Paying back a man for a date?

[HiCrunchy]

Is it weird to pay back a man after a date? He treated me, but after doing the math in my head, I kinda feel bad that he dropped this much on me.

I did have fun tho, and was considering giving him my half next time i see him? Is that weird? He didn't ask of course, but it feels strange since i barely know him.

[Happy Lemming]

Did he plan the date??  If so, then he knows what was in his budget for the date.  No... you don't offer to pay him back for half of the date.  Yes, that is weird, don't do that.

As a guy, I know how much I can spend for dating/traveling/activities.  So, I will plan a date/adventure that fits within those parameters.  I sure your guy does the same thing.

 

[Cersei]

I think you should invite him out for something (not sure what due to various lock downs) but you pay for the next day for your own piece of mind. 

[d0nnivain]

Most men would be insulted if you tried to give them money later as reimbursement.  The best you can do is offer to split the check or pay the tip in the moment.  If that doesn't work, & especially if you have concerns about the overall cost, make sure you get the next check.  

[dramafreezone]

Why don't you suggest the next date and pay for it?  Seems like a good way to alleviate your guilt without making him feel weird.

[Miss Spider]

Crunchy!!! Don’t pay him back. He wanted to treat you He likes you. Let him court you. If you really must, the next date you can offer to pay( though he may not let you) 

[Happy Lemming]

As a side note... It's just really good to hear that things are going well for you and you are enjoying dating this gentleman.

Finger crossed that you find continued happiness with this man.

Edited March 9, 2021 by Happy Lemming
Spelling

[Trail Blazer]

What!?  You let him pay!  How could you!?  J/K...

On a serious note, please do not offer to reimburse him!  That would be strange.  At least to me, I'd find it odd and would instantly refuse.

If you progress with this fellow to the point where it becomes something more, then by all means, organize some outings of your own volition and pay for those. 

However, at least for the first two or three dates, let a man pay.  It's what he's expecting to do and what he's budgeted for accordingly.

[ShyViolet]

After the date is over?  No, that is totally weird.  A more appropriate thing to do would be to offer to pay on the next date.

[Mrin]

Well if you do be sure to punch him in the balls at the same time. They're kinda the same thing. 

[snowboy91]

I'm assuming you're one to pay your half of dates generally (side note: I don't feel like going down the "who pays for dates" rabbit hole, I'm just assuming HiCrunchy wants to go halves for the purposes of this reply).

Wanting to pay someone back after the fact just adds awkwardness - just make it your treat (and pay) next time. In the long run (assuming it's going well enough for there to be multiple dates at least) it will all average out, roughly.

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, HiCrunchy said:

 considering giving him my half next time i see him? Is that weird? 

Yes it's weird. Just treat him next time you go out.

Do you have another date set up?

[ExpatInItaly]

No, that is awkward, don't do that. 

Simply offer to pick up the tab next time. 

[seany25]

9 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

Most men would be insulted if you tried to give them money later as reimbursement.  The best you can do is offer to split the check or pay the tip in the moment.  If that doesn't work, & especially if you have concerns about the overall cost, make sure you get the next check.  

No they wouldn't. Only if they had a vulnerable ego would they feel insulted.

I would think it was kinda cute they wanted to pay me back, and I would laugh it off but in a non-offensive manner. Then simply suggest they do something for us next time. If they didn't want a next time, then cool, leave it at that.

I've been on dates where I got the cheque when she wasn't looking , or on my way back from the bathroom. This always goes down well and in my experience the lady has then, rather than insist on paying me, countered it by suggesting we move on to something else there and then. Examples are the movies, bowling, or a walk and some ice-cream.

Don't overcomplicate things.

[Fletch Lives]

This is petty stuff, I don't worry about it. There are more important things in dating.

[SaraSays]

12 hours ago, HiCrunchy said:

Is it weird to pay back a man after a date? He treated me, but after doing the math in my head, I kinda feel bad that he dropped this much on me.

I did have fun tho, and was considering giving him my half next time i see him? Is that weird? He didn't ask of course, but it feels strange since i barely know him.

I don't think you need to do anything, other than make it clear you appreciated his kindness.

What did you both do? Did you go out to eat? Was this a date after knowing each other in person, or a first meeting from the internet?

[d0nnivain]

3 hours ago, seany25 said:

No they wouldn't. Only if they had a vulnerable ego would they feel insulted.

