Repeat offender on Instagram

[mortensorchid]

Sometime last year (or maybe two years ago) I went out on an internet date with this guy.  Once we met, I was actually quite excited because we didn't exchange any basic information about each other before we met face to face (what we did jobwise, places we have traveled to, friends, etc.) because he seemed to be up my alley - liked travel and adventures, somewhat eccentric, and he had a personality rather than being intimidated by me.  I think we texted the next day, I said I was turning in and heading for bed and then I never heard from him again.

A few days ago someone started following me on Instagram and I followed them.  Then I got a DM from him, this is the conversation:

Him: You look familiar, do we do to (restaurant) for a burger a couple years ago?

Me: Yes we did

Him: How've you been? 

Me: Been very busy how about you?

Him: I've been well, thanks! Work has been really busy. Things started to get pretty crazy a couple months before the whole pandemic thing, the founder and CEO got booted after 14 years. Not good.

Me: Remind me again what you do.

Him: I am an aircraft mechanic / avionics tech but I left the hanger about five years ago to start a team that quotes avionic upgrades. It's not as glamourous as it sounds

Me: Ah yes I seem to remember.

Him: Can you believe it's been almost a year since the COVID changes started? Have you been impacted much?

Me: Yes it is hard to believe but it was a dream come true for me I was able to work from home and supplement it with Instacart

Me: So ... Riddle me this Batman ...

Him: Yes, Miss Nygma?

Me: I never heard from you after that evening I was wondering why?

Him: I honestly don't remember I was thinking I had texted and didn't hear anything back

Me: I think we texted a few days after that and was that

Him: How's your schedule next weekend? Would you be up for hike in the Metroparks?

Me: What do you propose?

Me: I am getting old and I don't want to waste time anymore with go nowhere situations, I'm looking for a serious relationship

Him: Wait, how old are you?

Him: I was thinking of the trails at the (location) haven't been there in a couple of months

Me: So you're saying you want a serious relationship as well?

Him: I try to live life without expectations if something serious develops, awesome

 

Next.  

 

[Miss Spider]

36 minutes ago, mortensorchid said:

 

Me: I am getting old and I don't want to waste time anymore with go nowhere situations, I'm looking for a serious relationship

 

 

Okay so his interest may have been low before but I wonder why? Is  how you usually talk to your dates.  The whole thing, you sound...unamused. His date suggestion sounded completely nice. Why couldn’t you have just gone on the date and see if you two hit it off this time if you were interested? You’ve been on on ONE date two years ago, dropped off, and so he was just being honest that’s he’s not sure if he wants to get serious esp since the way you couch that out of nowhere sounded a little frightening like you’re already decorating the baby room. C’mon, Morten, way to take the fun out of it xD 

Edited March 7, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Gaeta]

Poor guy lol

He offers a cool outing and you drill him with *what's your purpose in life*

[Alvi]

1 hour ago, mortensorchid said:

Me: I am getting old and I don't want to waste time anymore with go nowhere situations, I'm looking for a serious relationship

Please don't tell any potential suitors that. It makes you look very desperate and will scare most of them right off the bat.

[LivingWaterPlease]

Sounds as if he's a great guy! Not sure I'd ask anyone why they hadn't followed up with texts or calls after the date, esp two years in the past... seems a little bit as if you shut him down.

[salparadise]

3 hours ago, mortensorchid said:

Him: I try to live life without expectations if something serious develops, awesome

 

Next.  

Yea, I don't know how much more honest he could be. You didn't expect him to say he was hoping to be married by this time next year did ya? When you're talking to a new person (or semi-new) you don't put it all out there in the first text conversation. Even if someone is hoping to find a serious relationship, things have to align and develop before you know if there is potential. You don't pre-commit, not if you're the least bit savvy. Sounds like you were miffed and were looking for a reason to zap him.

[spiderowl]

I'm not sure what's great about this guy.  You went on a date with him and then things fizzled out.  Why bother with him again?

