Depressed and in an obsessive loop about this person

[ExpatInItaly]

12 hours ago, hello259 said:

BUT TILL NOW HE HAS NOT MADE IT COMFORTABLE FOR US TO HAVE OPEN FEELING COMMUNICATION LIKE THAT, 

Let this be an important lesson for you, hello. 

When someone is keeping this much distance from you, it's just not in your best interest attach expectations and hopes to them. It sounds like you'd been trying to convince yourself for too long that he likes you when he barely gave you the time of day. It certainly stings when we realize we were mistaken, but you can now be more confident next time in identifying dead-ends and avoiding them. 

[hello259]

OP here.. alright, thanks for all feedback.. I will let go of him.. It’s really hurting, i don’t know how long it’s going to take to feel alright... 

[Allupinnit]

1 hour ago, hello259 said:

OP here.. alright, thanks for all feedback.. I will let go of him.. It’s really hurting, i don’t know how long it’s going to take to feel alright... 

Well, the bright side is you know you're not cut out for casual sex.  You can tell yourself that you would have been ok with a casual situation with this guy but the fact that you're hurting so badly suggests otherwise.  The fact is that most people cannot handle casual situations  - someone always gets hurt.

[hello259]

6 hours ago, Allupinnit said:

Well, the bright side is you know you're not cut out for casual sex.  You can tell yourself that you would have been ok with a casual situation with this guy but the fact that you're hurting so badly suggests otherwise.  The fact is that most people cannot handle casual situations  - someone always gets hurt.

No, I would have been OK with casual with him.. My issue is just that he was not keeping even casual contact, not properly communicating like even normal aquaintances do.. just one or two words, and that hurts, even if just a friend or fwb.

[ExpatInItaly]

3 hours ago, hello259 said:

No, I would have been OK with casual with him.. My issue is just that he was not keeping even casual contact, not properly communicating like even normal aquaintances do.. just one or two words, and that hurts, even if just a friend or fwb.

Really?

I have to admit, I think it would have been very hard for you. The reason is because you already had attached a lot of emotions to him and your random contacts  with him for the last year. Not to drill the point home, but you had quite a fantasy going about something that was barely anything, trying to convince yourself that he likes you and so on. You were already deep in your feelings about him. 

If you had been casual with him, my guess is that you would have always been wanting more and getting your hopes up.  How would you have felt if you had continued to sleep with him only to find out he's also having sex with other women? Or going on dates with them? Or if he kept up this hot-cold cycle after sleeping with him,  to have him slowly fade out as his interest turned elsewhere? My money would be on you feeling pretty crappy about that.  You would probably be wondering why he isn't asking you on dates or why he feels the need to sleep with someone else. 

That isn't a put-down, by the way. A lot of people struggle with casual or FWB even though they claim not to. It's not all it's cracked up to be, more often than not. You already have feelings for him so causal/FWB would have been disastrous for you here. It's a good thing he's not trying to make that happen with you, I promise. 

[Velvet teddy]

On 8/26/2020 at 6:30 PM, hello259 said:

Okay fine.. it was a hookup for him, but it’s not like i expected too much from him anyway, seeing his behavior from the start.. but he does have feelings.. I can’t imagine him not liking me, not at all to sound boastful but I’m always very sweet to him, never show anger/reactions.. Anyway.. now how do i proceed is the question? 

You could be the nicest, most sweetest person in the world.

But this is not going to make a difference to the WRONG man. He is not the person for you, hes made that VERY CLEAR.

How do you proceed?

Have no further contact with him out of work. 

Only respond to work related issues. 

And next time, don't get into bed with just anyone, make sure there is some exclusivity.

As you are clearly not the type of person who can deal with casual hook ups. As much as you say you are.

You seem like a person who wears their heart on their sleeve. Nothing wrong in that, but you need to be more careful the types of men you engage with. That's all. 

 

Edited August 29, 2020 by Velvet teddy

[OnlyHonesty]

On 8/26/2020 at 6:30 PM, hello259 said:

Okay fine.. it was a hookup for him, but it’s not like i expected too much from him anyway, seeing his behavior from the start.. but he does have feelings.. I can’t imagine him not liking me, not at all to sound boastful but I’m always very sweet to him, never show anger/reactions.. Anyway.. now how do i proceed is the question? 

