Orange blossom Posted March 5, 2021 Posted March 5, 2021 (edited) Why do I keep having this cycle? M(15) f(15) God I get tired of this. It’s just a big cycle. Let me start off with we are only three months into our relationship. But I have felt like we have been together forever. I think this is a good thing. I have something called relationship ocd. At least I think that’s what it is. I constantly 2nd guess my feelings for my girlfriend. For example, 2 days ago I was at my girlfriends house and we were outside playing volleyball and listening to music it was the happiest I had been in a minute. I took my girlfriend by her waist and kissed her. I then spilled my heart out to her about how I loved her and how she meant the world to me. How I can’t wait till we are married and live together. I felt in love with her. Skip a day later, I’m at her house, I still feel happy and I still feel in love but it wasn’t as strong, I guess you could say. The day after that it was as if I felt nothing towards anyone or anything. By the way, I suffer from depression. My anxiety/ relationship OCD had me constantly asking myself do I really love her. It was like these voices in my head kept attacking me saying things like you don’t really love her. You were faking it. But the truth is I do love my girlfriend. At least I hope so. When she feels down I try to pick her up. I tell her how beautiful she is. I tell her I love her. And I help her as much as possible. Say she has cramps I run her belly get her some medicine make her plate of food and just in all take care of her. Whenever I’m around her I’m happy. But then there are those days I 2nd guess whether I really love her. As I said before, I feel down on these days. On these days sometimes I would rather let her cry than help her. I still help her because I don’t wanna be that way. I do care about her. Sometimes on these days I say mean things to her. I really regret saying these things and apologize. I know I care about her but do I love her? Edited March 5, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Added paragraphs and spacing for readability. Some grammar and spelling fixes.
d0nnivain Posted March 5, 2021 Posted March 5, 2021 You are 15. Your body is raging with hormones. Every day is a new experience, a chance to learn something new. The world is unfolding around you You are not supposed to know that you are "in love" with your GF. You are supposed to enjoy the moments with her -- playing volleyball, listening to music, kissing her, etc. The fact that you help her in an indication that you are a good person who cares deeply about your GF. At 15 that is enough. This doesn't have to be a forever love. It can be a right now love. If each of those days of love continues until your mid 20s then you can think about being married but now just focus on today, maybe next week. 3 months into an adult relationship would be too soon to think about love & marriage. It's not realistic in the slightest at 15. When those voices make you doubt, shut them down by reminding yourself that in the here & now you care which is enough. You have loads of time to figure the rest out. Nobody has their whole life mapped out at 15. Relax. 2
ShyViolet Posted March 5, 2021 Posted March 5, 2021 Maybe you're feeling this way because you're 15, that is too young to know that you love someone enough to marry them someday. You don't need to know all that right now. You are not old enough to be entering into a serious committed relationship where it's leading to marriage. Just enjoy spending time with her. That's it. Don't get ahead of yourself. 2
smackie9 Posted March 5, 2021 Posted March 5, 2021 You will eventually understand why your mind and body reacts the way it does. For now it's gonna be a roller coaster ride until you learn the ropes.
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