Paying back a man for a date?

[HiCrunchy]

2 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

I don't see where that would hurt anything.  It would show him that you are interested in him and want to continue going on dates (with him).

Do you have something in mind?? Your favorite restaurant??

I was thinking going to get ice cream/cakes near one of my fav bakeries to have tea/coffee. Maybe after a movie? During the the pandemic I went on a Zoo date once, which is maybe an option too. Tho, idk if these ideas are good? Or maybe I'll offer just another restaurant again.

[SaraSays]

Just now, HiCrunchy said:

I was thinking going to get ice cream/cakes near one of my fav bakeries to have tea/coffee. Maybe after a movie? During the the pandemic I went on a Zoo date once, which is maybe an option too. Tho, idk if these ideas are good? Or maybe I'll offer just another restaurant again.

Try something requiring a bit of teamwork, like a puzzle of some sort, or something like an obstacle course, or creating pottery (not Ghost-style yet), or go volunteering. Having projects to work on together is 1 of the ways to keep people connected. It also shows you a lot about how someone copes in team situations, and shows them how you behave whilst undertaking shared tasks, too.

[cleverusername]

2 minutes ago, SaraSays said:

Try something requiring a bit of teamwork, like a puzzle of some sort, or something like an obstacle course, or creating pottery (not Ghost-style yet), or go volunteering. Having projects to work on together is 1 of the ways to keep people connected. It also shows you a lot about how someone copes in team situations, and shows them how you behave whilst undertaking shared tasks, too.

Go geocaching together, then stop buy those bakeries. 

[d0nnivain]

I like the zoo date idea.  

[Wiseman2]

48 minutes ago, HiCrunchy said:

I didn't want to make him feel like I'm taking advantage lol.

Why not invite him on a date and treat this time? It's less tacky than reimbursing someone or using payment apps .

[GeorgiaPeach1]

14 hours ago, HiCrunchy said:

Is it weird to pay back a man after a date? He treated me, but after doing the math in my head, I kinda feel bad that he dropped this much on me.

I did have fun tho, and was considering giving him my half next time i see him? Is that weird? He didn't ask of course, but it feels strange since i barely know him.

Are you looking for a romantic relationship, or a 50/50 roommate?

[Happy Lemming]

43 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

I like the zoo date idea.  

I also like the zoo date idea... Its been years since I've been to a zoo, but that sounds like a fun date!!

[lurker74]

1 hour ago, HiCrunchy said:

I've done this on dates before with someone I don't really wish to see again.

As a man, at least very early on in dating, this is the only reason I want someone to insist on paying half or trying to pay me back. If you KNOW that you are not going to see me again, sure, insist on paying half the bill. Otherwise, and yes, I know this is very old fashioned and I'm ok with that, me paying is part of the courting. 

[smackie9]

The suggestion of asking him out is fair. As to what to do on that date, what have your learned about him? What are the things he is interested in? That's where you can get your ideas from.

My personal tip: If you don't really have the urge to kiss him, stop saying yes to dates. That's how I used to gauged my interest.

[HiCrunchy]

40 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

The suggestion of asking him out is fair. As to what to do on that date, what have your learned about him? What are the things he is interested in? That's where you can get your ideas from.

My personal tip: If you don't really have the urge to kiss him, stop saying yes to dates. That's how I used to gauged my interest.

Hmmmmm I'll do some more reflecting. I kissed him!

[Gaeta]

I will add my voice to not offer to pay him back portion of the date. Also what you find expensive may be a normal spend for him.  You like him, he likes you, just treat him next time. Also you don't have to treat him equally to what he spent on that last date, you treat him with what you can afford. 

[vla1120]

10 hours ago, Mrin said:

Well if you do be sure to punch him in the balls at the same time. They're kinda the same thing. 

LS needs to add an emoticon for LOL to the "like" sequence!!!

[elaine567]

2 minutes ago, vla1120 said:

LS needs to add an emoticon for LOL to the "like" sequence!!!

It was there originally, but some people were using it sarcastically and as an attempt to bully people  by laughing at every post they made, so it was removed.

[amygirl908]

I wouldn't offer to pay him back, but treat him the next time you're out. This is dating not nickel and diming - you don't need to keep a detailed account of who spends money on who. Like the old saying "it all comes out in the wash", try to be fair and part of dating is being treated and treating the other person. It doesn't always have to be dollar for dollar. I dated a guy who was very well off and insisted on paying for everything. First, I told him he had to let me pay sometimes and I also did little things for him to make him smile and surprise him.

[MsJayne]

22 hours ago, Mrin said:

Well if you do be sure to punch him in the balls at the same time. They're kinda the same thing. 

[CollinW]

Just pay for the next date. Let him know before hand so he doesn't insist due to decades of societal pressure. 

[Interstellar]

Why not just simply ask him out next time and pay for the date. Paying him back is just weird, and it implies you have low interest as you don’t want to be beholden to him.

 

Edited March 10, 2021 by Interstellar

[Interstellar]

19 hours ago, elaine567 said:

It was there originally, but some people were using it sarcastically and as an attempt to bully people  by laughing at every post they made, so it was removed.

I also  look at it at someone disagreeing with my post when it’s a serious post, and I’m completely fine with that.

I wish they would make a comeback.

[elaine567]

25 minutes ago, Interstellar said:

I wish they would make a comeback.

I do too. 

[SaraSays]

6 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

I do too. 

Every 1 of the icons can be used to bully, so it doesn't make sense to me (even when done with good intentions to try to reduce bullying). I see petty behaviour most days, from posters using the other celebratory icons on posts criticising posters they don't like, which is mean-spirited. Anybody can weaponise any icon, should they wish to bully.

[Miss Peach]

I would just enjoy it. If he's suggesting the venue/places then I assume it's in his budget for the date. I might do the purse grab thing but no man has ever taken me up on it on an early date.

 

I could see past a first date if you're feeling guilty and he offers to extend the date to something like coffee or a drink then grabbing a round. But I wouldn't do more than that on an early date. Probably the first 2-3 times let him court you a bit and lead so you know where he's standing.

 

If you've only gone on one date I wouldn't ask him out for #2. I still think this is in the man's court and for me it really helps me figure out where he's standing. If he wants you he knows to go after you. If you kissed and stuff like that he knows you're interested or you at least gave him enough to know he has a shot taking that risk.

 

After than if you really want to treat I would do it non-awkwardly. A great way as a women is come up with something like you got tickets to something somehow like a concerns, the zoo, book reading, etc. Or if he gets dinner you get drinks. Stuff like that.

[HiCrunchy]

So update -  I've been dating this guy since my last post and he dumped me yesterday. 

I cried last night. Its only been 2 months but in this last week his feelings have changed. I'm sad to have to go online dating again and evwn more sad that he was the first decent guy I had a date with in 1 year.  I am already 26 years old, with almost no relationship history. I unmatched him from the app today bc I didn't want to see him change his pics and things. It would make me sad u know.

[Gaeta]

Aaawwwwww I'm sorry HiCrunchy! big ((hug)) to you!

Let yourself be sad and dissapointed for a few days then don't dwell too much on it and get back on the saddle. Don't lose hope 

[HiCrunchy]

Do u think there is a way to get him back? I'm so sad. 

[smackie9]

You can't control someones feelings. It is what it is. Keep looking, it only takes one to be the one right?