Jump to content

Is he being cringe or am I overreacting?

Amanda141

By Amanda141
in Dating

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Amanda141 Established Member

Amanda141

Posted
Posted

Hello everyone

I have been chatting with this guy (27 years old) for a few days on bumble. He is 100% my type phisically, very sporty, tall and with a great smile, and I also like his personality so far. He asked me out and we have our first date next Saturday. The problem is that he sends a lot of cringe texts, very sweet words (that I usually love) but too soon, considering that we haven't even met. Some examples:

Me: "how's your day going?" / Him "good, even if it didn't start with you" or other examples "I can't wait to meet you to enjoy your smile while being besides you",  "There are amazing parks here where we could meet , enjoy the sun with some conversations and flirts". Or when I gave him my instagram he said "Nice, more pictures of a sweet smiling Amanda". 

He asked me what I am looking for on bumble and I said "Well, it's the only way to meet new people during the pandemic I guess, so I am here to see what happens" and he said "Yeah, same for me. Getting to know new people and see during the conversations what happens in the short or long term". He seems nice but I don't understand the need of saying such words when we still haven't met. Is he unexperienced/insecure? It seems odd, as he's very good-looking and has a high status job. Or does he say these words just to bring me into bed?!

What do you think? What would you respond to his message "my day is good, even if it didn't start with you"?

I would really like to give him a chance but I am afraid :(. I am SUPER romantic but these words seem too much even for me. Thanks in advance

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

You are overreacting but since his words make you cringe you need to tell him. I'd say something like

"I appreciate the sentiment but it's too soon.  I don't mean to cramp your style but could you please dial back the compliments until we meet & get to know each other better?  From a BF, they'd have me swooning.  From a guy I just started talking too, they are over the top.  Thanks.  I'm still looking forward to our date Saturday." 

Do keep your guard up.  They may very well be a guy love bombing you, saying what he thinks you need to hear to fall into bed.  I tend to see the best in people but that doesn't make me gullible.  See what happens after you ask him to dial it back & then once you meet.   

  • Like 3
Trail Blazer Established Member

Trail Blazer

Posted
Posted

He's being cringeworthy indeed.  What's his deal?  Who knows? 

What's the likelihood of a good looking dude in a high-status job being insecure or inexperienced?  I agree, highly unlikely...

Unless you are so smokin' hot yourself that you've got him in a bit of a tizz, then I'd assume he somewhat knows what he's doing.

If I were you I'd simply tell him to cool his jets as you guys haven't even met yet.  If he wants to meet you as badly as he claims, he'll take it well and adjust accordingly.

  • Like 1
ShyViolet Established Member

ShyViolet

Posted
Posted
21 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

"I appreciate the sentiment but it's too soon.  I don't mean to cramp your style but could you please dial back the compliments until we meet & get to know each other better?  From a BF, they'd have me swooning.  From a guy I just started talking too, they are over the top.  Thanks.  I'm still looking forward to our date Saturday." 

 

I like this a lot.... this is good.  OP, you should actually text him this, lol

I don't think you are overreacting at all.  I agree with you, he is texting you really cringey, over-the-top texts which seem inappropriate considering that you haven't even met in person.

  • Like 1
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted

I've come across men like this and even if I asked them to dial it back a little it changed nothing. It's how they play their game and you take it or leave it. I've even threaten a man once that if he sent me another one of those animated roses with a poem I'd block him. He stopped 2 days and started again. I blocked him. 

  • Like 4
smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted (edited)

I would just say, “let’s save the conversation for our date. Don’t want to chat too much and spoil the mystery” “I’m really looking forward to this Saturday.” 

Edited by smackie9
  • Like 3
Versacehottie Established Member

Versacehottie

Posted
Posted
1 minute ago, smackie9 said:

I would just say, “let’s save the conversation for our date. Don’t want to chat too much and spoil the mystery” “I’m so looking forward to this Saturday.” 

I advocate some version of this.  He actually could be so excited about you that he is overdoing it (thinking that's what he needs to do to be in the game with you).  Also it's very possible that he could be the perfect physical specimen (lol) but lack personality (in general or one that vibes with you).  I'd give him the benefit of the doubt until at least the first date and then see what he's like.

