MiamiMami Posted October 16, 2005 Posted October 16, 2005 I went on a date with a handsome man tonight. It has been my first date after I broke up with my boyfriend. I thought my last boyfriend was interested in my money. Now I have trust issues. Although I had a good time with my date, I have built a wall and it is hard for me to let anyone in. He is in the other room waiting for me to watch a movie together. He might want to have sex too. All I can think about is the ice cream I want to eat alone and watch the shows I put on my Tivo during the week. Is it rude to tell him to leave? I better go back to him. I told him I was going to use the bathroom and stopped by my computer.
westernxer Posted October 16, 2005 Posted October 16, 2005 It's only a first date... no need to rush things if you aren't ready. Kiss him goodnight and ask him to call you tomorrow (or whenever).
Author MiamiMami Posted October 16, 2005 Author Posted October 16, 2005 It's only a first date... no need to rush things if you aren't ready. Kiss him goodnight and ask him to call you tomorrow (or whenever). Thank you for your support. We started watching the movie Sideways. It was good but I noticed it was long and he was getting a little touchy so I had to say that I had cramps and was not feeling well. I feel bad for lying but I didn't want to say please leave, I am afraid you might want to have sex. He was nice about it and left. I wish we could date men without it having to end with sex or any pressure for sex. Now I think I should wait a while before going out again until I feel all right with being kissed and so forth.
Outcast Posted October 16, 2005 Posted October 16, 2005 You can date men without having sex - just don't invite them back to your place. Find out where all the 24-hour restaurants are in your town and then if you want to continue talking after your date, go to one of them and have coffee.
Author MiamiMami Posted October 16, 2005 Author Posted October 16, 2005 You can date men without having sex - just don't invite them back to your place. Find out where all the 24-hour restaurants are in your town and then if you want to continue talking after your date, go to one of them and have coffee. No wonder. I don't know what I was thinking! I am adjusting back to dating after a long relationship and it helps to remember simple rules not to bring dates to my place. In public there is no pressure and it is ok.
RecordProducer Posted October 16, 2005 Posted October 16, 2005 You should abandon this submissive slavery philosophy that a man can pressure you to have sex with him. First of all, you shouldn't let men you don't know well come to your place. Men automatically assume that you want sex right away. Just like you won't invite them in your bathroom when you shower or in your bedroom, don't invite them in your living room for as long as you're not ready for that or don't trust them enough to feel comfortable around them. There are other ways to spend an evening together. Actually by inviting him to your place, you sort of make it clear that you don't care about any type of fun for that night except sex. That's how men see it. So don't put yourself in a situation that will make you think of excuses in order to get out of it later.
Outcast Posted October 16, 2005 Posted October 16, 2005 and it helps to remember simple rules not to bring dates to my place. Exactly. I'm pretty sure 'come up to my place' = 'we're going to have sex' to a man, or in fact often to a woman, too.
westernxer Posted October 16, 2005 Posted October 16, 2005 Thank you for your support. We started watching the movie Sideways. It was good but I noticed it was long and he was getting a little touchy so I had to say that I had cramps and was not feeling well. Hope you weren't drinking Merlot (one of the funniest parts of the movie).
AndrewJ Posted October 16, 2005 Posted October 16, 2005 Miami, Dont know if this helps but sometimes ice cream is it for me;)
slubberdegullion Posted October 16, 2005 Posted October 16, 2005 Ice cream WITH sex... now that's a combination! scampers to phone, calls FWB... "Hello, sweetie? Care for some pralines & cream?"
AndrewJ Posted October 16, 2005 Posted October 16, 2005 Baskin and sex!!! Slubberdrummerman i think thats the ultimate goal! Good thinkin
kitkat826 Posted October 16, 2005 Posted October 16, 2005 I want ice cream not sex LOL. I once spent the whole act thinking about twinkies.
alphamale Posted October 16, 2005 Posted October 16, 2005 I want ice cream not sex LOL. I once spent the whole act thinking about twinkies. I still think you look like Jan Brady, KITKAT...
kitkat826 Posted October 16, 2005 Posted October 16, 2005 I still think you look like Jan Brady, KITKAT... LOL. Damnit, you are going to make me go and dredge up some other photos to post.....
Jojoyoyo Posted October 16, 2005 Posted October 16, 2005 Are men animals? Do they have no self control? Why are certain things that I do seen as impliedly inviting men to have sex with me?! I just moved out by myself and a couple of times, when all of the bars or restaurants in my area close, I invite them back to my place for some more drinks, conversation etc (I live in the city). I make it VERY clear before we go back to my place that I am not interested in sleeping with them, and probably not even fooling around, so early in the relationship, but that I would just like to continue the date for an hour or so more. I am not giving any mixed signals. However EVERY SINGLE TIME I have done this, we get back to my place and at some point the guy starts making the moves on me, and inevitably he leaves frustrated after I have to tell him AGAIN that I am not going to sleep with him. WHY should I be put on a guilt trip? I made it clear I just wanted to continue chatting, are they so driven by their hormones that they can't help themselves? This is similiar to when I go out wearing a sexy outfit, such as a mini skirt, and random guys feel like they can just come up and touch me. Then when I tell them to back off it's like, 'well you're wearing a short skirt, what do you expect.' HAVEN'T THEY EVOLVED?? I love sex, but things like this just make me so defensive and cold. I can't believe that in 2005 I cannot do what I want without worrying that a guy might not be able to control his penis.
Author MiamiMami Posted October 16, 2005 Author Posted October 16, 2005 You guys make me laugh. My place is close to the night spots and I am used to my boyfriend always going back to my place after our dates. I forgot that is a sign in the dating scene to do more than sit around to talk and watch movies. It didn't help that I have a lot of wine and we were watching a movie about wine. You should have seen me "ouch, my cramps!" He asked if I was having my period and when I said yes (small white lie) he was understanding and ready to leave but looked sad to. I started shouting some things in Spanish and I think that might have made him think it was serious pain.
JS17 Posted October 16, 2005 Posted October 16, 2005 I started shouting some things in Spanish and I think that might have made him think it was serious pain. :lmao: That's hilarious. I'm going to have to remember that one for the future. P.S. I want Ice Cream and Sex but I don't eat Ice Cream anymore
Outcast Posted October 17, 2005 Posted October 17, 2005 I started shouting some things in Spanish and I think that might have made him think it was serious pain. Or that you're a raving lunatic
fusangite Posted October 17, 2005 Posted October 17, 2005 In dating, there is an accepted way of communicating. Because nobody literally states their agenda, we have nothing to go on but generally understood social cues. Basically, you are taking the position that it's silly that you would be required to communicate in the language of dating when you are dating. This is like going to Brazil and complaining when everyone speaks Portuguese to you. Here's what you communicated to the guy: You: Well, we could watch Sideways at my place. Translation: I think I might want to fool around with you to a greater or lesser degree. Later, You: Oh my cramps. Translation: I have a lower opinion of you than when you came in. Something you have done has annoyed me. Please leave. Not endowed with telepathy, people engaged in the dating process make do with non-verbal and coded verbal signals. Maybe you don't like the fact that inviting a guy up to your place means something in code but this is like complaining that "lunch" means the meal after breakfast.
Author MiamiMami Posted October 18, 2005 Author Posted October 18, 2005 In dating, there is an accepted way of communicating. Because nobody literally states their agenda, we have nothing to go on but generally understood social cues. Basically, you are taking the position that it's silly that you would be required to communicate in the language of dating when you are dating. This is like going to Brazil and complaining when everyone speaks Portuguese to you. Here's what you communicated to the guy: You: Well, we could watch Sideways at my place. Translation: I think I might want to fool around with you to a greater or lesser degree. Later, You: Oh my cramps. Translation: I have a lower opinion of you than when you came in. Something you have done has annoyed me. Please leave. Not endowed with telepathy, people engaged in the dating process make do with non-verbal and coded verbal signals. Maybe you don't like the fact that inviting a guy up to your place means something in code but this is like complaining that "lunch" means the meal after breakfast. Congratulations for being such a big hot shot expert in dating non-verbal and coded verbal signals. If I was an expert myself I would not have been in the situation I got into. I would not have come here for advice. Do not talk to other like they are children you know it all. I am not taking positions that it is silly to communicate. Maybe you don't like the fact that inviting a guy up to your place means something in code It looks like you have not read earlier comments that I was not aware of the signal I sent by inviting him over. I have since learned and I do not need your unhelpful comments. Not everyone is experienced in dating like you. You must have a diploma and never any problems or questions about dating like I do. I thank all the others for helping me already.
westernxer Posted October 18, 2005 Posted October 18, 2005 Don't sweat it, Miami. If he likes you he won't make a fuss about the "cramps." Just because you invited him over doesn't mean you have to put out. I'm sure he would've liked sex (what guy wouldn't), but sometimes we rush things when we shouldn't. Especially on the first date. If this keeps happening then I'd be a little pissed, but otherwise está bien todo. Todo a tu gusto. No te preocupes.
Author MiamiMami Posted October 18, 2005 Author Posted October 18, 2005 Don't sweat it, Miami. If he likes you he won't make a fuss about the "cramps." Just because you invited him over doesn't mean you have to put out. I'm sure he would've liked sex (what guy wouldn't), but sometimes we rush things when we shouldn't. Especially on the first date. If this keeps happening then I'd be a little pissed, but otherwise está bien todo. Todo a tu gusto. No te preocupes. Gracias Sr. westernxer. Yo no me preocupare por lo. He called me today if I was feeling better. He sounds like el me quiere mucho he likes me a lot. He is going to take me to a restaurant Friday and I am no longer worried about it. Maybe he will be my new boyfriend and we can laugh what I did on our first date.
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