max3732 Posted March 3, 2021 Posted March 3, 2021 On this dating app I matched with someone that looked like a great match from her bio and pics. Instead of sending a text she sent a voice message as a 2nd message as an answer to my question. In her message she said something like "a lot of guys here seem to want me to stroke their ego or are only interested in texting and not actually talking to me and meeting so I don't know why I'm even on here". I thought that was a bit negative, but decided to message her back. I said something like "Sorry you've had that kind of experience with guys. My ego definitely doesn't need any help. I'd love to talk to you and meet up if we're a good match. Here's my #". Next thing I know she's blocked me. I was tempted to just say "I'm not like those guys. Let's chat" and give my number but I thought it would be interesting/fun to put something else in the message. This gets me so frustrated. Even when I match with someone I can't get into a conversation or meet to see if there's chemistry. I wish I could see someone over time and slowly build attraction. Was there something wrong with my message? What should I have said if there was?
smackie9 Posted March 3, 2021 Posted March 3, 2021 Don't get your feathers in a ruffle over someone who does manipulation by being passive aggressive. In other words, she a red flag and don't take it personally...it's her loss not yours. You dodged a bullet my friend. 7
poppyfields Posted March 3, 2021 Posted March 3, 2021 (edited) Sounds a bit silly but instead of you giving her your no. and asking her to call you, I'm thinking you asking for her number and telling her you would call her might have been more effective. In a woman's sometimes illogical mind , asking her to call you is equivalent to you asking her to chase you (i.e stroke your ego) which was precisely what she was trying to avoid. Edited March 3, 2021 by poppyfields 2
Fletch Lives Posted March 3, 2021 Posted March 3, 2021 There are lots of undesirables on dating apps. This woman has a bad attitude. 6
Author max3732 Posted March 3, 2021 Author Posted March 3, 2021 35 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Sounds a bit silly but instead of you giving her your no. and asking her to call you, I'm thinking you asking for her number and telling her you would call her might have been more effective. In a woman's sometimes illogical mind , asking her to call you is equivalent to you asking her to chase you (i.e stroke your ego) which was precisely what she was trying to avoid. I never even thought of it like that. I was just hoping she'd give me her number so I could text or call her. In other words I thought saying "let's talk" and giving my # was the same as asking for hers. Next time I'll phrase it differently. Guess that's why I feel like I have to walk on egg shells sometimes with these messages. Thanks for pointing out the difference. With her attitude on her voice message I do think she might have been a problem. Especially saying she doesn't know what she's doing there. 1
smackie9 Posted March 3, 2021 Posted March 3, 2021 (edited) 8 minutes ago, max3732 said: Especially saying she doesn't know what she's doing there. Yikes! Edited March 3, 2021 by smackie9
poppyfields Posted March 3, 2021 Posted March 3, 2021 (edited) max, think of it like if you were out and about, and approached an attractive woman. Would you say "here's my number, call me"? Or would you ask for her number and tell her you will call her. It's no different on line. That said, she does sound like she's got a chip on her shoulder, so you probably dodged a bullet. Edited March 3, 2021 by poppyfields 3
smackie9 Posted March 3, 2021 Posted March 3, 2021 IMO you need to approach this with more confidence. If it scares them away, they weren't interested in the first place.
lurker74 Posted March 3, 2021 Posted March 3, 2021 Be happy when someone self-selects themselves out rather than frustrated that they didn't give you a chance to be miserable. 5
introverted1 Posted March 3, 2021 Posted March 3, 2021 I'm confused. How did she leave you a voice message without already having your number?
poppyfields Posted March 3, 2021 Posted March 3, 2021 (edited) 20 minutes ago, introverted1 said: I'm confused. How did she leave you a voice message without already having your number? Some apps allow you to leave a voice message (voice notes) from the app. Edited March 3, 2021 by poppyfields 1
ShyViolet Posted March 3, 2021 Posted March 3, 2021 I wouldn't worry about it. There was nothing wrong with your message. She is the one who was being really negative and frankly I'm surprised that you even messaged her after that. 6
jspice Posted March 3, 2021 Posted March 3, 2021 You didn’t say/ do anything wrong. Some women would prefer you call them. Some would prefer for you to give your number so she can call. My approach to dating is be yourself. Do what comes naturally. Usually I would give my number to someone. I don’t like texting back and forth. If I give them my number and they still don’t call me, I’ll stop responding. There are plenty of women who only want to text so they match better with other texters. second guessing everything you say and do will get you nowhere. There was nothing wrong with your message. 1
poppyfields Posted March 3, 2021 Posted March 3, 2021 (edited) 10 minutes ago, jspice said: You didn’t say/ do anything wrong. Some women would prefer you call them. Some would prefer for you to give your number so she can call. That's true, however.... This particular girl stated in her message "a lot of guys here seem to want me to stroke their ego or are only interested in texting and not actually talking to me." So isn't that a big clue that this particular girl would prefer a man take her number and call her versus her calling him (i.e. chasing/stroking his ego)? That's my read on it anyway. Edited March 3, 2021 by poppyfields
poppyfields Posted March 3, 2021 Posted March 3, 2021 (edited) 4 minutes ago, poppyfields said: That's true, however.... This particular girl stated in her message "a lot of guys here seem to want me to stroke their ego or are only interested in texting and not actually talking to me." So isn't that a big clue that this particular girl would prefer a man take her number and call her versus her calling him (i.e. chasing/stroking his ego)? That's my read on it anyway. To add, not sure how I would feel if a man did same to me in that situation, but there were times when a man I would meet out and about would hand me his number and tell me to call him and I was quite put off by it, thinking he must have an ego the size of a small planet and had many women chasing him. No thanks, not my cuppa tea. Edited March 3, 2021 by poppyfields
Ruby Slippers Posted March 3, 2021 Posted March 3, 2021 3 hours ago, Fletch Lives said: This woman has a bad attitude. I agree. Bullet dodged. When I did online dating, I immediately disregarded anyone who used their dating profile to complain and rant - it doesn't get much more unattractive than that. 4 1
poppyfields Posted March 3, 2021 Posted March 3, 2021 2 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said: I agree. Bullet dodged. When I did online dating, I immediately disregarded anyone who used their dating profile to complain and rant - it doesn't get much more unattractive than that. Agree! But nevertheless, it's good for max to introspect as to what he said to turn her off so he doesn't turn off the next girl who might have a great attitude!
