Blueyes2791 Posted March 13, 2021 Posted March 13, 2021 So I had a very strange night. I’ve gone on 9 dates with this girl in the last four weeks. I’m 29. She’s 25. Some random old man like a 60 year old man asked her if me and her are bf/gf. She said not quite. Then later another guy asked me while i was sitting next to her. I said yes. The girl was happy and proceeded to tell me that she likes me a lot and that I’m sweet and warm and caring for her. I went to the bathroom and she tells my friend “oh I really like insert my name” she then tells me that she has a crush on me. She also told me she deleted tinder which is what we met on and said she’s not talking to any other guys and asked if I was talking to any other girls which I said no. So after all that why would she say not yet at first but then change her mind? I have plans to go out with her in two days. Should I just calm down and see how the next date goes and maybe ask hey how do you see us? Or should I just play it cool take it easy and just enjoy my time with her and as long as we like each other who cares what the label is bc we are going on dates. Sorry if it’s a lot but I suffer from anxiety.
Author Blueyes2791 Posted March 13, 2021 Author Posted March 13, 2021 8 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: Have you had sex with her?? I have yes. Six times from the nine dates
Gaeta Posted March 13, 2021 Posted March 13, 2021 She told the 60 y/o man you were not quite bf/gf because YOU did not make it official with her and she was worried to say yes to something you may not agree with. THEN she heard you say that indeed you are bf/gf and that made her **happy**. Blows my mind you can't see that. On your next date tell her you'd like to be officially gf/bf, she'll say yes and you can both ride on a horse toward the sunset. 15
Happy Lemming Posted March 13, 2021 Posted March 13, 2021 Just now, Blueyes2791 said: I have yes. Six times from the nine dates In my opinion... Yes, you are officially in a relationship. Unless this is a specified FWB or NSA arrangement, you are in a relationship.
Author Blueyes2791 Posted March 13, 2021 Author Posted March 13, 2021 2 minutes ago, Gaeta said: She told the 60 y/o man you were not quite bf/gf because YOU did not make it official with her and she was worried to say yes to something you may not agree with. THEN she heard you say that indeed you are bf/gf and that made her **happy**. Blows my mind you can't see that. On your next date tell her you'd like to be officially gf/bf, she'll say yes and you can both ride on a horse toward the sunset. Thank you. I guess I just assumed they bc we were having a good time together that I didn’t need to make it official. But that makes me happy.
Author Blueyes2791 Posted March 13, 2021 Author Posted March 13, 2021 1 minute ago, Happy Lemming said: In my opinion... Yes, you are officially in a relationship. Unless this is a specified FWB or NSA arrangement, you are in a relationship. Thank you. That makes me happy. We never discussed oh we are just FWB or NSA. Which I feel would be something that would be said already
Gaeta Posted March 13, 2021 Posted March 13, 2021 @Blueyes2791: In this day and age with online dating I feel it is better you make it official. 1
Author Blueyes2791 Posted March 13, 2021 Author Posted March 13, 2021 2 minutes ago, Gaeta said: @Blueyes2791: In this day and age with online dating I feel it is better you make it official. I just never have before so thank you for the heads up. I didn’t know. So I guess I’m glad I did put it out there then. Thank you
Happy Lemming Posted March 13, 2021 Posted March 13, 2021 Yes... I've been in a few FWB arrangements and the ground rules are usually discussed in advance. So if there were no "ground rules" and you guys go out on dates, then this is NOT an FWB. Just relax... stop worrying about titles and what to call things. You are having fun with this woman, going on dates and having sex, don't mess it up by trying to enforce some titles on it. I am making the assumption that you two are exclusive and she is only having sex with you and you are only having sex with her. 1