I agree the "lines" are cringeworthy.  I think they probably point to lack of experience (or effective experience) over anything else.  He might calm down once he meets you.  The one thing I suspect that might not go away even if he calms down with those lines is that he might be a boring or kind of unsocialized person.  Like good looking but so sheltered or out of touch in general that he throws in those lines because he doesn't know how to connect or socialize genuinely.  Guys like this do exist (good looking but dull and clueless).

  • Like 1
  • Author
Amanda141 Established Member

Amanda141

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thanks to everyone for the advice :) 

In general, I am the most romantic girl ever, I always dream about my wedding and when I will become a mother, but these lines are too much even for me lol. I would appreciate them if they were really meant, and I don't think someone can actually truly think these things if he hasn't even seen me in real life. I could be a catfish as far as he knows xD

So far I will tell him to calm down as we haven't met yet, but I want to give him the benefit of the doubt. For our first date he proposed to go out for a walk (here in Germany we are still in lockdown), so I am happy that he didn't propose to go to his place. I will see how he is in person, how he acts, and then I will see what to do :) 

  • Like 3
HiCrunchy Established Member

HiCrunchy

Posted
Posted (edited)

Guys that are quick to say sweet words, don't have any meaning behind them. They don't know you well enough to actually mean those words, so I personally believe they spill that to any girl they match with in hope that girls fall for it by creating a fake sense of intimacy.

Next....

Edited by HiCrunchy
  • Like 5
Starswillshine Established Member

Starswillshine

Posted
Posted

It would be a red flag to me! It is pretty cringy. 

I agree with the above poster about him not being able to mean it without meeting you. I would just rhe impression of "player" and would immediately have my guard up. 

  • Like 4
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, HiCrunchy said:

Guys that are quick to say sweet words, don't have any meaning behind them. They don't know you well enough to actually mean those words, so I personally believe they spill that to any girl they match with in hope that girls fall for it by creating a fake sense of intimacy.

Next....

I agree.

And if they use that tactic it's because it has worked for them before. 

  • Like 2
cleverusername Established Member

cleverusername

Posted
Posted

Guy here, cringy? yes. 

Here's the deal, its hard for guys to feel out women over text. In person, you have a lot of non-verbals to work off of that allows you to adjust your game and see how your doing. Online/apps/ whatever all you really know is that they were attracted enough to match. When you're expected to take the lead, its hard evaluate your current standing off of response alone. Sometimes that can be misconstrued and manifest into what you see this guy doing. He's probably trying to turn on the charm and doesn't see you reciprocating the way he expects, so he'll keep doing it. "silence is consent" type deal,

Or he could just be super needy. 

Allupinnit Established Member

Allupinnit

Posted
Posted

Ew no.  You don't know each other so how does he know he "can't wait to sit beside you."  Has he never met up w someone who looked nothing like their photos before?!

When your gut tells you something is off it's because there is something off.  He's love-bombing to create false intimacy - he'll be gone just as quickly if you sleep w him right away.

 

  • Author
Amanda141 Established Member

Amanda141

Posted
  • Author
Posted

UPDATE

I replied “ahah we haven’t even met🤪” to which he said “ahah, I just love to fool around😀” 

i dont know , I will keep chatting just a few texts per day until Saturday and then I’ll see...

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

All you can do is wait & see.  Hopefully by "fool around" he means verbally.  Hope the date goes well. 

  • Like 1
smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted (edited)

We have had many threads about people worrying about the person they are going to meet losing interest if they don't keep communication going. Everyone is different in what is expected. Some think it's too much while you have those who panic because the texting almost completely stops after a date is set. Have to hope they follow your lead, and get the hint.

Edited by smackie9
  • Author
Amanda141 Established Member

Amanda141

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thanks @d0nnivain:) His first language is not english so by that sentence I suppose he was meaning that he likes to joke (verbally). I hope he understood 

the fact is that phisically I am very into him, if I could draw my type I’d draw someome like him. But of course, looks are not enough! He seems cute and I like our chats (apart from the cringy lines) so I’ll see :) thanks again

  • Author
Amanda141 Established Member

Amanda141

Posted
  • Author
Posted

@smackie9 yeah I agree. Since the date is set, for me it would be ideal to exchange a few messages but not back-and-forth everyday. I wanna keep some mystery until Saturday :) fingers crossed it will go well !!

  • Like 1
Calmandfocused Established Member

Calmandfocused

Posted
Posted (edited)

Proceed with caution! 
 