His behavior makes perfect sense, and I have absolutely no doubt that he likes you a lot, thinks about you a everyday, and wants to be around you all of the time. He is very interested in you, and has been since you first met. His behavior seems strange and does not make sense, because when you like someone, you move towards them. This is not always the case for guys. The best way I can describe his behavior is how a magnet behaves when you place like poles of two magnets near each other....they repel, but mixed with the attraction before hand. The reasons for this behavior either stem from self protection, or being both extremely turned on by you, and turned off by something else  at the same time. It's probably the former though. Do you have any other history at work with any other men?

The only way to proceed is to forget him forever, but you can't do it because you are addicted to him.

[hello259]

Hello,

So I met this guy  2 years ago.. he started off admiring me, saying he liked me.. I thought wow, I found someone who I can share affection, care with.. But then I saw that he is very inconsistent with me.. I am not sure why but he was very hot and cold, would not text me for weeks, would not talk to me for months.. very randomly would say "lets meet" and it would just be like a hookup in his car.. or we would get a room.. but in these 2 years, you won't believe we have met only a handful of times and only got intimate a few times.. in 2 years.. all because he would not be consistent, talk with me, ask me to meet.. I was not looking for dating him that is ok, I was happy even if as a friend he would just be a friend and maintain contact with me like how friends do.

But he failed to talk to me consistently, would reply me with one word answers.. even after we got intimate, he would not text me for a week.. and his messages would be very limited on chat, though in person he is fine. I was very frustrated with this as you can imagine, as I some reason had feelings, and I thought he would be a nice friend to me. I was devastated and heartbroken I could not take it, so I told him few months ago, lets just stop random talk and end this interaction.. I might as well not have anything then have crumbs, as I Felt miserable from how he would not consistently talk, answer in one word replies, sometimes not even answer.. yet he did like me, so I am not sure why this behavior.. 

After I told him lets stop talking, he said some Bull about how he will wait.. and "text me daily" which of course he didn't do. He did not pursue me. the only time he messages me is if he sees some status that I have posted on my WhatsApp, and he replies with one word replies as he always used to like "haha" or "Nice!" and that is IT. He will not ask how are you? Did I do something wrong? why aren't you talking? He will not try to communicate like a normal person. I don't reply at all to his one word answers, because I don't want to just talk to him without him giving more effort into this friendship and showing that he actually cares.. But to me, it seems like he doesn't care. This is just driving me crazy daily and I am extremely depressed. 

 

My question is this: His birthday is next week and I have been contemplating should I wish him a simple "wish you a happy birthday. Take care"? Should I wish this or no? Even though he has no idea about my birthday,  it was just last week.. even though I had mentioned it to him once. So do I just give a simple wish or no? Is it worth it? I keep thinking, even if I wish, even  he is not going to come pleading to me, he is not going to suddenly think wow she is a great gal.. .. so what is the point of doing it? But I am a nice person and that is me to wish people and be thoughtful and I want to look like a nice person, though all this time I was very nice to him and it hurt me extremely that he could not see that and be good with me.. I feel that if I wish him, I will give up the power.. I feel that if I am rude, I will feel better, for all the hurt that he caused me, it will feel good to ignore him. And not only ignore, I know I may sound childish, but on the birthday, I feel like posting some memes and some other pics, to show that I am ignoring you. (But I doubt he would care right)?

Please advise? I am not sure how to get closure on this. I can't talk to him openly as he doesn't communicate properly and he will think I am a drama queen. Just ignore and use this as a closure? Or give him a simple wish and then keep quiet after  that?

Edited March 12, 2021 by hello259
add details

[Wiseman2]

30 minutes ago, hello259 said:

.. very randomly would say "lets meet" and it would just be like a hookup in his car.. or we would get a room.. 

Is he living with someone/married? 

It's odd to hookup in cars and hotels, no?

Unfortunately he treats you like a call girl. Why settle for that if you would rather have a BF?

"Closure" comes when you delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps.

