Am I too damaged or too kind?

[I10]

This is probably the dumbest post here on loveshack, and i feel pretty humiliated to even write this, but i just want to vent, confirm my views and share this with somebody.

so, not even two full weeks ago i met someeone online. He seemed funny, intelligent and we just clicked and talked for long hours. Right away, he told me he was divorced with one daughter and now they have shared custody. He told me he had been a gambler before but  after his daughter was born, he stopped and is not even considering it because he loves his daughter.

a few days into us talking, he told me how his ex wife had asked the social services not to allow the little girl to spend time at his home because, as he says, he was late a couple f times in returning her to her mom’s. He said he needs money to fight for this, money which he doesnt have.

so, this is when the first alarm in my head went off, but i said whatever, he maybe just sharing his concerns with somebody.

fast forward last night. He texts me saying he wants to ask for something and then goes on saying that he wont ask because i will probably dissapoint him.

I just asked one more time what is it and with no further pressure he goes on saying that he wants me to lend him about 50 dollars.

he doesnt even know me and he asks for money... you probably think, oh you’re not stupid and said no.. but surprise surprise. J didnt. I said i’ll look into it and didn’t say much but that turned me off so bad that i cant even text W/him now. I was disgusted to say the least.

the thing i am mostly baffled about is why on hell i am considering to give him that money( i know he wont return it) and after that to dissapear from his life.

why i couldn’t just say no, and say bye straight away? Am i that damaged? What the hell is wrong with me? I dont love him, and now i dont even like him but still im gonna give him the money..

does anybody understand me?

please,  i will be veru much grateful for any insight.

 

[d0nnivain]

You have a soft heart & want to see the good in people.  Fortunately you are not soft in the head.  You know this is a scam; you just wish he was the man you thought he was.

Best to cut contact.  Anybody who asks for money is best avoided. 

[I10]

Just now, d0nnivain said:

You have a soft heart & want to see the good in people.  Fortunately you are not soft in the head.  You know this is a scam; you just wish he was the man you thought he was.

Best to cut contact.  Anybody who asks for money is best avoided. 

Thanks, i would be glad to help out if i knew that he really needed the money for his daughter. But i dont want him to consider me stupid and easy to con. I even told him yesterday that if i do this it is just a one time thing and i shall do it for his daughter.  Some people’s lack of shame and common sense is beyond me

[alphamale]

13 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

You have a soft heart & want to see the good in people.  Fortunately you are not soft in the head.  You know this is a scam; you just wish he was the man you thought he was.

Best to cut contact.  Anybody who asks for money is best avoided. 

^^^this

[I10]

6 minutes ago, alphamale said:

^^^this

With the exception that I didn’t have any expectations from him at all. It was just me being bored and spending time with sb. Which makes me think if i give off vibes that i am so desperate for company that i will fall for this bs. I dont know, i am not hurt just taken aback and a little surprised at my, as donivan said, soft heart.

[alphamale]

34 minutes ago, I10 said:

With the exception that I didn’t have any expectations from him at all. It was just me being bored and spending time with sb. Which makes me think if i give off vibes that i am so desperate for company that i will fall for this bs. I dont know, i am not hurt just taken aback and a little surprised at my, as donivan said, soft heart.

No one is perfect I10

[Foxhall]

52 minutes ago, I10 said:

He told me he had been a gambler before

Just amuses me in one sense- I am fond of a bet or two myself and I recall the look of shock horror from girlfriend when told her that I regularly gamble on horses,

Its not always a losing game believe it or not-  I always say if your hooked on drink or drugs it is worse.

I am very familiar with gamblers from having had various acquaintances over the years,

I have lended money also to a few and as you mention yourself- knowing not a hope of getting it back,

In general gamblers are decent people at heart all the same,

so obviously its not a good sign asking you for money this early in you friendship, but look gambling is not all that bad- just want to make that point!

 

 

 

[I10]

8 minutes ago, Foxhall said:

Just amuses me in one sense- I am fond of a bet or two myself and I recall the look of shock horror from girlfriend when told her that I regularly gamble on horses,

Its not always a losing game believe it or not-  I always say if your hooked on drink or drugs it is worse.

I am very familiar with gamblers from having had various acquaintances over the years,

I have lended money also to a few and as you mention yourself- knowing not a hope of getting it back,

In general gamblers are decent people at heart all the same,

so obviously its not a good sign asking you for money this early in you friendship, but look gambling is not all that bad- just want to make that point!

 

 

 

A cousin of mine was a gambler, he may still secretly be as far as i know, and it’s true what you said about gamblers: he has the kindest of hearts. But still, gambling is not a way to go through life and you dont ask for money from somebody you barely know haha

[Fletch Lives]

Stop! This is a common scam. Don't give money to people you have never met.

[notbroken]

His next request will be for more than $50 if you give it to him.   You can do better.   Next.  Hard next. 

