Author sliticy Posted March 12, 2021 Author Posted March 12, 2021 1 minute ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: yeah I would bounce. I mean she either has some really strange hangup with physical contact or she isn’t into you that way .... At the very least I would start looking elsewhere. Are you paying for all these dates Yeah I will start looking for someone else. And if she would hit me up asking for another date then I would be glad to see if she changed but it's doubtful. We split every single time. She never even considered letting me pay. 1
Author sliticy Posted March 12, 2021 Author Posted March 12, 2021 1 hour ago, Dis said: I get it I think sometimes we have this mentality where we fixate on the positives of the person and subsequently ignore incompatibilities which kind of outweigh the good things. Maybe we do that because we feel we won't find someone better Try not to do that. A wise person told me, don't date with a scarcity mentality, date like you have plenty of options Yeah you are right. I think I am thinking this way to some extent. Felt like we really clicked in terms of what I said above, and I am scared of letting her go cause I don't know if i will find someone else that I will like the same way. Which I obviously will someday. 1
Gaeta Posted March 12, 2021 Posted March 12, 2021 9 minutes ago, sliticy said: It's completely normal in my country and culture to hug. I hug all my female friends and dates I have had on meetup. Are you of the same culture?
Miss Spider Posted March 13, 2021 Posted March 13, 2021 (edited) 2 minutes ago, sliticy said: Yeah you are right. I think I am thinking this way to some extent. Felt like we really clicked in terms of what I said above, and I am scared of letting her go cause I don't know if i will find someone else that I will like the same way. Which I obviously will someday. Yes & the fact that’s she’s always going halvsies isn’t the greatest sign either. That’s done a lot ( not always) when the woman doesn’t want you to invest because she isn’t sure Edited March 13, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes
Author sliticy Posted March 13, 2021 Author Posted March 13, 2021 Just now, Gaeta said: Are you of the same culture? We are yeah. She also seems like an otherwise extroverted person. It's just that she is abit awkward around me at times, and nervous. It's like she is scared of letting silence get in the way of conversation.
Author sliticy Posted March 13, 2021 Author Posted March 13, 2021 1 minute ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Yes & the fact that’s she’s always going halvsies isn’t the greatest sign either. That’s done a lot ( not always) when the woman doesn’t want you to invest because she isn’t sure Yeah sometimes it's to use you aswell. Atleast she is not doing that haha. I had a different date do that for like 2 expensive dinner dates. Never again lol 1
Dis Posted March 13, 2021 Posted March 13, 2021 (edited) I think a good rule of thumb with dating is... When the person you're seeing makes it difficult to date them, it's time to cut your losses Edited March 13, 2021 by Dis 5
Ruby Slippers Posted March 13, 2021 Posted March 13, 2021 50 minutes ago, sliticy said: I think it might come from a lack of experience. She is young, she is 19 and I am 22. It's up to you, but I think it may be premature to cut things off given this. Younger women tend to take longer to warm up to a new man. It was certainly the case for me. Looking back, I would have been better off if I'd never deviated from my original instincts on that. The only reason I did was social pressure and following the herd, very misguided in retrospect. Next time I date, I plan to take my sweet little time before getting physical. For me, the best and most solid relationships have started as friendships. It's a good sign she's telling you she likes you, being a little touchy, and contributing to dating expenses. I'd give it a few more dates. Easy come, easy go, as they say. 2
Author sliticy Posted March 18, 2021 Author Posted March 18, 2021 She asked me out. And I am not sure how I should move forward..
Gaeta Posted March 18, 2021 Posted March 18, 2021 That's good. If you still like her accept. At the end of the date ask her if you can give her a hug. That will prompt a conversation you 2 should have about this lack of touching. 1
Wiseman2 Posted March 18, 2021 Posted March 18, 2021 46 minutes ago, sliticy said: She asked me out. And I am not sure how I should move forward.. Go.
cyphorX Posted March 18, 2021 Posted March 18, 2021 she is not into you, move on and find someone who is. situations like this don't get better, she will be 4 steps behind you for the rest of the time you are with her and that will be frustrating.