That way you can focus on talking to and meeting men you can date on a regular basis and who want what you want.

[StoryOfMyLifeYes]

You aren't being a nice person, you are being a doormat. Stop being that.

Here's the thing. The question of whether or not you wish him a happy birthday is actually totally irrelevant to anything. You are treating it as if something important hinged on it, but really there isn't anything at all. It doesn't matter.

What matters is this: you appear to be addicted to a person who doesn't genuinely care for you. From where I stand, it looks like the longer you stick with this addiction, the more damaging it will be and the harder it will be to kick it. Now is really the best time.

You already have some understanding that the situation will not change. I can promise you it will not, in case you have doubts. You now have two options:

1) Stay in the situation and continue suffering. I think you are very clearly suffering, otherwise you would not be posting here and your language speaks volumes.

2) Quit it NOW and start healing from this. (It will take time and be hard).

I don't think I need to tell you which one is the better one.

From what you write it seems very much to me like your self-esteem is diminished. Sorry for the "doormat" but I am a big believer in acknowledging hard truths in order to begin recovery, and while I know nothing about your general character, from your description in this particular situation you have been a doormat for two years, because you clearly want something else yet stick with this despite him acting the way he does.

The best thing to do for you now is disengage from him, permanently. You might see good qualities in him right now (your idea of him will change over time if you only disengage) but you are at least recognizing he is not good for you. Please understand there are people and things out there that are, and you are currently just blocking yourself from eventually discovering these. One thing I can definitely promise you is that if you disengage now, should you still remember a year down the line that you were here obsessing over whether or not to send him a happy birthday message you will wonder why in hell you ever attached such importance to such a non-question.

I hope this helps. I'll follow this thread.

Edited March 12, 2021 by StoryOfMyLifeYes

[d0nnivain]

You only want to wish him a Happy Birthday because you want to keep the lines of communication open.  You continue to fail to see that he doesn't care about you, will never communicate consistently with you & only pops up occasionally when he's bored or horney.    Wishing him a Happy Birthday does not make you a nice person.  Failing to say that doesn't make you a rude person.  As @StoryOfMyLifeYes put it above, you need to stop being a doormat.  

If you reach out he will know that you are still on the hook & that the next time he wants to hook up in his car or get a room you will jump at the chance.  The longer you stay tethered to this person who is using you, the longer you will prevent yourself from finding a good guy with whom you can genuinely connect. The choice is yours but personally I'd pick freedom.  Close this door forever & don't look back.  There is nothing here for you.  

[hello259]

1 hour ago, StoryOfMyLifeYes said:

You aren't being a nice person, you are being a doormat. Stop being that.

Here's the thing. The question of whether or not you wish him a happy birthday is actually totally irrelevant to anything. You are treating it as if something important hinged on it, but really there isn't anything at all. It doesn't matter.

What matters is this: you appear to be addicted to a person who doesn't genuinely care for you. From where I stand, it looks like the longer you stick with this addiction, the more damaging it will be and the harder it will be to kick it. Now is really the best time.

You already have some understanding that the situation will not change. I can promise you it will not, in case you have doubts. You now have two options:

1) Stay in the situation and continue suffering. I think you are very clearly suffering, otherwise you would not be posting here and your language speaks volumes.

2) Quit it NOW and start healing from this. (It will take time and be hard).

I don't think I need to tell you which one is the better one.

From what you write it seems very much to me like your self-esteem is diminished. Sorry for the "doormat" but I am a big believer in acknowledging hard truths in order to begin recovery, and while I know nothing about your general character, from your description in this particular situation you have been a doormat for two years, because you clearly want something else yet stick with this despite him acting the way he does.

The best thing to do for you now is disengage from him, permanently. You might see good qualities in him right now (your idea of him will change over time if you only disengage) but you are at least recognizing he is not good for you. Please understand there are people and things out there that are, and you are currently just blocking yourself from eventually discovering these. One thing I can definitely promise you is that if you disengage now, should you still remember a year down the line that you were here obsessing over whether or not to send him a happy birthday message you will wonder why in hell you ever attached such importance to such a non-question.

