Author Amanda141 Posted March 1, 2021 Author Share Posted March 1, 2021 @poppyfields I am not gonna lie, looks are important for me but I also consider paramount how a guy makes me feel, if he's smart, sweet and fun to be with. Of course I still don't know him, we have been chatting just for a few days, but I am curious. I like cheesiness just when the relationship is established, not when he hasn't seen me yet xD I wonder if he tells this lines to each girls he matches with on Tinder or if he is just without experience. @Versacehottie yes, I hope he understood it was a bit too much! Let's see... because apart from that, he has the qualities I look for in a man (at least, for what I know). Of course on Saturday I will know better... Maybe he is trying to impress me, idk...I am gonna protect myself and I will do just what I feel like doing. Curious to see how it evolves! @Gaeta so I am 23 and he is 27. I have a lot of dating experience but unfortunately I never had a long-term relationship, due to the fact that I have been living in five different countries in the past two years and also for the pandemic What I want is to fall in love and fine a meaningful relationship. I am not a fan of ONS, so I hope he is not doing this just to sleep with me and then bye-bye... I have a lot of questions, but I think it won't be until our first date that I will know the answers Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted March 1, 2021 Share Posted March 1, 2021 I'd just send a smile back and wait for the date. Texting is a good way to misunderstand and miscommunicate. I am a terrible texter but pretty OK in person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted March 1, 2021 Share Posted March 1, 2021 7 minutes ago, Amanda141 said: What I want is to fall in love and fine a meaningful relationship. I am not a fan of ONS, so I hope he is not doing this just to sleep with me and then bye-bye... I had feeling this guy was around under 30. He's "covering up"--trying to act brave and cool but look experienced & smooth. If you want to fall in love and not have ONS's then it's as simple as make sure that you don't sleep with him right away or at a predetermined interval (such as 3 dates, lol so predictable!). Just do it when you feel he might be meaningful relationship material and that is what you are heading towards with each other. So effectively, he'd need to have met certain standards of yours ---not just what you see on paper but in how he treats you, plans for you, makes time for you, that kind of stuff. Being patient, if you don't feel comfortable yet getting physical with him should root out what his intentions are. Obviously, he won't wait forever BUT if he's enjoying your company & thinking of having a girlfriend and that you are part of his future, he won't mind waiting IMO. I have to say that if tinder is like it is here in the US, your biggest hurdle might be that is where you found him (and his age or life stage) vs whatever awful line he is giving you. It kind of might signify a want to hookup or not be serious (dating) since the app has that reputation. It's not for sure that that is what is in his mind & some successful serious relationships do come from tinder but you want to make sure you aren't fighting an uphill battle. Treat it as one date, see how he treats you, don't do anything you don't want to do or define as relationship type behavior. Which btw, is exactly what you should do in general, some behavior is stuff you are ok with once you are in a relationship so let that BE your standard. No one can play you if that is how you do it. Make sure he, more importantly is worth being in a relationship with. Don't place a lot of emphasis on the fact that he's good looking--he's already acted kind of stupid which knocks his value down!! I don't think you should ever act like as if you are not in control of exactly what happens and what choices are made. For example, what is bolded won't happen unless it's your choice. You shouldn't do it to progress the relationship or hope that by doing it you will prove some of your value to him--that's the wrong idea. When it's right for you both, is the right time. If you aren't ready without more confirmation of his intentions, then just don't do it. You won't lose anything because you won't really have that commitment from him. Also ACTIONS are much more real than words. Please do not be one of those girls who asks what he wants and then is like but he said he wanted a relationship. Nah, it's up to you to vet people for entrance into your life in that way---with more than a sentences or words (he already has proven that he's hollow at words!). Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted March 1, 2021 Share Posted March 1, 2021 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: Now that I see their age range is 18-24 it's possible he did that by lack of experience but if he's hot like OP mentioned he's probably not lacking women's attention. Like I said doing this has worked in the past that's why he's doing it. lol well you and I, I think, see this fundamentally differently....he's clunky and a d*mn mess with how he handled that. If that's worked in the past, the girls must be bubbleheads. It didn't work on our OP, who noted it right away and thinks it's lame. I'll be if more of us on here said to outright dump him she would. Here's the thing, with his age a lot of guys talk like this both if they have experience and if they don't. I'd say it was more indicative of lack of experience. Guessing if he really wanted solely to just hookup, he would have tried to meet up a lot sooner (rather than a week away and on a saturday) and spend a lot less time putting in the work differently. I don't see guys as the enemy. If we do, you can find red flags that aren't even real in almost every single possible situation. What his type of statements need is a version of a big old eye roll, in a funny way. Like you need to do more than that to impress me--which is kind of what she did when she told it was too much. Next time I would suggest teasing him, because it's laughable. You want a guy to show you to bring their BEST self if they want to date you and that you are not a pushover. Otherwise almost every guy (or person really because it's not limited to just guys) will take you for granted and not treat you with respect and bring their best. Wondering if the lesson here is just that vs trying to protect the OP against every possible evil in the world--which is impossible--and I don't think guys on the whole are. Due to his life stage and the app he met her on he could be totally unserious about having a girlfriend. That applies to lots of guys at 27 and many many many guys on tinder of any age. If the OP has her standards, she can protect herself mostly but not being a person who is easily bullsh8ted and demands the best from people to be in her life. But no one can protect against everything. I think everyone knows stories of even the least likely person ever cheating, being a player or backstabbing a person in a way unimaginable. I don't think people should live their lives like cutting people left and right. I think a tougher skin serves you better. As I also know total players (at one time) who are completely loyal to the girls that showed that is the only way to gain entrance (bring your best). Link to post Share on other sites
Be Cool Posted March 1, 2021 Share Posted March 1, 2021 (edited) 8 hours ago, Amanda141 said: He is 100% my type phisically, very sporty, tall and with a great smile, and I also like his personality so far. He asked me out and we have our first date next Saturday. The problem is that he sends a lot of cringe texts, very sweet words (that I usually love) but too soon, considering that we haven't even met. Some examples: I would really like to give him a chance but I am afraid . I am SUPER romantic but these words seem too much even for me. Thanks in advance This is golden proof that even when a guy is "100% your type physically, very sporty, tall with a great smile", he can still mess everything up by being over-needy and clingy even just by the tone of his messages. Yes, even someone who claimed to be "SUPER romantic" like OP couldn't stand such a thing. Edited March 1, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amanda141 Posted March 1, 2021 Author Share Posted March 1, 2021 @Versacehottie thanks a lot for your words!! Extremely useful Yes, Tinder is definitely not the bear place to be potential long-term partners. However, I think that during the pandemic also a lot of people who genuinely want a meaningful connection joined the app. That’s because it’s basically the only way to meet new persons, as everything is closed/there is social distancing. I agree when you say that actions speak louder than words, so that’s what I am going to look at. I’ll try not to overthink and treat the date as a normal date. Of course I didn’t like his lines, but you’re right: if he wanted to hook up, he could have planned it for earlier, since we live in the same city.. why wait until saturday? He proposed a normal first date outside in a park in the city centre (closer to where I live), so this reassures me. He is a nice guy, has a master degree, was doing sport in a professional way and he checks a lot of the boxes on my checklist. Idk, maybe he is just without much experience. The fact that he’s hot doesn’t equal that he had a lot of experience with girls. Nonetheless, I will keep my guard up! how do you think I can let him show me the BEST version of himself? What words do you suggest? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 1, 2021 Share Posted March 1, 2021 Just keep sidestepping the saccharine flirting. He thinks the ladies love that and gets him to accelerate things physically. He doesn't seem shy or insecure/inexperienced at all. Pace yourself and don't overinvest in players. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 1, 2021 Share Posted March 1, 2021 There is nothing insecure in this guy And I totally disagree people are now more looking for a sincere connection on Tinder because of covid. I had a look on the usual dating apps and all I found were men and women prowling for sex more than ever. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amanda141 Posted March 1, 2021 Author Share Posted March 1, 2021 @Gaeta for the tinder things in my opinion there are still a bunch of guys (the majority) who want just casual things but I also think that a lot of people who want a relationship joined the app since it’s basically the only way to meet people now. But I’ll see and keep my eyes open Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 1, 2021 Share Posted March 1, 2021 7 minutes ago, Amanda141 said: I also think that a lot of people who want a relationship joined the app since it’s basically the only way to meet people now. I'll grant you that apps [plural] are the only way to meet people these days due to Covid but that particular app was created for hook-ups. There are other apps like Hinge & e-harmony that focus on long term relationships. Just be cautious. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted March 1, 2021 Share Posted March 1, 2021 7 hours ago, Gaeta said: I've even threaten a man once that if he sent me another one of those animated roses with a poem I'd block him. He stopped 2 days and started again. I blocked him. 🤣🤣🤣 Animated roses with a poem? 🤢 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted March 1, 2021 Share Posted March 1, 2021 15 minutes ago, Amanda141 said: @Versacehottie thanks a lot for your words!! Extremely useful Yes, Tinder is definitely not the bear place to be potential long-term partners. However, I think that during the pandemic also a lot of people who genuinely want a meaningful connection joined the app. That’s because it’s basically the only way to meet new persons, as everything is closed/there is social distancing. I agree when you say that actions speak louder than words, so that’s what I am going to look at. I’ll try not to overthink and treat the date as a normal date. Of course I didn’t like his lines, but you’re right: if he wanted to hook up, he could have planned it for earlier, since we live in the same city.. why wait until saturday? He proposed a normal first date outside in a park in the city centre (closer to where I live), so this reassures me. He is a nice guy, has a master degree, was doing sport in a professional way and he checks a lot of the boxes on my checklist. Idk, maybe he is just without much experience. The fact that he’s hot doesn’t equal that he had a lot of experience with girls. Nonetheless, I will keep my guard up! how do you think I can let him show me the BEST version of himself? What words do you suggest? I also think, he tried to "recover" and tell you he was just joking so as not to lose you or f*ck it up with you--was essentially still trying to impress you really. Because he didn't just admit that they were just words, he didn't disappear and he didn't get super offended. Let's see what he does next knowing that you are on to him with the lines but I would think he will keep texting with you and follow through on the date. That's my guess (could be wrong of course). Just take it date by date. You have to look at it as an investment if you truly want a long term relationship and want to best protect yourself from people with bad intentions. See how much he is will to invest over time and what his patterns and effort are. I will still say that once people sleep together the first time often even doing the best on your end & with good intentions on each of your sides, it does put additional pressure on things and sometimes the relationship doesn't survive or perhaps there won't be chemistry. Bolded is on paper, so my advice would be that's what got him the date and now he starts at zero again or you will (perhaps) lose your mind and not be thinking straight--because you will hold him as if he has too much value. Throw out the checklist at this point so you don't get caught up. Also you should believe you have every right to be at that date as an equal or perhaps someone with more to offer than he does (TBD). Lots of ways to have someone show you the best version of themselves. Require it for one. Have standards: like if you don't sleep with someone until you are exclusive, don't and you can tell him that if he asks. If he keeps up with the pathetic lines, laugh and tell him you can't take him seriously with that. He (on the first date) is making a plan for a week in advance; if you like a plan, keep going like that. Spontaneous is ok but if you like a plan, require a plan. (i think too rigid isn't good in this zone but maybe at the beginning OR don't always be available like you are ready to jump when he says jump). Have your own stuff going on. Make sure he asks you