Fletch Lives Posted March 18, 2021 Posted March 18, 2021 On 3/12/2021 at 9:24 AM, notbroken said: Go for a kiss on the next date. If she turns her head or otherwise doesn't reciprocate you have your answer. Notbroken is the only person on this entire site who got this! Original poster, you forgot to go for the first kiss. 1
Miss Peach Posted March 18, 2021 Posted March 18, 2021 2 hours ago, Gaeta said: That's good. If you still like her accept. At the end of the date ask her if you can give her a hug. That will prompt a conversation you 2 should have about this lack of touching. I would normally say cut your losses at this point but with covid a lot of people are afraid to touch or bust boundaries with touching. I would also for a hug, some hand holding, etc. to sort out whether it's something situational or with you.
Author sliticy Posted March 18, 2021 Author Posted March 18, 2021 1 hour ago, Miss Peach said: I would normally say cut your losses at this point but with covid a lot of people are afraid to touch or bust boundaries with touching. I would also for a hug, some hand holding, etc. to sort out whether it's something situational or with you. If it's situational then i really do not know what she wants to accomplish by going out with me
dramafreezone Posted March 18, 2021 Posted March 18, 2021 (edited) 5 hours ago, sliticy said: She asked me out. And I am not sure how I should move forward.. If she asked you out, she really likes you (as I said before). She's just not comfortable with physical contact right now. I would just go out, have a good time, make her laugh, make her feel attractive and take her cues. She feels you're pressuring her, so I would not continue to push for physical contact. She has to get comfortable on her own schedule. Maybe this is the norm for her, or maybe she's just not there yet with you. That said, if you really don't like her that much and have to have sex now, just move on. All women aren't the same, which means all aren't going to be touchy feely by the third date. I would not ask for physical contact, or get angry if she rebuffs you. All of that just makes it seems like you are a guy that doesn't have a lot of experience with women. I think she is really into you because she wants to see you again even after you were pawing at her like you're a horny teenager. I think showing some restraint and respecting her boundaries will actually make you appear more attractive. She already knows you want to have sex with her. Edited March 18, 2021 by dramafreezone 1
SaraSays Posted March 18, 2021 Posted March 18, 2021 4 hours ago, cyphorX said: she is not into you, move on and find someone who is. situations like this don't get better, she will be 4 steps behind you for the rest of the time you are with her and that will be frustrating. Impossible to claim this, as all 3,899,932,628 of us are different. I am someone who moves very slowly. I have to feel safe in someone's company, in order to want to get close to them physically. Hand-holding is a big deal to me, and probably the first step I'd feel comfortable with a month, or so, in, having seen consistent, kind, thoughtful behaviour until that point. Other women would happily do that within a few minutes of meeting someone, and at any point before a month has passed. Some women would like to have no physical contact til marriage. It's absolutely fine for anyone to end anything for any reason, but it isn't indicative of something being wrong - just of the 2 not being a good fit, perhaps. I've just bumped into an ex-boyfriend of mine in the supermarket, a boyfriend I will always hold-up as an example of a non-pushy, decent man, who took my words seriously as they pertained to what I was comfortable with, and not. 1
Dis Posted March 18, 2021 Posted March 18, 2021 (edited) Just because she wants to go out with you doesn't mean you should accept And just because she might like you doesn't make her cold demeanor any less off putting to you . You don't need to keep circling this issue when there's clearly a lack of compatibility early on. Just tell you're not interested but thanks, and move on to someone who makes you feel good about the dates you have with them Edited March 18, 2021 by Dis 1 1
salparadise Posted March 19, 2021 Posted March 19, 2021 10 hours ago, sliticy said: She asked me out. And I am not sure how I should move forward.. If you do decide to go out again, I'd escalate the touching throughout the date... on the arm, small of the back, reach across the table and touch her hands (lightly hold her hand momentarily with your fingers). Basically you're conditioning her to touching. Then perhaps ask for a hug or even a kiss at the end. My guess is that she has intimacy issues, and though she wishes she were more affectionate she has trouble when the time comes. If at any point she puts the brakes on, use that as an opportunity to ask why she is reluctant to allow you to touch her. If I were you I'd get to the bottom of this now. If she doesn't warm up then I'd move on. Chances are this is not going to be over once she does allow you to hug the first time. I think she's probably averse to physical contact generally. But might as well give it one more try and either break through or force a conversation.
dramafreezone Posted March 19, 2021 Posted March 19, 2021 (edited) 3 hours ago, salparadise said: If you do decide to go out again, I'd escalate the touching throughout the date... on the arm, small of the back, reach across the table and touch her hands (lightly hold her hand momentarily with your fingers). Basically you're conditioning her to touching. Then perhaps ask for a hug or even a kiss at the end. My guess is that she has intimacy issues, and though she wishes she were more affectionate she has trouble when the time comes. If at any point she puts the brakes on, use that as an opportunity to ask why she is reluctant to allow you to touch her. If I were you I'd get to the bottom of this now. If she doesn't warm up then I'd move on. Chances are this is not going to be over once she does allow you to hug the first time. I think she's probably averse to physical contact generally. But might as well give it one more try and either break through or force a conversation. He's already tried physical contact. Why would trying even harder work? She's clearly not comfortable and escalating would be really distressing. She's 19 years old. Maybe she's been sheltered and hasn't been with many guys, or it could be a host of other reasons. I think trying to touch more would be a really bad idea. He doesn't need to get into any deep conversation about it, she might not even know why she's not comfortable. If he needs to get physical now and she's not there yet he needs to move on from her. Edited March 19, 2021 by dramafreezone 2 1
Author sliticy Posted March 19, 2021 Author Posted March 19, 2021 12 hours ago, dramafreezone said: If she asked you out, she really likes you (as I said before). She's just not comfortable with physical contact right now. I would just go out, have a good time, make her laugh, make her feel attractive and take her cues. She feels you're pressuring her, so I would not continue to push for physical contact. She has to get comfortable on her own schedule. Maybe this is the norm for her, or maybe she's just not there yet with you. That said, if you really don't like her that much and have to have sex now, just move on. All women aren't the same, which means all aren't going to be touchy feely by the third date. I would not ask for physical contact, or get angry if she rebuffs you. All of that just makes it seems like you are a guy that doesn't have a lot of experience with women. I think she is really into you because she wants to see you again even after you were pawing at her like you're a horny teenager. I think showing some restraint and respecting her boundaries will actually make you appear more attractive. She already knows you want to have sex with her. I agree that I should respect her boundaries but what if I want to make sure I am not a friend to her. Don't want to waste energy on this girl if she just sees me that way. Imo I would ask her on the next date for a hug or if I can hold her hand. If she thinks I have less experience with women cause of that then she will still like me regardless if she is interested.
elaine567 Posted March 19, 2021 Posted March 19, 2021 DFZ does have a point though, she IS only 19, she is not some 49 yo mother of two, acting all coy as some sort of a game. She is coy as she is young and she is uncomfortable. He either takes that on board and tries to increase her comfort, or he if needs sex, he moves on to some other more experienced and confident girl. 1
SaraSays Posted March 19, 2021 Posted March 19, 2021 9 hours ago, salparadise said: I'd escalate the touching throughout the date... on the arm, small of the back, reach across the table and touch her hands (lightly hold her hand momentarily with your fingers). Basically you're conditioning her to touching. Truly harrowing to read. @sliticy I'm proud of your response, acknowledging the importance of respecting the boundaries of this woman, and not touching her without her consent. 3
smackie9 Posted March 19, 2021 Posted March 19, 2021 IMO if there isn't any "spark" between you two, and it feels more like "friends" I would just call it quits. If you don't want to give up so easily, just talk to her about it. Some times just coming out and asking will clear the air.
dramafreezone Posted March 19, 2021 Posted March 19, 2021 (edited) 9 hours ago, sliticy said: I agree that I should respect her boundaries but what if I want to make sure I am not a friend to her. Don't want to waste energy on this girl if she just sees me that way. Imo I would ask her on the next date for a hug or if I can hold her hand. If she thinks I have less experience with women cause of that then she will still like me regardless if she is interested. She knows you like her on a sexual level. I actually think most women know this intuitively, meaning they don't have to think about it, they know it on a gut level. They know how a guy that wants them sexually looks at them. You made a move so she knows you have the guts to go for it. She's just not comfortable, that's the last part. If you're still interested, I think just sitting back and just creating a fun experience is your best bet. I'm thinking she will be very touched and appreciative that you're allowing her to get comfortable without pressuring her and she will come around. It also says that you know how to back off when she says no, which is obviously very important. Every woman is fearful that a guy won't stop when she says no. Edited March 19, 2021 by dramafreezone
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