If a girl talks about being attracted to another guy, does it mean she's not interested?

[HopelessNick]

This girl and I chat a lot in person. We're both 25. She always seems happy to see me and has a big smile when she sees me. When it's obvious I don't want to talk and don't pay attention to her, for example at a pub when I'm concentrating on the TV or at uni when I'm just sitting, looking at my phone, she still starts conversations with me and lures me into talking. If she knew I liked her, but didn't feel the same way, wouldn't she do as much as she could to avoid talking to me? Also, in group conversations where I'm involved, she'll kinda talk about me (eg. he may seem quiet, but he's got another side to him).

Anyway, she tells her friends there's this guy called Mick who she's really attracted to, has talked to a few times, but doesn't know really know him. She noticed that I heard, so then she asked me if I knew him, but I didn't. Ever since then, she talks about him a lot. When she finally managed to get his full name, I offered to help look for him on Facebook. Anyway, we spent an hour or so trying to look him up on Facebook the other day with no success. (I didn't really want to, but I really like her and I want what she wants. If she wants him, then I'd 100% help her).

I think she knows I like her (not 100% sure) but am I right in saying she's not interested in me?

Cheers

Edited March 11, 2021 by HopelessNick

[d0nnivain]

You have been friend-zoned.  The minute you helped her look for this guy Mick, you solidified in her mind that you are not somebody she will ever date.  You are the reliable buddy who will stroke her ego & give her insight into the male gender but she's never going to date you.   

[Wiseman2]

Have you asked her out?

Don't assist her, like a male-girlfriend looking up guys for her. That's worse than the friendzone.

Just ask her out. She needs to know you're interested.

[Fletch Lives]

It sounds like she likes a lot of guys.

[Gaeta]

Next time she talks about him tell her: When you're not pining over Mick anymore let me know I'd love to take you out on a date. 

[Miss Spider]

It sounds like she might like the other guy. The only way to know if she also likes you is to ask her out, which can be a bit tricky depending on your setting.  I would talk about liking other guys in front of my bf though not to this extent because he hadn’t ask me out yet and I was just looking at my option.  Started out friends like you guys in a big group, then a small group of us developed our own fringe group /faction and we’d have convos on zoom watching movies. It’s really hard to flirt in a group because you don’t want to get turned down publicly. A lot of people find that humiliating. Sounds like you do have an opportunity to be alone with her and ask her out. Shoot your shot. I like Gaeta’s idea lol but do what’s in character for you. If she says no, it’s not the end of the world and you’ll have your answer 

Edited March 11, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[dramafreezone]

17 hours ago, HopelessNick said:

This girl and I chat a lot in person. We're both 25. She always seems happy to see me and has a big smile when she sees me. When it's obvious I don't want to talk and don't pay attention to her, for example at a pub when I'm concentrating on the TV or at uni when I'm just sitting, looking at my phone, she still starts conversations with me and lures me into talking. If she knew I liked her, but didn't feel the same way, wouldn't she do as much as she could to avoid talking to me? Also, in group conversations where I'm involved, she'll kinda talk about me (eg. he may seem quiet, but he's got another side to him).

Anyway, she tells her friends there's this guy called Mick who she's really attracted to, has talked to a few times, but doesn't know really know him. She noticed that I heard, so then she asked me if I knew him, but I didn't. Ever since then, she talks about him a lot. When she finally managed to get his full name, I offered to help look for him on Facebook. Anyway, we spent an hour or so trying to look him up on Facebook the other day with no success. (I didn't really want to, but I really like her and I want what she wants. If she wants him, then I'd 100% help her).

I think she knows I like her (not 100% sure) but am I right in saying she's not interested in me?

Cheers

Dude...

First of all it's very likely she knows you like her.  Most of us guys are not good at hiding it. 

Second, even if she didn't know that you like her, the fact that she's talking about another guy that she likes means that she doesn't like you in a romantic sense.  I don't think there's a protocol here as far as how women talk about other men in front of their orbiters (which you are).  Some will avoid talking about other guys, others will talk about guys and not care if you hear it.

There's an off chance that she asked you about him as a shite test, in which you failed.  When you agreed to help find this Mick guy on FB, you volunteered yourself for the friendzone.  It's like you voluntarily walked into the friendzone prison cell, closed the door and gave her the key.  She now knows that you're compliant and you'll do whatever she wants.  I don't think any woman can fall in love with someone that she can control.

