Mattinho2021 Posted March 10, 2021 Posted March 10, 2021 Hey! So I’ve been dating a girl for around 2 weeks. We have met up 3-4 times and get on so well. We have slept together each time we have met up and she has stayed over at mine. Things seemed to be going really well and she told me she really liked me after a few dates. We spoke every day, sometimes up to 2 hours a night on the phone. She has now starting acting hot and cold. We never spoke for a few days last week, I was busy with work and I guess she was too. I now noticed she is back on a dating site and has updated her pictures. I was on it too so I’ve not got any issue with this. But she called me last week saying I’ve been acting strange and that she wanted to see me and I agreed but she then cancelled. She then said she’d like to see me a couple of days later and cancelled again. I’m now speaking to someone else who I am supposed to be meeting up with this weekend but I feel bad and want to make sure this is over with the first girl before I date the other girl. But I can’t understand why she is blowing hot and cold if she actually likes me. Why would she be acting like this and how do I deal with it?
Wiseman2 Posted March 10, 2021 Posted March 10, 2021 8 minutes ago, Mattinho2021 said: dating a girl for around 2 weeks. We have met up 3-4 times and get on so well. We have slept together. I now noticed she is back on a dating site and has updated her pictures. I was on it too . Unfortunately you are not exclusive after 14 days and 4 dates, so you're both talking to and meeting others. She may be busy with other dates or just fading out because she's found someone else. Either way, you're still on the app and not tied to anyone or anything, so go ahead and enjoy yourself. 1 1
Author Mattinho2021 Posted March 10, 2021 Author Posted March 10, 2021 Yeah I completely get that and I was not thinking or even looking for us to be exclusive at this stage. I just wanted to know why she might be hot then cold. If she’s seeing other people then surely she would just carry on with that and not reach out every few days?
Wiseman2 Posted March 10, 2021 Posted March 10, 2021 9 minutes ago, Mattinho2021 said: then surely she would just carry on with that and not reach out every few days? Multidating is pretty common, so she wants to keep you in the loop. 1
ShyViolet Posted March 10, 2021 Posted March 10, 2021 4 hours ago, Mattinho2021 said: I’m now speaking to someone else who I am supposed to be meeting up with this weekend but I feel bad and want to make sure this is over with the first girl before I date the other girl. There is no need for you to feel bad or to make sure it's over before going on a date with another girl. This was never an exclusive relationship. You are free to go ahead and do whatever you want. 1 1
ExpatInItaly Posted March 11, 2021 Posted March 11, 2021 21 hours ago, Mattinho2021 said: I feel bad and want to make sure this is over with the first girl There is nothing to be over, OP. You've gone out a few times. That's it. You don't owe each other anything at this point.
Gaeta Posted March 11, 2021 Posted March 11, 2021 It's time to offer her exclusivity. You were intimate 4 times, she sees you're still online, I bet she's changed her picture to get a reaction out of you. Do you want to continue having sex with her if she has sex with other men? If no, then put on your big-boys pants and talk to her about dating each other exclusively, if she doesn't want to than date other women. Suggestion: If you are looking for a relationship start slow. 2 1
amygirl908 Posted March 11, 2021 Posted March 11, 2021 Sounds like a communication issue. If you like her talk it out and say you feel like she has been hot and cold. I know it’s hard to do when she keeps canceling but if you like her it might be worth another shot. Otherwise just go on a date with the next girl. 1
Fletch Lives Posted March 11, 2021 Posted March 11, 2021 Hot and cold means she's just not into you. People who are into you are consistent. 2 1
Author Mattinho2021 Posted March 11, 2021 Author Posted March 11, 2021 Hot and cold means she's just not into you. People who are into you are consistent. why would she sleep with a number of times if that’s the case?
Miss Spider Posted March 11, 2021 Posted March 11, 2021 4 hours ago, Mattinho2021 said: Hot and cold means she's just not into you. People who are into you are consistent. why would she sleep with a number of times if that’s the case? Really? Why would someone have sex with someone they’re not that into or realize after they’re not that into them? This happens all the time
smackie9 Posted March 11, 2021 Posted March 11, 2021 (edited) What people say and what people do are two different things. If she's flakin, don't question it, just ditch her and move on. Edited March 11, 2021 by smackie9 1
dramafreezone Posted March 12, 2021 Posted March 12, 2021 (edited) On 3/10/2021 at 3:27 AM, Mattinho2021 said: Yeah I completely get that and I was not thinking or even looking for us to be exclusive at this stage. I just wanted to know why she might be hot then cold. If she’s seeing other people then surely she would just carry on with that and not reach out every few days? Maybe you're coming on too strong. I don't think you need to be on the phone for 2 hours. Call her, see how she's doing and set up the next date. If she's on the phone for hours with you why does she need to date you? Save all of that for when you're in person. But if she's canceling on you she's losing respect for you and your time. You're way too compliant. She now realizes she can come and go as she pleases and you'll be right there, so she's de-prioritized you. Date this other woman and forget about this one. If she comes back around you need to make it clear that you're not going to be jerked around. Next date needs to be at your place, cook dinner or something like that. I would not make any elaborate plans to go out because she's proven herself to be unreliable and does not deserve it. Edited March 12, 2021 by dramafreezone
Wiseman2 Posted March 12, 2021 Posted March 12, 2021 (edited) Cold=she's with someone. Hot=she's free or in between guys. Edited March 12, 2021 by Wiseman2
