How to tell your mom about breakup when she has bo idea about the relationship

[Lorianna]

Hello guys,

I broke up with my boyfriend (2 years in this relationship). He broke up with me because he can't trust me. This was always a problem and reason for arguments in our relationship. Sometimes he was also insulting me because of that. He was kind of controlling. My mom doesn't know about this relationship. She just knows that I like this guy. She asks me often if I have talked to him and this makes things worse. This was my first relationship and it feels really hard for me to get over it. I want to tell my mom so I feel relieved but I don't want to disappoint her. I have been lying her for two years straight. I am feeling so lonely and I don't have much friends to talk to. I really need to talk to my mom.

[d0nnivain]

Your mom will understand.  Tell her everything.  Get it all out.  Cry on her shoulder.  It will be OK.  

Going forward don't hide things from your mom.  She's your best advocate.  

[Lorianna]

1 hour ago, d0nnivain said:

Your mom will understand.  Tell her everything.  Get it all out.  Cry on her shoulder.  It will be OK.  

Going forward don't hide things from your mom.  She's your best advocate.  

Btw I live alone because I am studying abroad 

[d0nnivain]

So call mom or face time her.  She will still be supportive, even long distance.  

[Lorianna]

I feel so empty and lonely. I feel like I will never love someone like I did him. And all the memories... are making everything worse.

I miss him so much. I just want to lay on bed all day and do nothing. I don't find anything interesting anymore

[d0nnivain]

That is the nature of break ups   Everyone feels that way when a relationship ends.  Give yourself some time to grieve but keep putting one foot in front of the other.  Go to class.  Study.  Live your life but it's OK to feel sad & disoriented.  

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, Kristy said:

She just knows that I like this guy. She asks me often if I have talked to him and this makes things worse. 

Does your mother know how abusive he is? Perhaps that's why you didn't wat to tell your mother. Are you afraid she'll say "I told you so"? Be glad this guy is finally gone. 

[Lorianna]

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Does your mother know how abusive he is? Perhaps that's why you didn't wat to tell your mother. Are you afraid she'll say "I told you so"? Be glad this guy is finally gone. 

No, she knows the good things on him and she kind of liked him. I know I should be glad but it is still hard, he was changing a lot lately. Well he was not abusive anymore, but he still had trust issues. He was being supportive. That is why I told her I liked him. Even there were times I kind of offended him not intentionaly, he still tolerated me. I was having a difficult period and he was supporting me. When he left me, he told me that I have never been there for him even though I was. I mean he didn't talk that much about his problems but he used to tell me that I am his girlfriend so I should understand. He used to tell me that I was cold and reserved and not giving my all, though I think I was loving him more than I loved myself.

We had so many great memories and he did things for me other guys don't do much. He considered me his family and was proud of having me. I was invited at his family dinners and he considered me one of the most important persons of his life, I mean he had a highlight on instagram with his family memebers, one picture with his mother, one with his father, one with his brother and one with me. And this meant so much to me. I know he loved me, but he thinks I disappointed him about a misunderstanding. He thought I lied to him and I have talked to other guys  and got mad why I didn't tell him about someone (who asked me about the location of my story and I wasn't on that picture). He asked if there was anything and I said no beacuse I didn't think this guy was trying to flirt with me.It didn't even come to my mind at the moment. When I sent him a screenshot 4 days later, he found out and got mad. He said that I was trying to hide it, even though I wasn't. He got mad because I was telling him the whole time that I was studying, which I actually was, and meanwhile had spent so many hours on social media because I was talking to a friend (female). He thought I have talked to other guys, because someone can't stay that much on socila media. He said that he was changing but I wasn't. I was supposed to make him trust me while being honest. It is not that I wasn't, though it looked like that in this situation. I never cheated or flirt with anyone because I loved him. He told me that if I would have told him at the moment about this guy or when he asked, he would have trust me and wouldn't get mad. I feel like I am blaming myself.

I miss him. It feels like he broke up with me because he got disappointed. I am feeling so stressed. I have lost weight, I don't eat much and I sleep all day and stay awake at night. 

[ExpatInItaly]

This sounds like a very unhealthy relationship, OP. This isn't what love looks like. He was looking for reasons to manipulate you, gaslight you, and then dump you. It wasn't going to last, girl. 

Yes, tell your mom. In the future, know that when you feel compelled to hide a relationship from your parents, usually means that you recognize the relationship is not good and should not continue. You knew deep down that this guy was bad news for you. Listen to that internal warning bell next time. 

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, Kristy said:

I have lost weight, I don't eat much and I sleep all day and stay awake at night. 

Ask your parents to take you home. It sounds like you are depressed and getting in trouble. You seem homesick and perhaps boarding school is not a good fit for you. 

[Lorianna]

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ask your parents to take you home. It sounds like you are depressed and getting in trouble. You seem homesick and perhaps boarding school is not a good fit for you. 

I don't think it is because of school. I have lost weight and being like that the last week, since my bf broke up with me. Btw it was a long distance relationship, but we met often and I stayed with him for 1 month each time