Paying back a man for a date?

[Happy Lemming]

32 minutes ago, HiCrunchy said:

Do u think there is a way to get him back?

No... he said his feeling have changed.  You didn't do anything wrong, there is nothing to change.

34 minutes ago, HiCrunchy said:

I'm so sad. 

I know... its part of dating.  We've all lost relationships that we wish hadn't ended, but they did and we try again.

50 minutes ago, HiCrunchy said:

I'm sad to have to go online dating again...

  So don't go back to online dating, try to find a guy in real life.  Is your town/city opening back up (from Covid-19)??  What hobbies/sports do you engage in?? Are they starting back up??

[SaraSays]

13 hours ago, HiCrunchy said:

So update -  I've been dating this guy since my last post and he dumped me yesterday. 

I cried last night. Its only been 2 months but in this last week his feelings have changed. I'm sad to have to go online dating again and evwn more sad that he was the first decent guy I had a date with in 1 year.  I am already 26 years old, with almost no relationship history. I unmatched him from the app today bc I didn't want to see him change his pics and things. It would make me sad u know.

I want to congratulate you on 2 things - for being brave in trying, and for removing him so you won't see pic's. Both are great signs of you taking care of yourself. At 36 and 46, you'll wonder why 26 felt so significant to you. You are extremely young, and the world is your oyster. Springtime is here, and Summer is coming - make the most of the beautiful weather, and the seasonality of both the weather, and life itself. Make some lovely plans to move your body a lot (dance classes, cycling), take up some new creative pursuits with others, so you get to know some new people, start writing a diary each day, as writing is very good for healing. Don't look back. Each day, you are getting closer to a state of equilibrium, where the pain isn't so acute. Forwards!

[HiCrunchy]

15 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

No... he said his feeling have changed.  You didn't do anything wrong, there is nothing to change.

I know... its part of dating.  We've all lost relationships that we wish hadn't ended, but they did and we try again.

  So don't go back to online dating, try to find a guy in real life.  Is your town/city opening back up (from Covid-19)??  What hobbies/sports do you engage in?? Are they starting back up??

Its so strange. He asked to be official bf/gf 2 weeks ago. I asked for a few days to make a decision bc I had some things I wanted to be sure about. After a few days passed, I was sure that I wanted to move forward. Then when I tried to give him my answer, he told me it would make him feel better if I thought about it more. I told him this wouldn't change my answer, but thought about it more for a few more days so I was sure as sure can be.

When I finally brought it up a second time, he basically broke things off. He told me his feelings had changed. He tells me the whole "its not you, its me" crap, and that he is too broken for me. He would always tell me that he didn't understand why I liked him, and that I could do so much better. Even when we "broke up" he said I needed to have higher standards for my partner.

How can someone just flip like that? I'm so lost. I am in No-contact now, but my heart is so broken. Before all of this, we just laughed and had fun. And I know it wasn't about sex bc we didn't even get physical until date 5. And had many platonic dates too.

Maybe I should reach out? I told him he could reach out if he changes his mind but its been 2 days now and not a peep. He told me he will, but is trying to stick to his decisions now, not something he used to do.

We used to text everyday and now silence sigh....

 

[glows]

I don't know why someone would tell you to take a few more days to decide unless he himself was trying to decide (between several women) or didn't believe himself when he asked you to be bf/gf. You dodged a bullet. Set this aside, wipe your tears and move forwards as others have suggested. 

I wouldn't reach out. Give yourself a few weeks for the dust to settle and reconsider whether he was as good of a match as you think he was. There's a lot going on right now. Just focus on you and clearing your mind. 

[ShyViolet]

15 minutes ago, HiCrunchy said:

Maybe I should reach out? I told him he could reach out if he changes his mind but its been 2 days now and not a peep. He told me he will, but is trying to stick to his decisions now, not something he used to do.

We used to text everyday and now silence sigh....

 

NO, absolutely not.  He dumped you and he was honest with you that he just doesn't have feelings for you anymore.  That's pretty clear.  He's not into you.  Don't hold out hope for getting him back.  Keep your dignity and your self-respect and just dust yourself off and move on with your life.  I know getting dumped sucks.  You have a right to feel sad and upset and take all the time you need to get over it.  But you should not be trying to contact him again.  

[SaraSays]

1 hour ago, HiCrunchy said:

Its so strange. He asked to be official bf/gf 2 weeks ago. I asked for a few days to make a decision bc I had some things I wanted to be sure about. After a few days passed, I was sure that I wanted to move forward. Then when I tried to give him my answer, he told me it would make him feel better if I thought about it more. I told him this wouldn't change my answer, but thought about it more for a few more days so I was sure as sure can be.

When I finally brought it up a second time, he basically broke things off. He told me his feelings had changed. He tells me the whole "its not you, its me" crap, and that he is too broken for me. He would always tell me that he didn't understand why I liked him, and that I could do so much better. Even when we "broke up" he said I needed to have higher standards for my partner.

How can someone just flip like that? I'm so lost. I am in No-contact now, but my heart is so broken. Before all of this, we just laughed and had fun. And I know it wasn't about sex bc we didn't even get physical until date 5. And had many platonic dates too.

Maybe I should reach out? I told him he could reach out if he changes his mind but its been 2 days now and not a peep. He told me he will, but is trying to stick to his decisions now, not something he used to do.

We used to text everyday and now silence sigh....

 

The limerence period lasts up to 3 months. It's when we see everything through rose-tinted glasses. We present ourselves in a glowing light, as does the other, but it's nothing genuine or lasting. That's why so many connections fall apart up to 3 months in. There isn't a substantive foundation at that stage. Each person is fooling the other, and we're looking at everything in an extra-positive light. The real stuff grows years in, I would say.

You shouldn't make contact. You should block him everywhere, and focus all your time on things which help us to heal. Try to be around others as much as possible, so your mind is busy. Moving your body will help to make you feel better, too, and it's so lovely to cycle in the sunshine.

I know someone who openly says he has pursued women for years, when he has wanted to get women into bed. No conclusions can be made about the meaning of sex, I would say.

I would suggest volunteering to support the needy. A lot of older people are alone right now, and have no easy means of fetching food and cooking something decent. The lockdowns have increased the instances of male on female abuse in the home, and women's shelters are women's services are always in need of great help and fundraising.

How about growing some herbs and plants on your windowsills, so you can see beautiful, living things growing near to you, because you nurtured them?