If a girl talks about being attracted to another guy, does it mean she's not interested?

[HopelessNick]

If I say "If I line up a game of tennis with Person A, would you be interested in coming?" Does that sound like a date?

Would she think I'm asking her out? 

And if she agrees to go, does that mean anything?

Edited March 13, 2021 by HopelessNick

[elaine567]

12 minutes ago, HopelessNick said:

If I say "If I line up a game of tennis with Person A, would you be interested in coming?" Does that sound like a date? NO.
Would she think I'm asking her out? NO 
And if she agrees to go, does that mean anything? NO

All that sounds like friend stuff.
If you are looking for another friend then carry on, but as she is seemingly really interested in some other guy and told you about it, then I don't think she is interested in anything romantic with you.
I certainly would not be pursuing any guy who told me he was interested in some other girl...

[SaraSays]

3 minutes ago, HopelessNick said:

What if I said "If I line up a game of tennis with person A, would you be interested in coming? " would she feel like I was asking her out 

@elaine567 answered this above ^^

[Gaeta]

@HopelessNick: When a woman has a crush on a man she doesn't see other men around as potential boyfriend. Your only move here is to exit the friend-zone by announcing to her you'd be interested in more when she turns up free. 

[elaine567]

1 minute ago, Gaeta said:

announcing to her you'd be interested in more when she turns up free. 

Trouble is I don't think she is actually offering or expecting more from Nick.

 

[Gaeta]

@elaine567: You're probably right, sounds like she's turning him into her BFF.  Nick would benefit from the practice though? If he thinks inviting a girl to a tennis game with some other dude is a date....he needs help & practice. 

[HopelessNick]

32 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

@elaine567: You're probably right, sounds like she's turning him into her BFF.  Nick would benefit from the practice though? If he thinks inviting a girl to a tennis game with some other dude is a date....he needs help & practice. 

I do realise I'm kidding myself even though I don't want to admit it.

I struggle with having conversations with anyone, let alone girls. I never have anything to say at the time, but  come up with heaps afterwards. 

Anyway, as you'd understand, asking a girl out is a massive step up haha. 

I'm surprised she's even my friend to be honest because at the end of the day, who would want to be friends with someone who hardly talks lol.  I'm kidding myself. 

Sorry

Edited March 13, 2021 by HopelessNick

[SaraSays]

5 minutes ago, HopelessNick said:

I struggle with having conversations with anyone, let alone girls.

This would be something realistic to work on. I  can't recall if I read it on this website, or another, but someone posted about having the same problem as you in the past. He made it his goal to start conversations anywhere and with anyone about anything (supermarket, waiting for a bus, in a queue, sitting on a bench on the street, security and the receptionists where he worked), and he was successful in becoming comfortable.

He'd approach them and chat about things anyone could form an opinion on - whether to buy a ready-made pizza or try to make one, whether they knew if rain was forecast later on, what's a delicious, easy, informal meal to make for 4 guests, whether they knew when the roadworks on the main street disrupting the flow of traffic were supposed to be finished, whether there was a cobbler they knew of nearby, whether they'd seen the new restaurant that has opened up nearby and know what type of food is offered, and so on and so forth.

When the time came that he liked a woman (NB we're not girls), he was comfy approaching her and chatting her up, and comfy doing that a thousand times more. His nerves had decreased, because he was chatting to so many people on any given day. Some were receptive to chatter, some not, some were rude, some were impatient, some were raconteurs, some were entertaining, some were mysterious, some were silly and playful, some were serious - he roled with the punches, and dusted himself off, on the odd occasion he was spurned.

[HopelessNick]

8 minutes ago, SaraSays said:

He made it his goal to start conversations anywhere.

I can't even look at strangers, let alone talk to them unless it's something serious that I have to say or ask. 

My colleagues at work don't say anything,  but it's likely they think I don't like them because I avoid them. I purposely avoid them because I don't want to feel uncomfortable or make them feel awkward. I actually really like them.