I would think it was kinda cute they wanted to pay me back, and I would laugh it off but in a non-offensive manner. Then simply suggest they do something for us next time. If they didn't want a next time, then cool, leave it at that.

Maybe I misunderstood but in the context of the Q, I was envisioning a scenario where the date ended, he picked up the check, she didn't offer to contribute then hours or days later upon further reflection decided it was too expensive & tracked him down with a repayment offer.  That sounds insulting to me.  It's different than her offering in the moment which is more about equity. 

Bottom line is we agree that the best repayment is her picking up the check for the next outing.  

[spiritedaway2003]

Is this more about expectations?  That you think if he dropped so much on the first date, he’d be expecting something in return or that you have to go out with him again? 

I agree with most of the advice. Thank him for the date and offer to pick up the tab for the next one (if there is a next one).  I’ve also been the one to pick up the tab first, and in that case, the guy usually covers the next (or something else within the date). It’s no big deal.  

[HiCrunchy]

Well, I'm an awkward weirdo its totally been confirmed lol.

Well, first in-person date I went halfies, and he was cool with it (it was cheap). Second date, also offered halfies again via a cash app later on (he kinda just looked at me, didn't anything and paid. He looked a little disappointed maybe actually.) Although I don't know what the difference is between the two outings? If anything the second was more expensive for sure.

I've done this on dates before with someone I don't really wish to see again. I'd like to see him again, so I know guys just pay pay, but I've never done that before other than with friends or someone close to me. I didn't want to make him feel like I'm taking advantage lol.

[SaraSays]

2 minutes ago, HiCrunchy said:

Well, I'm an awkward weirdo its totally been confirmed lol.

Well, first in-person date I went halfies, and he was cool with it (it was cheap). Second date, also offered halfies again via a cash app later on (he kinda just looked at me, didn't anything and paid. He looked a little disappointed maybe actually.) Although I don't know what the difference is between the two outings? If anything the second was more expensive for sure.

I've done this on dates before with someone I don't really wish to see again. I'd like to see him again, so I know guys just pay pay, but I've never done that before other than with friends or someone close to me. I didn't want to make him feel like I'm taking advantage lol.

You're fine, and, no, you don't need to worry about paying anything. Were you sincere in thanking him? If so, you don't need to give this another thought. Just  enjoy the blossoming Springtime romance.

[HiCrunchy]

11 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

Crunchy!!! Don’t pay him back. He wanted to treat you He likes you. Let him court you. If you really must, the next date you can offer to pay( though he may not let you) 

 

10 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

As a side note... It's just really good to hear that things are going well for you and you are enjoying dating this gentleman.

Finger crossed that you find continued happiness with this man.

Yeah, I'm having a little fun at least which is great. I'm trying not to put too much pressure on anything so just seeing where this goes. I'm wondering if I should ask him out this time, since he has asked me the first two? Is he waiting for that? Idk, no date set, maybe he is just busy next weekend?

[SaraSays]

Just now, HiCrunchy said:

 

Yeah, I'm having a little fun at least which is great. I'm trying not to put too much pressure on anything so just seeing where this goes. I'm wondering if I should ask him out this time, since he has asked me the first two? Is he waiting for that? Idk, no date set, maybe he is just busy next weekend?

There are no rules. Do what feels right. If you'd like to ask him out, do it. If you don't feel comfortable doing that, surprise him with something baked that he loves, or a small keyring playing on a joke you have, or plan something you could do together that you each pay half for. 

[Happy Lemming]

13 minutes ago, HiCrunchy said:

I'm wondering if I should ask him out this time, since he has asked me the first two?

I don't see where that would hurt anything.  It would show him that you are interested in him and want to continue going on dates (with him).

Do you have something in mind?? Your favorite restaurant??

[d0nnivain]

17 minutes ago, HiCrunchy said:

 

Yeah, I'm having a little fun at least which is great. I'm trying not to put too much pressure on anything so just seeing where this goes. I'm wondering if I should ask him out this time, since he has asked me the first two? Is he waiting for that? Idk, no date set, maybe he is just busy next weekend?

I can't say whether he's waiting for it but yes, you should ask him out & pay this time.  That is how you achieve parity early on.  Men also need reassurance that the woman likes them too.  

[cleverusername]

Just throwing this out there, don't feel obligated or guilted into continuing to see him or having sex in return for how much he spent.