Is he being cringe or am I overreacting?

[Interstellar]

He sounds like he watched too many Hollywood brainwashing romance movies where the guy usually verbalizes his feelings to the woman he’s trying to woo. I used to have a buddy in high school, and this guy is the Lord Byron of writing love letters. A bit of history; way before the internet, besides the phone you used to write love letters to a girl you like or crushing on then fold said letter in a certain way with detailed instructions to the girl on how to open it, and then you pass this “love  letter”  to a trusted courier which then gets passed on to the girl. I cannot remember a single word he said but the spirit of his letter is usually complimenting her and  his feelings for him. He usually has 3 different girls he’s courting that he sends it to. He’s an incredible romance fiction writer, haha and I really do admire his creativity though because it’s a different letter for each girl. That ain’t easy, lol. For real. I’ve never written a love letter so for me that’s an impossible task.

Maybe you should try quoting romeo and juliet, like super dark, super serious, and gothic haha:  “there’s no trust, no faith, no honesty in men.”, “ my only love sprung from my only hate.”

Edited March 2, 2021 by Interstellar

[Miss Spider]

13 minutes ago, Interstellar said:

Lord Byron of writing love letters.

Lol.

Edited March 2, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Miss Spider]

Xxx

Edited March 2, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[poppyfields]

42 minutes ago, Interstellar said:

Maybe you should try quoting romeo and juliet, like super dark, super serious, and gothic haha:  “there’s no trust, no faith, no honesty in men.”, “ my only love sprung from my only hate.”

Lord, I just got chills reading that!

Retraction from earlier post:  A man quoting Shakespeare would definitely get my attention!  No matter how cheesy it sounded! 

Not sure how that would work the other way around, with the woman quoting.  

Somehow I don't think it would have quite the same impact, but might be funny as a joke if he's being too over the top and you want to get rid.  

Edited March 2, 2021 by poppyfields

[Dis]

I have a friend doing OLD right now.

 

The guys she talks to are soooo phoney! Laying it on so thick and she actually buys it. I tell her, these "compliments" and "promises" are not meant for you because they don't know you yet. Would someone throw down a wad of cash to buy a car they nothing nothing about? Same thing, IMO. 

 

Dudes be lovebombing like it's WWII 

Edited March 2, 2021 by Disillusionment373

[Amanda141]

Thanks to everyone for the advice, really appreciated! Right now I am keeping the conversation at the bare minimum (2-3 messages per day) as I prefer to talk in person on our first date on Saturday. I will let you know when I have news  

[Amanda141]

UPDATE

Sooo this afternoon we finally had our first date! Honestly it went really good, we spent three hours walking in the city centre and talking about everything. We didn't kiss at the end but he texted me shortly after saying "I hope you had a nice time today talking about different things even though it was cold and a bit different due to lockdown   "  - so I think I'll see him again.

During the date he didn't say anything cringe/extremely cheesy or inappropriate, so at this point I think that maybe he was just not much experienced. I don't think he is looking just for sex as we are talking everyday and today he didn't rush to kiss me... let's see. He seemed interest in myself, my story ecc... Apart from being extremely attractive, today I had the impression that he is genuinely a nice guy, very smart and sweet. I hope I am not wrong  I definitely want to see him again and see how things evolve. My goal at the end is a long-term relationship so I hope he could be a good potential for that  

[Alpacalia]

Good things Amanda141. 

Edited March 6, 2021 by Alpaca

[Watercolors]

I sense red flags. He intentionally stopped his normal cheesy behavior to reel you in. I do not believe the guy that you hung out with for 3 hours was being his real self with you. So, keep your eye open for the real him to emerge. 

[Gaeta]

Did he come up with a 2nd date idea?

You have all types out there. You have the type that will hit you right away with sex innuendos and the other type that likes the chase and playing good guy till you take your guards down on 2nd or 3rd date for sex then they bail. 

You're saying he didn't say anything *extremely* cheesy so he still said cheesy things?

[Fletch Lives]

One of the biggest problems in dating is men moving too fast

[Amanda141]

@Gaeta thanks for your message. Speaking of  a 2nd date idea, he texted exactly " let‘s see what we could do next even though there is the lockdown. Maybe there is something that we can enjoy together and be more on our own   what do you think?" - I also asked my male friends what this could mean and since we haven't even kissed, maybe it necessarily means sex... yesterday he didn't say anything cheesy that I can think of, he was just saying that he likes spending time with his family and that he was buying some gifts for his mother since tomorrow is women's day. Also, we were talking about a nearby city and he said "we need to visit it together in the summer!"

Of course I'd like to see him again, but I don't want to rush things... I am not a fan of ONS or meaningless flirts, I would like to know him better to see if this can develop into something more important 

 

What do you think?

[Gaeta]

7 minutes ago, Amanda141 said:

@Gaeta thanks for your message. Speaking of  a 2nd date idea, he texted exactly " let‘s see what we could do next even though there is the lockdown. Maybe there is something that we can enjoy together and be more on our own   what do you think?"

He's hinting at a home date. 

I would not do it. I would redirect him toward a outside date. Do you live in an area with snow and cold? You can go skate, sky, snowshoes, visit a close by carnaval, etc. Are museum open? 

Edited March 7, 2021 by Gaeta

[Alpacalia]

Try to keep an open mind but be safe. The first few dates public so you can learn more about each other.