Edited March 8, 2021 by spiderowl

[Gaeta]

You had a date,  he was nice and contacted you after. You seem offended he did not contact you a 2nd time but you didn't either.

It was 2 years ago, who cares what happenned he may have ended up dating the next woman. He didn't ghost you, didn't play you or lie to you. 

Now he is single, so are you. Reconnecting may have allowed you to see each other under a different light.

That was a perfect missed opportunity.

[ShyViolet]

5 hours ago, mortensorchid said:

Me: I am getting old and I don't want to waste time anymore with go nowhere situations, I'm looking for a serious relationship

Next.  

 

This is a VERY weird and off-putting thing to say to someone you are messaging with.  You just "next"ed a guy who could have had potential, and for no good reason.

[Happy Lemming]

From the information posted, it appears two people went out on a dinner date a couple of years ago  (prior to the recent text conversation).  The gentelman failed to follow up after this first date with a proper invitation for a second date. He did not follow through.

It is his responsibility to call her up on a Wednesday or Thursday (for a Saturday night date) and formally invite her out on a date.  He should plan the date, extend the invitation and pay for the date.  He should not text some wishy-washy lets do something soon bull-crap.

He should call her up and say "Hi, mortensorchid... I really enjoyed our dinner date last week, I would like to see you again.  My favorite comic is playing at the Laugh Factory downtown, and there is this great Tex-Mex place across the street. Would you be interested in having dinner with me and going to see that comic??"  That is how you date a woman... You call her up and properly communicate the date you have planned and see if she says "yes" or "no".  He failed to do that in his prior attempt a few years back. I assume he thought he could do better and he "threw her back" and continued to fish.

It appears this gentleman has fished out his pond and is going through past prospects because he has been unsuccessful. It is my opinion, he thought mortensorchid would be willing to give him another chance after completely ignoring her and throwing her back.  

This isn't even about relationships or seeing if something could develop, he ignored her after the first date...  he either wasn't interested or thought he could do better.  Now, (it appears) he has run out of prospects. 

I agree with the decision to "NEXT" him.

 

[Miss Spider]

1 hour ago, Happy Lemming said:

From the information posted, it appears two people went out on a dinner date a couple of years ago  (prior to the recent text conversation).  The gentelman failed to follow up after this first date with a proper invitation for a second date. He did not follow through.

It is his responsibility to call her up on a Wednesday or Thursday (for a Saturday night date) and formally invite her out on a date.  He should plan the date, extend the invitation and pay for the date.  He should not text some wishy-washy lets do something soon bull-crap.

He should call her up and say "Hi, mortensorchid... I really enjoyed our dinner date last week, I would like to see you again.  My favorite comic is playing at the Laugh Factory downtown, and there is this great Tex-Mex place across the street. Would you be interested in having dinner with me and going to see that comic??"  That is how you date a woman... You call her up and properly communicate the date you have planned and see if she says "yes" or "no".  He failed to do that in his prior attempt a few years back. I assume he thought he could do better and he "threw her back" and continued to fish.

It appears this gentleman has fished out his pond and is going through past prospects because he has been unsuccessful. It is my opinion, he thought mortensorchid would be willing to give him another chance after completely ignoring her and throwing her back.  

This isn't even about relationships or seeing if something could develop, he ignored her after the first date...  he either wasn't interested or thought he could do better.  Now, (it appears) he has run out of prospects. 

I agree with the decision to "NEXT" him.

 

I agree with you guy came back bc a drought and he was not interested before. But if you look at  mortenorchids behavior here, I think he would be kind of out there to be. It’s not like there’s 0 wrong with MO’s interactions. If MO was not interested in being this guy backup, I totally get it, don’t engage with the guy. But she does appear mildly interested bc she does engage and she does so in a completely inappropriate way. I think this is really characteristic of mortenorchid from other posts. She has a very buzzkill attitude with guys she’s interested in & she says she does this intentionally. She can’t  really be surprised guys are not interested  when she does thatIt’s a big reason why I think she keeps struggling despite having quite a bit going for her 

Edited March 8, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Gaeta]

6 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

The gentelman failed to follow up after this first date with a proper invitation for a second date. He did not follow through.

