GF physically detaches when upset or angry

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, SaraSays said:

• "I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed right now, and am being flooded with emotions. Do you mind if we discuss this in 1 hour/2 hours/tomorrow, when we can go for a walk together and chat about it?"
• "It matters to me to be able to fully concentrate on the discussion about this, which I can't do right now, because I am distracted by the phonecall I am waiting on. Do you mind if we discuss this in 1 hour/2 hours/tomorrow, when we can go for a walk together and chat about it?"
• "I know the agreed hour/2 hours has passed, but I am still being flooded with emotions, and think a bit more time before the discussion would help. Do you mind if we delay the discussion another hour/2 hours/til tomorrow?"

This would be over the top for me. It sounds almost condescending. And definitely passive aggressive.

It's best to keep it simple. "I can't talk about it right now".

Being alone or quiet to process things is fine. It's best to accept that people need to process things.

Dragging it out with a parental style lecture would make matters worse.

Edited February 28, 2021 by Wiseman2

[Be Cool]

She's a drama queen and likes to manipulate you into being submissive to her.

Now you have two logical solutions:

1. Tell her the next time she pulls that dramatic passive-agressive move again, you'll leave her for good.

2. Dump her right here right now because people like her will likely never change.

Your choice. Goodluck.

Edited March 5, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Restored edited comment.

[FMW]

Sometimes people need a little space to clear their head and it's not being manipulative to not be ready to handle things the way the other person wants (talking about it immediately).  He doesn't like that she withdraws, and I'm sure she doesn't like his approach.  We only have OP's version of what's going on.  

Again, the bigger issue is that it occurs weekly.  Without knowing what the conflicts are about, it's not possible to say if she's being manipulative or a drama queen.  However, I think that if I felt the need to withdraw like that from my partner on a weekly basis, OR if my partner was the one withdrawing from me on a weekly basis,  I would be seriously reconsidering why I'm with them.  

Edited March 5, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Restored edited comment.

[Miss Spider]

5 hours ago, basil67 said:

re-read your sentence below:

This is pure manipulation.   It's not nice or respectful behaviour, but I give you credit for owning it.   Even the word 'brat' which you use to describe your own behaviour refers to a child who behaves in a manner (screaming/sulking/shouting) designed to manipulate the parent into giving in.  With the ex who organised the gig,  you gave him the silent treatment and hey presto, he actually gave up a gig for you!   You're right - it works.  But let's not pretend that it's not manipulative behaviour.  And I'm pretty sure you wouldn't do this to someone you respected.

Regarding having a bit of time to mull things over, I understand that sometimes we need time out if respectful communication is starting to go south.  But the OP's partner is taking this way too far.  Solid and respectful relationships require solid and respectful communication skills.   All that said, I'd also like to know what's going on that she gets upset weekly.   Is she a drama queen or manipulative?  Or is the OP's approach that of a bull in a china store?   

Perhaps I should have just broke up with him instead like I wanted to that night? We had very newly started dating. But somehow I don’t think he would have preferred that over my “manipulation”.  Yes, I did not like that he went to the event tha I told him ahead of time I didn’t like and didn’t want to go to. Yes, sometimes I am a brat and my attitude is not ideal. But I don’t think anyone here would say theirs is I f they were being honest. We don’t always play nice when we are irritated, but sometimes the nicest thing someone can do is not talk or be around someone when they are not happy. 

Edited February 28, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Miss Spider]

5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

This would be over the top for me. It sounds almost condescending. And definitely passive aggressive.

It's best to keep it simple. "I can't talk about it right now".

Being alone or quiet to process things is fine. It's best to accept that people need to process things.

Dragging it out with a parental style lecture would make matters worse.

This is a perfect example of how what one person finds a good way of dealing with conflict is another person’s manipulation/poor problem solving skills/crazy. A lot of therapists vouch for not letting a person see that you are annoyed and instead speaking in a calm manner( which seems manipulative actually) using particular words like “I feel”  and a Mr Rodger’s tone  and not blaming the other person at all, when it is sometimes 100% the other person to blame.  So you say that their actions do not make you feel good in a nice (  and what I think is patronizing and annoying )way and the problem will be solved!!! 

