So it looks like a guy who shows Frustration on a 1st date is more attractive than a guy who is nervous and shy

[ShyViolet]

1 hour ago, IntBrowser said:

Correct. masculine behavior is not being disrespectful and yelling but you have to admit, its a lot more attractive than a guy who is stuttering and shaking

Or, you could just act like a normal person.  It's not a choice between these two extremes.

[IntBrowser]

33 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

I understand you were in a pickle. How did you end up paying?

I used the amex but it was scheduled for use so I had to conduct an express financial meeting on the spot lol

[IntBrowser]

32 minutes ago, cleverusername said:

You weren't "masculine", you just lost your temper. The two aren't related. You're correlating "nervousness" and "masculinity" with these outcomes, when in reality it is way more complex. Just enjoy the ride and carry cash next time

But me being frowned up vs being shaky and nervous seem to come off better when meeting a woman for the first time. 

[Miss Spider]

5 minutes ago, IntBrowser said:

But me being frowned up vs being shaky and nervous seem to come off better when meeting a woman for the first time. 

So work more on not being nervous and shaky 

[elaine567]

Women who are unfazed by a date snapping and yelling at service staff, either will also snap and yell at service staff too or have been brought up to think "losing it" is acceptable and normal behaviour. They often come from dysfunctional or abusive families.
Good luck with that...

As n=1 in both instances then nothing can actually be deduced.
Maybe the women who was into you, would have been into you had you been shy and nervous, and the other woman would have still ran a mile as soon as you started shouting...

[IntBrowser]

7 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

Or, you could just act like a normal person.  It's not a choice between these two extremes.

Normally Im a nervous wreck on a 1st meet and it seemed like the one time I didnt care what a woman thought of me, she is all attracted and wants to extend the date

 

97% of the time I am so concerned if she finds me attractive but for that one moment when I was hit with........."sorry sir we dont accept discover:   I gave off the vibe that I didnt care what someone thought of me and I think it may have played into her attraction.     

[IntBrowser]

1 minute ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

So work more on not being nervous and shaky 

Only solution I came up with is..."give her a conversation but dont say anything:

[Miss Spider]

1 minute ago, IntBrowser said:

Only solution I came up with is..."give her a conversation but dont say anything:

What do you mean? 

[Gaeta]

1 minute ago, IntBrowser said:

 I gave off the vibe that I didnt care what someone thought of me and I think it may have played into her attraction.     

But on the other end you have 8-9 women posters on here telling you that attitude is not attractive. It's fair to say she's out of norm? 

[Miss Spider]

I am attracted to guys that don’t care much what people think within reason. You can be confident, but once you start snapping at people at minor stuff you cross over to jerk territory. This is again using either/or and non-sequitur reasoning to found baseless conclusions.   [redacted]

Edited March 6, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
using history to attack OP

[IntBrowser]

2 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

What do you mean? 

I should give her a convo and do say much and let her do most of the talking by responding to what she is saying versus sitting there like a fool and not asking any questions and just eating.

 

So less eating and being more of a listener and responsive to her comments

[Miss Spider]

Just now, IntBrowser said:

I should give her a convo and do say much and let her do most of the talking by responding to what she is saying versus sitting there like a fool and not asking any questions and just eating.

 

So less eating and being more of a listener and responsive to her comments

Why not ask your own questions and share your own thoughts and fully participate in the conversation

Edited March 5, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[IntBrowser]

Just now, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

Why not ask your own questions and share your own thoughts and fully participate in the conversation

Yes that is the plan, to decrease the nervousness and awkwardness and the best way to do that is keep the convo flowing 

[Ruby Slippers]

I'm very turned off by the slightest hint of rude behavior toward servers. That's not masculine behavior - it's just rude.

[elaine567]

Its called playing by ear.
There is no fixed formula you can follow to get a result ,as every woman is different and what works for one may not work for another.