Edited March 13, 2021 by HopelessNick

[SaraSays]

20 minutes ago, HopelessNick said:

I can't even look at strangers, let alone talk to them unless it's something serious that I have to say or ask. 

My colleagues at work don't say anything,  but it's likely they think I don't like them because I avoid them. I purposely avoid them because I don't want to feel uncomfortable or make them feel awkward. I actually really like them.

I think it'd help to frame this ever-so-slightly differently. For the same reason we shouldn't be called girls, when we are women - words matter.

"I can't do x" conveys hopelessness.
"I can't do x now" is a statement about how the land lies now, but doesn't kill hope for the future.

You could learn to be different, if you're interested in being different. Conversational skills can be learnt. The person in my example learnt them. It's also important to distinguish between genuine discomfort (someone is following me) and acts which keep you small and keep your exposure to life small (avoiding colleagues, although nothing untoward has occurred).

[Gaeta]

46 minutes ago, HopelessNick said:

I can't even look at strangers, let alone talk to them unless it's something serious that I have to say or ask. 

You make yourself do it. What do you have to lose? What is the worse that could happen? I was extremely shy when young and I got so fed up with it so I forced myself to talk to people just to practice. Now I can't be shut up

 

[Miss Spider]

Get some practice now. Don’t waste years and opportunities hiding away from women. How long have you known her and do you have to come in contact with her a lot 

Edited March 13, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Marc878]

15 hours ago, HopelessNick said:

If she wasn't interested, wouldn't she start avoiding me or at least cut back on chatting to me? 

There's been a couple of times where I've given up, but she just lures me back into conservation even when I don't want to talk.  

No. She didn’t lure you back. You did that yourself. 

[Marc878]

On 3/11/2021 at 5:29 AM, d0nnivain said:You have been friend-zoned.  The minute you helped her look for this guy Mick, you solidified in her mind that you are not somebody she will ever date.  You are the reliable buddy who will stroke her ego & give her insight into the male gender but she's never going to date you.   

You disrespected yourself in front of her.  IMO there’s nothing left to salvage here. Move on. 
 

Download and read “No More Mr Nice Guy” by glover. It’s free and short.

It may help you for your future relationships. This one is toast.

[dramafreezone]

7 hours ago, HopelessNick said:

I do realise I'm kidding myself even though I don't want to admit it.

I struggle with having conversations with anyone, let alone girls. I never have anything to say at the time, but  come up with heaps afterwards. 

Anyway, as you'd understand, asking a girl out is a massive step up haha. 

I'm surprised she's even my friend to be honest because at the end of the day, who would want to be friends with someone who hardly talks lol.  I'm kidding myself. 

Sorry

You're young.  You have a lot of prime years ahead of you.  You need to start realizing that you're a prize, and instead it's her loss.

That said, you need to begin living your life like a prize.  Make yourself into the best version of yourself.  That means delve into your career (or school), into the gym, into your hobbies.  Create a full life to where you actually don't need women.  It's weird, but needing a woman drives them away.  Not needing them because you have a fulfilling life is what's attractive.   It's kind of like credit, if you need it because you don't have cash, no bank wants to extend it to you.  If you've got lots of money, they throw credit cards at you.

I think women have a sixth sense and can smell desperation, so the only way to eliminate that is to have a life that brings you joy without them.

It'll take a while but start today and take small, acheivable steps towards that end goal, to have a full life.

Edited March 13, 2021 by dramafreezone

[HopelessNick]

1 hour ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

Get some practice now. Don’t waste years and opportunities hiding away from women. How long have you known her and do you have to come in contact with her a lot 

A year now and she lures me into conversations which is why I'm OK talking to her now. She's been really good to me because she could have left me alone, but instead she keeps talking to me. 

[Miss Spider]

47 minutes ago, HopelessNick said:

A year now and she lures me into conversations which is why I'm OK talking to her now. She's been really good to me because she could have left me alone, but instead she keeps talking to me. 