[I10]

6 minutes ago, Fletch Lives said:

Stop! This is a common scam. Don't give money to people you have never met.

Thnx, i decided that after all

i wont and just told him that

[I10]

6 minutes ago, notbroken said:

His next request will be for more than $50 if you give it to him.   You can do better.   Next.  Hard next. 

Thnx. I just told him. He said nothing and continues texting me. I just lost the interest.. 

[ShyViolet]

The minute he asked for money should have been the minute you stopped talking to him.  

I don't think it's even a good idea to lend money to people who you actually know in person.  Even people who are close to you, who you've known for years.  So a stranger on the internet who you met two weeks ago?  Seriously?

[understand50]

In general, this type of Loan, if you make it,  you need to think of it as a gift.  You will not get it back.  As for giving money to a new acquaintance, well no.  I have, in the past, given a "gift" of a $100 to a stranger, who was in need, or I thought they were, but I don't make it a habit.  In this case, I suggest you don't, as his story is suspect in my opinion.

My two cents.

[d0nnivain]

40 minutes ago, I10 said:

Thnx. I just told him. He said nothing and continues texting me. I just lost the interest.. 

Be careful.  He may think he can wear you down.  Get some armor for your soft heart or you will be taken advantage of.  

[I10]

19 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Be careful.  He may think he can wear you down.  Get some armor for your soft heart or you will be taken advantage of.  

Thanks for the kind advice. It would be better to block him. I shall do just that

[I10]

48 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

The minute he asked for money should have been the minute you stopped talking to him.  

I don't think it's even a good idea to lend money to people who you actually know in person.  Even people who are close to you, who you've known for years.  So a stranger on the internet who you met two weeks ago?  Seriously?

I totally agree with you. I told him no and i blocked him a little whike ago

[Stret]

Glad to see you were smart enough to resist your emotional response. A man with a bit of dignity and character would not ask for money from you even if he really needed it. Bet he's talking to many girls at the same time and he knows some will fall for it. 

[I10]

47 minutes ago, Stret said:

Glad to see you were smart enough to resist your emotional response. A man with a bit of dignity and character would not ask for money from you even if he really needed it. Bet he's talking to many girls at the same time and he knows some will fall for it. 

EXACTLY, also he barely knows me. Instead of being a grown ass man, he chooses to leach on people. Thanks for the insight 

[Miss Spider]

I have a friend who has had this happen too. She is a very kind person and wants to see the best in people... but unfortunately there are people out there who take advantage of it. 
 

A man who is romantically interested is not going to ask you for money before a date. Don’t give people online any money for any reason unless you are cool with never seeing them or the money again ie charity. 
 

sorry this happened 

Edited February 24, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Sunsetz]

There is nothing wrong with you! You are a kind-hearted person. It’s great you are aware that this isn’t a normal situation though. 
 

Definitely don’t give this man any money. Don’t let anyone take advantage of you! You seem like a sweet, self-reflective person. Don’t feel bad about saying no. 

[I10]

37 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

I have a friend who has had this happen too. She is a very kind person and wants to see the best in people... but unfortunately there are people out there who take advantage of it. 
 

A man who is romantically interested is not going to ask you for money before a date. Don’t give people online any money for any reason unless you are cool with never seeing them or the money again ie charity. 
 

sorry this happened 

Thanks, i am glad he showed who he was this early, dodget a bullet here. I kinda wonder why he thought i would accept to send him money this early on, but it is what it is.

[I10]

13 minutes ago, Sunsetz said:

There is nothing wrong with you! You are a kind-hearted person. It’s great you are aware that this isn’t a normal situation though. 
 

Definitely don’t give this man any money. Don’t let anyone take advantage of you! You seem like a sweet, self-reflective person. Don’t feel bad about saying no. 

Oh very thanks for the sweet words and for the time you shared for me. Tbh, I did feel a little bad because i believe he is broke,but he is a grown ass man who should start looking after himself, especially since he has a little daughter. Also, i also had tough life and i am emotionally exhaust d. I can’t deal with other people’s problems anymore

[Sunsetz]

1 hour ago, I10 said:

Oh very thanks for the sweet words and for the time you shared for me. Tbh, I did feel a little bad because i believe he is broke,but he is a grown ass man who should start looking after himself, especially since he has a little daughter. Also, i also had tough life and i am emotionally exhaust d. I can’t deal with other people’s problems anymore

Of course! I have been in the same boat being exhausted dealing with others’ problems. This isn’t your responsibility — the love and compassion you freely give others, give to yourself. Trust me, you deserve it! 

[MsJayne]

Classic scammer tactics, sob story followed by a request for a relatively small amount of money.  If you can, copy and save his profile pic and then run it through Tin-Eye or Google reverse photo search.  This type of scam is prolific on date sites and once you know their MO they're easy to spot.  They often use photos of men in military uniform, or any photo that projects an image of respectability.