questions and make sure a decent amount of the conversation is about you. Assess how open he is willing to be with you. All that kind of stuff. So I wouldn't say it's a set of words. It's a process--one that you can't determine in a quick amount of time or with a paragraph (from me or from you to him). The thing is you need to be secure in yourself so that you basically don't rollover just because this guy is slightly interested in you. There is a long way from this to being in a relationship or getting married. Just take it a step at a time and don't lose yourself or jump too far ahead. Make it clear (without words necessarily) that you are proactive and going somewhere with your life, with or without him. ok, well it's tinder and the world is in a unique place at the moment so just take it slow--don't let him presume stuff about you that isn't true. If you aren't really that unbendable about what you want and will accept, no one can really get over on you. Good luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted March 1, 2021 Share Posted March 1, 2021 Yes, he's being cringe. Sounds like he might have a list of cheesy phrases that he uses on a rotational basis to charm unsuspecting women. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted March 1, 2021 Share Posted March 1, 2021 Sounds like he could be lovebombing you, in order to give you a false sense of connection with him. A lot of men use this tactic in order to trick a woman into bed early. Not saying throw in the towel with him just yet, but be careful. Remember, words are cheap. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted March 1, 2021 Share Posted March 1, 2021 He sounds so creepy lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted March 1, 2021 Share Posted March 1, 2021 (edited) 8 hours ago, Gaeta said: I've even threaten a man once that if he sent me another one of those animated roses with a poem I'd block him. HAHAHA when guys have done this, I’d just start trying to out do them “But your day ☀️ does start ⛅️ with me😄☀️ for you’re never far from my thoughts. 😇😇You illuminate the sky🌆 at 🌝night🌝 and you make the ⛅️sun⛅️⛅️ 🔆light🔆🔆 the day you make the birds🍗 sing you make the breeze whisper like 😘 an 😇angel 😇😇 but most of all, you make me 😄smile😄” Edited March 1, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes 7 Link to post Share on other sites
DaddyDom Posted March 2, 2021 Share Posted March 2, 2021 I think the best strategy in all honesty is to use the phone as a means of setting plans and going over logistics. Too much chatting before you even meet can build expectations and put pressure on things. It's best to keep the chit chat to a minimum between dates and communicate IRL as much as possible. Chat a bit on the app (5-10 messages max). Then get her number, a few more texts to see if the energy keeps up and if it does I give her a call to see if she can socialize in real time. If it's enjoyable I make plans for a few days out. Then I get off the phone and talk to her again on the date itself. There's no need to become text buddies with someone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted March 2, 2021 Share Posted March 2, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: “But your day ☀️ does start ⛅️ with me😄☀️ for you’re never far from my thoughts. 😇😇You illuminate the sky🌆 at 🌝night🌝 and you make the ⛅️sun⛅️⛅️ 🔆light🔆🔆 the day you make the birds🍗 sing you make the breeze whisper like 😘 an 😇angel 😇😇 but most of all, you make me 😄smile😄” Also we haven't 😰met in person🧍even once 1️⃣ce yet. 💘 💒🍼👶 🤣 Edited March 2, 2021 by mark clemson 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted March 2, 2021 Share Posted March 2, 2021 10 hours ago, Amanda141 said: The problem is that he sends a lot of cringe texts, very sweet words (that I usually love) but too soon, considering that we haven't even met. Some examples: Me: "how's your day going?" / Him "good, even if it didn't start with you" or other examples "I can't wait to meet you to enjoy your smile while being besides you", "There are amazing parks here where we could meet , enjoy the sun with some conversations and flirts". Or when I gave him my instagram he said "Nice, more pictures of a sweet smiling Amanda". Yeah, that's called "love bombing" you. His cringe worthy texts are disingenuous attempts to emotionally condition you aka brainwash you to "fall" in love with him before you two even meet. Eww, gross. Normal guys do NOT send these types of texts to women...ever. Only narcissists send these types of texts. This is not due to a lack of experience. Au contraire. This is due to the fact that here's a guy who is smarmy and thinks he can seduce you over text, to minimize his effort of having to pursue you in real life. Guys like him are controlling insecure little weasels. Date at your own risk. I sure wouldn't bother. I'd delete this guy for such nonsense. Run Forest, Run. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted March 2, 2021 Share Posted March 2, 2021 1 hour ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said: Sounds like he could be lovebombing you, in order to give you a false sense of connection with him. A lot of men use this tactic in order to trick a woman into bed early. Not saying throw in the towel with him just yet, but be careful. Remember, words are cheap. I just posted this exact same line of thought about the guy. He IS love bombing the OP because he wants to prime her emotions digitally, so she'll be ready to jump into the sac with him on their first date. Plus, he doesn't want to put in real effort (phone calls, meet right away vs. love bombing over weeks and weeks of texting, which is an avoidance tactic too, fyi OP). He is a numbers guy, and thinks he can sweet talk all the single ladies on Bumble until one or a few fall for this bait and think he only has eyes for them. Reminds me of comedian Chris Delia, who would use his comedy club gigs to hook up with underage girls and even cheat on his fiance whom he has a son with, over and over again, b/c he used his celebrity status as the lure. The OP's guy isn't a celebrity, but he is definitely manipulating her already with these extremely cringe worthy texts. He doesn't even know her in real life so his compliments are just bait to emotionally hook the OP. This tactic works like a charm on insecure women who don't see it for what it is. OP, don't believe his silly texts for a second. They are fake. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted March 2, 2021 Share Posted March 2, 2021 (edited) Well Nice Guys/involuntary celibates/fedora tippers/guys who have no idea how repulsive this is do it as well. But yes not normal and I completely agree that you should put on those Nikes 👟and run 🏃 Edited March 2, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 2, 2021 Share Posted March 2, 2021 10 hours ago, Amanda141 said: he's very good-looking and has a high status job. He's had girls chasing him since he's 15. Hot guys with good jobs don't stay on shelves to accumulate dust. He's familiar with women and what women want to hear. It doesn't sound good to you but it does to inexperienced women who are in awe in front of his good looks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted March 2, 2021 Share Posted March 2, 2021 (edited) Haha idk. My ex bf was really conventionally good looking with a high status ( I guess it depends on your definition of that, but he made 6 figs ) and he was cringey like this too. It was like it was just his nature to be a needy /nice guy. It was basically why we broke up. He didn’t get it Edited March 2, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pumpernickel Posted March 2, 2021 Share Posted March 2, 2021 1 minute ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Haha idk. My ex bf was really conventionally good looking with a high status ( I guess it depends on your definition of that, but he made 6 figs ) and he was cringey like this too... Mine, too. And he did that at the very beginning of the relationship already. I used to ask him even what his hidden agenda was, haha. That was our “inside joke” later, which - unfortunately - turned out to be not so much of a joke, really. And even though the R lasted over five years, he ended up dumping me for somebody else, out of the blue, and it’s not too far-fetched to assume that he’s been on it (luring in new women) for years, really. I guess I’ll never know the full truth, but be aware of the hidden agenda, always! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted March 2, 2021 Share Posted March 2, 2021 (edited) 18 minutes ago, Pumpernickel said: Mine, too. And he did that at the very beginning of the relationship already. I used to ask him even what his hidden agenda was, haha. That was our “inside joke” later, which - unfortunately - turned out to be not so much of a joke, really. And even though the R lasted over five years, he ended up dumping me for somebody else, out of the blue, and it’s not too far-fetched to assume that he’s been on it (luring in new women) for years, really. I guess I’ll never know the full truth, but be aware of the hidden agenda, always! Sorry to hear that. Yeah, mine might of lured women in with it too.. I never really thought about it working on others but I guess it does .. because for me, I found it so obnoxious and cringey, not attractive(like he lived for his notion of romance). I kept trying to break up with him (like 6 times in a span of months ) and he kept bothering me so I was like “oh g*d fine I’ll just date you” couldn’t get rid of him ( but I have to assume it ran/turned other women off too) and it continued like that until I broke up with him and started dating his friend and he wanted to murder me lol good times Edited March 2, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes Link to post Share on other sites
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