Ruby Slippers Posted March 3, 2021 Posted March 3, 2021 2 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Agree! But nevertheless, it's good for max to introspect as to what he said to turn her off so he doesn't turn off the next girl who might have a great attitude! I agree with you it's better to ask for her number when meeting in person. But I think it's perfectly reasonable for a man on a dating site to give his number first. Anytime a man did that and I was interested, I simply replied with my phone number and let him take it from there. I don't think he did anything wrong. If she were interested, it would have worked just fine. 4
Wiseman2 Posted March 3, 2021 Posted March 3, 2021 4 hours ago, max3732 said: she said something like "a lot of guys here seem to want me to stroke their ego or are only interested in texting and not actually talking to me and meeting so I don't know why I'm even on here". I thought that was a bit negative You definitely dodged a bullet. That message had anger and baggage all over it. Run 4 1
poppyfields Posted March 3, 2021 Posted March 3, 2021 (edited) 26 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said: I agree with you it's better to ask for her number when meeting in person. But I think it's perfectly reasonable for a man on a dating site to give his number first. Anytime a man did that and I was interested, I simply replied with my phone number and let him take it from there. I don't think he did anything wrong. If she were interested, it would have worked just fine. I hear that phrase often - "if she were interested," or "if he were interested." I have never understood it because before two people have ever texted, talked or communicated, how interested could they actually be? Was she expected to have high interest based on his profile or a few pics? I am not getting that. Had he responded differently, she may at that point have developed an interest. But that is not how it played out. They had never communicated in any way, at that point she had zero interest and rightfully so imo. I can't speak for others but I don't become interested in a man based on a few pictures and what's written in his profile. I have to actually talk to him first, interact with him a bit, before that happens. That is why that first message is so important, it sets the tone, piques my interest. That's not what happened here. Just me, perhaps others are different which is fair enough. Edited March 3, 2021 by poppyfields
Alvi Posted March 3, 2021 Posted March 3, 2021 She sounds jaded Probably had some/many bad experiences on a dating site. It is easy to become disenchanted on a dating site with so many fakes, flakes, scammer and guys who are only after sex. I can relate to that. I realized in November that I was sounding exactly like her so I removed my profile on a dating site. I took few month to self-reflect and recharge, and I am back trying to date once again. Don't know if you dodged a bullet or not, she might be a good partner but she is probably going to miss out on a few good guys left because of her outlook. I could be wrong. but she probably thought that you were after sex since you gave her your number so soon. This is how it sounds to me: "Hey, sorry about your bad experiences, I don't know anything about you but here is my number, call me." I like to establish some sort of rapport with a guy before exchanging phone numbers. 1
poppyfields Posted March 3, 2021 Posted March 3, 2021 1 minute ago, Alvi said: I could be wrong. but she probably thought that you were after sex since you gave her your number so soon. This is how it sounds to me: "Hey, sorry about your bad experiences, I don't know anything about you but here is my number, call me." I like to establish some sort of rapport with a guy before exchanging phone numbers. That's exactly my take on it as well. max, I know that wasn't your intention, but for a woman who knows nothing about you and has had some negative experiences, it does come off as a bit cocky and egocentric. That's why she blocked you imo. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted March 3, 2021 Posted March 3, 2021 2 minutes ago, poppyfields said: I can't speak for others but I don't become highly interested in a man based on a few pictures and what's written in his profile. I have to actually talk to him first, interact with him a bit, before that happens. I agree, but I know after looking at a profile and exchanging a number of messages whether I'm interested enough to move to texting and a phone call. I found that most men would message a while, then say they'd love to meet and give me their number. I think it would be kinda weird on a dating app for a man to say, "I'd love to meet - can I have your phone number?" Once he gave me his number, if I saw potential, I'd reply with my number, he'd text me, and shortly thereafter we'd have a phone call. Then if that went well, he'd ask me out and we'd plan a first date. I didn't like it if he gave me his number right away, before messaging at all. If he wanted to move to text/phone too quickly, and I was interested, I'd say I'd like to get to know him a little bit first, and then we'd message a little more, till I'd eventually give him my number if it went well and everything was cool. 2
Ruby Slippers Posted March 3, 2021 Posted March 3, 2021 3 minutes ago, poppyfields said: That's why she blocked you imo. She blocked him because she has an attitude problem. He didn't do anything remotely deserving of being blocked. She should have just deleted and moved on. But I guess with her bad attitude, she gets some weird satisfaction from blocking a guy who did nothing wrong. 6
poppyfields Posted March 3, 2021 Posted March 3, 2021 (edited) 5 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said: I agree, but I know after looking at a profile and exchanging a number of messages whether I'm interested enough to move to texting and a phone call. Exactly Ruby, "exchanging a number of messages." Here, his very first message turned her off. That's all she had to go on, that one message. It turned her off, so she blocked, I would have done the same thing, and have! Maybe not for the same reason, but that's why I said that first message is so important. It was a way to pique her interest and it didn't. So in her mind, next. I don't get why she is being negatively judged for that. Edited March 3, 2021 by poppyfields
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