I hope this helps. I'll follow this thread.

Thank you so much for all your thoughtful replies.. This situation w/ him has really affected me so much, that i get shaken up when I see him liking another person’s pic or follow someone new or each day passes without effort from him.. I just don’t know why i can’t come out of this.i cant understand how can ge act like this when he likes me. I think i feel extreme resentment for the way i’ e been treated by him - Not talking properly, being inconsistent.. when he is fine with others.. yet at the same time some reason I have grown feelings and hoping each day that he sends a text that can open the communication.. i know this sounds very sad and i feel extreme pity for myself that I am liking this childish guy this much and even remember his bday, while he acts this way... i dont know i feel things are unfinished, im resentful not able to let go some reason.. i dont think i can take it if i block him... also i have left him on my list in case i want to upload memes that send messages, or be mean.. i know childish but i cant help it..

So what abt the happy birthday? should i wish ? i guess i want to show ‘look how sweet i am i remember your b’day & wish you’ or it wont make any difference and make him just look idiotic? since i was the one who cut him off? 

[StoryOfMyLifeYes]

Don't wish happy birthday. As I wrote: it doesn't and won't make any difference whatsoever. You are the only one attaching this much importance to it.

Think about what you write:

27 minutes ago, hello259 said:

This situation w/ him has really affected me so much, that i get shaken up when I see him liking another person’s pic or follow someone new or each day passes without effort from him..

This is not what love or affection feels like, ever. Not even close. What you are experiencing is an obsession, with a person who doesn't care for you (which is a big part of the reason you are obsessed). I know the place you're in and I don't envy you, and I can only repeat: the only way to get out of this and ever feel better and reclaim your life is to walk away immediately.

No he doesn't like you, at least not nearly in the way you wish he did. If he liked you, things would feel very different. You have just been in this obsession for so long you have lost sight of that.

Furthermore, when I say "immediately" I mean immediately, cut all contact, abandon all hope, stop looking at his social, no he won't care. Start reclaiming yourself. You might want to look into some self-help literature, for starters I cannot recommend Susan Forward's Obsessive Love, it's an incredible read and you will recognize yourself in the book. It gives you a lot of useful practical tips on how to break your obsession. With a little search you can find it online. Just give it a read. It helped me tons more than I ever thought it would.

I can see that you are fighting not to break the obsession. This is because you are addicted. This is also why you can't understand why you can't seem to let go, in the same way a nicotine addict doesn't understand why they smoke even though it's not fun and makes them feel awful. Your kind of obsession is just as unhealthy as any drug addiction and it is destroying you emotionally. It is also destroying your life in a practical way, think of all the time and mental energy you spend ruminating over this person. Again: this is not what love or affection feels like. You just forgot that.

I have been in exactly the same kind of place you are in now, years ago. So I speak from a lot of experience. It lasted a long time, and it cost me a lot of time, money, missed opportunities, and mental health. But you can recover and be happy. The first step is to understand you are being your own problem right now. He's just a dude who doesn't give a damn. What you are seeing your relationship to this person as is not reality.

So no, don't wish happy birthday. Don't contact at all. Don't stalk. Do hard No Contact indefinitely. This is my advice.

You are spending so much time and energy on this. In the future, when you feel better and are finally able to let go, when you look back on it you will feel, at most, one thing: regret. I promise you that. This is time and energy wasted on nothing.

Edited March 12, 2021 by StoryOfMyLifeYes

[hello259]

1 hour ago, StoryOfMyLifeYes said:

Don't wish happy birthday. As I wrote: it doesn't and won't make any difference whatsoever. You are the only one attaching this much importance to it.

Think about what you write:

This is not what love or affection feels like, ever. Not even close. What you are experiencing is an obsession, with a person who doesn't care for you (which is a big part of the reason you are obsessed). I know the place you're in and I don't envy you, and I can only repeat: the only way to get out of this and ever feel better and reclaim your life is to walk away immediately.

No he doesn't like you, at least not nearly in the way you wish he did. If he liked you, things would feel very different. You have just been in this obsession for so long you have lost sight of that.