 

Not quite

She said:  I think we texted the next day, I said I was turning in and heading for bed and then I never heard from him again.

Sounds like he followed up but was not welcomed for a conversation. 

[introverted1]

OMG, what the heck, MO?  Why didn't you just go on the hike and let the situation unfold.

Something I notice with so many female posters here is the desire for the man to TELL exactly what he's thinking/wanting rather than just going on a date or two and letting it unfold naturally. They have a script in their head for how things are supposed to go and if the man doesn't follow that script, they next him. 

Why didn't you just accept his invitation?  Worst case, you'd have gone on a hike and had some conversation.  Best case, you'd have a new friend or possible romantic partner.

 

[Ruby Slippers]

He dropped the ball the first time, so I wouldn't consider him 2 years later. I agree with Happy that he's run out of options and is perusing the back catalog. 

I try to live life without expectations if something serious develops, awesome

= time waster, in my book. NEXT is right.

[thewoomensay]

Good Morning my dear,

 

As I was reading your letter, two things came to mind. On one hand I agree with your decision to not give this individual another chance. It is clear to see neither one of you was really invested in getting to know one another. In all honesty, if I had to dissect your writing, the fault rests squarely on your lap. He tried to communicate with you. You turned him down by saying you were heading to bed.  If you were indeed excited about this individual, why could you not invest five minutes of your time to talk about your day or your plans for the week and then tell him you were heading to bed? Your reply reads like disinterest. He made a slight effort to seek you. You made none. You could have sent a text the next day and said “Hi, I was exhausted yesterday. Call me when you get home today and let us catch up”. However, since you did not make any attempts to reach out, it is easy to see why things fizzled. These things happen when there is not enough chemistry between two people.

The second thing that stands out is your conversation about seeking a serious relationship. This is something many of my clients (I am a professional matchmaker) state. Despite the thousand times I have heard this statement, I agree with the gentleman. You do not know where something is going until you invest the time to discover it. Dating is discovery, and that is all it is supposed to be. You do not know who you are dealing with until you take the time to get to know a person. Therefore, to start out by saying “I am looking for something serious” with a stranger is reckless to say the least. What if this individual is an abuser? A rapist? An addict? A gambler? The truth is…you do not know.

Why not go out with people with the intent of getting to know them? Allow yourself to be courted. Admired. Wooed. Worshipped. Pleased. Swept off your feet. After you have dated someone for a few months and feelings develop, then and only then bring up commitment. Take the time to know someone. The most important thing is not getting into a serious relationship but finding the right person to get into a relationship with.

I am closing my eyes and hoping for a great and kind man to walk into your life to shower you with all the love you deserve.

 

Take care

[Calmandfocused]

MO I’m so frustrated reading this. Why do you keep doing this? Don’t you want to find a partner? 
 

Yet again you’ve blown it by your abrasive attitude/ responses. Your response to his invitation was completely inappropriate. He doesn’t have to commit to wanting a serious relationship with you before you go on a hike with him. 
 

It’s ok to know what you want. But what you don’t do is ram your expectations down someone’s throat for the purpose of one date. I’m surprised he actually responded ... btw I thought his response was good. 
 

You also came across like you was telling him off where as the reality is that you were as much to blame as he was that there was no second date 2 years ago. I’d bet money on that. 
 

I don’t know any man who would keep pursuing a woman who wasn’t warm to him. You purposely push these men away.
 

Only you can stop this repetitive cycle. 

[Interstellar]

When i saw the topic I thought you’re forming a punk hardcore band, haha...because Repeat Offender sounds like a cool band name.

It fizzled out on his end years ago, and now he’s probably bored and not finding any decent matches on dating apps so he researched and contacted you.

He’s a time waster because it was already dead years ago. You’re just the backup to the backup.