Because yes, all bad behavior from another person is simply about a misunderstanding that you would not  like it./Sarc 

I agree a lot of things are better to be discussed and talked out. Your partner should always have an understanding about what upset you. But sometimes an “I’d rather not talk to you right now” is sometimes the most polite and mature thing a person can do in the moment until they want to talk to you 

 

 

Edited February 28, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[dramafreezone]

12 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

I don’t look at it that way. I just thought I’m sending the message that I’m irritated for what they did and I don’t want to be around them right now. Because that’s the truth. It has the added benefit that when you are irked at someone,  you might say something that you don’t mean. So it gives you time to cool off as well. I can remember once I did this when one of my ex and I first started dating. He took weekejd gig that paid really well but I hated the people there so refused to go.He texted me all night and I ignored himHe apologized and canceled the next night and told me he knew I was mad from my silence and was sorry he didn’t consult me about it first. Ideally, I would have had a calm discussion about it, but maybe then he would have not got the message I was as pressed as I was. Or I could have gone on off him about it, we got into a fight etc etc . I didn’t want that. So I took path of least resistance. It was easier for me, but got my message across

I guess you kinda underscored why it's not preferred.  You said it was easier for you to just be silent but it doesn't take into account the other person.  What's wrong with just saying "I don't want to talk about this right now" or "I just need time to cool off so that I don't say something I'll regret?"

Sometimes guys don't even know that they've upset you so that's where the silent treatment is really very destructive.

Edited February 28, 2021 by dramafreezone

[Miss Spider]

I guess I gave him the benefit of the doubt that he understood that I didn’t want to talk ( and he did) when he was texting me and I was getting shorter and shorter and taking longer and longer to reply. And he did. I didn’t see the need of having to say it because it was understood( I didn’t know 100% didn’t want to talk until I knew) I’ve discovered from the forums that some people lack the capacity to understand anything but explicit verbal statements, but not everyone is like that.

 

I agree that when a person doesn’t know what they did wrong “the silent treatment” very destructive . And Stonewalling can be used to emotionally abuse people. But I’ve never done that and I don’t think from what OP has written it’s fair to assume that is what his GF is doing. 

Edited February 28, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[poppyfields]

5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

This would be over the top for me. It sounds almost condescending. And definitely passive aggressive.

It's best to keep it simple. "I can't talk about it right now".

Being alone or quiet to process things is fine. It's best to accept that people need to process things.

Dragging it out with a parental style lecture would make matters worse.

Wholeheartrdly agree with you Wiseman. 

And also that silent treatment with no explanation prior as to why you're going temporarily silent is manipulative and immature.

I used to do it myself when younger and yes it does work with a certain type of man (weak-minded). 

Stronger men won't tolerate it, which earned my respect.

I've also had it done to me (my recent ex), and whenever it did, I felt my respect for him chip away, little by little. 

I view it as emotional withdrawal which is actually a form of mental/emotional abuse. 

These days, I'm much more in touch with my emotions - anger, which gets a bad rap as it pertains to women. 

Anger isn't necessarily a bad thing, as long as it doesn't get ugly with nasty name-calling or physical attack. 

It's actually quite freeing. It's also more honest. 

 

Edited February 28, 2021 by poppyfields

[Miss Spider]

It’s problematic to call it blanket manipulative because then you would have to call a lot of other behavior you use to get a deliberate result as ‘manipulative’ to be fair. Apologizing is then manipulative. Also, it’s not even intended to get a result most of the time. It’s often used when people just don’t see another way and are perfectly fine to never speak to the person ever again. Then, there’s also this absolutist position where people know that they just do not want to speak to you and need to verbally express EVERYTHING or they are weak. Getting up and going downstairs to sleep is not sending enough of a message that she is upset. I know very few people that say “I don’t want to talk to you now, please” EVERY time they don’t want to talk to me. And I don’t take any position on their mental fortitude because they do not tell me explicitly that they rather not talk. I just appreciate that they prefer not to. Also, I don’t think it is weak at all to expressive of your emotions in the moment, and sometimes, au contraire. But it can an be irritating/frustrating  to the other person. It can be seen as intentional or weak, even if it’s not all that intentional. 
 

and with that guy, we really rarely ever had problems like that. I didn’t ignore him all the time. I did not disrespect him. We went on to have a wonderful relationship that I do not regret at all 10/10 would do again.  I think in the case of the silent treatment, it being a pattern is more of an issue than anything else. 