[elaine567]

Also what may work one day may be a total turn off the next.
She may have let that one episode of jerkish behaviour go, but next time she will run, so best just to be yourself.
You can't spend a lifetime being who you aren't, so forget the posturing and trying to second guess what any woman wants... 

[IntBrowser]

6 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said:

I'm very turned off by the slightest hint of rude behavior toward servers. That's not masculine behavior - it's just rude.

I dont want to say it was rude, she keep asking me about the check and I was like....."ok just give me a second"    No profanity was used just a escalated voice due to a high level of irritation

[IntBrowser]

6 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

Its called playing by ear.
There is no fixed formula you can follow to get a result ,as every woman is different and what works for one may not work for another.

but would you agree that a irritated guy is more attractive than a shy guy?

[elaine567]

Just now, IntBrowser said:

but would you agree that a irritated guy is more attractive than a shy guy?

I would personally go for the shy guy.
A guy who is "irritated" on the first date when he is supposed to be on his best behaviour, is not someone I would want to get involved with.

[ShyViolet]

14 minutes ago, IntBrowser said:

but would you agree that a irritated guy is more attractive than a shy guy?

I would absolutely not agree.

 

[Versacehottie]

15 minutes ago, IntBrowser said:

I dont want to say it was rude, she keep asking me about the check and I was like....."ok just give me a second"    No profanity was used just a escalated voice due to a high level of irritation

A frazzled guy when the check comes and one that takes it out on the servers is not attractive at all.  Neither is an irritated guy. 

However, you were more relaxed before the paying probably has the biggest impact on her liking you. Then she allowed it to slide because she already had decided she liked you when you acted poorly with the server.  That 100% is my take.

I think you'd do better to concentrate on the total behavior on each of the dates.  Date 1 you with awkward and nervous.  Date 2 you were more relaxed in general, more sure of yourself. Those had much more bearing on your final results IMO than how you acted specifically with the check.  Guessing if you had thrown your tantrum on Date 1, she'd have been even MORE turned off.  And if you had handled the moment graciously when you discovered Discover wasn't accepted, date 2 would have been even MORE into you. 

[IntBrowser]

27 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

I would personally go for the shy guy.
A guy who is "irritated" on the first date when he is supposed to be on his best behaviour, is not someone I would want to get involved with.

but i thought shyness gives off the low confident vibe and that he doesnt get a lot of opportunities

[Gaeta]

14 minutes ago, IntBrowser said:

but i thought shyness gives off the low confident vibe and that he doesnt get a lot of opportunities

Not at all. Also depends what you call shyness. Some shyness can be endearing to women.

So when your date realized there was a credit card issue did she offer to pay? 

I remember going to dinner with a man for a first meeting (blind date) and his credit card was declined, I right away offered to pay and he politely declined my offer and paid cash. I cannot imagine letting him figure out a solution while my belly is full with food.

[elaine567]

13 minutes ago, IntBrowser said:

but i thought shyness gives off the low confident vibe and that he doesnt get a lot of opportunities

Better than giving off an angry, irritated, rude, arrogant vibe... That is not confidence...
Anyone who yells at service staff is not a very nice person IMO.
The shy guy may also be  a nightmare, who knows? but given that limited choice the shy guy wins.

[Miss Spider]

26 minutes ago, IntBrowser said:

but i thought shyness gives off the low confident vibe and that he doesnt get a lot of opportunities

It’s again too either/or black and white. Shyness is situational and being socially timid is some situations does not mean that you overall have no opportunities or have low confidence. One of my exes was shy sometimes and it was super cute. He was very confident in other areas he was good at  but really shy. I’ve only dated one guy I’d say lacked self-confidence majorly in himself and you’d never see that from the outside. He was super gregarious and everything was an outward facade to impress people. THAT was annoying.  I know it sounds cliche, but it’s better to be yourself. Maybe you aren’t a huge conversationalist. Maybe you are more shy by nature. Just don’t be rude/arrogant bc you think it’s what women want. That sounds awful 

Edited March 5, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes