting to know if you are official or not as well. She was put on the spot and I think answered it well.

I think you should say something like "To me if feels like we are a couple. Are you my girlfriend?" You will likely get her talking. Good luck.

[Gaeta]

I'm surprised at the men reply here.

A lot of women wait for the man to bring up exclusivity/title or whatever. When a man we date makes it known he wants us as official gf we call ALL our gf super excited that finally it's official because we are relationship oriented and if we see a man 9 times it's because we want to be his gf, otherwise we would be gone.

 

[MeadowFlower]

If you want to be officially gf/bf then for crying out loud please ask her. Don't be wishy washy in your interactions with her.

[MeadowFlower]

38 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

I'm surprised at the men reply here.

@GaetaOh my gosh.. some of the comments on here... 

[basil67]

4 hours ago, dramafreezone said:

 I go to the "What would James Bond do?"  You think he's asking women to be their boyfriend?

The OP wants this woman to be his girlfriend.  But James Bond (or at least the old school James Bond that I know)  likes to play the field. Many women, overlapping.  Women who just want to love him for a night.   Why would he copy what JB does when he wants the very opposite of what JB achieves?

@Blueyes2791 I'm a woman.  An old woman.  If a woman is into you, asking her to be your girlfriend will bring her joy.   Scaring her away is what happens when a person is OTT with compliments or starts planning marriage and babies after 3 months.  But you sound perfectly grounded.  

 

Edited March 14, 2021 by basil67

[Wiseman2]

17 hours ago, Blueyes2791 said:

. I’ve gone on 9 dates with this girl in the last four weeks.  I have plans to go out with her in two days. 

Start with exclusive dating, especially if you are getting physical.

Labels are silly, but it's "official", when you want it to be official.

4 weeks dating is not that long, but 9 dates and more dates lined up means it's going quite well so far.

Relax. It's going well. If you need definition, ask her to be exclusive (meaning not dating others).

[Fletch Lives]

I have your answer.

If everything goes just right, after 2 months of dating, you'll be girlfriend and boyfriend.

[Happy Lemming]

11 hours ago, Interstellar said:

 Keep your trap shut about your feelings. Let her bring it up first. If you bring it up you don’t know if it’s the right time.

100% Agree...  just keep your mouth shut.  When its important for her to define the relationship with a label, she'll bring it up.

In my 40+ years of dating I can only think of one instance where a woman approached me about defining the relationship as boyfriend/girlfriend situation or "going steady".  It was an odd conversation.  It was important to her for me to wear her silly class ring.  I didn't understand it, but the sex was GREAT!  So I put the ring on a piece of 550 cord  [It was too small to fit on any of my fingers] and wore it around my neck (when we went out or saw each other). Otherwise I put it in my sock drawer until it was time to see her again.

Every other woman I've dated, the boyfriend/girlfriend title just evolved.  It wasn't forced or needed to be discussed.

 

[Gaeta]

6 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

Every other woman I've dated, the boyfriend/girlfriend title just evolved.  It wasn't forced or needed to be discussed.

 

When is the last time you did online dating? Things are different now. I was online dating 5 years ago and I am sure when I return later this year it will have changed from 5 years ago so imagine how it changed from 10-15-20-40 years ago. 

[Happy Lemming]

38 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

When is the last time you did online dating?

I don't do "on-line" dating.  I tried it briefly and found the whole thing to be crap... went back to meeting women in real life.

I meet the women (I date) in real life situations, as I have the confidence and skillz to approach a woman (I find attractive) chit chat with her and ask her out for drinks/dinner.

Are you trying to say that if you meet a woman on-line, her views about "defining the relationship" will be vastly different than those you meet in real life scenario(s)??

[Gaeta]

7 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

I don't do "on-line" dating.  I tried it briefly and found the whole thing to be crap... went back to meeting women in real life.

Are you trying to say that if you meet a woman on-line, her views about "defining the relationship" will be vastly different than those you meet in real life scenario(s)??

You got it. Yes because online if filled with crap it will be important to her at some point to clarify and confirm the status of the relationship. 

ETA: The exclusivity talk appeared with online dating. 

Edited March 14, 2021 by Gaeta

[Happy Lemming]

6 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

 

ETA: The exclusivity talk appeared with online dating. 

It appears you know more about on-line dating, so if this "exclusivity talk" is directly related to on-line dating, I'll defer to your opinion.

I still think on-line dating is crap and for men with no confidence or skillz.... For me, I'm not a bottom feeder.

I still think the OP should just keep his mouth shut and leave things be.

[Gaeta]

3 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

I still think on-line dating is crap and for men with no confidence or skillz... For me, I'm not a bottom feeder.

Unfortunately I think so too. There are a few good men here and there but they're snatched right away. 