Edited February 28, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Miss Spider]

46 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

 

And also that silent treatment with no explanation prior as to why you're going temporarily silent is manipulative and immature.

 

 

I don’t have a problem with sometimes having manipulative behavior. I’m far from perfect and aim to correct where I’m wrong. I just don’t see how not talking to someone applies as manipulative. It would be different if the person is somehow dependent on your communication ( like parents or position of power etc) or they were entitled to you talking to them. But I’m not entitled to anyone’s communication and my well-being doesn’t completely rest on it. I  don’t see what the problem is of sending the message of ‘ My communication/company is a privilege, not a right, and if you p me off you don’t get it. Period. “

Edited February 28, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[SaraSays]

Apologising can be manipulative - the context and severity of what has occurred matter. I think saying sorry is really hard for many people. I think there's another group of people who think it's just words to say, that they think should then bring the conflict to an end.

I think there are apologies for things we can't change in the past, neither in the future:

• Let's say someone's spouse prepared a lovely meal for them at home and got dressed-up to celebrate something important, and let's say the person intending to be home to enjoy all of that had something random hamper that, like they got stuck somewhere with no transport, or they stopped to help at an accident or to help someone in need delaying them. Let's say they stayed in contact with their partner at home, to let them know what had unfolded. I'd still find it important to say sorry at home for not making it on time, and to show sincere thanks for the effort that was made. The sorry matters in my eyes, even though what unfolded to delay them couldn't be avoided either then, nor in future.

I think there are apologies for wrongdoing, that require a person to make amends, and commit to changing, so the wrongdoing doesn't arise again:

• Let's say someone shouted at their partner, or resorted to name-calling, or let's say they said they'd be home at a certain time, and just disappeared without a trace for hours on end, having bumped into friends, and just ignored the person expecting them home. I'd find it important to say sorry, to make amends for that wrongdoing, and to show a behavioural change over time.

[Miss Spider]

12 minutes ago, SaraSays said:

Apologising can be manipulative - the context and severity of what has occurred matter. I think saying sorry is really hard for many people. I think there's another group of people who think it's just words to say, that they think should then bring the conflict to an end.

I think there are apologies for things we can't change in the past, neither in the future:

• Let's say someone's spouse prepared a lovely meal for them at home and got dressed-up to celebrate something important, and let's say the person intending to be home to enjoy all of that had something random hamper that, like they got stuck somewhere with no transport, or they stopped to help at an accident or to help someone in need delaying them. Let's say they stayed in contact with their partner at home, to let them know what had unfolded. I'd still find it important to say sorry at home for not making it on time, and to show sincere thanks for the effort that was made. The sorry matters in my eyes, even though what unfolded to delay them couldn't be avoided either then, nor in future.

I think there are apologies for wrongdoing, that require a person to make amends, and commit to changing, so the wrongdoing doesn't arise again:

• Let's say someone shouted at their partner, or resorted to name-calling, or let's say they said they'd be home at a certain time, and just disappeared without a trace for hours on end, having bumped into friends, and just ignored the person expecting them home. I'd find it important to say sorry, to make amends for that wrongdoing, and to show a behavioural change over time.

Yes, there is the extreme — People who just want to end the conflict and don’t mean it — But I wasn’t specifically alluding to that. When you apologize, you want the other person to understand that you are sorry for one reason or another. Whether that is for conflict resolution or to acknowledge your own wrongdoing by means of guilty feels.  Your objective is for them to understand that you are sorry, so you do have an objective. Otherwise, you would just go on about your life and change.

 When someone walks away or turns away, it’s sometimes for the other person to understand you don’t/didnt like their behavior. A different way of expressing it than shouting or saying “I am not pleased with you. Tsk.”. 

Edited February 28, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[SaraSays]

1 minute ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

 When someone walks away or turns away, it’s sometimes for the other person to understand you don’t/didnt like their behavior. A different way of expressing it than shouting or saying “I am not pleased with you. Tsk.”. 