Furthermore, when I say "immediately" I mean immediately, cut all contact, abandon all hope, stop looking at his social, no he won't care. Start reclaiming yourself. You might want to look into some self-help literature, for starters I cannot recommend Susan Forward's Obsessive Love, it's an incredible read and you will recognize yourself in the book. It gives you a lot of useful practical tips on how to break your obsession. With a little search you can find it online. Just give it a read. It helped me tons more than I ever thought it would.

I can see that you are fighting not to break the obsession. This is because you are addicted. This is also why you can't understand why you can't seem to let go, in the same way a nicotine addict doesn't understand why they smoke even though it's not fun and makes them feel awful. Your kind of obsession is just as unhealthy as any drug addiction and it is destroying you emotionally. It is also destroying your life in a practical way, think of all the time and mental energy you spend ruminating over this person. Again: this is not what love or affection feels like. You just forgot that.

I have been in exactly the same kind of place you are in now, years ago. So I speak from a lot of experience. It lasted a long time, and it cost me a lot of time, money, missed opportunities, and mental health. But you can recover and be happy. The first step is to understand you are being your own problem right now. He's just a dude who doesn't give a damn. What you are seeing your relationship to this person as is not reality.

So no, don't wish happy birthday. Don't contact at all. Don't stalk. Do hard No Contact indefinitely. This is my advice.

You are spending so much time and energy on this. In the future, when you feel better and are finally able to let go, when you look back on it you will feel, at most, one thing: regret. I promise you that. This is time and energy wasted on nothing.

Thanks for your thoughtful deep reply.. I guess you are right I am obsessed because I am resentful, I keep thinking how can this guy not like such a Nice sweet person as me.. and not bragging, but i am rather good looking..So i keep thinking how can he NOT? Especially when i accepted him, his *size isn't very ideal, but I still accepted him, because I like him and I don't care for things like size.. And he even appreciated that.. so after all this,  I feel very hurt at this behavior toward me..and that is why i guess when I see him liking girls pics, i get panicked, like "but I am here, and I am good, so why couldn't he talk to me??" It's like they are cra* and here I am I was so good to you..  I guess How do i handle this resentful feeling ? And yea if i have to block him completely, i don't know if i can do it.. I am getting anxiety thinking about it.. It's  so hard not talking to him, day to day basis I am just very depressed... How or What should I think to make him look UGLY in my eyes? I think that is what i need

[StoryOfMyLifeYes]

13 minutes ago, hello259 said:

Thanks for your thoughtful deep reply.. I guess you are right I am obsessed because I am resentful, I keep thinking how can this guy not like such a Nice sweet person as me.. and not bragging, but i am rather good looking..So i keep thinking how can he NOT? Especially when i accepted him, his *size isn't very ideal, but I still accepted him, because I like him and I don't care for things like size.. And he even appreciated that.. so after all this,  I feel very hurt at this behavior toward me..and that is why i guess when I see him liking girls pics, i get panicked, like "but I am here, and I am good, so why couldn't he talk to me??" It's like they are cra* and here I am I was so good to you..  I guess How do i handle this resentful feeling ? And yea if i have to block him completely, i don't know if i can do it.. I am getting anxiety thinking about it.. It's  so hard not talking to him, day to day basis I am just very depressed... How or What should I think to make him look UGLY in my eyes? I think that is what i need

Haha, you don't need to make him look ugly in your eyes, that's just more obsession. The only way you can "handle" this resentful feeling is to simply not have it anymore, and the way to not have it anymore is to block him, go no contact, and focus on yourself. It will be tough at first and for weeks you might have the feeling like you're not getting away from thinking about him obsessively, but if you absolutely stick to it (no stalking, no "one sneaky peek at his Instagram", no gifts, no happy birthdays, no Merry Christmas, all of that will set you back) then you will make progress and eventually stop thinking about him altogether. This might seem impossible now, but if you stick to it you will eventually realize that it's been days or weeks since the thought of him even crossed your mind, and it doesn't bother you any longer. Right now you are just a long way away from that.

Understand, your logic of "they are so bad, I am so good, why won't he want me" doesn't work, if things worked like that everyone in the world would want to be with the same people.