Author Blueyes2791 Posted March 13, 2021 Author Posted March 13, 2021 1 minute ago, Happy Lemming said: Yes... I've been in a few FWB arrangements and the ground rules are usually discussed in advance. So if there were no "ground rules" and you guys go out on dates, then this is NOT an FWB. Just relax... stop worrying about titles and what to call things. You are having fun with this woman, going on dates and having sex, don't mess it up by trying to enforce some titles on it. I am making the assumption that you two are exclusive and she is only having sex with you and you are only having sex with her. Yes that is correct. We are only having sex with each other and that is it. Thank you for making me feel better. Really helps
Gaeta Posted March 13, 2021 Posted March 13, 2021 Titles are important to women. The proof of that in OP's case is that she hesitated to call them bf/gf without HIS input on it. When he called them gf/bf it make her *happy*. Titles make women happy. 4
Gaeta Posted March 13, 2021 Posted March 13, 2021 1 minute ago, Blueyes2791 said: Yes that is correct. We are only having sex with each other and that is it. Thank you for making me feel better. Really helps What? What do you want with this woman? If you only want sex then why do you call yourself bf/gf?? 1
SaraSays Posted March 13, 2021 Posted March 13, 2021 My guess is she wasn't sure, as neither of you had said boyfriend and girlfriend at that point, and she was put on the spot. Find ways to call her your girlfriend, and I'd expect she'll also start using the word boyfriend. Convey to her that you're happy she's your girlfriend. Ask her if she thinks you could improve anything as her boyfriend. 1
SaraSays Posted March 13, 2021 Posted March 13, 2021 Now I am totally confused about what this is. Are you both in this looking for a relationship, or just something physical?
Happy Lemming Posted March 13, 2021 Posted March 13, 2021 2 minutes ago, Blueyes2791 said: Thank you for making me feel better. Life is simple, brother... don't mess it up. No need to be anxious, just cruise along and enjoy. 3
Author Blueyes2791 Posted March 13, 2021 Author Posted March 13, 2021 3 minutes ago, Gaeta said: What? What do you want with this woman? If you only want sex then why do you call yourself bf/gf?? That’s not true. I don’t only want sex with her. When I said that’s it I meant like no other partners but her. That’s it. Sorry if I didn’t clarify perfect. My bad.
Author Blueyes2791 Posted March 13, 2021 Author Posted March 13, 2021 3 minutes ago, SaraSays said: Now I am totally confused about what this is. Are you both in this looking for a relationship, or just something physical? Both in it for relationship
Gaeta Posted March 13, 2021 Posted March 13, 2021 OH geez! it read as we only have sex nothing else but you meant it as we don't have sex with others. I'm happy for both of you It's nice to hear happy dating stories. 4
Author Blueyes2791 Posted March 13, 2021 Author Posted March 13, 2021 2 minutes ago, Gaeta said: OH geez! it read as we only have sex nothing else but you meant it as we don't have sex with others. I'm happy for both of you It's nice to hear happy dating stories. Thank you. And thank you for your help. You’ve made me feel a lot better about all of this. Appreciate it. 1
Happy Lemming Posted March 13, 2021 Posted March 13, 2021 Just keep planning nice fun dates... don't forget her birthday or Christmas, do something nice on Valentines Day, and don't let your anxiety "rock the boat". When she is ready to slap a title on the relationship, it will just happen naturally and in her time frame... don't push. 1
Sun Seeker Posted March 13, 2021 Posted March 13, 2021 Women love being asked to be official. Don't wait around for her to mention it. Act like the man you are, and lead. Next time you see her tell her you want her to be your girlfriend. Add in whatever romantic setting you want. 4
Lotsgoingon Posted March 13, 2021 Posted March 13, 2021 You could have brought this up earlier. Someone needs to make things official. She hadn't heard you say, "We're bf-gf" therefore she was smart to not assume you were. Sounds like she was into you. If you felt like you were dating, why didn't you initiate the "we're dating" conversation? Lots of women (and men of course) have been burned by assuming they were dating someone exclusively. Lots! ... Only to find out, "Oh no, I never said that." So your gf was being smart and cautious, cautious and smart. 2
Miss Spider Posted March 13, 2021 Posted March 13, 2021 (edited) I think she just didn’t wanna assume, but glad you guys got it figured Edited March 13, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes 2
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