basil67 Posted March 12, 2021 Posted March 12, 2021 (edited) On 3/10/2021 at 10:27 PM, Mattinho2021 said: If I was dating someone who wasn’t even thinking about exclusivity, I’d go cold too. If someone isn’t interested enough to take themselves off the market, then I’d be gone. Edited March 12, 2021 by basil67 1
poppyfields Posted March 12, 2021 Posted March 12, 2021 (edited) On 3/10/2021 at 2:53 AM, Mattinho2021 said: We have met up 3-4 times and get on so well. We have slept together each time we have met up and she has stayed over at mine. Things seemed to be going really well and she told me she really liked me after a few dates. We never spoke for a few days last week, I was busy with work... But she called me last week saying I’ve been acting strange and that she wanted to see me and I agreed but she then cancelled. She then said she’d like to see me a couple of days later and cancelled again. I’m now speaking to someone else who I am supposed to be meeting up with this weekend... Read the bolded. Did you ever find out what she meant when saying you were acting 'strange'? My guess is her hot/cold behavior now has something to do with that. You being "busy" and not having time to talk to her last week. She might be feeling like you were going cold and insecure as you had sex four times, but yet still on the app, in fact you have another date this weekend! Contrary to what men have been taught to believe, not all women are brave enough to initiate the exclusivity talk. They'll simply pull back and gauge the man's reaction. Whether he notices and steps up to the plate. Or not. Is it a sort of shyt test? You betcha. But it might be an unconscious one, her natural instinct. A way to self-protect. Men have their own shyt tests as well, so don't go judging her for it. As Gaeta suggested, put on your big boy pants and talk to her. Ask her why she thinks you've been acting strange. Talk to her about what you want, ask what she wants. Be open, be brave. This may be one of those situations where things are not as they appear to be. Just another possibility, I could be wrong. But I might also be right. Edited March 12, 2021 by poppyfields 1
poppyfields Posted March 12, 2021 Posted March 12, 2021 46 minutes ago, basil67 said: If I was dating someone who wasn’t even thinking about exclusivity, I’d go cold too. If someone isn’t interested enough to take themselves off the market, then I’d be gone. Especially since they've been sexually intimate, four times. That is a huge deal to many women. 1 2
Miss Spider Posted March 12, 2021 Posted March 12, 2021 (edited) Yeah , to you, to me, to many, but to many more women I’ve discovered it doesn’t mean anything and they sleep with lots of guys. I have friends like that Edited March 12, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes
poppyfields Posted March 12, 2021 Posted March 12, 2021 (edited) 14 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Yeah , to you, to me, to many, but to many more women I’ve discovered it doesn’t mean anything and they sleep with lots of guys. I have friends like that Well I think it may possibly mean more to her too, otherwise why would she have cared that he was acting "strange" after he had no time to talk to her last week because he was "busy"? Women to whom sex is no big deal wouldn't care about that. Women who don't care also don't make it a point to tell a guy how much she likes him, which she did. But who knows, she may not give a cr@p or she may care a lot and she's self-protecting. The only way for the OP to know for sure is to talk to her, assuming HE cares. Edited March 12, 2021 by poppyfields 1
Author Mattinho2021 Posted March 25, 2021 Author Posted March 25, 2021 Update! so I went on a couple more dates with her, didn’t date anyone else and eventually spoke to her about going exclusive a few days ago. She has had some issues and doesn’t feel I’m into her all that much from the way I’ve been acting. I thought by offering exclusivity I would be showing her I am into her. She told me she isn’t looking for anything serious so we’ve broken it off. I deleted her off of Snapchat and Instagram. I’ve now seen she has viewed my stories on Instagram both yesterday and today now but hasn’t actually contacted me. I’m not sure why she’d do that but I am moving on and now have a date this weekend with someone new and I don’t feel bad about going on it
Versacehottie Posted March 25, 2021 Posted March 25, 2021 good for you in the way you addressed it. sounds like you feel good about it and maybe you learned stmg valuable. and now it seems like you have no real regrets & handled your side--at least the end part of it--as well as you could 1
Gaeta Posted March 25, 2021 Posted March 25, 2021 1 hour ago, Mattinho2021 said: so I went on a couple more dates with her, didn’t date anyone else and eventually spoke to her about going exclusive a few days ago. She has had some issues and doesn’t feel I’m into her all that much from the way I’ve been acting. I thought by offering exclusivity I would be showing her I am into her. She told me she isn’t looking for anything serious so we’ve broken it off. I deleted her off of Snapchat and Instagram. I’ve now seen she has viewed my stories on Instagram both yesterday and today now but hasn’t actually contacted me. I’m not sure why she’d do that but I am moving on and now have a date this weekend with someone new and I don’t feel bad about going on it That woman makes no sense. She wants nothing serious but accuse you of **not being serious enough** !! Good luck with the new date! 1 1
Author Mattinho2021 Posted March 25, 2021 Author Posted March 25, 2021 I agree 100%. Glad I’ve found out now rather than wasting 3-4 months on someone that’s so conflicted. I still feel a bit sad that it hasn’t worked out as I did really like her but it is what it is and we move on 4
Miss Spider Posted March 25, 2021 Posted March 25, 2021 (edited) 5 hours ago, Gaeta said: That woman makes no sense. She wants nothing serious but accuse you of **not being serious enough** !! Good luck with the new date! Yea, projection is really common in these situations. Sometimes you mean no harm by it or it’s said flippantly, but it gaslights the other person Edited March 25, 2021 by Cookiesandough
Recommended Posts