Breathe Posted October 16, 2005 Posted October 16, 2005 5 years into our marriage I was informed my husband had several one-night stands with different woman, one resulting in a child (all within an 8 month time span). He agreed to take a polygraph to prove that he was being honest with me and had no more secrets. The agreement to take the test, in itself, made me believe he was being truthful so I never proceeded this. Fast forward - We made a fresh start for ourselves by moving states, new jobs, new friends, etc. Then business trips took my husband away from our family temporarily in which brought up trust issues again. He's behavior was that of the past, and I began my usual questioning. I asked him if he would take a polygraph to prove to me that he's been loyal, honest and open with me since D-day a year ago to date. He strongly refused, siting his reason as his "pride". His decision to not take this test told me all I needed to hear... he's guilty of wrongdoing... AGAIN. I asked him if I gave him a ultimadum of the the test or divorce what would he choose and he said, "divorce". He's willing to tear this family apart and hurt our children for his own PRIDE.... which in my book means - he's willing to let us go in order to keep his secrets kept secret. He knows if he were to take the test and fail that our marriage would be over anyways, so he's just skipping this step and moving forward to divorce. What does pride have to do with a polygraph? Do you agree that denying to take a polygraph in itself states your guilty?
slubberdegullion Posted October 16, 2005 Posted October 16, 2005 Do you agree that denying to take a polygraph in itself states your guilty? No. A polygraph is an investigative tool, just like an interrogation and other means of gathering evidence. I'm not suggesting that he's not guilty, but I don't believe that refusing to take a polygraph automatically means guilt. Besides, I don't think that you can just trot off to the police station and ask someone to take a polygraph. But there's more at stake here than a lie-detector test. It sounds like he's pushing the issue to the wall for at least two reasons: If he takes a polygraph and it shows he's lying, he loses his wife and child;If he doesn't take a polygraph, then he has a chance (albeit slm) to keep his wife and child. So, logically he's better off refusing the test. Regardless, you shouldn't have to resort to mechanical devices to find out the truth. Communicate, communicate, communicate.
d'Arthez Posted October 16, 2005 Posted October 16, 2005 Polygraph is only about 90% accurate. So you can lie, and it may come out as truth, and you can tell the truth, and it may come out as lie. You can even learn how to cheat on such devices. The alternative would be to find out where he has been, by means financial tracking, or of course asking his collegues. The latter option is of course not 100% secure. If you can't find evidence to clear him, the trust is gone completely, and then there is often little point in continuing the marriage. And for the children, they know when their parents are not happy.
seranade_u_silly Posted October 16, 2005 Posted October 16, 2005 What has pride got to do with a polygraph? Pretty much everything if you've lied! The story was out the first time so there was little pride left to swallow but after all the rebuilding, he'd regained some credibility - only to possibly lose it again with what you would have discovered during the second lie-detector. Maybe your possible findings would divide your family even further, leaving him ashamed and you deeply hurt. After all, he wasn't afraid of this the first time he wronged you, was he? The inevitable result is divorce (sorry to say). From my observation it could be a relatively painless divorce with questions unanswered or an extremely painful one with all questions answered. As for denying the poygraph, well its the same as denying the piss test - chances are you're guilty.
Craig Posted October 16, 2005 Posted October 16, 2005 Is he satisfied with the marriage? Have you made demands of him in the past that might have resulted in him reaching the end of his frustration? If he were talking about his marriage to you what would he say? Perhaps he's tired of defending himself for things that he hasn't done. Just a note: Polygraphs are widely available just look in the yellow pages or on-line directories.
elijahBailey Posted October 16, 2005 Posted October 16, 2005 Do you agree that denying to take a polygraph in itself states your guilty? sorry the answer is Yes. I know the polygraph ain't 100%, but if I weren't cheating I would have no reservations taking the polygraph, accurate or no. And the fact that he chooses divorce over taking the polygraph further reinforces it. I think deep down inside you know it.
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