You may think I’m sounding too negative (I am) but there are warning signs that you should not ignore. 
 

Narcissists start of attracting a victim this way. They love bomb, fast forward and they make out you are the most wonderful specimen they have ever come across in their life!  They themselves appear charismatic, charming and a great catch...

They are not. They are highly dangerous individuals. 
 

They love “hopeless romantic” kind, attractive individuals who are in touch with their emotions. From what you’ve told us you are prime target Number 1. The perfect target In fact. 
 

I may be way off track but just bear this in mind. I’ve unfortunately met quite a few of these morons so I know how they operate from the get go. 
 

Still go for your date. Just keep your feet on the ground and observe closely. 
 


 

 

Edited by Calmandfocused
  • Like 2
  • Thanks 1
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted
22 minutes ago, Amanda141 said:

Thanks @d0nnivain:) His first language is not english so by that sentence I suppose he was meaning that he likes to joke (verbally). I hope he understood 

Then take it as that.  Assume language barrier not crass.  

I'll keep my fingers crossed that it's an awesome date. 

Alpacalia Established Member

Alpacalia

Posted
Posted

The prudent way to react is to slow down the process. Either he goes along with it or he's going to ride off into the sunset. Good luck on your date!

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Amanda141 said:

UPDATE

I replied “ahah we haven’t even met🤪” to which he said “ahah, I just love to fool around😀” 

i dont know , I will keep chatting just a few texts per day until Saturday and then I’ll see...

He said he was just fooling around because you pointed his fake attitude, if you had replied I can't wait to be sitting to you too, he would have escalated his game. 

  • Like 4
poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted (edited)
23 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

He said he was just fooling around because you pointed his fake attitude, if you had replied I can't wait to be sitting to you too, he would have escalated his game. 

Once again, Gaeta is spot on.

Amanda, if looks are your main priority, go meet him and don't worry about  whether he's gaming you or not (which he is, no question).

Enjoy the physical attraction, assuming it's mutual.

But if you are seeking a man with substance and sincerity, take a pass.

I would, and have when men hit me up the way he has.  It wasn't difficult, such "lines" are a complete turn off to me.  Immediate next. 

>>Him: "good, even if it didn't start with you" or other examples "I can't wait to meet you to enjoy your smile while being besides you."

Good lordy, can't get much cheesier than that lol.

Imo, such lines are cheesy (and fake) even if I were in a relationship with him! 

Please guys, just be real for goodness sakes, forget the phony bs.😳

I can't speak for other women, but personally I cannot stand all that "cheese"!  It sounds so contrived and phony to me.

But your call Amanda, good luck, keep us posted! 

Edited by poppyfields
  • Like 2
  • Thanks 1
Versacehottie Established Member

Versacehottie

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Amanda141 said:

UPDATE

I replied “ahah we haven’t even met🤪” to which he said “ahah, I just love to fool around😀” 

i dont know , I will keep chatting just a few texts per day until Saturday and then I’ll see...

That sounds like he is just "covering".  Basically he can't admit what he did was cringey and uncalled for or he will look stupid so he pretended he was" just fooling around".  He may adjust now that he knows it was a misstep.  I think he will (at least some).

Here's the thing I think.  The texts were not charming really at all; they actually show that he has little experience or successful experience.  I don't think they are necessarily player like because they are pretty stupid sounding straight away.  Players are usually way more smooth than this.  Anyway calling him out should show him that you are not easily fooled if he thinks he's a player.  How you told us so far, I think he's a little intimidated by you or trying to impress you.  

Not saying it will totally go away since he doesn't seem like he has any real substance to fall back on.  I think you should be less worried about him being a player.  Just set parameters that work for you and you can't be played.  All dating is a risk.  But if you don't want to sleep with someone "too soon", it is as simple as don't.  No matter what you do there are no real guarantees that a relationship WILL work out or you won't encounter someone who has intentions that don't ultimately align with your own.  You just protect yourself the best you can and set boundaries and timing and checks that work for you. ;) 

  • Like 2
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted (edited)
20 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

The texts were not charming really at all; they actually show that he has little experience or successful experience

Now that I see their age range is 18-24 it's possible he did that by lack of experience but if he's hot like OP mentioned he's probably not lacking women's attention. Like I said doing this has worked in the past that's why he's doing it. 

Edited by Gaeta
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...