[Amanda141]

@Gaeta@Alpaca unfortunately here everything is closed. No restaurants, retail, normal dates... I also thinks he is hinting at a home date, however he lives with his [arents so either I invite him here (which, atm, I don't want) or we go out in public again. I will ask for a date in a nearby park, let's see what he says

[Miss Spider]

Hey, so I also think it’s notable that he has stopped using the saccharine, corny lines, but that’s not really unusual. People are a lot more comfortable saying this in text or behind a screen than they would be IRL. If he was still using those lines IRL, I would say it’s very likely he is a player, because that would take a lot of courage to say to a girl you just met. But because the lines are gone, that leads to believe he is too shy or awkward to say those corny things to you IRL. Keep your eyes open and it’s probably a bit too soon ... but plz note that home dates don’t have to mean sex... I recall a home date I had with a guy,,, I think on the 3rd date.. he didn’t make any moves at all and he didn’t even kiss me( he said he doesn’t kiss until exclusive & I wouldn’t be exclusive)... 

 

. Esp with covid, it’s can be a comfortable environment away from people with different stuff to do than you can do out . When you trust him enough to be behind closed walls with him I think it’s ok Again, especially with COVID taking a lot off the map. I like “the home date” at the right time, personally. I can tell 100x more about a man by his home. 
 

*** but again, do ONLY what’s in your element or what YOU are comfortable with** It’s not for everyone and if you’re unsure, don’t do it ****

Edited March 7, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Gaeta]

The thing is, if she has to meet 10 guys during covid she'll have 10 home dates with 10 different men?

Your home is your sanctuary, only people that are worthy of visiting should visit. I don't open my home to every random man because it's letting someone in my intimacy and a new date should not know that much about me. Too  much information too soon. 

[Miss Spider]

Yes sorry I just read that she would be inviting him to her house since he lives with his parents. I’ve never invited a guy to my house on a date so I can’t really speak on that 

[Watercolors]

3 hours ago, Amanda141 said:

@Gaeta thanks for your message. Speaking of  a 2nd date idea, he texted exactly " let‘s see what we could do next even though there is the lockdown. Maybe there is something that we can enjoy together and be more on our own   what do you think?" - I also asked my male friends what this could mean and since we haven't even kissed, maybe it necessarily means sex... yesterday he didn't say anything cheesy that I can think of, he was just saying that he likes spending time with his family and that he was buying some gifts for his mother since tomorrow is women's day. Also, we were talking about a nearby city and he said "we need to visit it together in the summer!"

Of course I'd like to see him again, but I don't want to rush things... I am not a fan of ONS or meaningless flirts, I would like to know him better to see if this can develop into something more important 

 

What do you think?

He's toying with you. Covering up his real intentions with his best behavior. His text message is an invitation to have sex with him at his place. Plus, he is future faker talking to you about doing things together this summer when its not even April yet, which is also a huge red flag. He's trying to condition you already to believe that you have a future with him, and you haven't even had a second date yet. I tend to flee from guys like this guy you've given a chance to. Guys like him are only after one thing, and it's not to have a long term relationship with a woman. Which is what I assume that you want. 

23 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

Yes sorry I just read that she would be inviting him to her house since he lives with his parents. I’ve never invited a guy to my house on a date so I can’t really speak on that 

Exactly. Just because he may live with his parents doesn't mean he won't send them "out" conveniently, with a plan to get down with you while they're gone. And uh, a home date for a 2nd date screams "sex." It's a huge red flag you can't ignore, OP. He needs to keep his dates with you away from either your home or his, for at least a month, so you two can get to know each other without the pressure of having sex. Some people have sex right away and it works out. Decide what your pace is, then set up the boundaries for him VERBALLY, so he knows that he has to back off right now, or you'll walk away. He's pressuring you to speed up the pace, which is because he doesn't have good intentions towards you. 

41 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

The thing is, if she has to meet 10 guys during covid she'll have 10 home dates with 10 different men?

Your home is your sanctuary, only people that are worthy of visiting should visit. I don't open my home to every random man because it's letting someone in my intimacy and a new date should not know that much about me. Too  much information too soon. 

Exactly. Home dates always lead to sex. Avoid those types of dates until you feel like you can trust the other person not to compromise your safety PLUS you two have had the exclusive talk and both want to head your connection with each other in the same direction. 

Edited March 7, 2021 by Watercolors

[Versacehottie]

4 hours ago, Gaeta said:

He's hinting at a home date. 

I would not do it. I would redirect him toward a outside date. Do you live in an area with snow and cold? You can go skate, sky, snowshoes, visit a close by carnaval, etc. Are museum open? 

i agree it seems to be a hint to a home date.  You just need to redirect him to stuff you are comfortable with.  No shame in that game.

[Miss Spider]

1 hour ago, Watercolors said:

. Home dates always lead to sex. 

I’ve had several home dates and there was no sex. I feel like this statement is too absolute. 

Edited March 7, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Gaeta]

The way this guy presented it *one on one time* with a smile. I don't think he's looking to sample her cooking. 

[Miss Spider]

Yes, perhaps in this case thats the agenda. I was just speaking on that statement as whole,  because of my own xp. 
 

Let us know what happens

[Watercolors]

I'm just a cynical curmudgeon. Guys who come on that strong via text, then reel it back in person, only to go back to coming on strong via text again, are never a good idea to consider dating. I don't know what this guy's real deal is, but he doesn't seem like a sure deal to me. Keep one eye open, OP. 

[Miss Spider]

Haha you’re not curmudgeon, you’re just cautious and don’t take no $#!¥