Talking means nothing. I’ve been reading these threads and I’ve come to the conclusion that for creatures that are some people believe are so “literal“, men seem to try to read into things a little too much where some things are concerned. It’s just talking. We do that with friends. I think you need to practice. Practice taking the talking to flirting/“game” . Look at some videos and websites and choose what feels best to you. There is so much advice out there on this that I won’t waste time putting it in here, but I would practice on someone that is low-risk at first. someone that doesn’t run in your immediate circle that you have to don’t have see a lot. That way if you get curved, it’s not the end of the world unless you choose to dwell on it. 
 

Edited March 13, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[mark clemson]

10 hours ago, HopelessNick said:

What if I said "If I line up a game of tennis with person A, would you be interested in coming? " would she feel like I was asking her out 

No. Asking her out would be e.g. asking her to dinner and a movie together or other time just the two of you.

 

1 hour ago, HopelessNick said:

A year now and she lures me into conversations which is why I'm OK talking to her now. She's been really good to me because she could have left me alone, but instead she keeps talking to me. 

Sure. You're a friend. Nothing inherently wrong with that so long as you're not wasting your life pining for her when you could be starting relationships of your own. Also your attention feeds her ego (not that that's inherently wrong, in moderation, either).

I think part of why you won't ask her on a date is because you're scared it will bring things to a head when she (presumably) rejects your offer and then the friendship is "spoiled". Sad, but perhaps also cathartic IF you then can focus your attention on better prospects.

Make yourself as attractive as possible, act in a confident and outgoing manner - the women will come to you. In trickles, not droves, as you are not some celebrity or anything, but they will come. A "9" guy in a major population center will receive interest from "6/7" women and occasionally from "8/9" women. Be sensitive to indirect offers, such as the chat while in line at Starbucks that ends with "well perhaps we'll run into each other again sometime". That's your cue to say "you know, you seem really nice. Maybe we should go have lunch sometime" or similar and see what she says.

Edited March 13, 2021 by mark clemson

[Interstellar]

I was confuse at your first few sentences in the beginning ie..She’s trying to get your attention while you’re busy with something, then etc, then turns out you like her, then she likes somebody else and then I like her, then I helped her find the dude behind the dude disguised as another dude. Sounds like a lot of wasted energy for nothing.

Since you like her then should’ve straight up ask for her phone number. Then taken her out, and during the date see if she plays with her hair,  touches you, laughs at your corny jokes. This is where you seize the bull by the horn, just like the Matador. Ask her number and take her out.

 

Edited March 14, 2021 by Interstellar

[HopelessNick]

1 hour ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

Talking means nothing.   
 

It may mean nothing, but it means sooo much to me because she is literally one of few people who talks to me on a consistent basis. 

It took her literally almost a year of luring me into conversations before I felt comfortable. 

I'm grateful to her no matter what happens. 

[Miss Spider]

17 hours ago, HopelessNick said:

It may mean nothing, but it means sooo much to me because she is literally one of few people who talks to me on a consistent basis. 

It took her literally almost a year of luring me into conversations before I felt comfortable. 

I'm grateful to her no matter what happens. 

Are you getting counseling/therapy for your social anxiety

[smackie9]

Nick, all it takes is a cheerful "good morning" to your coworkers, or "How is your day going?" Bringing in doughnuts is a good icebreaker too. You don't have to strike up a conversation, just acknowledge them.

Edited March 14, 2021 by smackie9

[Highndry]

I get the feeling that no matter what we say here, you're not going to take the chance and actually ask her out on a date, which is what you need to do. Anything else is just counterproductive.

[Miss Peach]

You've been friend zoned but it could also mean she has no idea you're interested in her. You'll have to figure out if the risk is worth it.

 

A lot of women will hint so if she says flirty things like 'you look good in that shirt' or something like 'we should do this sometime' you probably have a decent shot. Also look at her body language - she should be turning toward you for example when you talk, smiling, looking in your eyes, maybe a small touch.