Maybe find Mick and do whatever he's doing, because he's doing it right.

[HopelessNick]

15 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

Dude...

First of all it's very likely she knows you like her.  Most of us guys are not good at hiding it. 

Second, even if she didn't know that you like her, the fact that she's talking about another guy that she likes means that she doesn't like you in a romantic sense.  I don't think there's a protocol here as far as how women talk about other men in front of their orbiters (which you are).  Some will avoid talking about other guys, others will talk about guys and not care if you hear it.

There's an off chance that she asked you about him as a shite test, in which you failed.  When you agreed to help find this Mick guy on FB, you volunteered yourself for the friendzone.  It's like you voluntarily walked into the friendzone prison cell, closed the door and gave her the key.  She now knows that you're compliant and you'll do whatever she wants.  I don't think any woman can fall in love with someone that she can control.

Maybe find Mick and do whatever he's doing, because he's doing it right.

I feel we've gotten a lot more comfortable with each other since I was "friend zoned".

Anyway, what happens if I stop hanging around her and only talk to her when she initiates? We dont actually text or talk online.  

[dramafreezone]

1 minute ago, HopelessNick said:

I feel we've gotten a lot more comfortable with each other since I was "friend zoned".

Anyway, what happens if I stop hanging around her and only talk to her when she initiates? We dont actually text or talk online.  

What does that mean "more comfortable?"  Are you two fooling around?  Or are you hi-fiving each other?  There's a lot that could qualify as comfort.

Why not just spend time with women that want to date you?

[HopelessNick]

3 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

What does that mean "more comfortable?"  Are you two fooling around?  Or are you hi-fiving each other?  There's a lot that could qualify as comfort.

Why not just spend time with women that want to date you?

I mean more comfortable with talking to each other

Edited March 12, 2021 by HopelessNick

[Gaeta]

8 minutes ago, HopelessNick said:

I mean more comfortable with talking to each other

If this talking to each other does not include flirting then you're in a bad spot. 

Make a move, ask her on a date, what do you have to lose? 

[mark clemson]

Asking her or implying future interest once she's "over him" is certainly worth a shot, but don't get your hopes up TOO high. I'd put your chances at maybe 20%, something like that.

The friend zone isn't a bad place to be if you're actually a friend, as sometimes the gal warms up to you. Known orbiter (which is what you appear to be) is even less likely IMO because I think they lose some respect for you.

So I would say DON'T cling to this hope TOO long and let years go by as the "beta" etc. Live your own life, don't orbit hers, and find your own partner instead of being a third wheel (if it comes to that, which it might).

[dramafreezone]

1 hour ago, HopelessNick said:

I mean more comfortable with talking to each other

Well that's great.  That tells you that you don't creep her out.  No worse position to be in than to be a "creepy" guy.

You could've made a great boyfriend to her if you demonstrated confidence from the very beginning and declared your interest.   I think in this case she did see you as a potential boyfriend but you ruined in by not asking her out and helping her check out this Mick guy when she knows you like her.  When in doubt, think what would James Bond do.  Would James Bond help a woman check out another guy?

Once you've made an impression it's hard to overcome that.  At this point, just ask her out and if she declines tell her that you're not interested in being just friends and for her to let you know if she changes her mind.  Then date other women.  Don't pretend to be her friend when that's not what you want.  There's a chance that this stark change in behavior may change her mind, but ultimately you deserve to date women that want to date you.

Edited March 12, 2021 by dramafreezone

[cleverusername]

12 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

Well that's great.  That tells you that you don't creep her out.  No worse position to be in than to be a "creepy" guy.

You could've made a great boyfriend to her if you demonstrated confidence from the very beginning and declared your interest.   I think in this case she did see you as a potential boyfriend but you ruined in by not asking her out and helping her check out this Mick guy when she knows you like her.  When in doubt, think what would James Bond do.  Would James Bond help a woman check out another guy?

Once you've made an impression it's hard to overcome that.  At this point, just ask her out and if she declines tell her that you're not interested in being just friends and for her to let you know if she changes her mind.  Then date other women.  Don't pretend to be her friend when that's not what you want.  There's a chance that this stark change in behavior may change her mind, but ultimately you deserve to date women that want to date you.

This OP. It's almost always a one way street. You can go from lover to friend really easily but it is WAY harder to go from friend to lover. 

My recommendation? Next time she asks about this guy ask her about her hot friend. One for one trade. 