I wouldn't accept that in a relationship, neither from me, nor from the other person. I find it to be imperative that inflammatory things are kindly talked through, either then, or at a future point (with 1 party having conveyed kindly that they'd like a set amount of time before discussing it, and the other having agreed).

Walking away, turning away, ignoring, silence, 1 word answers, taking an age to reply when we could reply immediately, and so on, have no place in healthy relationships to me. I don't want to be treated that way in my relationship, and I don't want to treat the other party that way either.

10 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

Your objective is for them to understand that you are sorry, so you do have an objective. Otherwise, you would just go on about your life and change.

People will have different opinions on this. The apology and the change matter to me, as does making amends, in my second type of example. It wouldn't be sufficient for me that someone just change and not do the other steps, as I won't see change until 4 seasons or many more situations like the hurtful one have passed without the same treatment, but I am living with the pain caused "now".

[Miss Spider]

1 minute ago, SaraSays said:

 It wouldn't be sufficient for me that someone just change and not do the other steps, as I won't see change until 4 seasons or many more situations like the hurtful one have passed without the same treatment, but I am living with the pain caused "now".

Yeah, it wouldn’t be for most people. Hence why most people apologize when they want to get back on the person’s good side/make amends with a person. 

[poppyfields]

45 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

I don’t have a problem with sometimes having manipulative behavior. I’m far from perfect and aim to correct where I’m wrong. I just don’t see how not talking to someone applies as manipulative. It would be different if the person is somehow dependent on your communication ( like parents or position of power etc) or they were entitled to you talking to them. But I’m not entitled to anyone’s communication and my well-being doesn’t completely rest on it. I  don’t see what the problem is of sending the message of ‘ My communication/company is a privilege, not a right, and if you p me off you don’t get it. Period. “

Just for clarity @Shortskirtslonglashes, when you're in a long term committed relationship, you don't believe you're entitled to your partner's communication?

Just wanted to make sure I read that correctly.  

Fair enough, but respectfully disagree.  I think, at the very least, we are all entitled to our partner talking to us versus shutting us out, going cold, not communicating.

Even if it's something as simple as "I can't talk about this right now, let's touch base later."  Or something like that.  

Re apologizing, I agree it's difficult for many people to apologize especially when they don't believe they did anything "wrong."

In that case, you're not apologizing for the perceived wrong-doing, the apology is a way to validate your partner's feelings - "I'm sorry you feel that way" or "I'm sorry you felt hurt by that." 

There's a difference between that and apologizing for whatever "wrong" your partner believes you did.

But even that is difficult for many people, including myself sometimes.  For me, I think it's fear my apology won't be accepted and when emotions are high, that can be very hurtful. 

It's avoidance essentially. 

Edited February 28, 2021 by poppyfields

[d0nnivain]

It's OK to be so upset you can't speak calmly & politely.  It's also OK to say to a partner, I'm so upset right now.  I need time to calm down so I don't say something I'll regret.  Gimme some space.  And then take a few minutes , hours or even a day or 2 to calm down.  You can't just storm out without informing the other person that you need the space.  With the warning, they chase at their own peril.  I've had relationships end in fiery eruptions because some guy didn't take me at my word & chased after me pressing me to talk before I had control over my emotions.  That extra pressure was often more then I could handle & I lashed out, especially when I was younger.  At that point there was no coming back from the stuff that came out of my mouth  

[dramafreezone]

1 hour ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

I don’t have a problem with sometimes having manipulative behavior. I’m far from perfect and aim to correct where I’m wrong. I just don’t see how not talking to someone applies as manipulative. It would be different if the person is somehow dependent on your communication ( like parents or position of power etc) or they were entitled to you talking to them. But I’m not entitled to anyone’s communication and my well-being doesn’t completely rest on it. I  don’t see what the problem is of sending the message of ‘ My communication/company is a privilege, not a right, and if you p me off you don’t get it. Period. “

Communication is an obligation in relationships.  It's not something that you can opt in or opt out of.  Yes relationships are hard and sometimes you have to do things in it that are difficult peronally, but you do them because of that other person that you're in the relationship with.

If you're just dating and not exclusive, sure, you're free to communicate how you want.  But if you've requested that this person see you and only you, then with that comes certain compromises and obligations.  Strong communication is on that list for me.  I hold myself to a higher standard in a relationship than I would if I were casually dating someone and I would expect the same of her.