Edited March 9, 2021 by Interstellar

[dramafreezone]

On 3/7/2021 at 2:55 PM, mortensorchid said:

 

Me: I am getting old and I don't want to waste time anymore with go nowhere situations, I'm looking for a serious relationship

 

 

 

 

You sound like a barrel of laughs.

No offense but you sound like someone that'd end up trying to be my mom instead of my wife.

Just because you're on a schedule doesn't mean he has to be, or that he's wrong for just taking things as they come.  Whatever happened to enjoying the courtship instead of racing to marriage?

Edited March 9, 2021 by dramafreezone

[hajk]

2 hours ago, dramafreezone said:

Just because you're on a schedule doesn't mean he has to be, or that he's wrong for just taking things as they come.  Whatever happened to enjoying the courtship instead of racing to marriage?

I think she recognized that they were on different paths, so there was really no point to meet and wasting time.

 

[lana-banana]

Why do you always do this? People approach you with basic social niceties or invites and your response is invariably abrasive and cold, and then you complain that they're "low interest" when they don't follow up. For someone who allegedly wants a serious relationship, you have determinedly slammed the door on every potential opportunity. Even a man seeking a relationship (like this guy may have been, who knows?) is not going to get down on one knee and tell you he wants to get married before you've even had coffee. At this point you only have yourself to blame.

[dramafreezone]

6 minutes ago, lana-banana said:

Why do you always do this? People approach you with basic social niceties or invites and your response is invariably abrasive and cold, and then you complain that they're "low interest" when they don't follow up. For someone who allegedly wants a serious relationship, you have determinedly slammed the door on every potential opportunity. Even a man seeking a relationship (like this guy may have been, who knows?) is not going to get down on one knee and tell you he wants to get married before you've even had coffee. At this point you only have yourself to blame.

I think there's so much theory and strategies about how people need to pursue relatioinships, so many books, videos, dating coaches and it's messing people up.  

[smackie9]

This is all about perception. Just like the Harry, Meg and Oprah interview, depending on how you look at it, everyone has a different POV as to why, and what has happened.

For all we know, this guy could be a d bag and was on a fishing expedition to get laid, or he truly was interested and hoped she would be more enthusiastic this time around because he still found her attractive.

Regardless, if I saw someone contacting me that ghosted after a first date or whatever, I wouldn't have responded. In fact I would have block/deleted him 2 years ago.

Why be so confrontational??...it so negative, and there is no way you get any satisfaction out of it now did you?

MC, you keep posting these threads of discontent, frustration. I have a solution. Change your perception, and change your attitude. Time to stop folding your arms, and the sternness you project. You self sabotage. You are sucking the very life you have out of yourself.

Be kind, be open minded, and be positive!

Edited March 9, 2021 by smackie9

[flitzanu]

i just wanted to chime in, that i always enjoy the Mortensorchid posts, because it makes me feel less alone in my bitterness, skepticism, and general jadedness of the majority of people.

 

[balletomane]

19 hours ago, Interstellar said:

When i saw the topic I thought you’re forming a punk hardcore band, haha...because Repeat Offender sounds like a cool band name.

It fizzled out on his end years ago, and now he’s probably bored and not finding any decent matches on dating apps so he researched and contacted you.

He’s a time waster because it was already dead years ago. You’re just the backup to the backup.

He didn't get back in touch after MO said she was going to turn in for the night. Ordinarily I'd agree with your interpretation, but MO has posted transcripts of conversations between herself and guys in which she responded to their interested comments with talk about how tired she is, how busy she is, how she can't accept this invitation because she needs to do some baking, etc. She has explicitly said that she does this because she "doesn't want to make it too easy" for the guys. She is then jaded and irritated when men don't pursue her. Given this context, I suspect she may have terminated the conversation with this man equally abruptly, so he experienced it as a brush-off rather than as a goodnight.

[dramafreezone]

14 hours ago, hajk said:

I think she recognized that they were on different paths, so there was really no point to meet and wasting time.

 

She's going to find it challenging to find a guy on her path.  No well-adjusted guy wants to hear about how you want a serious relationship when he doesn't even know you.