Vanessa89 Posted March 3, 2021 Posted March 3, 2021 Hi everyone, I wonder if anyone ever had this feeling of being stuck in their situation. I was 20 years old and very ambitious to achieve the goals that I've set for myself after moving out of my parents place. Like everyone. Along the shaping of my life I have met a guy, very shortly actually. He was very ambitious too, smart and caring but I didn't feel any emotional connection, His persistence of dating me wore me off and eventually agreed. We are now almost 12 years together but we are constantly arguing. I mainly start the fight, I get very quickly angry and agitated. The smallest comment he makes can throw me off. Adding to this, I don't feel like we have a connection and nothing in common. I like to have fun and yes, sometimes I am a bit silly but he is always serious or when he is joking around it's very strange to me that this is what is funny to him. There are other things that annoy me about him but you guys get the drill. I am so tired of the situation. Despite the issues I have with him we decided to build a house and a car on finance and I just shrugged it off but I'm getting angry again. Sometimes I don't know if it's worth fighting. I don't think I fit in his picture perfect life. He's got everything calculated, planned through. I am more of enjoying my life in the moment but planning towards my future. I know he said many times he's tired too and don't care if I leave. So what is it that makes us stay? The moment we fight he tries to calm the situation down. For me I just sometimes wanna stay and sometimes I don't feel like this is my life to live. I like to achieve things on my own. Plus we are now old enough to think about a family and with this kind of mindset we have I don't think it's a good idea. I don't and never really wanted to have children but he says that he's getting older and wants to have a family and if I don't then we have to go our separate ways and I understand it but why none of us can make the move? Every time we are set to go our ways, we reconcile. I just wanna live happy and I know that I didn't have this kind of issues with other guys but he has something in him that makes me always angry. He always finds something to comment on. I can't take it anymore. My life is not around pointing out on things. Just live your life, live it right and you will be fine. And when the outcome or result is positive then it doesn't matter how the process was. Sometimes he talks like its a command then I point out at it and he doesn't understand what he has done wrong. I'm just feeling as if he doesn't understand me, who I am. I don't know if I should really walk away or stay. I'm trying to change my way but it always comes back to fights, regardless. Living on my own after everything I've built, putting so much energy. I don't know if I have the energy for it again. If I would be in my 20s probably I would but in my 30s I feel like I just wanna belong to somewhere where I can just live happy and have a routine.
d0nnivain Posted March 3, 2021 Posted March 3, 2021 Change is hard. What you have is comfortable & familiar. It doesn't make you happy but it's easier than rocking the boat. Whether you stay or go is up to you but IMO you should not bring children into this.
smackie9 Posted March 4, 2021 Posted March 4, 2021 (edited) It's all about compromise. You both can have it all, enjoy each other's company, and share a life together. Work on communication through couples counseling. As long as you both understand each other's expectations, how to achieve them fairly, and have a willingness to be more flexible with each other, this can work. He can start to recognize that your free spirit, silliness is not irresponsibility. You can reassure him you have goals, and have a wiliness to achieve them. It's truly about perception...he needs to be shown what he sees is not your intention...he needs to relax, and trust you. Edited March 4, 2021 by smackie9
lurker74 Posted March 4, 2021 Posted March 4, 2021 Probably the number one thing that is tough to come back from in a relationship is contempt. And from your description, you have contempt for him. That does not bode well. Left alone, it will not get better and eventually one or both of you will start trying to end things the wrong way (e.g. having an "exit" affair). So you stand at a crossroads...work on it, starting with yourself in therapy and soon thereafter telling him that you're not happy so you can work on it together, or exit. There's no point trying to hold on the way you are headed unless you both agree it is simply an economic and healthcare related relationship, which would entail opening up the relationship to other partners and the like. That itself is a very risky endeavor that rarely works.
LuvLY3 Posted March 4, 2021 Posted March 4, 2021 Feeling stuck is definitely not a good place to be in a relationship. Have you considered counseling either individually or as a couple?
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