Read the book I mentioned. I promise it's good and will help. You will feel understood.

[d0nnivain]

The best think you can do for yourself is to block him.  You need this because you get so upset when you see him on social media.  Stop torturing yourself.  Get him all the way out of your life.  

[hello259]

53 minutes ago, StoryOfMyLifeYes said:

Haha, you don't need to make him look ugly in your eyes, that's just more obsession. The only way you can "handle" this resentful feeling is to simply not have it anymore, and the way to not have it anymore is to block him, go no contact, and focus on yourself. It will be tough at first and for weeks you might have the feeling like you're not getting away from thinking about him obsessively, but if you absolutely stick to it (no stalking, no "one sneaky peek at his Instagram", no gifts, no happy birthdays, no Merry Christmas, all of that will set you back) then you will make progress and eventually stop thinking about him altogether. This might seem impossible now, but if you stick to it you will eventually realize that it's been days or weeks since the thought of him even crossed your mind, and it doesn't bother you any longer. Right now you are just a long way away from that.

Understand, your logic of "they are so bad, I am so good, why won't he want me" doesn't work, if things worked like that everyone in the world would want to be with the same people.

Read the book I mentioned. I promise it's good and will help. You will feel understood.

okay.. but will blocking take care of the root issue, the deep feelings i have  inside for him? That's why I don't want to block immediately as in (run away) from the problem..as my feelings for him will still be there and i will wonder about the unknown.. I want to keep him there, but make myself NOT like him, start feeling unattracted to him. start seeing him in another view.. But how do i do this?.. Then i want to heal in that way.. not by blocking, if you understand what i mean.. ? its been so many days, I have not spoken or replied or initiated.. he does not even reach out to ask how I am, put in any effort or pursue.. I feel extreme resent and I want to myself diminish those feelings for him inside, someway, before blocking..

[d0nnivain]

Blocking will help.  

It's like picking at a scab.  When you pick, you bleed & never heal.  Every time you see him on social media you bled & delay your own healing. 

Your stubborn insistence that you can heal through exposure is keeping you stuck.  You have the power to get unstuck by taking affirmative steps to help yourself.  

[hello259]

9 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Blocking will help.  

It's like picking at a scab.  When you pick, you bleed & never heal.  Every time you see him on social media you bled & delay your own healing. 

Your stubborn insistence that you can heal through exposure is keeping you stuck.  You have the power to get unstuck by taking affirmative steps to help yourself.  

Ok. I know this may sound immature and I am aware of that, but since I have resentment for him for all the hurt he put me through, I keep feeling like putting up insulting memes that indirectly target him.. he will see it definitely since he always looks at all my statuses.. in hopes that he sees those memes and quotes and gets disturbed... But on the other hand, I feel that if I wish happy birthday, I will look good in his eyes, like I am such a nice person.. and he will feel something for me... I guess not right? It won't matter to him if I do such a nice gesture?

Edited March 12, 2021 by hello259

[StoryOfMyLifeYes]

7 minutes ago, hello259 said:

okay.. but will blocking take care of the root issue, the deep feelings i have  inside for him? That's why I don't want to block immediately as in (run away) from the problem..as my feelings for him will still be there and i will wonder about the unknown.. I want to keep him there, but make myself NOT like him, start feeling unattracted to him. start seeing him in another view.. But how do i do this?.. Then i want to heal in that way.. not by blocking, if you understand what i mean.. ? its been so many days, I have not spoken or replied or initiated.. he does not even reach out to ask how I am, put in any effort or pursue.. I feel extreme resent and I want to myself diminish those feelings for him inside, someway, before blocking..

Okay, look. Of course the feelings will initially still be there and it will seem more painful to have him blocked and to be in NC than not to be. However. If you do go NC, in the mid- to long term, it will help. The feelings will fade. Now, I know this might sound horrible, but hear me out.

Think about what people in a healthy, happy relationship feel for each other. They look after each other with tender care, they might feel concern if the other is in trouble, they feel safe and loved around each other and can be their natural selves.

Or how people freshly in love feel. They smile when they think of the object of their love; they are curious about their lives and feel elevated when the other person enters their thoughts.