That said, I put the onus in this case on the OP.  He has to tell her that he doesn't like this behavior and give her an opportunity to work on it going forward.

Edited February 28, 2021 by dramafreezone

[Miss Spider]

11 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

Communication is an obligation in relationships.  It's not something that you can opt in or opt out of.  Yes relationships are hard and sometimes you have to do things in it that are difficult peronally, but you do them because of that other person that you're in the relationship with.

I agree, I think I just differ on the definition of what constitutes communication.

 

24 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Just for clarity @Shortskirtslonglashes, when you're in a long term committed relationship, you don't believe you're entitled to your partner's communication?

 

Yeah, I don’t. I think a partner has a right to not want to talk about something at any given time. I’m fine with it. I think that’s part of respecting and understanding someone. If I didn’t want to deal with it, I’d leave. 
 

18 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

It's OK to be so upset you can't speak calmly & politely.  It's also OK to say to a partner, I'm so upset right now.  I need time to calm down so I don't say something I'll regret.  Gimme some space.  And then take a few minutes , hours or even a day or 2 to calm down.  You can't just storm out without informing the other person that you need the space.  With the warning, they chase at their own peril.  I've had relationships end in fiery eruptions because some guy didn't take me at my word & chased after me pressing me to talk before I had control over my emotions.  That extra pressure was often more then I could handle & I lashed out, especially when I was younger.  At that point there was no coming back from the stuff that came out of my mouth  

That would be when I just say I don’t want to talk about it. When I feel my emotions start to erupt and my anger starting to surface. 
 

 

——

I respect your opinions, though 

Edited February 28, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[SaraSays]

34 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

Yeah, it wouldn’t be for most people. Hence why most people apologize when they want to get back on the person’s good side/make amends with a person. 

For me, saying sorry, and making amends, are 2 separate things. Also, just to add, for me, an apology isn't about getting back on my good side (nor me trying to get on someone else's - I spend a lot of time thinking through things I do wrong, as I hate to cause hurt). It's about acknowledging harm caused, and showing it's realised that pain was caused that wasn't previously there, to show that I am a valued equal, to show that this relationship is worth pursuing, because I have a partner with good intentions, who's here to try with me to make this work well, come what may, that we are a team

28 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

With the warning, they chase at their own peril.

That's why I convey the time needed, and expect that in return, now. When I was vague "I need a bit of time", I had bad experiences with men pushing and pushing when I wasn't ready, which built the conflict into something beyond what it originally was; I don't feel safe around men who try to push women into things. I came to have good results, when I was specific about the time I needed, and asked for more, if I still wasn't ready (and they could do the same). I find the expression of needing time, without applying a timeframe to it, needlessly anxiety-inducing, because it means the party waiting has to be preapred at all times for a potential discussion suddenly arising, and that sounds exhausting and a bit cruel to me. However, it is a really positive step that something is conveyed about needing a breather, mindful of how corrosive thr alternative silent treatment is.

Edited February 28, 2021 by SaraSays

[Miss Spider]

1 minute ago, SaraSays said:

For me, saying sorry, and making amends, are 2 separate things. Also, just to add, for me, an apology isn't about getting back on my good side (nor mme trying to get on someone else's - I spend a lot of time thinking through things I do wrong, as I hate to cause hurt). It's about acknowledging harm caused, and showing it's realised that pain was caused that wasn't previously there, to show that I am a valued equal, to show that this relationship is worth pursuing, because I have a partner with good intentions, who's here to try with me to make this work well, come what may, that we are a team

 

Yeah. But that’s still a self-serving objective. You can’t get around that. 

[SaraSays]

3 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

Yeah. But that’s still a self-serving objective. You can’t get around that. 

I see that a bit differently, mindful we're talking about an apology within the context of a relationship - I see it as good relationship behaviour. I see it as the behaviour of someone who wants to share life with other equals, and realises they need to contribute, and not just take, for that to happen.

There are plenty of other types of apology I give (and hope to receive), to people I don't share my life with (strangers, or people I used to know, who aren't in my life anymore, and won't be in future either).