[IntBrowser]

19 hours ago, HopelessNick said:

This girl and I chat a lot in person. We're both 25. She always seems happy to see me and has a big smile when she sees me. When it's obvious I don't want to talk and don't pay attention to her, for example at a pub when I'm concentrating on the TV or at uni when I'm just sitting, looking at my phone, she still starts conversations with me and lures me into talking. If she knew I liked her, but didn't feel the same way, wouldn't she do as much as she could to avoid talking to me? Also, in group conversations where I'm involved, she'll kinda talk about me (eg. he may seem quiet, but he's got another side to him).

Anyway, she tells her friends there's this guy called Mick who she's really attracted to, has talked to a few times, but doesn't know really know him. She noticed that I heard, so then she asked me if I knew him, but I didn't. Ever since then, she talks about him a lot. When she finally managed to get his full name, I offered to help look for him on Facebook. Anyway, we spent an hour or so trying to look him up on Facebook the other day with no success. (I didn't really want to, but I really like her and I want what she wants. If she wants him, then I'd 100% help her).

I think she knows I like her (not 100% sure) but am I right in saying she's not interested in me?

Cheers

The woman I met said can we go out as friends but has yet to mention another guy when we talk.     So I would have to say she is not interested.    T

[IntBrowser]

1 hour ago, HopelessNick said:

I feel we've gotten a lot more comfortable with each other since I was "friend zoned".

Anyway, what happens if I stop hanging around her and only talk to her when she initiates? We dont actually text or talk online.  

Of course you are because its already out there that she is not interested.   So its no need to be awkward

[Sun Seeker]

Why have you not asked her out on a date yet?

[Miss Spider]

Doesn’t matter if she knows you like her. Some women won’t ask a guy out or will only do it in very rare instances. 

Edited March 12, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, HopelessNick said:

, what happens if I stop hanging around her and only talk to her when she initiates?   

Nothing happens until you ask her out.

[notbroken]

The longer you wait the deeper you are going into the friendzone.  The next time you talk to her tell her you don't know that guy but do know you are better for her than him and ask her out.   Either forget her or pursue her - don't delay at all as that will cement you into the friendzone forever.   

[lurker74]

On 3/11/2021 at 5:29 AM, d0nnivain said:

You have been friend-zoned.  The minute you helped her look for this guy Mick, you solidified in her mind that you are not somebody she will ever date.  You are the reliable buddy who will stroke her ego & give her insight into the male gender but she's never going to date you.   

Worse, he has been yo-yoed. This when a (usually) women, not only friend-zones you but knows that you don't want to be just friends and uses that information for her own ego boost. When the friend-zoned guy doesn't show enough interest, she throws out enough bread crumbs to get him interested before skating away again.

Don't be a yo-yo.

[smackie9]

You know what, as soon as she starts jabbering about some guy, that's your cue to get the hell out of there and break away, get out of her orbit. You had your chance many times over but didn't take it. That lack of confidence is what repels women and sets the tone for what they think of you as a potential or I should say lack there of, bf.

You like a girl, you ask her out. That's all it takes. Be contagious, not hopeless. Change your attitude about yourself, and go forward.

Edited March 12, 2021 by smackie9

[Fair]

I'm lazy tonight, so I read nothing but the topic heading. However, yes, it means she's not interested. If as a guy, you started blabbing about some other woman to a girl, what would it mean, then? There's no difference, here. Think of what it would mean if you, yourself were doing it and then decide.

[HopelessNick]

If she wasn't interested, wouldn't she start avoiding me or at least cut back on chatting to me? 

There's been a couple of times where I've given up, but she just lures me back into conservation even when I don't want to talk.  

[basil67]

1 hour ago, HopelessNick said:

If she wasn't interested, wouldn't she start avoiding me or at least cut back on chatting to me? 

There's been a couple of times where I've given up, but she just lures me back into conservation even when I don't want to talk.  

No.  She wouldn't avoid you because women can have men as friends and not think about having sex or romance with them.   She does like you as a friend, but her discussions about another man indicate that friendship is all she's interested in.   What men refer to as "friendzone", women refer to as "good friend".

It's not all bad though.  A guy who has female friends, is comfortable around them and knows how to converse with them is better than a guy who has no idea what to say to a woman.  So even if she's not seeing you as an option, you're still getting experience being with and engaging with women.  

Edited March 13, 2021 by basil67