If you take a look at that and then at your situation you will notice your feelings have nothing whatsoever to do with this sort of thing. These feelings aren't love. They are an unhealthy obsession.

And if you go NC, they will eventually fade. Then you will be free to open yourself up to new experiences, including the ones I described above.

If you remain in contact with him, your obsession will not go away. It is possible to nurture it forever. Please don't be such an enemy to yourself.

[d0nnivain]

He won't be affected by your memes.  If anything they show you still think about him & that strokes his ego.  It shows him that he can treat you like absolute garbage & yet there you are like a loyal dog begging for scraps no matter how many times he kicks you.  

Nothing you do will make you "look good in his eyes."  Stop doing things to or because of him.  Only do what gives you the best result.  

Hate & love are not opposites.  They are the same fiery passionate emotion.  One's positive & the other negative.  What you need to get to is indifference.  That is where you find peace, when you just don't care.  Now you care sooo much & you are hurting yourself.   

[hello259]

5 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

What you need to get to is indifference.  That is where you find peace, when you just don't care.  Now you care sooo much & you are hurting yourself.   

Exactly I need indifference, which is what he is feeling? and I want to get to this rather than blocking, blocking is just to shut off symptoms but I need to take care of the internal feeling inside and that will die down from indifference. I think I need to see him in a new light to start feeling indifference.. Is blocking the only way to get to Indifference ? 

[d0nnivain]

It's one of the fastest.  By not blocking in a misguided effort to prove you can stick it out you just delay your own healing Why do you want to do that to yourself? 

[hello259]

20 minutes ago, StoryOfMyLifeYes said:

Okay, look. Of course the feelings will initially still be there and it will seem more painful to have him blocked and to be in NC than not to be. However. If you do go NC, in the mid- to long term, it will help. The feelings will fade. Now, I know this might sound horrible, but hear me out.

Think about what people in a healthy, happy relationship feel for each other. They look after each other with tender care, they might feel concern if the other is in trouble, they feel safe and loved around each other and can be their natural selves.

Or how people freshly in love feel. They smile when they think of the object of their love; they are curious about their lives and feel elevated when the other person enters their thoughts.

If you take a look at that and then at your situation you will notice your feelings have nothing whatsoever to do with this sort of thing. These feelings aren't love. They are an unhealthy obsession.

And if you go NC, they will eventually fade. Then you will be free to open yourself up to new experiences, including the ones I described above.

If you remain in contact with him, your obsession will not go away. It is possible to nurture it forever. Please don't be such an enemy to yourself.

Yes, this will be very painful for me.. I already feel dull daily, no excitement, nothing in life, ever since I stopped contact with him (even though our communication was just crumbs). But completely blocking him, oh my god, I don't know.. how will I get through my days.. it would be so dull for me.. he wouldn't see my nice photos on my status anymore.. he wouldn't see my funny memes (to which he finds funny and replies haha remember)... seeing my pics and memes, that will linger in his head as well too, as it would for me, still having him on my list... don't you think.. even if it was one line reply, he was reaching out each time.. now to not even have his presence anymore.. I mean it sounds good, but I am worried how I am going to get through my days.. 

Edited March 12, 2021 by hello259

[StoryOfMyLifeYes]

Just now, hello259 said:

Yes, this will be very painful for me.. I already feel dull daily, no excitement, nothing in life, ever since I stopped contact with him (even though our communication was just crumbs) and seeing how he put in no effort to get back.. But completely blocking him, oh my god, I don't know.. how will I get through my days.. it would be so dull for me.. he wouldn't see my nice photos on my status anymore.. he wouldn't see my funny memes (to which he finds funny and replies haha remember)... so even if it was one line reply, he was reaching out each time.. now to not even have his presence anymore.. I mean it sounds good, but I am worried how I am going to get through my days.. 

You'll be fine. It will suck really hard initially, but you'll find yourself in quite a different place two weeks down the line already. The fact you're feeling empty without contact is just testament to how overly important you have made this person in your life. This is what you want to get away from, remember? Initially you will feel empty then, but seeing as you will be doing NC sooner or later you'll just have to occupy your mind with something else.