[Miss Spider]

1 minute ago, SaraSays said:

I see that a bit differently, mindful we're talking about an apology within the context of a relationship - I see it as good relationship behaviour. I see it as the behaviour of someone who wants to share life with other equals, and realises they need to contribute, and not just take, for that to happen.

There are plenty of other types of apology I give (and hope to receive), to people I don't share my life with (strangers, or people I used to know, who aren't in my life anymore, and won't be in future either).

I agree with you, but I don’t think self-serving and “good behavior” are mutually exclusive. 

[poppyfields]

27 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

 I think a partner has a right to not want to talk about something at any given time. I’m fine with it. I think that’s part of respecting and understanding someone. If I didn’t want to deal with it, I’d leave. 

That would be when I just say I don’t want to talk about it. When I feel my emotions start to erupt and my anger starting to surface. 
 

Absolutely agree!!  100% no question.

Maybe you missed the part of my post where I said even communicating something as simple as "I can't talk about this right now, let's touch base later" is an acceptable form of communication imo.

What I don't agree with is going silent and withdrawing without telling your partner why.  Again, even that one sentence "I can't talk about it right now" will suffice.

You cool off, calm down and discuss later. 

Or @Shortskirtslonglashesdo you believe your partner never wanting to talk about, or discuss the issue, is acceptable?  

If so, how do you resolve conflicts if you and/or your partner never want to talk about it? 

 

Edited February 28, 2021 by poppyfields

[SaraSays]

9 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

I agree with you, but I don’t think self-serving and “good behavior” are mutually exclusive. 

In general, or in the examples I am giving? Can you explain your perspective on how you're definining self-serving, and in what specific context, if your answer to the first question is something other than in general (there are situations where I think both can be present, but I don't believe both can be present in all situations, where an apology is appropriate)?

[Watercolors]

On 2/25/2021 at 2:58 PM, agawam25 said:

Hi all, I have a question that might help me better understand and/or cope with the way my GF (10mo) acts when angry or upset. Long story short, she has a tendency to turn her back to me in bed or leave the bed altogether and sleep on the couch, most often with little provocation or because of a misunderstanding. To be frank, I don't always react well and have on occasion come off as needy because I insisted we talk it out right away but I simply don't know how to react and this is the first time in my dating history that I've come across someone like this. It also happen too often for my taste (once a week). These last the night and in the morning she's more approachable and we usually talk out the issue quickly and move on.

She's otherwise kind and caring which makes it even more confusing. 

Any thoughts?

You and she have different communication styles, as has been said. Your communication style is mature and the healthy way to address and resolve conflict. Her communication style is to gaslight and silent treatment you, in order to emotionally manipulate you b/c that's how her parents communicated with her (that's how we learn these communication pattern styles from dysfunctional parenting). 

You have a decision to make it seems. At the 10 month mark, you have had enough exposure to who she is and how she communicates with you to decide if this is something you want to put up with continually, or not. 

It doesn't matter what the disagreement is about or the environment that causes the disagreement between you two. What matters is her choice of communication. Turning her back on you is literally her way of showing you that she doesn't respect you enough to discuss the conflict with you; it also shows you that she is afraid to express her feelings because she was never taught how to do that. Adults who never learn how to express their negative feelings will repress and numb them, b/c they associate shame and fear with those negative feelings. 

You deserve to be in a relationship with a woman who has a healthy communication style like you do, whom you don't have to pussyfoot around or be "needy" with, which is your way of compromising your own values and needs to enable an unhealthy woman's gaslighting of your feelings because she doesn't respect or like you in that way. Sure, you two have sex and share meals and some jokes, but there's more to a real relationship then those types of things. Communication is 100% a deal breaker. If she can't grow up and talk to you like an adult, instead of pouting and giving you the silent treatment, you need to decide if you want to be her parent, or her boyfriend. Because right now, she's got you manipulated to walk on eggshells aorund her so that she can get her way and you will never get your emotional needs met. That's the dynamic of your relationship because that's how you two communicate. Her needs matter. Yours don't. That's the dynamic that exists. That's now healthy. So, set some boundaries with her and if she throws her usual tantrum, show her the door and end the relationship. That's just childish behavior on her part. Not worth the headache.