Intrusive PTSD thoughts about being attacked while with my bf

[CalipsoRose]

I have PTSD from a traumatic abusive childhood and I struggle with feeling safe most of the time. I recently started dating a new guy, we have been together for 1 month. We get along and everything is fine, there have been no issues with actual abuse in this relationship. However he does JOKINGLY grab my neck as if play-choking me randomly like when we are laughing on the cough or something. Anyway, for some reason I have been having these intrusive thoughts lately when I'm with him, that go something like this, "He could literally physically hurt me at any moment and I wouldnt be able to do anything because he is so much bigger than me." 

I think its a primal instinct these intrusive thoughts are playing on, subconsciously. The fact that hes so much bigger than me and could easily hurt me if he wanted to. I dont know why I'm having these intrusive fears but it makes me feel less safe with him, even though hes not doing anything to provoke these thoughts. I think it started a few months ago when a group of men were helping me move out with these heavy boxes and I couldnt even lift one box but they picked it up and threw it over their shoulder like it was as light as a pillow. Ever since then, the physical differences between men and women's strength has stuck with me because it blew my mind.

How can I begin to feel safer and not freak myself out with these thoughts when I'm with him? I dont want to tell him I'm having these thoughts that he will attack me because I don't want to make him feel weird about it.

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, CalipsoRose said:

,we have been together for 1 month. . However he does JOKINGLY grab my neck as if play-choking me randomly 

It's only been 30 days of dating. It's not a relationship.

That's a good thing since it's easy to cut your losses and walk away from  weirdos like this.

If he makes you uncomfortable, is giving you nightmares and fears, just end it.

Edited February 25, 2021 by Wiseman2