I was reading statistics yesterday that 53% of people online lie on their profile. I also read that 90% of men on there look for fun and 90% of women look for a relationship. That's why women are bombarded by messages and have such a hard time finding a serious dater. Also about 20% of all couples nowadays meet on line. It's still low considering about 75% of singles have an online profile. 

[Happy Lemming]

8 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

I was reading statistics yesterday that 53% of people online lie on their profile.

In my brief encounter with on-line dating, 100% of the women lied on their profile.  Moreover, most had pictures that were old or photo-shopped.  They did NOT look like the pictures they posted.  I think the term is "Photo-catfishing"??

 

11 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Also about 20% of all couples nowadays meet on line. 

So based on that statistic, the vast majority of couples still meet each other in "real life" situations??  (Parties, through friends, social interactions, etc)??

[Gaeta]

39 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

So based on that statistic, the vast majority of couples still meet each other in "real life" situations??  (Parties, through friends, social interactions, etc)??

Yes, the good old way is still 80% of how couples meet. Statistics change a bit depending of your age. Older you get harder it is to meet in real life as you don't have a huge social network anymore like in your 20s. 

[Alpacalia]

You will receive mixed advice on this topic, but I think what is more important is that you should not be hesitant about raising issues that are important to you. Sometimes people avoid the issue and end up very hurt when they realize they're on completely different pages.

[princessaurora]

When a girl is dating a guy she really likes and he refers to her as his girlfriend it's like the best feeling in the world.  It just makes her feel good to know you are focusing on her and only her and that you're not sleeping with multiple women. I know alot of girls are ok with that but I've always found it gross to be having sex with a man whose engaging in sex with others, condom or no condom. I never slept with the guys I dated until we were exclusive. Plus once you get in a relationship you can get tested and then if you're both good, you can choose other methods of birth control besides condoms which feels alot better for both parties. Not trying to start a safe sex debate, just stating a fact. 

[dramafreezone]

On 3/13/2021 at 7:25 PM, Gaeta said:

I'm surprised at the men reply here.

A lot of women wait for the man to bring up exclusivity/title or whatever. When a man we date makes it known he wants us as official gf we call ALL our gf super excited that finally it's official because we are relationship oriented and if we see a man 9 times it's because we want to be his gf, otherwise we would be gone.

 

I can't think of one instance where I brought it up and it worked out favorably.

Also, the error with this line of thinking is that you're thinking of soneone you're heads over heels in love with.   How would you feel if someone you liked but weren't in love with asked you to be exclusive?  You would probably feel rushed or that he's trapping you, and it'd probably make him seem a bit desperate.

I guess if it's obvious that both are madly in love it's a moot point, so that's why I have a problem if the guy has to bring it up.   To me, it doesn't even matter.  I don't have a huge value for labels so if she does, it's on her to ask for it.  I don't think any woman in history has ever broken up with a guy she's in love with because he didn't ask for exclusivity first.

One quote I love by when it comes to love; "You must love in such a way that the other person feels free."  She's free to ask when she's feeling it and as long as I'm doing everything right, it'll happen.

Edited March 15, 2021 by dramafreezone

[Gaeta]

2 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

How would you feel if someone you liked but weren't in love with asked you to be exclusive? 

I would agree if I am interested in getting to know him and especially if I intent of being intimate with him. It has nothing to do with being in love. In my past relationships exclusivity was established before or on date 5. I was not in love yet with any of them. 

[Lotsgoingon]

I know tons of people who have dated other people they thought things were serious and exclusive with and who got burned assuming such. And I know tons of guys through the years who until they speak the words of exclusivity, feel like (and take it upon themselves) to sleep with whoever they want. Hello?! 

Gotta have the conversation at some point. I recommend that all my women friends (sorry to betray my guy buddies here) initiate the exclusivity conversation instead of assuming it if the guy hasn't initiated the conversation. 

 

[dramafreezone]

Just now, Gaeta said:

I would agree if I am interested in getting to know him and especially if I intent of being intimate with him. It has nothing to do with being in love. In my past relationships exclusivity was established before or on date 5. I was not in love yet with any of them. 

Well, I think you're far more pragmatic when it comes to these things.  I think in most cases it's not a good sign for the guy if he has to ask.   

If she hasn't brought it up, she's usually not feeling it in my expereince.  In my best relationships I never asked her to be my girlfriend. 

[Gaeta]

17 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

Well, I think you're far more pragmatic when it comes to these things. 

Yes, I don't leave things up in the air. If the man does not address exclusivity then I do it. If he runs then I let him run. I will not have a man eat in my home, sleep in my bed and when he leaves he goes to eat and sleep in some other woman's home. I was dumped once for being too 'pragmatic'. lol. Has nothing to do with exclusivity, he told me he needed a woman with issues and flaws, I was too *on top of things* for him.